feeling alone and judged

jay05 — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 11:34:18 GMT

basically here is a quick run down

im 25 year old female
my family has struggled financially my entire life
when i was 10 my grandfather passed and that was the first time i was told i was depressed
i was teased all throughout school for being over weight so never had any self confidence
at 18 i met a guy and got engaged/married, after 9 months of marriage and almost 5 years together he left me via text message, this was the second time i was diagnosed as being depressed
during this time i had suicidal thoughts and even sat there one night with the means to do but was scared of death, even though i desperately wanted to die
got counselling then things got better
recently have been feeling depressed, withdrawn and cry over stupid things
i feel as though people judge me and i cant trust people
suicidal thoughts occasionally return but im still scared to follow it through
i feel as though my own family dont appreciate me and feel as though everything is always my fault
i feel as though im a doormat for my friends, family and work mates
i have constant feelings of self loathing and strongly believe that i should not of been born
recently i took a chance and went away with a family member and her friends, during the trip one person made a comment that "you cant love a fat person"
i have constant feelings of not being good enough for anything or anyone, i feel as though i will never be successful in my career or have a family of my own
nothing ever goes right for me, its just always one bad day after the next, i struggle to get out of bed and go to work in the morning
i cant talk to my family or friends they tell me im being a drama queen or an attention seeker
ive tried medications, ive tried therapy, ive tried exercise and distraction methods

WHY CANT I FEEL BETTER!!! WHY CANT I GET CONTROL OF MY LIFE!!!

i would love to hear suggestions on how other people deal with this

feeling alone and judged

S_A_D_ — Sun, 30 Jun 2013 18:23:23 GMT

Sincere apologies for the massively belated reply. We are working hard to make sure this doesn't happen any more.

Read back through your question. The answer is there, the one positive comment you made:

got counselling then things got better

Go to your GP, ask for a MHCP, and a referral to a psychologist. Get back to us when you're seeing someone on a weekly basis.

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feeling alone and judged

feeling alone and judged