topic Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family. in PTSD and trauma

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Guest_9043 — Fri, 22 Nov 2019 09:12:48 GMT

Hi,

I am an adult survivor of Childhood abuse and Trauma. I was abused by both parents growing up well into my adult years. I am now 40 years old.

I let go of him (male family member opposite to a mother) I cannot even say the name. I let him go just after I turned 30 years old. I finally realised it was not my fault that my father did not love me. 18 years of my life completely wasted. It took me roughly ten years to deal with the grief, loss and abuse. It was so so so hard. I did not go to counselling. In hindsight maybe I should have but cannot be undone what is now done. I still have some things to work through in regards to him but nowhere near as much as my two remaining family members, her ( again opposite to a father) and my sister. I have made a choice that when he passes away (not that I will find out probably) that I will not be going to his funeral. He did not want me being alive, so really he does not deserve my farewell or respect. I already said goodbye to him. I know there is no chance left nor hope of ever having a relationship. So I have said my goodbyes in my own way. Sometimes it still hurts, like when I am going to do something that any daughter would love to have him with them and I feel sad for a moment. I guess no matter how much work I do there will always be a small part of me that feels a pang of sadness sometimes. I don't acknowledge Fathers day and I don't acknowledge his Birthday. I just get on with things.

5 months ago I left a same sex Domestic Violence relationship.Nobody knew I was in a Domestic Violence Relationship. I still have that to heal and recover from. When my remaining family members found out, I was not even going to tell them, My sister never did a single thing, not one single thing to help me or support me. My mother came to court with me once and I will not say what she did that day, I will just say that after many many many years of severe abuse and trauma from both of them, something inside of me said NO MORE. It was a real strong NO MORE and I meant it which changed my whole world.

So to cut a very long story short, I am currently in a place now where the hope has died. I held hope for a long time. Hope for the family I needed and wanted. I have come to realise neither of them actually want to change and that is why my hope has gone. They don't want therapy and it is all about them. I am in therapy. I don't have any friends so I have no emotional support or people to talk to. It's VERY painful.

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Aaronsis — Fri, 22 Nov 2019 09:35:00 GMT

Hi 2quik

I am so grateful that you have shared your story here and had a chance to get some of how you are feeling, which I am sure is only a tiny amount of what I can only read, I have no idea how you must be feeling or how painful this is for you to live with everyday, but wow, what a strong woman you are and you living this and you are getting help and that is so wonderful. I am so very sorry and so very sad that this has happened to you and that you have also had to experience domestic violence on top of what already sounds like a mountain of grief.

I am so very proud that you have been able to say NO MORE and put you first, to get the help that you need to manage this and to make a life for yourself. I know this is no consolation but you have a family here, we care and we are here for you. I hear your pain that you don't have loved ones with you to celebrate the wins in your life and to be there in times of celebration and that is really painful, but I am so proud you have put you first and chose you...as hard as this must have been.

That is so true what you mentioned about people changing, they actually do have to want to..and no one can force this. That too is another painful thing to have to deal with that perhaps they don't want to change.

I am so very sorry you have had this experience in life but your attitude and your determination to heal is so very inspiring and I am so proud to have "met" you.

Huge hugs to you 2quik

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Summer Rose — Fri, 22 Nov 2019 10:40:40 GMT

Hi 2quik

Thank you for trusting us with your story. I am so sorry that you were abused as a child and not given the love and support that you needed. This is such a tragedy.

I imagine you know this but I still want to say that none of that was your fault. Just like the domestic violence was not your fault. My heart goes out to you.

With the right professional help you can get through this. There is always hope for brighter days ahead. Always. Keep moving toward the light, one step at a time. Posting here was a great step forward.

While it's impossible for any of us to give you the family you never had but needed, it is possible for us to support you and sit with you in friendship.

When you are feeling stronger, you can also work to create your own "family".

My dog is my family. Do you have a pet? Would you like one? Animals are amazing to love and give unconditional love. The bond between my dog and I is a key foundation of my life.

My friends are also family. I moved to Australia 30 years ago and created my own Aussie family. I know you said you have no friends, but when you're feeling better you might think about volunteer work.

