topic How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation? in PTSD and trauma

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

wakewoke — Mon, 21 Oct 2019 06:15:35 GMT

Hello, Im new to to this forum and I wish to ask for advice.

Im 21 year old male who still lives with his parents due to mental issues, but I hate it here now, my parents insult me, we get into fights everyday over my issues, I act like a jerk and say terrible things, they do as well.

But how do I get out? i dont have a car, i have a few grand from a pension but i want to to do things with my life and rent is expensive and i have no life skills and ive never had a job and i dont know what to do.

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

white knight — Mon, 21 Oct 2019 06:37:26 GMT

Hi WW, welcome

I'm sorry for your situation, no wonder you are seeking ideas on how to cope.

At the ending of my marriage in 1996, I purchased the cheapest caravan money could but at the time, it was 3.5 metres long. I towed it to a caravan park and stayed there for a while.

Do you have a drivers licence?

If so, perhaps look around for a campervan, obviously an older model, a Toyota Hi-ace, Mitsubishi express and so on. Sadly I don't think you'll be able to purchase a decent one with roadworthy for under $7000. If you could then you would need an address for Centrelink to continue to contact you. Ask your parent if they can still use their address for such mail and drop in once a week or two. Keep up that contact even though you argue, it will become less over time. Purchase Wikicamps app for $8. That will give you all the camping locations Australia wide as well as dump points for your portable porta potti, fresh water and if its free or a cost involved. The more remote you stay at the better it gets.

Get involved with the Salvation Army. You can do some voluntary work in the beginning. If in the country there is always work picking fruit or carting hay. Such pickers go north for one season then south for another season and often fruit orchards have cabins for pickers with facilities. Around December picking is around the northern Victoria and southern NSW area.

If you don't own a car or licence you could train it to those areas or contact Centrelink and tell them you'd like to try it. One guy I knew had a backpack and two man tent and that is how he travelled from orchard to orchard until he could afford his campervan. He also picked apples in Tasmania so gained a lot of adventure.

Finally, seek out ways to contain your anger. Learn ways of not reacting when your parents get angry. There are anger management courses available.

Good luck

TonyWK

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

wakewoke — Mon, 21 Oct 2019 06:57:41 GMT

I dont feel comftable in a camper van honestly, I do have a license cause i only passed a few months back.

Im just tired, like people say 'save for a car' and than 'save for a apartment' and you cant reall do both on a pension.

I dont have much family i would want to live with, i dont want to be with relatives honestly, i dont consider them relatives at this point.

But I feel fenced in, there isnt enough support, pay for a psychiatrist, pay for a car, pay for rent, pay for pills, pay for food.

Its honestly just feeding into my hatred of the world a lot of the time, I just want to live alone and be left alone.

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

CKS — Mon, 21 Oct 2019 07:57:26 GMT

Hi wakewoke

White Knight's advice is great.

I have CPTSD, may i ask what you have been diagnosed with and how often you see your psychiatrist and others? And do you have to pay to visit them? What in general do your parents and you argue about?

We look forward to hearing from you again.

Warm regards

CKS

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

monkey_magic — Mon, 21 Oct 2019 09:06:46 GMT

Hi wakewoke,

Check out flatmates.com or gumtree and look for rooms to rent in a sharehouse with one or two other ppl.

It's cheaper than renting on your own and you might even get along with the people and if u want ur own space you can stay in your room.Have a look around and find something that suits. It might be tight living but you can do it on a pension. You'll feel more independent as well.

If you need free food you can go to churches or charities.

We all have to start somewhere.

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

wakewoke — Mon, 21 Oct 2019 09:55:56 GMT

I've considered it, ive even seem some places that are entirely alone and cheap, but ive never really had the confidence to leave cause of my stupid parents, they always said i wouldn't afford it, you would live in a halfway house and so on.

On what I suffer from, I have OCD, adhd, bipolar, autism and anxiety, quite a 'good' combination, plus the fact i have no schooling or job experience means I will never get a job.

I argue with my parents over my OCD, we yell at eachother over it, cause i make a lot of washing and they dont seem to understand what causes it when its easy to understand.

I've tried multiple psychiatrists but I didnt like them, one was flat out incompetent and a pill pusher and the more recent one I didnt like as they seemd to not pay attention, made some biting remarks + they tried to say I didnt have autim but a 'rare' type not recognized called patholgical demand avoidance which is garbage, she just listened to my parents who dont understand me.

I just in general dont trust psychiatrsits anymore, I dont have a high opinion of the profession at this point

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

monkey_magic — Mon, 21 Oct 2019 10:20:34 GMT

Hey wakewoke,

I know what u mean. I don't trust a lot of psychiatrists I've seen either. I'd see a doctor or a psychologist over a psychiatrist any day. I'm sure they're a good ones out there but so far I've seen ones i walk out on lol....a gut instinct response.

