topic Grieving an abusive parent in PTSD and trauma

Grieving an abusive parent

Madaline — Wed, 29 Apr 2020 02:47:47 GMT

Hi all, I am new to this site. I am going through the loss of a parent and it is complex as they were abusive all through my childhood and I hadn't had contact with them in years. Seeing her in hospital was tremendously traumatic as I wasn't even remotely prepared for how I felt. I thought I would be cold, even a little relieved as there has never been a connection, but now I am just so incredibly sad and shattered and added to that the memories of what happened. Am I sounding stupid? How do I unravel all of this when I don't even know why I am feeling this grief for someone who did nothing but make my life hell?

Thankyou

Grieving an abusive parent

GimZim — Wed, 29 Apr 2020 03:01:56 GMT

I think anything you feel is totally normal, death and grieving are complicated, adding an abusive relationship dynamic would only make it more so. I think a lot of the sadness would come from knowing that reconciliation isn't possible and apologies and acknowledgement won't come, even if those things would not have happened anyway.

Grieving an abusive parent

Helen72 — Thu, 30 Apr 2020 01:37:43 GMT

Hi Madaline,

I had a similar situation but with me it was my ex. Although I hadn't seen him in years, he still had me listed as next of kin and the police turned up and told me.

For weeks I was crying at weird times and had to take time off work. I think a big part of it was mourning what could have been. Be gentle with yourself - you are grieving and it is a process that takes time.

Helen