Lost

Chrisj — Mon, 12 Jan 2015 12:55:37 GMT

I just can't seem to get it right. The more I try to fix things the worse I seem to be making it. I can not think straight enough to talk logic . I am trying to build back the relationship I thought I had prior to needing to work so much that I forgot how to enjoy my life. Now my life has seemed to have moved on and I am lost. I don't want to keep trying . I feel like just giving up . I have no idea how to move forward and I don't think my family want me in their life anymore .

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Lost

white knight — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:55:48 GMT

Hi Chrisj, welcome to beyond blue forums

Being ostracised from anyone is hurtful. But family? is cuts deeper. So what are your options?

Consider life is one long journey and there will be many times the hurdles will come often and close together. You will need to deal with them in the future as you need to deal with them now. So its best to learn some survival skills right now to prepare yourself when it comes around again.

I've long believed that your real family are the ones you select to be your family. A few friends will make the grade and a few family members will to, but not all blood relatives will prove to be ideal to keep in touch with regularly. If you accept this, then family blood members will come and go and you will be less concerned. Soem will question you on this but- they have enjoyed their choices over the years- you can exercise the same choices.

Such choices give you power. Power, I mean ability to choose, to not be a target when they, as a group, decide they want one.

eg I have a 22yo daughter. For the last 8 years she has befriended me maybe 30 times only to run away for no reason a few weeks later. It's a cruel emotional game. I warned her that such game playing wont in the end - work. Last year I decided that there will be one avenue by which she will be able to converse with me- attend my home. No social media, no texts, no calls...home or nothing. This protects me from the hurt. I know its highly unlikely she'll visit so I've put in place my rules and - moved on. Suddenly I have control and it feels good.

You can get such control by setting your own standards and sticking to them.

Use search to read these threads. even just the frist post of them

What is you defence- against your vulnerability?

The "gang" mentality

Ostracised- whose fault is it?

The definition of abuse- what is it?

Defending yourself- dont be an easy target

Making sense of grief

Think b4 you act

Tony WK

topic Lost in Depression

Lost

Lost