topic think b4 you act! in Depression

think b4 you act!

Richo10 — Mon, 27 Oct 2014 07:26:07 GMT

Ive suffered from severe depression for 6 years, im 25. 14 months ago my whole world was turned upside down, I tried to end it all and was placed on life support for 10 days. I now suffer a terrible breathing condition called Glottic stenosis with bilateral vocal cord fixation. Ive had 8 operations in 14 months to try fix it all have been unsuccessful. On nov 12th I will have operation number 9 and be tracheostomy dependant for up to 1 month post opp. With these operations ive had most of my vocal cords cut out and ive lost majority of my voice that ill never get back 😞 I used to play state netball, now I can barely walk or shower without being out of breath. I guess im sharing my story to let you no its ok to not feel ok but before you act reach out to a loved one or support before you do anything that may change your life forever ❤️

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

think b4 you act!

white knight — Mon, 27 Oct 2014 10:33:19 GMT

Hi Richo10. Welcome to Beyond Blue forums.

If you are not brave you are wonderful for posting that. Thankyou. I wish you well for the future and hope we hear you on this site often.

Tony WK

think b4 you act!

Doolhof — Mon, 27 Oct 2014 10:34:57 GMT

Dear Richo,

Oh my goodness! What a journey you have been on. It is so brave and also humbling for you to share your story here with us all.

I am so very sorry your depression was so vial, overwhelming and strong that you felt as though you had no other options left.

It is so hard when you are totally consumed by the darkness of depression to realise that there are options and people do care.

The solution is to comprehend you are on a downward spiral and that you need to stop it from progressing further.

Like you wrote, we need to reach out to someone to let them know just how horrible we are feeling so we don't do anything we will later regret.

For you Richo, I hope and pray for your future. By sharing your story of survival here, you may just help others realise there is an alternative. There is always someone you can reach out to.

My heart goes out to you Richo, I am sending you a huge cyber hug, from Mrs. Dools

think b4 you act!

Richo10 — Tue, 28 Oct 2014 09:31:58 GMT

Thankyou 🙂

to be honest im really struggling, with my depression and the up coming operation. I want to be brave and inspire others but im terrified, I feel my life is a mess 😞 ill be stong tho

think b4 you act!

Richo10 — Tue, 28 Oct 2014 09:35:20 GMT

Thankyou 🙂

its been a very long n terrifying journey tbh. Im scared and terrified of this upcoming operation. The tracheostomy is terrifying. I dont no how ill react when I wake up. I want to be there for others and inspire through my journey but its really hard where im at, I just hope ill be ok for everyone's sake

think b4 you act!

white knight — Tue, 28 Oct 2014 10:20:27 GMT

Hi Richo

Well mate, the black dog can take away your energy, your own hands can take away your wisdom, your injuries can take away your pain free life but nothing can take away your bravery here these last few days, nothing can take away your dignity and nothing can replace your desire to help others.

At the end of the day, what's done is done. It's in the past and right now you will find the fighting spirit that aussie have, through world wars, during times of stress and upset- we find that spirit and that's what we live for.

So be concerned for sure. But rest assured, we might be strangers, but in a way we are one, we are brothers and sisters in this world of imperfection.

You will get through all obstacles because you'll fight on.

think b4 you act!

Doolhof — Tue, 28 Oct 2014 21:16:34 GMT

Dear Richo,

I'm not sure what I can write here to help you feel any better about your upcoming operation and your life in general. I just want to let you know I am thinking of you and wishing you well.

Like White Knight wrote, none of us can go back and change things as much as we would like to be able to. We have to live with our decisions, actions and the happenings of our life.

I hope and pray the operation is successful and not too stressful for you. I also hope the medical staff are understanding and compassionate and help in any way they can.

Do you have all the information you need regarding the operation, the procedure and what to expect after? Have you been able to ask the questions you have wanted to ask and received adequate responses?

For me, knowing the facts and what to expect helps to stop my brain from going through the what ifs.

Dear Richo, I wish you all the very best. I'm sending you a cyber hug as well and hope that knowing people care for you helps a little. From Mrs. Dools

think b4 you act!

geoff — Tue, 28 Oct 2014 21:18:39 GMT

the black dog can take away your energy, your own hands can take away your wisdom, your injuries can take away your pain free life but nothing can take away your bravery with you all the way. The very best. Geoff.

think b4 you act!

geoff — Tue, 28 Oct 2014 21:21:22 GMT

sorry Richo, but the first part of my reply wasn't saved, damn it, but I'll see if it copied and pasted.

No it hasn't so I will reply again. Geoff.

think b4 you act!

geoff — Tue, 28 Oct 2014 23:24:40 GMT

dear Richo, I am just so sorry that 3/4 of my post just disappeared and has gone, as this is annoying for the respondent.

