topic PTSD- how to not think about bad memories? in PTSD and trauma

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

Regretful — Fri, 14 Dec 2018 23:02:08 GMT

Hi,

Does anyone have any advice on how to not think about memories from your past?

I have PTSD from some bad things that happened 15 years ago ,where in the moment when dating, things started to go further than I morally intended to and i said NO and grabbed his arm to stop but he kept going and pressured me to take things further and he pushed the boundaries of how far i wanted to go. I hadn't planned on things going that far. This happened more than once.

How do you stop remembering the bad incidents?

I saw a psychologist. Then a few years later i had to see another psychologist again. The first psychologist said "that boy was less than honourable". The second psychologist a few years later said "there's trauma attached to it." and told me I had PTSD.

For a while, keeping busy by doing hobbies, being mindful in the present and trying to think about happy memories instead helped me.

But even 15 years later, the bad memories still keep popping up in my head when I don't want them to.

I married someone else and I feel so much guilt and shame at having gone too far with someone else before marriage.

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

Burdy — Fri, 14 Dec 2018 23:34:27 GMT

Hi Regretful,

I'm glad you decided to start your own thread and your question is one that is valid for me too.

I wish I could give you a definitive answer as it would solve my problems too.

My 'flash backs' come from things that happened in my childhood (like being forced to hold down and drown a kitten in a bucket because it annoyed my mother). This all happened 30 odd years ago.

Are you still seeing your psychologist? Have you asked them the question?

For me I have learnt over the years to become hardened (a-typical symptom of a child from NPD parent) but as time goes by and the further I remove myself from my childhood the harder it is becoming to keep the thoughts, images and feelings suppressed.

I guess the answer is to talk about it, let it out and don't let it fester, a problem shared is a problem halved so they say. Talk with people who understand which I guess is what we are both doing here, right? 🙂

keep using this space as a safe place to off load, I am finding it is helping alot.

Bursy

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

Regretful — Sat, 15 Dec 2018 00:09:31 GMT

Thanks very much for your reply, Buddy. I'm currently not seeing a psychologist as I already had many sessions with the two psychologists and I don't feel that there's anything new that can be done.

One psychologist said that anytime a bad memory about stuff that happened with that boy comes up to then think 'STOP" and replace it with a happy memory about something different.

The other psychologist said that whenever a bad memory about those incidents comes up to think "that's the past story" and then do not continue down that train of thought and do not dwell on it.

Unfortunately none of those strategies have helped to stop the bad memories coming up in my head even after all these years.

At the end of the day, even though I put myself in that situation and I DID want to make out, I should have the right to control how far it goes. However I drew the line at no and he crossed the line.

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

Regretful — Sat, 15 Dec 2018 00:21:50 GMT

Also I have a lot of self blame because I kept going back to meet him more times even though it had gone too far than I wanted to. I kept going back and let things go too far more times because I felt emotionally attached. I can't believe my stupidity.

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

Idkme — Sat, 15 Dec 2018 04:40:38 GMT

Hi Burdy and Regretful,

its great you’ve started your own post Regretful....

youve definitely had some bad experience to impact your life... I’m sorry you had to deal with that but equally happy you aren’t in that relationship still.

I myself have had a similar experience. I was sexually abused by my horse trainer over a period from 13yo to 16yo until I met my now husband. I’m very lucky I met him and have now been happy married for 23 years.... (not all happy but mostly good). It was only this year that I had, what I can only express as, as break down. I am also lucky that it has only impacted my private life so far as to those who know.

I was totally triggered... I couldn’t cope, thank goodness it was the middle of the holidays and I work as a senior teacher.... phew.

I quickly did some fast hunting... I now have a psychologist, a therapy friend, a work friend, some good books and a few YouTube subscriptions.

I’m on a journey of self discovery.

My suggestion is you just keep trying different options. I only just heard today about a thing called NLP (Nestor linguistic programming), I’ve started looking into that too.

I’ve booked in for EMDR therapy too so we will see how that goes.

There are so many options and ideas out there, you just need to be open to the ideas and willing to try... some things will work, some won’t... just like psychologists.

Im not sure I like the feedback your psychologist gave you, ie ‘just stop’. I mean like really.... who can do that? Not me.

Anyway. It’s great to have you here. Keep sharing your thoughts and seeking questions.... I don’t have answers but there’s always suggestions to contemplate.

Kind regards

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

Regretful — Sat, 15 Dec 2018 05:44:34 GMT

Thanks Idkme. At the end of the day, yes means yes and no means no. Saying yes to doing certain things (such as making out) doesn't mean you are saying yes to doing more than that. I'm married now and the worst thing is that there will always be a 'ghost' in the bedroom of these memories of the other guy from my past. My husband was supportive of me getting counselling to try to deal with my past.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your horse trainer.

