topic My partner is suffering I need advice please in Depression

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Josephine77 — Sun, 20 Jun 2021 23:20:27 GMT

My partner has told me he has been struggling mentally for a while and disclosed some concerning things which I talked to him about what he could do to get help. He doesn’t want to have me around to put me through everything he is goi g through. He wants space to sort himself out and get his financial situation sorted. His conclusion is we live apart for him to do this

I understand the space but I don’t understand me having to live elsewhere it really hurts

how does this help him financially and how does this help him by being alone

he wants us to stay exclusive and does t want to lose me out of his life

I took

us elf away for the last week and a half to give him time alone and for myself too

he has been in contact and wants to know details about how my holiday is etc

i go back today and I just don’t know how to go through this r what to discuss when I’m back

i Need someone to talk to

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Alannah57 — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 00:59:23 GMT

I’m sending you warm regards and energy, that sounds heartbreaking. Whatever your partner is thinking or feeling, whether they love you or not, or if they feel they need to handle things alone because of feelings of guilt for being with you while they struggle, the best thing you can do is be kind to yourself and process the emotions in a gentle way. I’m sure that everything will turn out, and I’m sending positive energy through that all the negative feelings that you’re currently experiencing are replaced with positive, joyful, serene ones. Sorry if this is an odd answer

My partner is suffering I need advice please

jtjt_4862 — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 02:04:56 GMT

Hi Josephine,

Sorry to hear that you're going through a hard time with your partner. From what I've learned through the forums and the experience I've recently gone through (which is somewhat similar to yours), when a person is struggling mentally, they do not wish to be a burden to others, or feels guilty about burdening others on their problems.

Your partner may feel guilty about putting you through what he's going through as well, no matter how much you want to support them. They may also feel a lack of confidence, which then causes frustration for not being able to fix themselves, and then it'll lead to disappointment, misery, sadness and unhappiness. With low self-esteem, they are incapable of loving themselves, which means they won't be able to provide the love to those who are close to them as well. They would feel they don't deserve your love at all, and that they cannot treat you (give you the love) that they feel you deserve from them.

It can be difficult to care for someone who is struggling mentally, and the best we can do is to support them gently by validating their feelings, and empathizing what they are going through. Has your partner considered getting a mental health plan from his GP?

On a positive note, your partner wants to stay exclusive with you, and doesn't want to lose you out of his life. Remember to take care of your own mental health too, as caring for someone who's struggling mentally can take a toll on your own mental health too. There may even come a time where either party will have to make a call to go separate ways, for the sake of each other's mental health. I'm hoping for the best for you and your partner.

Happy to chat more to you Josephine.

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Josephine77 — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 02:17:59 GMT

Thank you for you reply

he text me today and I had a missed call from him

I’m unsure if he has changed his mind in my absence I guess I’ll find out tonight

that would be great to chat a bit more thank you

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Josephine77 — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 04:31:12 GMT

He has been proactive in co ta ring me whilst away

again this morning g and I had a missed call from him

I was too anxious to call back

will be interesting to see what happens when we see each other

this is so hard

I hope he has reached out to people as per my advice

My partner is suffering I need advice please

jtjt_4862 — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 06:44:22 GMT

Hi Josephine,

I hope all goes well for you, and that he has indeed reached out to people as well (or even a mental health profession or a GP). Feel free to chat more.

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Josephine77 — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 10:05:24 GMT

So I came home to a disheveled unit and anything that reminded him of me was buried

it appeared a breakdown occurred whilst away

he was excited to see me and he looked really unwell tho

treading softly as the love is there with us

I haven’t tried to fill the gaps or interrogated him about where some things have gone

this is so heartbreaking to watch

My partner is suffering I need advice please

jtjt_4862 — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 11:48:58 GMT

Hi Josephine,

I'm sorry to hear that your partner had a breakdown while you were away, and that he doesn't seem well. But in a way it was heart warming to hear that he was excited to see you again, and that there's still love between you two. He might still be embarrassed for seeming so weak and down in front of you. Stay strong Josephine, will be cheering for you two, hoping that both your love is strong and that your partner will make it thru with your gentle support.

It may also be worth bringing up to him to see a GP for a mental health plan. They'll be able to help him thru his dark times. Also remember to take care of yourself as well in the process of supporting him. Check-in once in awhile on yourself to see how you feel, and don't be afraid to make some space for yourself if needed.

