topic Hi my name is Lindy. in PTSD and trauma

Hi my name is Lindy.

Whitecross — Tue, 22 Jan 2019 11:26:08 GMT

I’ll start off by saying getting diabetes at the age of 21 has been absolute nightmare. I’m now 52 and have been through the ringer with so many things. My story is huge and it’s left me not feeling good about myself. As a very young child I didn’t like myself either .. 🤷‍♀️

Hi my name is Lindy.

Croix — Tue, 22 Jan 2019 13:06:21 GMT

Dear Lindy~

Welcome here to the Forum, I hope you can find something here to make your life a little easier, companionship, understanding, even sometimes encouragement that others have survived and improved.

My first partner was a diabetic and had the usual blood samples several times day followed by injections, it is a most unpleasant thing to have to deal with, not only the inconvenience and sourness, but the restrictions on lifestyle and diet.

You said your story was huge, and have had a hard time of it. May I ask if there is anything in particular at the moment that is giving you hassles?

Low self esteem is something many, myself included, have been very familiar with, either as a result of an illness such as depression, or simply by the way life and other people treat you. Then again we all have things we would like to have done fiferentyly, and that doesn't help either.

Would you like to come back and talk seem more, maybe saying a bit about your life? You've broken the ice now.

To give you something in return to start off with I'll mention I"m an ex-policeman who has PTSD, anxiety and bouts of depression.

I look forward to talking with you more

Croix

Hi my name is Lindy.

Whitecross — Tue, 22 Jan 2019 14:21:28 GMT

Hi Croix thank you for the welcome into this forum. I honestly don’t know where to start. I have lost 60% of my vision, was on dialysis for five years and then had a double transplant of kidney and pancreas . It was very successful but I’ve been in an out of hospital with skin cancer is all over my body. I’ve had a Friesen times a really bad relationship with a decent guy he just couldn’t commit to me. He’s been damage from his marriage break up which was 10 years ago and won’t let anyone in his life. I turned to alcohol to cope with everything. Now I am an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic my family are not supportive at all in fact they blame me for not looking after myself, at 21 it was the hardest thing to take on. My childhood wasn’t that great either as my parents didn’t know how to show love and affection. That’s a really hard thing to take. I haven’t liked myself probably for most of my life but now it’s just out of control . Thank you for responding to my introduction. I’m an extremely strong person and i’m going to keep fighting this battle

Hi my name is Lindy.

geoff — Tue, 22 Jan 2019 15:57:22 GMT

Hello Whitecross and a warm welcome the forums.

You've had a tough time with a 'double transplant of kidney and pancreas as well as skin cancer' and I feel so sorry for you, and if you want to talk about the alcohol and whether you had considered stopping I'd like to hear back from you.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Hi my name is Lindy.

Idkme — Fri, 25 Jan 2019 00:52:18 GMT

Hi whitecross/Lindy,

welcome to the forums... it sounds like you've had a rough time.

You also sound like you’re quite strong. It’s great that you have chosen this option as a way of reaching out.... sometimes we try different things to remove the feelings but the best way is to deal with them and process your emotions.... it’s not fair to be what you’ve been through and it’s okay to feel disappointed and sad for yourself. Remember to be kind to yourself. You didn’t ask for this, it’s just what life throughs at you. How you deal with it depends how you view it? So if you find yourself thinking negative thoughts or looking to quick fixes (ie alcohol to hide the emotions). Then ask yourself ‘am I being true to myself and am I really helping me?’

Is tgeee something you do that is nice and kind to yourself?

Hi my name is Lindy.

Croix — Fri, 25 Jan 2019 03:21:22 GMT

Dear Lindy~

Thank you for coming back and saying more, it does help to see what you are facing.

I'm not going to start off asking about the steps you are taking, if you are having treatment and so on, I'm sure you will say if you'd like.

I would like to follow up on something Idkme said about doing things to be kind to yourself (which are essential) by asking about victories - even very small ones.

We all have them, for some it might be getting out of bed, for others gong to a shopping mall, others again not drinking for an evening, there are many wins. For many years gong to the mailbox was one for me.

Often they get overlooked. When one does not regard oneself with favor they are easy to dismiss as of no account, or less than others (who are well) would probably do. Judging by ordinary standards can be very inappropriate and harmful - leading to a sense of permanent failure.

I'm probably not saying anything you have not already thought about, but what are some of your wins - and even more important what were you thinking/doing at the time that let you succeed?

You have had many physical problems, which combined with a poor upbringing and a bad relationship are all together overwhelming. I thing you must be a strong person to survive, and wise enough to seek help.

Again I'm looking forward to talking with you

Croix

Hi my name is Lindy.

IreneM — Sat, 26 Jan 2019 00:25:22 GMT

Hi Lindy

Once again welcome to the forums. It is great to find someone else with whom I have heaps in common. Remembering that we are not alone is what this forum is for.

Childhood was terrible and parents did not show affection as well. Like you I am also kidney post-transplant. Sad to see that you've had skin cancer, part of therapy was in an oncology ward so I can relate to what it would be like to have chemo. I also have self-esteem issues.

On the subject of low self-worth, I would like to support what ldkme said on being kind to yourself. The reason why we have these issues is not totally our fault, we didn't choose to be where we are. I encourage you to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings by writing them down in a journal or similar. Then after a while you will start to feel a bit better; so then you can consider replacing those negative thoughts with positive ones. For example you could write: "Mum and Dad didn't love me." But across the page you can replace it with being a bit more optimistic, such as: "They didn't know what to do. But at least I am stronger now and can learn from it."