It's great that you're getting help and good that you're happily married. I hope your EMDR therapy goes well. I've heard about that, it seems quite confronting. I haven't heard of NLP. What's that about?

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

Burdy — Sat, 15 Dec 2018 08:43:44 GMT

Thank you for sharing your story idkme.

Yes can you please expand on the therapies, NLP and EMDR. I have not heard of either.

Thanks in advance

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

PamelaR — Sat, 15 Dec 2018 08:51:33 GMT

Welcome Regretful to Beyond Blue

So good to see you have found your way here and to see Burdy and Idkme have responded to you. Wonderful to see. Thanks guys, that's what this community is all about.

There are a couple of things in your posts that I'd like to help with.

Finding a good psychologist

I'm not a health professional Regretful, though I do have PTSD, anxiety and depression. From what you've written I'm a little surprised at the responses your psychologists have given you. Do you have a GP you usually see? One that you trust?

I would be having discussions with my GP to say that the psychologist isn't working for you. You need one that understands, has experience with PTSD and in particular, childhood trauma. From what you have written, the advice you've been given is really unhelpful for you. There are many good, excellent counsellors and psychologists out there who can help. Have you had a look at the following website?

https://www.psychology.org.au/Find-a-Psychologist

How do you stop remembering the bad incidents?

I'm truly surprised that the psychologists you've visited haven't helped you to understand what's happening and the process of recovery and healing. The journey is long and takes time. To stop remembering doesn't happen over night. It takes a lot of work and a lot of commitment. But it will happen - in time! Believe me my worst nightmares are no longer there. It doesn't mean I don't get triggered, but I DON'T GET THE FLASHES anymore! That is so, so GOOD!

Find a really good psychologist Regretful, along with a good GP who can manage any medication you need.

Hope some of this helps. You are not alone in your journey. Keep reaching out to us if and when you want to. No pressure.

Kind regards

PamelaR

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

Regretful — Sat, 15 Dec 2018 09:15:49 GMT

Thanks pamelaR for your advice.

The two psychologists that I saw previously were awhile ago. I'm not seeing any psychologist at the moment. Those two psychologists did help me feel better for awhile,but unfortunately I haven't achieved the long term goal of not having the bad memories popping up in my thoughts.

It's not childhood trauma as I was of legal age when I was seeing that guy.

Thanks for your advice. I think I'll look into finding a new psychologist.

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

Regretful — Sat, 15 Dec 2018 20:34:52 GMT

I understand that the process of recovery takes time, but it has been 15 years and still I haven't healed yet.

It weighs heavily on my guilty conscience because it has always been my religious and moral values, and my parents religious and moral values, to be sexually pure until marriage. I feel like every day of my life, I'm living a lie to my parents because I let them down as a daughter. And my husband stayed pure until marriage for me, so I feel so ashamed of my dirty past before marriage.

(Even though the decision to cross the line between making out and sexual wasn't my choice because that guy pressured me).

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

Idkme — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 04:31:42 GMT

Hi regretful and Burdy,

a couple of things.... firstly I have another post I started on here about EMDR if you scroll through the forums you can find it, there’s also another one (can’t remember who started it), but it has more information on it too. I have the book written by the founder Francine Shapiro, which explains a few of the ‘trapped memories’ that need processing and they deal with these using rapid eye movement (EMDR =eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing) but her book also includes some self healing strategies. Definitely isn’t a replacement for a psychologist but can be a bit of help understanding more.

The NLP is only something I’ve looked in to a little bit, (neuro linguistic programming). It’s all about changing our set thought and behaviour patterns to look for the negative and replace it with more beneficial processes.

Now Respectful, I know exactly how you feel about the ‘unclean’ thing because I also was brought up that way... although I understand you may try to make it seem less because you weren’t ‘a child’ you were still hurt, no one can measure someone else’s hurt, it’s all relative. Whose to say you aren’t suffering more or less than anyone else....

the way I dealt with it was to be completely honest with my husband (which I am) and he knew before we were married. However that hasn’t stopped me being impacted from triggers (like this year) over 23 years later).....

the way we cope is to draw on resources, use self love, reprocess our negative connotations(like I’m shameful, I can’t trust people, I am useless, etc.) and draw strength from where we can.

Hope that helps a little, I’m glad your going to seek out a new psychologist.

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

bear53 — Mon, 17 Dec 2018 04:29:18 GMT

Hi all,

second time around for me reading your posts and forums. so my story, in a nutshell: I work out in the community, just over 2 years ago I was a first responder to a near fatal accident. I took a few days off work to help get over it, went back to work, despite still getting triggers / flashbacks which I kept to myself and managed. ( thought I could get over it myself.)Eventually saw a psychologist, which helped. ( under MHcare plan), also 10 sessions last year as I had another unexpected trigger, which I found upsetting at the time.

