topic Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends in PTSD and trauma

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_1643 — Wed, 25 Mar 2020 05:15:06 GMT

Hi All,

I was reading some of the threads and was impressed by people's honesty.
So I decided to start a new thread to share myself what I have been through.

Last year I got very unwell and had to get mental health help from the public hospital. I was suicidal.

I had no friends, was crumbling, living alone and developed horrible body dsymorphia. I looked in the mirror and was disgusted.
I couldn't believe things could get so bad, like that you can kind of just die while still living. i was not taking care of myself and was a zombie at work. I told a few people I was suicidal and they didn't care.

My family haven't been there for me at all, although I have one sibling who tries.

A family member abused me verbally for years and destroyed my self esteem, and I'm only now putting together the pieces.
I'm very numb. I keep hearing the word disacociating (terrible spelling) - ---and a light is going onfor me, it feels like the right word for what i've felt. I think that was a part of how I survived for years, by disaccoiating.

I used to have friends and go out a lot but slowly I just narrowed my life down to myself, and I was alone all the time, and very sad.
It became normal and I just pushed through it, until one day I couldn't any more.

The triage was very helpful and pointed me to a group that helps people who are suicidal.... anyway.... i'm still here and feeling like i have a new lease on life. I do want to be here, altough the trauma still weighs me down sometimes.

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

white knight — Wed, 25 Mar 2020 11:55:25 GMT

Hi Sleepy

So, as I read your story my heart aches for you. Verbal abuse can takes such a toll on our lives as you have proved. Many people don’t realise this, just like they don’t realise silence is a form of abuse, a matter I’m a victim of.

That family member that “tries” to support you- hang onto those gems in your life. As one whom has attempted suicide once and been suicidal many times can I suggest to you, as you are now a survivor, that you put yourself first in life. That will mean reconsidering family friends and co-workers as to what extent these people are involved in your life.

My mother verbally abused us kids well into our adulthood. Finally at 54yo I, along with my sister broke off all contact. Since then our lives have enjoyed far less anxiety and our self esteem has improved,

There is other methods to which you can set goals to insure you protect yourself from destructive strangers masquerading as kind souls

please google

beyondblue topic fortress of survival (also part 2 and workplace)

beyondblue topic so what are their mental illnesses?

beyondblue topic the best praise you’ll ever get

Some if us have a eggshell exterior. We must put in place safety provisions to survive those people that have harmed us or potentially harm us. Our fragility demands unusual levels of self protection.

Also I think an ongoing thread here called “Do you like yourself- your thoughts are welcome” by blondeguy would be of benefit. Put that in the search bar.

I hope you stick around. You are an example of who we champions like to help.

TonyWK

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_9043 — Wed, 25 Mar 2020 12:08:42 GMT

Thank you for being brave in sharing a bit of what you have been through. It takes courage to ask for help in times of severe distress and just not coping at all anymore.

I can relate to what you have written. My story is quite complex and deeply rooted in abuse over an extremely long period. I just wanted you to know you are not alone and I have been where you were which forced me to spend eight months in hospital. I was very ill.

Well done for keeping on going. It's worth it and happy you are here still.

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_1643 — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 02:29:36 GMT

Hi Tony, I was very moved by your response. I've only just started separating from teh abusive person, and finding out about boundaries. I'm going to check out those threads - thanks for giving me some activities to keep up with. I'm so bored here in isolation!

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_1643 — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 02:31:39 GMT

i'm pained that you have experienced that abuse to. it was hard for me to write about it, but i think the abuse maybe doesn't like to be talked about in the open, and secrecy helps it. I'm sorry you have suffered too

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_9043 — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 05:21:13 GMT

Thank you for your compassion. I understand, it is very hard to write about. You did it though and that is a brave step towards your healing. I am glad you have stepped away from the abusive person. Perhaps one day IF you are ever ready, it may not like to be a secret anymore. Time is all I can say. There is a quote I really love that has stuck with me throughout the years.

There are only three things that cannot long remain hidden. The sun, the stars and the truth.

Healing is not a destination it is a journey. Don't give up.

2quik

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_1643 — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 08:22:45 GMT

thanks for understanding how hard it is. Very few people understand, i've had so many experiences of opening up a little and it not working out very well. The truth seems to chase me around my house thesedays, somehow, it's all coming to the surface.

When I was in hospital I didn't share my story with anyone. I didn't feel 100 percent safe with some of the residents, except for one friendsip I developed, but I can see that because of abuse, for me, it just takes time. So it was a huge and enormous step to share here, thanks for easing my landing.