Never say never about the job. There are jobs you can get where they will train you. It depends on where u live though. I'm in a big city so I've been able to get by. You can always do a course in something as well. Or get the necessary tickets for eg RSA & RCG to work in pubs/ clubs...tickets to work on the roads, factory work etc etc...there are things you can do.

There are companies tailored to ppl with disabilities. They help you find work- this may suit. If you speak to Centrelink they can hook u up with a disability job provider to help u get work. I think it's awesome you're thinking about work btw despite the mental health concerns you are having.

Stuff the negativety of your parents. My mum used to say the same sort of stuff and I did it! And I also lived in a half way house lol.

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

wakewoke — Mon, 21 Oct 2019 10:29:10 GMT

Its the oddest thing, me and my parents relationship si wierd, sometiems were pleasant but han it switches into a huge argument within two minutes.

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

wakewoke — Thu, 24 Oct 2019 08:35:30 GMT

I just feel trapped honestly, like I want to be able to enjoy life but im never gonna be able to get a job with my lack of qualification or even schooling, so either i suffer with my parents cause i dont have the skills and money to support/enjoy myself or what?

what do i do? a big part of this is that i cannot focus and remember things, i have adhd but after my expeirence with incompetent psychiatrist i dont really trust many of them but there hte ones that give adhd meds, what am i supposed to do? the medicar rebate is simply not enough sometimes and it goes into my parents account and they dont pay me back for like a whole bloody month.

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

CKS — Fri, 25 Oct 2019 00:56:08 GMT

Hi wakewoke

I'm on board with the things monkey_monkey suggested.

Take hold of your 'own' life and things will start to change.

Take care CKS

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

wakewoke — Sat, 26 Oct 2019 15:28:10 GMT

Im trying, im trying to save for a car.

i have like 5300, but im not sure if thats enough and you dont get enough money on a pension to save up, puls my parents ask me to pay for random things and than yell at me when i dont and i hate it

I dont have the confidence to move out but i hate living here and i often loathe them.

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

white knight — Sat, 26 Oct 2019 23:48:24 GMT

Hi again WW,

I'm pleased that you've stayed around here and continue to tell us more about yourself. You've had an ausience with others members that have offered some good advice.

Let us deal with some facts regardless of if these facts hurt you because facing them is the best way.

Fact- in my experience when we live with family members then move away the inner love we have for them comes to the surface over time. We then can visit them and along with more maturity from life experiences, we get along better with them. You might not feel that way now but it will happen if you move out.

Fact- You should be congratulated in saving that much money and being unemployed. $5300 is more than you need for a car. In fact I'd look around for a Suzuki Alto which is a small hatch 4 door and really cheap to run. Make sure it has a roadworthy certificate. You'll pay around $3500-4,000 for a good one.

Fact- you can get a job. A story- I worked in Melbourne once at a factory as a supervisor. Every Thursday a Vietnamese man came knocking for a job. He was what we called "a boat person" meaning he arrived as a refugee from Vietnam after the war so he had zero qualifications. He kept knocking on all the factory doors in our area for 6 weeks every Thursday. Then one Thursday my manager was visiting. The man knocked and I said for the thousandth time "no job here"...then told the manager about him. The manager caught up with him and asked him about his family and he told his story and got a job!. Within 12 months he was such a good worker when I resigned he got my job and a good pay rise.

The secret of getting a job is to never ever give up. Never spend a full day not looking for work. Talk and talk some more to people and as you do ask "do you know anyone that would give me a job"? Such people have relatives that own businesses and you never know.

Finally- shared accommodation is a good affordable way to go. You should also get rental assistance from Centrelink which helps.

Sometimes we have problems that only action will fix. Worrying without action wont change things at all. So, your challenge is to take the plunge and move out imo and once you've done it you'll realise it wasn't that hard, just that change is hard to get through.

TonyWK

How can you get out of a Domestic abuse situation?

monkey_magic — Sun, 27 Oct 2019 01:42:26 GMT

Hi Wakewoke,

Tony has given you some stuff to think about and hopefully act upon.

If you don't feel confident is there anyone you can have beside you to give you some encouragment like a friend or even a councillor. You can speak to Centrelink and they can hook you up with a social worker to help you out. Let them know your plans and perhaps they can help you with the confidence to act on these things.

I was lucky. I bought my car for $750 and I'm driving it 2 yrs later. And it's very cheap to run.

Through writing to us you now know that you do have options.

I used to be on Newstart only. $160 went towards rent, $40 petrol, $100 food a week and I had money left over. I wasn't working. It can be done.