topic Depression, gratitude and tokenism in Depression

Depression, gratitude and tokenism

white knight — Mon, 16 Aug 2021 01:35:08 GMT

Falling into a depressive cycle comes with many changes. Most if not all these changes are not welcome, tiredness, physically drained, moods and sadness. Sadness often due to the invisible cage of which we are imprisoned. No wonder others that havent been touched by the illness cannot help us. In fact, helping ourselves is paramount because of that.

We can take our meds

we can talk on the phone

without the words from similar

we are all alone

After all we are born alone. Connection to parents is there but we are separate in so many ways. Comfort from friends and relatives can only go so far. With spouses we expect so much more, after all they are our soul mate right? But they have limits also. Our lack of motivation can stretch the friendship as pressure mounts in their daily lives.

Hi ho hi ho off to work he goes

who he can talk to nobody knows

he carries the burden of his life for two

on the brink if only you knew...

And so the balance of support and care is limited for us in that "hole". For some sufferers a word of encouragement is enough to spark us into a burst of happiness and ignore our dark mind. For others nothing is enough. Tokenism is powerful as it displays intent, it shows endeavour. At least tokenism is present when there is nothing else to receive. But life is a balance and if that balance is not there with your spouse or carer then extra burden mounts on them.

She drives away as I sleep forever

No motivation, no sound, no endeavour

I wake to answer the phone - some friend

to the bathroom and my needs contend

As she returns from a hard day carer for me

surely I can make her a cup of tea?...

And so that tokenism makes a carers fall soft. No one said depression was easy. It use to be "till death us do part" but really now its "till I'm done-separation will come". We must nurture our relationships and its that little token of care that when given, we help balance that see-saw of the ramifications of a mental illness on our loved ones.

I put all my care in a glass jar

my spouse, my love takes it afar

she said we are forever and I surely agree

Hers in my jar and I carry it with me

and on occasions I twist her lid

use every bit of strength to fulfil my bid

place some care of my own real deep

then curl up again and fall to sleep...

All spouses need reassurance. It is the very essence of ensuring they are not taken for granted. Tokenism is a link in the chain of your partners necklace along with gratitude and others...

TonyWK

Depression, gratitude and tokenism

Croix — Mon, 16 Aug 2021 10:32:34 GMT

Dear TonyWK~

Your cup of tea reminded me.

Before, during and after being invalided out of my job I was terrible to live with, in fact it has always been a source of wonder my partner stayed, looked after the offspring, the house and the bills, went to work - and looked after me.

A terribly hard job and the worst of it was I knew I was more than difficult to live with. Sometimes being asked out of simple concern "Are you OK" was ignored, met with a grunt or made me angry and resentful

I knew all this and sometimes off my own bat made a cup of tea for her as she got home, or after I'd been particularly angry. I'd not bother for one for myself, but tried to make a gesture, to let her know I realized how hard her road was too. It seemed important to do that.

Yes a token, but heartfelt.

Croix

Depression, gratitude and tokenism

Rishie — Mon, 23 Aug 2021 20:09:03 GMT

Hi white knight
I liked the poems you put in your post.

Yes, I believe that gratitude and small acts of kindness can really go a long way. I'ts important to find ways of letting the ones we love know how much we love and appreciate them. Our depression can keep us so inward looking that we don't see how hard it is for those around us.

Depression, gratitude and tokenism

white knight — Wed, 25 Aug 2021 06:03:07 GMT

Hi Croix and Rishie,

Yes Croix, hindsight always runs late lol. Working under extreme stress can result on leaning on others more than we realise.

Rishie, "looking inward", a very apt term. How can we look outward to consider others whole focussed on ourselves when unwell?

TonyWK