There are so many lonely elderly people in nursing homes in need of visitors, so many children needing foster care, so many children who need a coach or team manager, so many people in hospital in need of cheer. You get the idea. There are people in the community who need you.

You hang in there. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Guest_9043 — Fri, 22 Nov 2019 12:00:45 GMT

Hi Aaronisis's,

I am very overwhelmed right now by the compassion, the kindness and the support. I have been devoid of that for such a very long time and I was not expecting it from my post. I am not quite sure what to do with it right now. I am a bit lost for words BUT I know I want to say something. I am going to deal with the overwhelm first because I think things will not come out the way I wish to say them. I will respond when I feel I have settled.

For now, I just want to say thank you so much just for the time and heartfelt words. It helps and changes things a lot. Thank you and huge hugs right back to you.

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Guest_9043 — Fri, 22 Nov 2019 12:03:06 GMT

Hello Summer Rose,

If you see my reply to Aaronsis, my response is the same to you. I am struggling for words at the moment but when I have settled I will respond. Thank you for your beautiful post.

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Aaronsis — Fri, 22 Nov 2019 12:06:17 GMT

Hi 2quik

It is our pleasure to be here for you and to support you, I am sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed, we just care. Take your time and come back when you are ready.

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Summer Rose — Fri, 22 Nov 2019 22:13:24 GMT

Hi 2quik

You do you. Take the time you need and just breathe. Absolutely no pressure to respond.

Kind thoughts to you

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Guest_9043 — Sat, 23 Nov 2019 04:02:54 GMT

Hi AS,

Sorry, it was not your fault that I was feeling overwhelmed. I just have a lot going on and it was late at night after a very long day. I really loved your response I just didn't know how to cope with it. I have had a very long rest, taken care of what I can and feel I can respond now. I am very strong, my issue is that even with my strength, I feel very angry that life has given me so much pain and heartache as well as too many times where I had to be strong. I am VERY TIRED AS. I cannot take anymore. I do not want to go into a lot of detail as it is just too much. I have been homeless and lived on the streets, a drug addict and a taste for alcohol but not an alcoholic. I have been clean and sober for quite a few years now. If I was ever going to go back, I would have by now with what has been thrown my way. I went through sexual abuse as a child not by any family member and thankfully it only happened once, I am Non Binary so dealing with the hatred and abuse of my sexuality has been hard, I have been through numerous different experiences over the years of Spiritual Abuse, Failed and extremely traumatising relationships and my recent one leaving Domestic Violence, My best friend died while we were living together, he died in the house and then the different forms of abuse from both parents and my sister over the years. I do not want to go into depth, that is why I have a therapist and actually not good for me to do so either.

For the life I have had it is a miracle I am still alive and that I have actually not ended up a basket case with no hope. I do take my responsibility for what I chose to do when I left home at 16, all those choices, drugs, alcohol, partying, getting up to mischief, the bad relationships I got into etc. In saying that it is because I had come from such a dysfunctional abusive background. I had not been taught what healthy was nor even knew what it looked like. I was doing drugs and alcohol to deal with my stuff (not deal with it either) and because I was hanging around a very bad crowd. I have had to work extremely hard for a long time to turn my life around. I am a completely different person now. Still, at this point I am SO ANGRY I have more work to do,with, more loss to deal with and basically improve the quality of my life. I really appreciate your compliments, they do mean a lot to me. They definitely don't want to change. Im grateful that I may be able to make some friends here. Thank you so much for your care.

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Guest_9043 — Sat, 23 Nov 2019 04:32:04 GMT

Hi Summer Rose,

Thank you for your understanding and patience. I am not sure what to even call my childhood and formative adult years. It is even beyond sad and I am truly struggling to come to terms with it all and acceptance. I guess with time and therapy it may get a tad easier, it is so fresh and raw still. Thank you for saying the abuse as a child and so on plus the Domestic Violence was not my fault. I do know this BUT I still sometimes blame myself. I blamed myself a lot as a child for various reasons so breaking out of that is hard. The Domestic Violence is different and I blame myself now and then but am aware. I still need time to heal, work through stuff and recover.