So count your blessings. Try to think of what good things you have to be thankful for. Like a roof over your head, and basic food to eat. People to share your feelings with on this forum. Sure you can think of more...

Try starting your day with a drink outside where you can take in some sunlight, it makes you feel good for the day and can help you think positive.

Irene.

Hi my name is Lindy.

Whitecross — Sun, 27 Jan 2019 03:11:54 GMT

Thank you so much for your kind words . Yes I agree with everything you have said and I need to appreciate life. I’m already starting to like myself. ❤️❤️❤️

Hi my name is Lindy.

Whitecross — Sun, 27 Jan 2019 03:20:15 GMT

Hi there. I have read your message and thank you. I work for Red Cross twice a week and I love it and every time I work is that win for me. Today is a non-drinking day. I have this amazing puppy six months old and we are going to go for a walk and go and get a coffee . I am blessed to be able to do things like this. I need to start looking after my body inside. Are you living in Melbourne ?

Hi my name is Lindy.

Whitecross — Sun, 27 Jan 2019 03:22:59 GMT

Hi Jeff thanks for your message . With the alcohol I just really want to cut down. Not rely on it. I’m hoping that’s possible ... 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Hi my name is Lindy.

Whitecross — Sun, 27 Jan 2019 03:36:34 GMT

I forgot to say the worst thing about all this is my family do you not care about me and do not support me they avoid me and they blame me

Hi my name is Lindy.

Croix — Sun, 27 Jan 2019 04:57:55 GMT

Dear Lindy~

Not being loved by family leaves a horrible long-lasting shadow and can -as you know -turn to self doubt and the feeling one is somehow less important and even a failure. It is also lonely. Then with that relationship where the guy was not willing to commit to you whole-heartedly one can end up being prey to all sorts of imaginings.

Looking from the outside it is other people letting you down, not you.

I know about family, I was disinherited when I chose to marry someone 'unsuitable'. This did say more about them than me, but took a long time to become reconciled to, and I was lucky enough to have a wonderful partner.

I guess being thrown on your own resources is very hard, there is one thing, you do not need to put up with corrosive attitudes and can seek better for yourself.

By the sounds of it you are on the way. Work at the Red Cross can be really excellent, good people, and it is worthwhile. A pet is a marvelous thing. We have three, Foxy, Sumo and Nasty. They help turn a building into a home (and are pretty demanding) so it as a pretty good focus and source of affection. There are many threads here talking of the good in pets.

Having alcohol free days is impressive, I know you said to Geoff you merely wish to cut down, may I ask why just reduce rather than stop? Often it is a feeling one cannot succeed or find a viable substitute that prevents one committing. I'd agree that life with no coping mechanism would be hard. Are there other ways to cope that you might try?

To have your eyesight so reduced is a real handicap. My wife had it for the same reason, diabetes, though she could still watch TV she could no longer read properly. Audio books made up some of the shortage, as she had been a great reader. There is a website called Librivox which has an enormous number of free audio books. I download them from my local library too.

May I ask what you do on the non-Red Cross days?

Croix

Hi my name is Lindy.

Whitecross — Sun, 27 Jan 2019 12:51:21 GMT

Thank you so much forgetting back to me .. what has gone on with my family is extremely complicated i’ve decided just to leave them alone and not really see them. I will be nice but just don’t want to be discussed and told the things I’m doing wrong . When I’m not every cross I either meet friends for lunch or go shopping there’s always something, Watch Netflix . As far as totally giving up alcohol. I’ve tried before and I just can’t and at this stage of my life where everything has been taken off me .. I site driving and so on. I need to be able to enjoy a drink. I have the alcohol treatment pills and if I feel I’m going to week and I will have one in the morning . It’s only early days for me with trying to help myself. With all the complications I’ve had and come through I still feel like I’m dying. The reality is I know if I start really looking after myself and start to feel healthy and fit my mindset will definitely change I just need to put it into place .. i’m gonna give it a go slowly slowly slowly . Thank you for listening to me

Hi my name is Lindy.

Croix — Mon, 28 Jan 2019 11:53:06 GMT

Dear Lindy~

I don't think everything has been taken from you. Reading you posts I get the impression you are realistic, have an idea of your limits, and are actively improving your life. You have a strong core, and I'm sure will cope, no matter what.

Excuse me for being predictable, and risk you thinking I do not understand, however I wanted to mention that I gave up smoking, having started well before I became a teenager and continued up until I was middle aged. I was convinced I could not do it, and further that smoking was part of me, it was how I behaved, what I relied upon, and was very useful too at times.

What I'm trying to put across for your consideration is that such forms of addiction subtly insinuate themselves into one's identity and put themselves the 'essential' category. No smoking is not the same as alcohol.

Sorry about that, I'm just worried about the aftermath of your physical hassles. If I offend just tell me.

Do you mind if I ask about the driving? Was this a result of eyesight (no need to reply of course if you'd rather not). I'm just trying to get an understanding of the trials you face.

Do you know what it is about working at the Red Cross that appeals to you?

Croix

Hi my name is Lindy.

geoff — Mon, 28 Jan 2019 14:25:28 GMT

Hi Lindy, thanks.

Your doctor can prescribe some particular medication that will stop any urge 'for the want to drink' if I can say it that way.

It will not give you any urge to want any alcohol at all, and if you do happen to drink while taking this medication, you won't get the buzz that normally happens.

The main prerequisite is that you want to stop drinking.

Take care.

Geoff.