Fast forward to late this year, where I had a verbally aggressive client. Management knew that this pt could become verbally agressive in certain situations, but I was asked to see them( even tho i raised these issues), in the situation where, yes, they did become verbally aggressive.

I took time off work, but have now gone back under workcover, decreased hours, decreased workload ( all my decision). I still like my job, but last week had another trigger, ( from 1st incident)which I recognised and grounded myself at the time. But afterwards felt very flat. Have since started meds to see if that helps. Also have a new psychologist ( other one doesnt do workcover unfortunately) but its early days, . (Tho she did say to me I seem to be doing everything she would suggest, and what would I like from her????) I do exercise, and yoga, which helps.

what I cant stop is the fear of getting more triggers at work, and not coping,or increasing my hours too quickly then not coping later down the track. Also have another workcover meeting coming up. the pressure is there every meeting to increase my hours. Even though I know this is a decision with my GP, not sure what to do here. As on the one hand i want to get back to my pre injury hours( not for financial reasons, ) but am scared at the same time. My GP is on leave at present so next time will see someone I have met once.

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

PamelaR — Tue, 18 Dec 2018 05:00:44 GMT

Hi bear and welcome to Beyond Blue

I'm pleased you've found your way to our community. Feel free to start your own thread if you want. No pressure though.

Being a first responder must be so difficult. My heart goes out to you and I am so how proud of you. The work you do is not for everyone. It can be very challenging and it says a lot about you when you talk of getting back to your pre injury hours.

I'm not a health professional bear, though I do have PTSD, anxiety and depression. Some years ago now, I had a breakdown due to the recollection of childhood trauma. I was off work for 3 months and was put on a return to work program. My workplace was excellent and let me return at my own pace. There was no pressure. I was like you, I wanted to return to my pre breakdown hours. But I did it slowly then sped up. It was good that my doctor, my boss, my return to work coordinator and myself were willing to work with the 'speed up'. Everyone agree that should I need to - I could reduce my hours again. Basically, the speed up didn't mean I couldn't slow down if necessary. Maybe you could talk this through with everyone?

Also, I know what it's like going to see someone different when you in the middle of your return to work. It worked out okay - I really had nothing to be frightened about. The new gp was very supportive - in fact much better that the previous one.

Keep reaching out if and when you want. And feel okay about starting your own thread - you deserve it.

Kind regards

PamelaR

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

Idkme — Tue, 18 Dec 2018 12:06:29 GMT

Hi Bear,

i can completely understand your worry and concern, it’s expected when you do a job where you are exposed to such raw emotion. It is vital that you protect yourself and are safe. After all you have to be strong in yourself to help others.

I think it’s amazing that you are working through this and the meet fact that you want to keep helping others is a huge achievement, thank you.

All that PamelaR said is great advice, she’s quite knowledgeable and gives great feedback.

I don’t think you will ever stop the triggers but you can learn to bounce them off easier. With coping skills and processing the ‘stuck’ memories you can move forward.

I also felt like I wish I could return to my ‘old’ self after a big trigger in September. But I’ve now realised this has/is a huge opportunity to learn more about me and start being more aware of me and my needs. It’s kind of empowering... (still early days so not sure where it’s going to direct me). I’m a little excited to even admit that I have some ‘positive outlooks (I know!!!! Shock horror!!! 😂).

Keep working with your doctors and psychologist, the more you work on it the more you will get from it... keep pushing past the difficult times. It will be worth it in the end.

I find it great to write here, it makes me think about so many things.

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

bear53 — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 03:35:44 GMT

Thanks PamelaR and ldkme for your responses, I found them helpful. Just for the record, i am not normally a first responder for my job, but I do work in health care.PamelaR it was good to hear your employer would let you slow down if needed, Im sure that should be the case for me too if needed, but so far its been the push to increase hours I hear from workcover. ( I know thats their job, but not helpful when I am stressed, particularly as I went back to work early on- maybe too soon? But it was my decision to do so as I thought it would ease some anxiety, yet even from the first meeting there was a plan to up my hours early.

I agree with you ldkme that you can reassess where you are going in life, just need to get over this hurdle first if I can at this stage.

PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

Regretful — Tue, 12 Feb 2019 23:21:58 GMT

Does anyone have any recommendation for a low-cost online counselor/psychologist for video counselling (with experience in dealing with PTSD due to bad sexual memories)? I'm considering this option as a cheaper option rather than seeing a face to face psychologist which might be more expensive.