topic Not coping in Depression

Not coping

Mel__F — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 06:14:18 GMT

Hello out there, I don't know why I feel so empty and I never thought I would be talking about it

why am I so sad I have everything that's important in life a great husband been together 30 years 3 amazing kids from 26 to 22 but don't feel like I have no place,, I am always trying to make people happy, I'm always the one who does the rite thing, but why do I feel like it's my time to leave this place? I don't like going out and feel super empty, I just want to be on my own and cry,I know it's wrong but feel the need to drink to take away the pain, I wish I could be a better person I hate myself. Anyone who knows me thinks I'm a happy contented person,,so far from the trueth,such a silent pain

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Not coping

white knight — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 11:11:06 GMT

Hi Mel.F, welcome again to Beyond Blue

You issues need professional help in my opinion. They could be relationship based, mental illness based or other reasons we arent qualified to answer.

Please see you GP soon and get help. Your wonderful family deserves your good health now. Others might have advice here too.

Take care and read up on the many threads here that could help also

Tony WK

Not coping

geoff — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 14:06:10 GMT

dear Mel, I agree with Tony that you need to see your GP, however I can understand what you are going through.

I do wonder why in the early stages of depression, which I'm not sure you're in, or whether it's been escalating for a long time, why we try so hard to please people to and make them happy, because I was the same as you are now, but eventually we crash.

There can be reasons why this happens or there may not be, but once it starts it keeps on going, so then our life becomes a mess.

As I have mentioned many times that I used alcohol as a way to numb all my negative thoughts, but it was one reason why my wife divorced me.

I do know the repercussions, but I will leave this to other respondents, unless you ask me a question about it.

There are plenty of questions to ask and I'm sure heaps of answers which you can ask us, and we want you to, because we have been through it many times before.

It's a horrible, awful, lonely illness that does confront someone heading towards it, so please get back to us. Geoff.

Not coping

White_Rose — Sun, 26 Oct 2014 01:10:14 GMT

Dear Mel

I am so pleased you found your way to Beyond Blue and I hope we can help you.

As Geoff and WK have said, the first step is to see your GP. This is really important to start the help process. Tell him/her everything about your life in regard to the feelings you describe above. Your GP may say you have depression, be overtired, have the 'flu etc. I have no idea, but until you know what is wrong you cannot start to get well.

You talk about you lovely family and it is a blessing to have a good marriage and bring up your children well. It is also true that trying to please everyone, to make everyone happy can be exhausting. Unfortunately as we get older our energy reserves can be depleted and we do not bounce back as we used to 20 years ago. Not fair is it?

If you do have depression, however mildly, it is a typical response to feel bad about yourself. Tears, a desire to hide away, feeling empty and trying to feel better by drinking or some other form of 'self-medication'. These are part of the pattern.

This is not wrong and you are not bad or peculiar or any other description you can think of. It is a part of depression and it's horrible. If I can make a suggestion to you? Drinking may feel good for a short time but alcohol is a depressant and will aggravate your bad feelings. I have found I cannot drink alcohol. Not that I ever drank much anyway but after 2 glasses of wine I fall asleep. And I feel so bad about myself afterwards because of the reaction to alcohol.

The other common reaction to being depressed to carry on as though there is nothing wrong. Most of the people here say they wear masks when with their families and friends to hide their pain. It seems that you are also doing this. Masks are OK in many situations and we do this as part of our everyday lives anyway. The effort of keeping a mask in position when all you want to do is cry, find relief from your pain or just scream your frustration further reduces your energy reserves until you are running on empty.

At the top of the this page under the tabs named The Facts and Resources you will find a number of fact sheets about depression, anxiety etc. I suggest you read them and if they are helpful, contact BB to have some sent to you. You may like to get the fact sheets designed for family and friends as well.

I do hope all this helps. Please get back to us with any questions or comments you want to make. Someone is always here to answer you.

Regards

Mary

Not coping

Mel__F — Sun, 26 Oct 2014 03:45:58 GMT

Ok wow even reading this has made me a bumbling sook, yep and turned to a drink, yes will go gp but will find hard never asked for help always been the helper, don't want to talk now but thank you Geoff

Not coping

Mel__F — Sun, 26 Oct 2014 04:03:08 GMT

Thank you Mary yes your words are true, I feel a bit unsure how I feel. I m director of company pay wages mother, wife very organised person people look at me and would have no idea, need to think xxxx

Not coping

Jenzz — Sun, 26 Oct 2014 09:34:24 GMT

I was the same, not wanting to seek help because it made me feel weak. I too was always the helper, and never wanted to be helped.

But sometimes you have to admit you need help.

Even coming to this site is a big step, so well done for doing that.

Hope you can speak to your gp xx

Not coping

Mel__F — Mon, 27 Oct 2014 00:42:15 GMT

thank you Jenzz,so nice to know not alone

Not coping

shelby76 — Mon, 27 Oct 2014 02:27:40 GMT

You are definitely not alone Mel, you are among way too many of us who have felt the same way.

I am a mum of the world's best kids, have a super husband, family, friends, and a rewarding career. All this wasnt enough to fill that special empty that you are feeling.

and I know that it feels like no one could understand, I do I promise.

just remember one thing - YOU ARE WORTH SAVING! you really are, your family will always need you right at the centre of their lives, because they love you.

Please see your GP, do not be embarrassed or ashamed, we all need a helping hand sometimes.

And stay safe x

Not coping

Mel__F — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 04:53:25 GMT

Thank you for replying shelby, I'm so surprised how many people need friends on beyond blue, you guys help so much, I'm going to make DRS appointment just need to find lady DR and open my mouth xx I hope you have a great week

Not coping

White_Rose — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 05:10:10 GMT

Hello Mel

How are you going? I see you have decided to see a GP. Good! If you are having difficulty finding a GP with mental health skills look at the tabs at the top of the page. There is a list of GPs which is searchable by postcode.

As many of the replies say, you are a worthwhile person. Everyone is worthwhile but that does not make you any less valuable. Try to be kind to yourself. I know that sounds silly because your default thinking says you must carry on regardless. But try anyway.

I hope you get to visit a doctor soon.

Regards

Mary

Not coping

dougall — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 06:51:49 GMT

Hi Mel.F there are loads of us who care about you so keep us informed and you can help us when we need it by telling your story.

Not coping

Sparkles183 — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 13:22:30 GMT

Hi Mel

I am so glad to hear that you are making the first step and going to make a doctor’s appointment and you should congratulate yourself for that, just even making that decision to make that appointment is a huge step.

I truly do hope you can find a GP that will listen to you and that you can open up with.

I was reading somewhere that after your first appointment with your doctor you should make sure you reward yourself for taking the first step that could be treating yourself out to coffee or lunch or even watching your favourite movie, it is just a way to congratulate yourself for taking the first step and you deserve it.

Please take care and let us know how you are going. And remember you are worthwhile.

Sparkles

Not coping

Mel__F — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 19:31:52 GMT

Thanks life is not good will do that, I don't have a Dr who I would talk to, will keep posting, have a good week

Not coping

Mel__F — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 06:21:44 GMT

You guys are fab, need time out now,,,, sad xx. Thanks guysA

Not coping

dougall — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 21:01:01 GMT

Hi Mel.F I hope your day is a good one by this I mean you just being you and getting through it, you are allowed to be as sad as you want.