I am grateful to be supported online through friendship. I take what I can get right now and if it is being offered plus it is safe for me to accept, I do. Thank you. Yes, I am not strong enough at this point. I am consciously choosing to remain single as I am nowhere nearly ready for love or stable enough to be in a relationship with anyone. Over the years I have tried to create my own family but it has never really turned out how I wished for it too. I am ANGRY cause I am 40 years old and so much has been taken from me. I can't get back a lot of what has been taken.

As for volunteer work believe me I have volunteered my entire life, helped people out my whole life. I still will help people, it is just that after so many years of people's expectations, neediness and responsibility that wasn't mine I never really had ANY time for me. I did not know what that even was. Total foreign concept. I need that now so I am doing that. I deserve it after everything. In many ways I am also very very very tired of helping. I need to help me and that takes up a lot of my time and energy.

I have no friends because no one wanted to help me when I left DV, so I let them all go. I knew if the shoe was on the other foot my friends would not even need to ask and that is when I decided, no more on that either. I knew it would leave me with no one at all, however I would rather have that than fake friends who don't give a damn about me really. It's been five months since I left and literally I lost everything that meant something to me. I am still trying to recover and it's going to be a long road. If I keep (them) in my life I am never going to get ahead or get anywhere. Sad but true. The pressure and overwhelm I feel everyday is hard to deal with. I just wish there would be a break for me.

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Aaronsis — Sat, 23 Nov 2019 04:57:54 GMT

Thank you so much for such a detailed and heartfelt reply 2quik

My heart actually breaks for you but at the same time I am full of admiration and respect for you at the ability you have to get up and live life and choose to do so and choose you, you have really been through more than any one person should ever have to in a lifetime and you are only 40, the rest of your years you must be welcoming with joy as they are sure to be very different to the 40 you have already "served" and I say served as you were really not living, just existing and functioning and I am so full of admiration for you that you have come out the other side of this and that you are seeking help and that you are do empowered now to make a beautiful future for yourself, you so very very much deserve it.

I can hear how tired you are and how angry you are and no one would blame you at all. I hope you can take some time for you now and do some things in your life that bring you joy and that put a smile on your face and make you feel good to your core. I have not an inkling of an idea how the weight of your past must be so very heavy and hard to shed, but I can see you doing that and I can hear that you want that and that is so very wonderful.

You may write a book one day, I am not sure why I say that but you seem to me to be so amazing that I feel like there is much to be learned from your story and that should you find the courage and the strength to relive it to be able to retell it, it would be such a devastating tale but one of such power and strength.

Thank you for sharing you here and letting us be apart of your life.

We are here for you, you have no idea how much you have inspired me and given me hope.

Hugs

Sarah

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Guest_9043 — Sat, 23 Nov 2019 12:38:06 GMT

Hi Sarah,

That is such a beautiful name. I have admired that name for a long time. I also want to thank you for warm, comforting and uplifting words. I am not sure of what you have been through, however I am sure you have been through some things to feel inspired and feel a good sense of hope slowly being restored. I also feel I have had much more than a fair share of what anyone can possibly even survive. Not often, only when I manage to remember, I think of a guy named Dave Pelzer. He has got me through some very very hard times where I truly did not want to be here anymore. I wont go into detail but you can google him to find out more about him.

You are full of spirited words that are healing. Words do carry their own vibration. You are right I was not living at all, I was just existing and functioning. Yes very true 40 years old and all of this has happened. I cannot let this go on anymore. I know I really have reached my limit now. It's hard work trying to create a better life for me, I imagine as time goes by it will get easier. Many times I have wanted to take my own life, not because I actually wanted to die, it was the pain and basically just having enough of life. I came very very very close after I left DV. I am still here though.

I am taking a lot of time for me now. I have too. I am worn out and all my time and energy mainly goes into me because I have to do it now. I can choose not too and keep going with my life how it has been, however to keep going like this is not going to work out for me. I have a lot of work to do and I am not sure how long it is going to take me. It's all just so mixed up and confusing still.