I just can't tell you how much I feel for what you have gone through and it was all caused by depression, a devil that inflicts so much soul destroying pain to the person who is suffering from it, and what it has caused you to do is just so devastating to an unbelievable level.

I want you to please accept my deepest sympathy, and this goes for all the other dear friends who have all replied, in which I want to include what Tony has said 'the black dog can take away your energy, your own hands can take away your wisdom, your injuries can take away your pain free life but nothing can take away your bravery with you all the way'. as this is such a lovely way to say how he feels and can I include the rest of us.

What you have had to endue must have been excruciating and it's by no means over, as you still have another operation to go through and possibly more, but it hasn't solved your depression which is still ongoing.

There takes a great deal of strength in all of this, which you may not see now or over the past, but how can you blame yourself, you can't, because depression has forced this upon you, nothing else, as there are many of us that have gone through terrible times, but that is not what this reply about, it's not about anyone else, only you.

This next operation must be so fearful, but what they are doing is to try and make it all better, and yes I can hear you say that you are so worried, and yes I can hear you say it won't work, but hey, if myself or anyone else here could be with you, we would try and stop these negative thoughts, we would hold your hand, because it doesn't matter what sex you are, that is of no concern, you need to feel as though there are people supporting you.

Please give us the chance in trying to help you with your depression, because now you can't be by yourself.

I want to wish you the very best. Geoff.

think b4 you act!

Richo10 — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 06:34:55 GMT

Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply to me, shows how caring and generous you are so thankyou 🙂

think b4 you act!

Richo10 — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 06:37:20 GMT

Wow I cant begin to describe how greatful I em that uve taken the time to write such a nice response, means alot to me so thankyou. I hope the black dog doesnt consume me after this next opp, ive been dealt a terrible hand and I dont no what I did in another life to deserve all this but I guess thats lifr hey. Everyone who has responded to me is a reason why I keep going 🙂

think b4 you act!

Doolhof — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 09:41:09 GMT

Hi Richo,

It has been a couple of days since you have posted. I hope that you are okay. I have no idea how you are feeling, and just want to let you know that I am thinking of you.

You have certainly been through so very much and I really hope you are getting some help and support right where you are, along with the very kind words that have been written here for you by others.

Do you have some kind of plan for how you will look after yourself once you return from hospital after the operation? Do you have people who can pop in and check on you to make sure you are okay?

Is it easy for you to get to your Dr if you need to after the operation?

I wish I had the words to write to tell you everything will be okay and that it would be so.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings here .We are not in your shoes, we do not know how scared you are feeling right now and how uncertain of your future, but I care as do others.

I hope you are managing okay. Thinking of you, from Mrs. Dools

think b4 you act!

white knight — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 11:05:59 GMT

Hi Richo,

Thinking of you mate. We are here if you need to post again.

Take care Tony WK

think b4 you act!

Richo10 — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 08:25:58 GMT

Thank you I do need to talk but dont no where to stary. This girls a mess haha ahhhhh HELP ME!

think b4 you act!

geoff — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 13:24:08 GMT

dear Richo, has a date being organised for the operation.

I'm sure that it has been explained to you, but have they done in layman's term or by a drawing of what exactly is going to happen. Geoff.

think b4 you act!

Mares73 — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 20:47:30 GMT

Dear Richo firstly I want to humbly thank you far your courage in sharing your incredibly painful journey. As Geoff mentioned-im so so sorry at the pain this terrible illness of depression has caused you. I'm also concerned as to what support you'll have after the operation-do you have any family or friends who could be of support to you especially after the operation? Your in my thoughts & hope to hear as to what support you can draw on. Lve Mares xxx

think b4 you act!

HA1 — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 13:03:53 GMT

Hi Richo

I just wanted to add my voice to all those others that have expressed their support for you on here. Thank you for posting your story. It means a lot to have been given the opportunity to share it.

You say that you want to talk, but don't know where to start. Start with anything. Say anything. We all would like to listen to you, no matter what you wish to speak about. I mean it.

Take care

think b4 you act!

Doolhof — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 10:34:16 GMT

Hi Richo,

It has been a while since we heard from you. Not sure if that means you have gone in for your operation or you are just not posting at present.

Just want to let you know I am thinking of you as I am sure others are too.

Wishing you well. Take care, from Mrs. Dools

think b4 you act!

Richo10 — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 03:37:17 GMT

Hi Mrs Dools 🙂

ive been hiding out, not really coping well with how I feel in relation to my operation, im so scared.

I have a very supportive family especially my mum who has been by my side the whole time. My operation will be this time next week ahhhhh.

Ive also been in hospital 3 times in the last week with stupid kidney stones, got very upset with all that cause its so painful and its something I dont need right now with my upcoming opp. I have a kidney infection from the stones so im on anti biotics for that and ill deal witj the stones after my throat opp.

Just want to say a big thankyou for your ongoing support and concern, means alot.

Nicola Xx