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Josephine77 — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 21:06:08 GMT

Thank you

he was affectionate also and smiled for the first time in a while last night

I haven’t brought up about the things disappearing he out all the photos back this morning before I got up

im concerned about where some other things are I’ll wait until the time is right so I can work out how to ask without upsetting him in any way

any suggestions ?

even tho he was smiley affectionate and playful last night he left without kissing me today

i Hope he gets better soon and I’ll attempt at your advice

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Josephine77 — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 21:51:15 GMT

I found the missing items I suspect things were moved so he didn’t have any reminders of me whilst away as I went for longer than I stated and he was proactive in contacting me whilst away

we still need to talk I just want to tread lightly

My partner is suffering I need advice please

jtjt_4862 — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 22:19:02 GMT

Hi Josephine,

It's great to hear that he's still affectionate towards you, and that he was proactive in contacting you while you were away. It shows that there's still feelings between you two, and I hope this keeps up for the both of you. The situation might feel awkward as you try to understand and learn how to approach him, but you're doing great by taking it slowly.

A person's feelings who's struggling mentally may change from day to day; from the way they feel about themselves, and the people around them, and anything else. This can cause them to act differently from time to time as well. You could let him know that you noticed some of your belongings are missing in the house, and that you're worried about him. Remind him that you're always ready to listen if there's anything he'd like to talk to you about. Word your question in a way that sounds like you've noticed something has changed, and that you're worried about his wellbeing, and if it helps he can always reach out to you and talk to you about it.

Hope that helps, Josephine. Let us know how you go. Happy to chat more as well.

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Josephine77 — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 22:33:37 GMT

Thank you

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Josephine77 — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 22:36:02 GMT

It is difficult to understand why he moved these things however I know not to ask in a confronting way or be angry about it rather be understanding towards him

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Josephine77 — Tue, 22 Jun 2021 09:33:58 GMT

I haven’t even brought this up

he put them back and I’m just going to leave it as is 😊

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Josephine77 — Tue, 22 Jun 2021 10:48:22 GMT

I’m confused

he was excited to see me after I went away he was affectionate and intimate as we went to bed together then cuddled it was great

today He was moody in the morning and no kiss bye and then he actually cooked dinner tonight

no kiss good night

what do I ask him about this?

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Here2Talk — Tue, 22 Jun 2021 11:05:11 GMT

Hi Josephine,

sorry to hear of your distress. How long have you been together, and did you suspect his mental state/did you have problems before this?

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Learn to Fly — Tue, 22 Jun 2021 11:22:05 GMT

Hi Josephine77,

I am sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Must be heart breaking to watch your loved one going through such hard time and him acting lovingly and avoidant at the same time - you seem to feel confused, and no wonder.

I believe you mentioned you’d advised him to reach out and get some help. How did that go for him?

As others have said already: please don’t forget about self care.

Take care there.

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Josephine77 — Tue, 22 Jun 2021 20:13:32 GMT

I don’t know if he has reached out yet

I just di t understand why this is happening the hot cold behaviour

he clearly missed my absence whilst away and showed that the day I returned

he cooked dinner for the first times in a few years ( usually me because I love to cook) would let me help him clean up

but then cold no kiss good night whereas the night I returned he made a point of us going to bed at the same time

I’m lost

My partner is suffering I need advice please

Josephine77 — Tue, 22 Jun 2021 20:15:54 GMT

He makes me coffee in the morning still but just no affection when he left

seeing how he lost weight whilst I was gone too breaks my heart

My partner is suffering I need advice please

jtjt_4862 — Tue, 22 Jun 2021 22:36:24 GMT

Hi Josephine,

I feel your ex is still struggling with himself. When someone struggles mentally, they are unable to love themselves, and starts to doubt their ability to be your partner. That can result in the reduced affection, or display of love. It can definitely send off weird signals to you, and you'd find them confusing and unsure of how to process them. Sometimes it may feel personal, thinking if you had done something wrong. But the way they think and feel about themselves can change from day to day, and they're usually burden by the thought of them being the problem, and not you.

Caring for someone who's struggling mentally will take time. Let them know that you're here for them, and be ready to listen if they feel like chatting to you. You can let them know that you're worried for them, and if they have reached out to the people whom you've spoken about, or a GP for a mental health plan. If it comes to a point where you feel your mental health is deteriorating as well, please look after yourself too.