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_9043 — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 10:09:09 GMT

You are welcome. It is hard to find people that understand when at times you don't even understand yourself. To be honest sometimes I just don't want to talk or even think about any of it. I need a break at times. Abuse + safety = confusion. It's actually not wrong to keep yourself safe from people, learning to trust yourself and others is unfortunately part of the journey.

I remember the day quite vividly last year when it all came to overboiling/flooding stage. EVERYTHING just hit me and hard. All the abuse came up and it was completely unmanageable. I was managing by not managing if that makes any sense. Your story is important and natural to feel protective over it. One day when your timing is right and you are at a point in your healing it will become easier to talk about. For now it is OK that it is not so easy. The things is there is no time limit, it's when you decide that enough is enough in your own timing.

I am still not so much in a good place myself. Again time...... Keep posting on BB when you feel the need. There are some good folk here. Take care.

2quik.

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_1643 — Fri, 27 Mar 2020 11:07:56 GMT

hi 2quick,

Of course, I relate and feel I can understand. That sounds very recent that it all came up last year. I hope you are okay, but I know that these things are always moving on a continuum.... Thank you for the support over finding the way and timing to share.

I hope I can share here, and take small steps. Today I received contact from someone who had enabled the abuse, I'm distancing now. I skim the messages but don't reply. Skimming messages means they don't hit me, because the messages tend to be manipulative, and always containing a few moving bullets.

I don't need to read it deeply. I know basically what they will say, it's all the same fake stuff, and they weren't there when I needed them recently when I was unwell

I'm so sorry you are not in a good place. I know these times are difficult. Thank you for being there for me, even through your own difficulties.

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_4643 — Sat, 28 Mar 2020 02:22:05 GMT

Hey Sleepy, good on you for sharing your story. I'm so very sorry that you went through so much. I have PTSD too so I know how you feel to a certain extent although mine is from different things, but I still understand you. You don't deserve what you went through, no one does. I'm glad the triage could help you at least, and that you're still here, seeking help. I'm very proud of you, and you should be too. You're an amazing person inside and out, I love talking to you. I admire how you're struggling yourself but you still reach out to others and care so much about people, that in itself is something to admire about you, you should be proud.

Take care, thinking of you. Well done for being stronger mentally and physically than you think. I'm sure you still have your trauma and "wounds" from it all if you will, mentally, but you've come so far and you're still here.

Tayla

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_1643 — Sat, 28 Mar 2020 11:01:48 GMT

hi Tayla thank you so much for understanding. It feels good to be accepted and heard, i appreciate your sensitive response. It is a little scary to shre but you help make it easier and easier. Hope you are taking care of yourself and feeling good, have a beautiful night

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_9043 — Sat, 28 Mar 2020 11:13:48 GMT

Hi Sleepy21,

Thank you very much for responding. I'm glad I could help in a small part of your journey. I'm really glad you are pretty much not giving this person a lot of attention. Sometimes people get to the point where the old is like well rehearsed lines that we know better than the person whom is speaking those lines and we just get plain tired and over the same thing.

Yeah these times are not the greatest for anyone at all really. I'm just trying to work through missing the family I cut contact with. It can be very confusing and tiring to sort through. It appears they are ok or I'm sure I would have heard something and no one has been in touch to ask if I'm ok. So yeah and besides I would not know what to say anyway.

I'm just trying to relax tonight and watch some SBS on demand on my Chromecast. I'm tired of staying home though.

Be good to you.

2quik.

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_4643 — Sat, 28 Mar 2020 11:17:38 GMT

You're welcome Sleepy and of course I'd understand. I'm glad I can help, you help me too, so thank you.

Yes it is scary but you should be proud of yourself, I'm proud of you.

Tayla

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_1643 — Sat, 28 Mar 2020 12:41:58 GMT

Hi 2quick i'know this is a hard time and i'm sorry you're not feeling good. Staying home is so weird. I imagine all these people who actually have amazing homes and home lifes and are enjoying it, for me, it's not like that at all. My home doesn't even feel like my home, and I feel very displaced, all the time. Like never at home.

(part of the trauma). Thank you for sharing a bit about your family. If they would contact you it would also hurt... but not being contacted is very sharply painful to. Especially in these times when you can see it so clearly.

I hope it gets easier over time, and breaks don't have to be forever.... Sbs on demand is great. I'm watching a Netflix movie called Uncut Gems. It's a great distraction!!!

