topic No hope this week in Depression

No hope this week

Mares73 — Thu, 30 Jan 2014 22:32:23 GMT

Hi all

i think I was about to go for my appt to see the Acute Team Pysch when I past wrote. He turned out to be yeRs young & arrogant. I think I was more self aware than he was used to so he tried to criticise the meds I'm on but then saying he can't sdp, change or recommend anything-as long as I went suicidal he was going to ph & refer me bk to my own private pysch. I was supposed to see her last Thursday but I hadn't slept for 41 hours & I couldn't go-I couldn't think straight & I knew I needed to be able to lake things in when I saw her. So now I have appt for mon 10 Feb but cancellations usually come up so I should see her this week. Several people have said just to stop taking the stimulant med as it's been a drastic decline last 2 wks. This wkend meant to be going down coast to stay for my husbands friends wedding. But as I keep telling him I'm not in a state to go to a wedding with no one I know & I'm not even looking forward to going away as home is my safety net comfort zone. My mind & thoughts are scattered, I can't concentrate or remember things. Even my mum is saying I don't talk like me-I'm unclear, finding communication difficult. She is concerned at my mental state as she's never seen me so unwell. She says to just tell my husband I can't go-he can still go, but he'd be so mad at me. I'm just feeling alone & had hoped to have advice/changes by now. But I may try lower dosages of the stimulant because someone like me who is generally always anxious-what benefit for me is there in taking a stimulant. Anxious, down, lost & feeling it's all too overwhelming. Anyway to sum up I feel awful. Exhausted beyond words. So my dear friends I'm wondering how you all are & I carry you in my heart. Lve Mares x

No hope this week

JessF — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 01:01:26 GMT

Mary I'm so sorry to hear your public psych experience didn't go so well. I'm a bit worried that he didn't seem to grasp the seriousness of your situation... did I read this right, he said that you weren't suicidal so he referred you back to your private psych? But the whole reason you were referred to him in the first place was because you were suicidal? Did you talk about being admitted to hospital? You're probably too tired to answer these questions right now but I'm glad to hear you've been in touch with your mum. Is there any way she can help out for the time being? And god yes, please don't go to the wedding. I hope you can get some sleep and talk to us when you can.

No hope this week

Chris D — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 01:10:59 GMT

Hi Mary,
I was reading your post and for you to say your home is your safety net that tells me you feel safe there, you are right if you don't think your up to going to a wedding i would adrvice you not to go. You have to look after yourself, at least you can realise you feel safe on your home which is very good to hear.
I Believe in you Mary, i have Faith in you Mary i know you will make it.
It will be ok i'm here for you, if you need a helping hand i'll be there for you.
Kind Regards
Chris

No hope this week

Neil_1 — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 01:19:40 GMT

Oh Maresy

I am feeling so bad for you … and that’s not supposed to make you feel worse … it’s just that this rough phase that you’re in seems to be getting rougher.

What an arrogant little sh*t, that acute team psych was. I know you don’t feel up to it, but jerks like that in those kinds of roles should be reported.

I can so tell you’re in an awful place … this post shows that … you seem just worn out, exhausted, stressed to the max and yes, all of that and more. Is there any chance your mum could come and stay with you for a little while? Someone to give you support and care in your home?

Mares, it’s your husband’s friends wedding … so your husband can go. I’m sorry that’s all I can advise on that. I can’t offer anything about not making him mad, but if he does, then that’s his problem. It’s not yours. You’ve got your OWN welfare to have priority. This is the key.

Did you speak to another member of the Acute Team regarding that other psych? Is there another option/possibility of someone else coming to help you? Surely there’s got to be … this is very serious Mares.

And please please, don’t worry about any of us … we’re battling away, but you are the priority here.

My thoughts are with you

Neil

No hope this week

Mares73 — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 01:44:55 GMT

Neil r u still here 12.45pm??

No hope this week

Katy100 — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 02:07:28 GMT

Mary, I'm around if you want to talk ...

No hope this week

Neil_1 — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 02:44:50 GMT

Mares,

Katy and I are both here ...

What's up????

Neil

No hope this week

Chris_B — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 03:06:44 GMT

Hi Mares,

Please drop us a note on here and talk if you'd like to speak to other members, and if this is too much for you right now give our support service a call on 1300 22 4636.

