topic Aftermath of child sexual abuse. Separation in PTSD and trauma

Aftermath of child sexual abuse. Separation

lillicat — Fri, 12 Jun 2020 12:31:09 GMT

Two months ago I became a single parent. I was with my partner for ten years. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and we share a four year old son together. We also have a joint mortgage.

My twelve year old daughter told me she had been sexually abused by her stepfather. It happened more than once. I am a shift worker and the abuse happened when I was on night shift. I still feel sick thinking about it. I confronted my x, but he denied it. That night we fled the family home and stayed with family for a few days. He eventually left the house, so my children and I returned to our home. I felt like I had no choice but to inform police. Then followed an apprehended violence order. He ended up getting arrested, but released on bail with strict conditions. I felt so guilty and confused. I still cared about him at the time even though he did these horrible things. I think most of those feelings have since developed into pure hate and anger. I am angry at him. I am angry at myself for not knowing what was happening.

When we first met I thought I had met someone really amazing. It didn't take long for things to go pear shaped. He was a heavy drinker. Drinking turned him into someone else. He had a short fuse. He humiliated me in public. He was so controlling. I was not allowed to spend $10 on myself.

My daughter and I have started counselling, however I feel the road to recover is going to be very long. I had to go on medication to function. I am sick of pretending I am okay when I'm not. I have continued going to work to support my family but it has been an effort. I can't tell my work friends the truth. It is too full on. I just say I had to separate as he did something that was unforgivable. It is like bottling everything up inside.

Things just got worse as I heard from his lawyer the other day. It is clear he wants us out of the house. It has only been two months. I am too miserable to sort my life out at the moment. Now I have had to organise legal advice and an evaluation on the house. I don't think I can afford to buy him out. I am worried we may become homeless next. I am worried about money. There will be lawyer fees and my daughter needs braces.

How do you ever recover from something so horrible? How do you ever trust someone again. The pain is too much. The betrayal is too huge. My life is a mess.

Aftermath of child sexual abuse. Separation

Tay100 — Sat, 13 Jun 2020 01:06:35 GMT

Hi lillicat

Thanks for posting, we know it can be hard to do when you are in a tough headspace. It does sound like you are feeling particularly low and frustrated right now- you mention being a single mum and escaping abusive relationships. If I may, this thread on family/relationship issues may provide you with a sense of community and maybe some insight into the heavy challenges you are faced with right now (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues). You are always free to chat and explain things further in this thread also; we are a caring, non-judgemental space. Please know you have every right to feel what you do; it's valid. We are here to listen, if you like.

Sending kindness,
Tay100

Aftermath of child sexual abuse. Separation

lillicat — Mon, 15 Jun 2020 09:54:55 GMT

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and reply. I really needed to get it off my chest. I am scared to wake up in the morning. Every day a new problem develops. I wish my x would just acknowledge what he has done and apologise.

Aftermath of child sexual abuse. Separation

Tay100 — Mon, 22 Jun 2020 01:57:33 GMT

Hi lillicat,

No worries at all, we are here to chat if you need. And I hear you- the need to be acknowledged can be strong. Any new updates on how things are travelling? Were those threads useful?

Sending kindness,

Tay100