I smiled when I said I may write a book one day and you weren't sure why you said it. That is actually my profession, I write. Who knows what is going to happen in regards to that. I am extremely passionate and in love with writing as a career. I could not write at all very much these last 5 months. I went through a stage of a bit of memory loss because the trauma was just too overwhelming and everything that happened in those five months was just too much to deal with alone, so I think perhaps I just was disassociating as there are and were some pieces where I had no recollection at all.

Last but not least, bless your kindness and beautiful posts of support and positive expression. Thank you for giving me some hope and the offer of being there for me. It means a lot.

Hugs

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Summer Rose — Sat, 23 Nov 2019 21:10:53 GMT

Hi 2quik

I understand your anger and your pain. I have felt that deep anger too and wanted to scream at the unfairness of life.

A drunk driver left me fighting for life with a broken back and neck when I was 17. Was I angry, you bet. My father then died suddenly when I was 18 and still in recovery. I was so ANGRY at him for leaving, even though this was irrational as he died as a result of a sudden heart attack.

This was the worst period of time in my life. I too went "off the rails" for awhile. Completely lost.

The key to my way back to the light was forgiveness. I had to forgive the other driver. I had to forgive God for taking my father too soon. I had to let go of my anger to move forward with the life that was in front of me.

You have a life in front of you, too. Right now the path is shrouded in fog. I get that. Right now you are at the foot of the mountain and tired. I get that, too. Rest. Talk. Work on recovery. Take time to heal. But when the fog lifts--and it will because it always does--one step at a time you can begin walking forward. That is what we humans do.

Your therapist will guide you. This community will walk with you. You are not alone.

Kind thoughts to you

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Aaronsis — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 01:39:17 GMT

Hi 2quik

Well there sure does seem to be some sort of uncanny connection in our messages ....you see I have only just finished "A child named it"..so when you mentioned David Pelzer it was an eye opening moment. What a horrific life and horrific is really not close, but there is not a word that describes this man's life. I am about to start The lost boy when I can get the courage to.

Thank you so very much for your kindness around my messages and words to you, my story is not the same as yours in that I have had a pretty "normal" life, the reason that brought me here is that I have just recently lost my 19 year old brother to suicide, so from a totally ignorant person who knew not much about the topic or mental illness to be honest, I have never been so immersed in this space. I just can t have another family go through the pain of losing one of its own, I just cant have another father have to experience getting a phone call as my father did, I just can't have another person die by suicide....while I know I cannot save the world, nor is it my role too, that is too much of a load to bear, however, it is my heart's choice now to come here, to speak from love and pain and to ask people to stay, that they are so very much loved, they are worth it and they do matter. While you are feeling so very much anger and pain from your pre 40's life, let's call it that, there is a new and very intelligent and warm and caring person who I can tell is so very much needed here, and that is you.

I am kind of freaked out that I thought about your writing and it turned out you do that for a job, see you write so very well and so very articulate, or maybe you just have a story that one day will be born onto pages, from others to learn and to understand and to grow from. There is so much power from not being the only one..and unfortenately I feel like there are more people that have lived a life similar to yours that would get so much comfort from your words, that they can treasure and can have as their healing.

Much love to you 2quik, I will be the first to buy your memoirs....

The next 40 years I am actually so very excited for for you, it is like you have now woken to the butterfly who has been in the cocoon....a rebirth.

Hugs

Sarah

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Guest_9043 — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 05:57:24 GMT

Hi Summer Rose,

Firstly, I would like to say I am very sorry that you went through so much pain and heartache at a young age. I can identify with losing a parent although the loss is different for both of us. Loss is loss and grief is grief. You are amazing, strong and so resilient. That is not to take away for what you endured at all, it's just beautiful qualities to have when faced with so much pain and heartache. There is also beauty in pain.

As for forgiveness I am not ready for that yet. Maybe one day, the time is not right to put the pressure of forgiveness on myself. I need to deal with things and the rawness of it all at the moment. Maybe along my journey as I heal forgiveness will find its way into my heart, for now I just cannot find that way amongst my deep pain, heartache, anger and sadness. It's just too much to ask of myself right now. I do not need to forgive God, I am not angry with God. This was not god's doing.

Thank you so much for your kindness and sharing your understanding. Thank you for writing to my posts and responses. I am so glad I decided to come here and join this community. I am also enjoying helping and supporting others in this community.