It can be difficult on a forum like this when people aren't always logged in at the same time to get to chat to someone straightaway, so please give our support service a call if things are getting overwhelming for you. It sounds like you've been through a very stressful 24 hours and immediate help is available if you need it via the support service.

No hope this week

Neil_1 — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 07:29:56 GMT

Hey Maresy,

When you're able to, it'd be awesome to hear from you ... just a quick one to say "hi and i'm ok"; just something simple.

You've got a helluva lot of supporters and people who care so much for you Mary.

Please take care.

And please please, as Christopher has suggested, call the 1300 22 4636 number. I hope you may have done that already.

We're all thinking of you.

Neil

No hope this week

Jo3 — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 08:11:10 GMT

Hi Mares,

I just want to say that I am, as well as everyone else, are here for you. Anytime you want to come on and chat. Pls remember we care so much about you, you are in a bad place at the moment.

You need the support, love and advice.

Thinking of you and hope you will be okay tonight,

Jo xxx

No hope this week

Mares73 — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 22:57:33 GMT

Yes I'm an idiot. Yes I'm alive. Feel so stupid-I noticed that Neil was posting yesterday at same time as me & thought we could chat on here. Yes BB it's not fair of me when other members (ie Neil) himself are going through so much themselves-I did receive & read the email from BB. I guess I didn't think it through-I just saw he was online & is a friend & needed/wanted to chat to someone who understood and he was the only friend I have that was online at same time. I have good friends here it could of been any of them but it was him because I thought he was there & because we have a good connection. I feel so so embarrassed & stupid. I'm sorry Neil-I really am. I hope you are ok. I'm not great but I'm not going to do anything bad. Feel like I don't even deserve to be on here. Sorry to BB as well. It's almost impossible not to form connections with each other & I know other members who have a close rapport. But in this instance -I just feel rejected & stupid. I'll be ok. You all take care. Love mares x

No hope this week

Neil_1 — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 23:36:56 GMT

Mares,

Can I ask a favour? Can you get Beyond Blue to delete your last post. Why? Because you have gone over the top to beat yourself up. You've said things about yourself that aren't true. Or at the very least get yourself 3 things; a piece of paper, a pen and a shovel.

Write down these words on the piece of paper: "idiot" "stupid" "embarrassed" "bad" "rejected" and while we're at it, "sorry". Ok all written down ... now go outside and bury that piece of paper ... bury it deep ... because I don't want you (or anyone on this site) to use those words again - especially when they're referring to me... whoops, I mean themselves. Slight entering into a tiny bit of humour there, while doing a serious post.

Maresy, EVERYONE deserves to be here and be on Beyond Blue. Everyone here is looking out for one another ... and my only suggestion in times like that, is to throw open a 'baited post' to everyone ... can someone talk ... cause you know if I'm about I'll be jumping up straight away. But at the same time, there'll be so many others ... and yes, I know we've built a connection over the time, but we've done that through posting and getting to hear how each other is suffering, etc and that can be done with so many others as well ... and you do have so many others on this site who absolutely care for 1000%

Can I please ask though, what your plans are today?

Neil

No hope this week

geoff — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 23:53:17 GMT

dear Mares, Neil would totally understand what you are going through at the moment and the alliance between you both is a warm connection, and that's always good to have someone that you can connect with, because you know they will respond back to you.

These young inexperienced psych's, think that they have the answers to everything, know what to do and what to say, b*****t, they have a long way to go before anyone can honestly and sincerely trust them.

You can't finish the uni course and get a degree and believe that what you have learnt is the way to go, IT'S NOT by any standard, because every case is different, people have different issues and these are not text book material, so this fellow needs at least 20 years in the field, and even this might not mean he is any good either.

Mary do you remember awhile ago when you first posted about the wedding, I suggested that you tell your husband that you won't be able to go, and my belief is still the same.

Firstly by altering your medication hoping that it may get you through is not the way to go, because if you hit a bad patch then you will be fumbling around taking meds that you shouldn't be taking, and the possibility would seem like you are drunk, sorry.