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_1643 — Sat, 28 Mar 2020 13:09:49 GMT

hey Tayla thank you so much! day by day

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_9043 — Sun, 29 Mar 2020 13:34:43 GMT

Hi Sleepy21,

Apologies for the late reply. I am only replying when I can muster some energy so they may be a little later than usual.

As for not feeling at home and displaced. I have felt like that since I was 12 years old. I am 40 years old now and I still feel like that. I guess for me I have not found home yet, however I still have an idea of what home will feel like to me. My heart is in the countryside. It is when I am most happiest and alive. I do not live in the countryside at this point, yet it is in my plans to do so.

I have been thinking about your post as I read it last night. My parents were not good people. They are both still alive. Your statement brought up some things (not your fault). I am in therapy so I deal with it there, I have not got near this part yet. My mother in particular (my father too) I will stick to my mother though. A very poignant memory in my mind is when I was around 34 years old. I was in trouble (not of my own making) and I was living in a different state. I rang my mother up in tears begging her to come and be with me. My best friend had just died (we lived together and he died at home, I was there) and I was not in a good mental state, I was about to become homeless which inevitably happened and I lived on the streets for three months. I was trying to avoid that happening and I knew it was going to happen. It took me a lot of courage to ask my mother to come and be with me. She never came. No one came.

I thought about this today and remembered many things. My mother asked me to go take out a loan for her one day so she could fly her internet romance scam from Nigeria to Australia. I helped my mother around that time not by financial support at all but by showing her gently as I could that she was being scammed. She did not believe and abandoned me for this man. (Not the first time that ever happened) She even got people she knew to have a very stern talk with me. It was a really horrible situation. When my sister moved to Mackay with her now ex husband after she got married to him and had my niece, things weren't working out well. My mum flew to Mackay, helped my sister pack everything up and took her back to the Gold Coast and helped her find a place etc... All hard things for me to take. My mum never helped me is my point. I still don't quite know what is wrong with my mother. I still don't know why me? It is never ever my mothers fault. That is what I know plus more.

P.S. SBS is great.

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_1055 — Sun, 29 Mar 2020 21:24:15 GMT

Oh Sleepy, I am so much sorry about what you experienced. I am unsure what else to say. But I am listening to you.

So sorry about what you experienced too 2quik.It breaks my heart.

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_9043 — Sun, 29 Mar 2020 22:25:57 GMT

Hi there Shell.

Thank you. Compassion is what I need most right now. People that care what happened to me.

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_1643 — Wed, 01 Apr 2020 09:47:16 GMT

Hey 2 quick

Thank you for sharing your story, you express it so well... I can hear how painful it has been for you and i just want to listen and be there in any way.It sounds very painful and hard with your mother. I'm sorry about your best friend, tat you were there with him to the end is so powerful. I was wandering how you're going, and if you're finding a space on the threads for narcissitic parents? I know a little about that too....although it was my father in this case. Same as you, nothing was ever their fault. I'm a very sensitive person, i assume EVERYTHING is my fault. It kind of shocks me some of the things that happened in my family, where so clearly my father was implicated, and he was able to blame everyone else for it, and never even question if he had something to do with it. There's some kind of block there.

Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends

Guest_9043 — Wed, 01 Apr 2020 14:26:51 GMT

Hi Sleepy21,

Thank you. It is taking so much for me to express myself lately. Also listening is fantastic. I require very little in life from people. I guess I learnt not to expect much off anyone. A good 34 years of abuse taught me that. Listening is great though I think. I do not talk much about my best friends passing. It stays in my heart always, I just don't talk much about it. I think again, anything I ever had to say was not important enough and no one cared to even ask and if I did speak about it, it was used against me in some way. I will always love him.

Um, not really found a space on her for narcisstic parents. I have joined an Australian Facebook Group though. I dont spend a lot of time on Facebook, it is better than nothing though and some further support. When we have been exposed to a person with narcissistic personality disorder (no matter how long for) there is very complex and intricate things to work through. It is a disorder and I place it in the line of sociopaths and psychopaths. I think it is really important to speak to people initially that know about NPD very well until you feel much stronger in yourself. It's extremely traumatising to go through and the only way to ever truly heal is to go no contact. I read your last few lines and in my body I freeze and my head goes completely blank. I think it is my mind and body protecting myself until I can handle such statements. I know how it feels because many saw the abuse happen in front of them and never ever questioned it or tried to stand up for me. They further enabled and sympathised with her when she would tell lies around it and act all upset. They all fell for it. I was never helped.

Keep on truckin, you took the first step and you cut contact. Only then can your journey begin.