Kind thoughts your way.

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Guest_9043 — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 06:29:25 GMT

Hi Sarah,

You response made me want to cry because I have so missed "connection". I am actually a bit spun out at the connection in our messages. First you talking about me writing a book and then The Dave Pelzer comment. "Signs" is what I will call it, just exactly what these signs will reveal itself one day. Like you for me it eye opening to. I know you are based in Australia as I have been reading your responses to other posts, suggestions have been made to Australian numbers so I figured you were from Australia. I am in Australia too.

Yes, Dave Pelzers life and story was beyond horrific. I have read all three of the series. I talk about him a bit when people will listen. He is so very very inspiring. I am sorry he endured what he did to become what he is today, it feels bittersweet really. He has taken his story and helped others. I found his story so harrowing and he is a good writer to. A good writer can make you feel like you are right there with them, in it with them and feeling what they were. That is a good writer. I have much respect and admiration for him. I struggle with people who feel sorry for themselves over very very minor things like a broken nail, or they do not have the exact brand of drink they want and so on. I look at them and want to say, you know what get a life. You have it good and until you know suffering you will not know how good you have it. I certainly do not pander to their every minor grievance.

You are welcome. Credit when credit is due. My condolences to you for the loss of your brother Sarah. I am offering you a very warm cyber hug full of love. You are so so strong in what is such a significant loss in life. I cannot image the pain of losing your brother, I cannot say I know how you feel regarding your brother's death and I cannot say I know exactly how you feel because I do not. What I can say is I lost my best friend on November 15th 2014. We lived together and he died at home. I still cannot talk about the circumstances around his death. I still love him as much as I loved him when he was alive. I don't think anyone can understand until they have lost someone. In many ways his death was a slow suicide. I knew that he wanted to die. It was a very deep and life changing experience for me. I will never forget that day specifically and I cannot erase the memories. I do not let myself get close to very many people at all so when I say you are my friend and I am your friend, it truly is a BIG DEAL.

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Guest_9043 — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 06:44:12 GMT

From what you tell me I see you have taken this devastating and heartbreaking experience to come here, reach out to those that are barely hanging on by a thread, touch their hearts, touch their pain and I can tell by your words that you write that you are very genuine and you have a very beautiful heart full of love and kindness. In a world where that is largely missing it is very very refreshing to see and have hope that it does exist. I did not believe it did and it is true that there are some very sick individuals in this world, it is mostly all I have ever seen. At 40 years of age it is so nice to experience this for what seems like forever I have been waiting.

I am seeing that by giving this love from your heart to people here that you have chosen to do, in many ways it also a healing balm for your pain and your heart. You also deserve to be supported in this and I do hope that you are feeling supported, loved and needed here. I admire you and respect so much for your choice you have made. There is a quiet strength there that you portray, it is strong yet so gentle at the same time. That is ALL YOU, so do see how AMAZING YOU are here too.

Thank you for your comments about me as a person, they are well received. Thank you for noticing.

I am going to write and I am going to be successful. Right now I can't. I so dearly dearly want to. I miss it so much. I have this community and my therapist now. It's just that on a daily basis I am doing everything that is required of me alone. In that I mean like I cannot ask for anyone to do something for me because there is no one to lessen my load and free me up to do the things I want to do and the things that make my soul sing. I also am so caught up in trying to get through this storm I am in right now. I do get very frustrated and impatient on most days.

As for you being the first to buy my memoirs, I will put aside a book especially for you, signed with a message. No charge. I do mean that, I am not just saying it. I will be doing that anyway for the people I want to do it for and I know will appreciate the gesture and understand how much it means to me to be able to give what really is in fact a priceless gift.

Yes, a rebirth as my new profile picture will suggest if it is up by the time you get to this message. I wish you more good times as you progress along your healing journey from your loss.

Much love to you Sarah.

Hugs

Lee.

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Aaronsis — Sun, 24 Nov 2019 23:22:00 GMT

Hi Lee

Yes the connections we make are sometimes uncanny and places like this amazing forum have allowed me to make so many wonderful connections and support people who in fact I have never seen, I have had the privilege of their story, to hopefully shed some light at a time that is so dark or so hopeless.