I mean no harm in saying this, but you don't want to go, and in your best interests I don't believe you should, just an old man's opinion. L Geoff. x

No hope this week

Mares73 — Sat, 01 Feb 2014 00:03:06 GMT

Neil I don't know what I'm doing today. I'm in the "self hate" mode. I can't believe I'm 40 & until I was 34 or 35 i was such a high achiever. IPeople relied on me, I has big responsibilities. And I got confidence through that. But now I'm a diffrent person-isolated at home, no plans or direction (although I know I need to work on that) & no friendships as they were all work based. Now I'm isolated & my only contact is you guys on here & a pile of self help books on depression, mindfulness & ACT therapy. I've got the lot so if anyone wants info I could scan to BB maybe. Anyway -Neil I don't want to do anything or see anyone-I'm afraid the monsters are coming back. Mares x

No hope this week

Mares73 — Sat, 01 Feb 2014 00:13:35 GMT

Ps I should explain my personality type. I get close to people, especially those in need very quickly. I would give someone my last dollar. I'm very sensitive but I'd do anything for people. I'm very generous & giving & would help anyone. Well I've always been told that about myself. That my heart rules my head at times. So I hope you can understand my emotions & how easily I form bonds with people-which is so ironic given the types of abuse I've got through x

No hope this week

Neil_1 — Sat, 01 Feb 2014 00:21:16 GMT

Hi Mares,

You know I sense that about you ... but I sense that about so many people on this site.

In fact, it'd be a very interesting survey to do; something along the lines of: "Do people who suffer from mental illness have personalities where they would give their last dollar to someone in need or the shirt off their back if needed?"

I'm not trying to make it sound nasty to the rest of the population, but "Do depression sufferers exhibit more compassion, caring and sympathy in their demeanour than others?"

I'm glad I raised it here, because I feel I'd be shot down if I raised that amongst the general population.

Cheers

Neil

No hope this week

Mares73 — Sat, 01 Feb 2014 02:06:01 GMT

Dear Geoff thank you so much for your advice. You know I've actively been looking/waiting for the appropriate place to thank you in a similar way to how I responded to Neil. You have been with me all the way on this journey since I joinedBB & I always check for replies from you. Because like Neil-I feel you are such a huge part of my support system & your advice & support & wise words mean more than I can describe. You are a genuine friend who I feel connected to & who I admire so much. Ill never forget my fear & hesitation in joining this forum & you & Neil being the first people to welcome & reassure me & provide ongoing support during my difficult times. So I really hope you get to read this & know how much I value & care for you. I often wish I could sit down & have a chat with you. You are a big source of inspiration to me. Re the wedding I agreed to the drive down the coast & to stay at the hotel but I've made it very clear I won't be going to the wedding. I've brought my ipad so I can talk to you guys & some books. My husband has accepted that so ill have a quiet afternoon/evening in the hotel room reading & going on my ipad to talk on this forum. I'm glad it has worked out & we came to a resolution. I think he is realising how unwell I am. So ill close for now & be back probably online around 3pm. And Geoff-please remember this msg was written for you-to say thankyou for being the wonderful, wise, kind, supportive person you are-and in particular-being so special to me. Lve Mares xxx

No hope this week

Neil_1 — Sat, 01 Feb 2014 04:00:42 GMT

Hi Mares

Just a quick note to say that I'm so pleased that you're not attending the wedding. And it's good that hubby has accepted this.

Down the coast huh? Is it possible for you to have a wander along a beach while you're there? I guess it all depends on where you're staying but if you can get a chance to do that I reckon that'd be really nice.

It's good to hear that you've got your ipad and some books as well, to keep you occupied - treat it like a little mini holiday. 🙂

Cheers

Neil

No hope this week

geoff — Sat, 01 Feb 2014 14:33:13 GMT

dear Mares, here Neil and I jumping up and down and putting another shrimp on the bbie.

I too am so pleased that the both of you have come to an agreement because if you did go to the wedding itself then everyone would be asking you all sorts of questions those which are none of their business, but which would put you in an awkward position, and this then would make you feel worse. L Geoff. x

No hope this week

Jo3 — Sat, 01 Feb 2014 22:07:32 GMT

Hi Mares

I am glad to read that you didn't go to the wedding and that your husband realised that you are not in a good place at the moment.

Just take your time, take it easy and just do what you want to do.

I'm not much for words, sometimes really not knowing what to say to people for fear of being judged or laughed at,

I'm sorry Mares, I need to go now I am crying. Jusst wanted to say that i am thinking of you and hope you okay.

take care

Jo xxx