I am in Australia, Melbourne, that would be wonderful if in fact this site did have people contributing from overseas, that the topic of mental health had become so very important that even overseas folk knew about Beyond Blue and found themselves here to not only seek support but to support others.
I can see some of the posts that you are also joining in on and it is so wonderful that when you too are feeling so fragile and exhausted that you can reach out with a supportive and loving hand to others, that is what makes my heart sing, the community here and the fact that one day you read a post and the next you see this person flourish with words of love and support for others, it is beyond words.

So to answer your question about do I feel supported, the answer is a huge YES, I know it is kind of weird and it is kind of obsessive but I love it here and I spend a lot of time here, I feel that in my time of grief the community here was so amazing that if I can do that for another then there has been some small part of my brother’s death that has created something so wonderful. Thank you for saying I am amazing, I just try to speak from my heart and if it helps another human I feel a small sense of hope.
That is so very special of you to put a book aside for me, something I will treasure. Maybe your rebirth and your journey from these forums will be that you do pick up a pen..how exciting! Just as we are here talking of Dave Pelzer, one day another human will be reflecting on the words and how inspiring they are and how at their time of need you gave them support, comfort and hope.
Thank you for your acknowledgment of my brother’s death, I don’t think anyone’s pain should be compared or elevated over the way in which they passed or who they were in your life…you too lost a person whom you loved and no matter the circumstances it bloody hurts. I am sorry too that you had to live through the passing of your friend and how that has impacted your ability to hold someone dear to you…hopefully in time that will change Lee.

I love your profile pic, it is so powerful and so fitting for you..rising from the ashes and being reborn.

Huge hugs for you Lee

Sarah

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

MissBenthos — Mon, 25 Nov 2019 01:24:55 GMT

This thread is so lovely, I have enjoyed reading it.

I can relate to feeling as though time has been stolen through years of struggling with depression. I am so lucky to be in a better state right now and I hope that you can all find that too. I’m currently reading “Man’s search for meaning” by Victor E. Frankl. It’s another very dark story - about his struggle for survival in Nazi concentration camps. It’s an enlightening perspective on the suffering we endure in being alive and how each individual is irreplaceable.

On the topic of self care: I used to believe it was selfish to look out for myself. I’d do favours for people because I wanted to be a nice person. But when my acts of kindness didn’t seem to be appreciated it backfired, making me resentful and grumpy. I discovered I’m a much nicer person when I put myself first. When I get regular exercise, sleep well, eat well, do things I enjoy, I am more capable in helping others and know where my boundaries are so I don’t become burnt out. 2quik, it’s so good that you are making time for yourself, you deserve it!

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Aaronsis — Mon, 25 Nov 2019 01:33:48 GMT

Hello MissBenthos

I am so pleased that you have enjoyed reading this thread, welcome aboard!

You are so very right in that really, the only person who is responsible for making us happy and who can make us truly happy is ourselves. It is so very important to do things that make us feel good, to remind us that we do need some attention too, it is so wonderful to give to others but if we are exhausted and fragile we really are not going to be much help to others...and it just feels lousy.

I am really interested in reading about Nazi Germany and I loved The Book Thief, it is so horrific but so much to be learned from these books and from people.

Great to chat to you MissBenthos and hope to do that some more. I am so pleased to hear that you have managed to get on top of your depression and I am so very sorry that you too have had life stolen at its expense.

Hugs to you too

Sarah

Experiencing immense grief, sadness, loss, loss of hope and angry over family.

Guest_9043 — Mon, 25 Nov 2019 07:57:35 GMT

Hi Sarah,
This is just a brief response for now until I am capable of fully replying.

I have had the worst day in hell today and I'm in a bad place. I had therapy this morning and it was excruciating. My therapist is AMAZING. I'm just in too much pain and need extra self care.

I just wanted to say I live in QLD South east coast way.

It never registered this is an ALL Australian site. I'm so used to being on sites that there are people from other parts of the world. It's actually nice to have an all Australian site.

I will get back to you soon (I want to)

Hugs to you.

Lee.