topic How or what do others do on bad days? in Depression

How or what do others do on bad days?

Katatonic — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 12:30:23 GMT

Hi,everyone,

Ok I'm new to all this but I also have an enquiring mind so that being said, what do others do to divert their brain from going sooo far down that its hard to climb back up?. I'm on quite a downer & nothing is helping. I cane to see if any others spend time talking to ppl like myself to help maybe with techniques on brain diversion from bad thoughts. I'm finding myself feeling alone & with no or little support, so if anyone wants to suggest what they have tried well that would be appreciated. Thanks for listening

How or what do others do on bad days?

Jacko777 — Fri, 05 Sep 2014 13:13:26 GMT

Hi Katatonic,

Hang in there mate, you will get advice, support and love here and lots of ideas that will help you to get out of this rough patch.

I find that being thankful for the good parts of my life reduces the impact of the challenging parts. I take time most days to be thankful for my family, friends, nature, my home and my job. It helps to bring some love back into my heart and diverts my attention from the challenging bits for a while. Meditation has helped me greatly to be able to keep focused on the good stuff.

Do you have friends or family you can talk to? Have you thought about seeing a therapist?

Try and conserve your emotional energy at this point, let go of things you cannot change or control. Instead, partake in the things that make you feel good.

Love to you.

How or what do others do on bad days?

Katatonic — Sat, 06 Sep 2014 15:38:33 GMT

Hi Jacko,

Thank you so much for your great reply. I always try to stay optimistic but recently I've found myself struggling. I've had therapists in the past but just never get too far in to treatment. That's my fault but if I think ppl are or have got too close to me I just close down. I know that many will think that statement in itself is me saying I don't want hell, it isn't its me protecting me. I will never forget some years ago asking a GP for a referral & he shrugged & told me I wasn't depressed it was just a state of mind. Well derr yep guess as its our brains tormenting us it was true. I have family & friends but they are too busy wanting help from me so I remain quiet. I have man major health problems but again if I was to try to talk about my fears they always go back to themselves. I always listen & or help them but with life threatening illness &more up coming surgery I really wonder if I should just say nothing & see.

How or what do others do on bad days?

Jacko777 — Sun, 07 Sep 2014 14:02:48 GMT

Hi Katatonic,

Well I send you love as you face these major health issues.

I read in a book once..'You cannot have fear and love in your heart at the same time.' Well I practiced that and it is true!! I lost some phobias and a fear of heights and the journey never ends. The challenge is to stay with love in my heart, by being thankful of being in the moment. Meditation is the brain training tool that improves ones ability to choose a thought. Keeping love in your heart is a great thing to practice, can't hurt I don't reckon!

In the past I have had to write down all the parts of my life and make sure I am working towards goals in each part. Just little actions each day towards my goals brings satisfaction and different outcomes. I practice keeping my attention on the positive parts of my life. I develop plans for the negative parts, make sure the plan is activated and then I refuse to let it take my attention any longer, okay, I practice refusing! It's all practice mate, it's what you do every day that makes the difference.

A quote I love...'all unhappiness is caused by a chord that is yet to sound or a chord that sounded long ago.' It is so true, we lose so much energy to something that we can let go of, or something that might not even happen!!

How or what do others do on bad days?

geoff — Sun, 07 Sep 2014 15:27:35 GMT

dear Katatonic, can I ask you about your surgery and the worry fro this is going to cause you to have these feelings, so I am concerned for you. Geoff.

How or what do others do on bad days?

Katatonic — Tue, 09 Sep 2014 16:29:05 GMT

Hi Jacko 777 & Geoff,

Thanks guys for taking time out to reply & comment especially today. I'm always bad on the 9th of Sept as its the date my sister died & my bday on the 14th as that's the date they buried her. I hate my bday & really wonder why I was born or why did she have to go yet I remain. I've had many surgeries over the years but 2011 saw me with a diabetic coma & subsequent acute renal failure putting me in ICU for 3 weeks & 4 month hospital stay. I then developed heart problems ending with triple bypass in 2012 only to find out recently that the grafts died so I'm back waiting for round 2 of more bypass surgery. Its the most scariest thing anyone can go through as well as the most painful. I really don't know if 1, I will survive it this time & 2 if its worth it. There's no guarantee in life for anything apart from the fact we will all die its just a matter of when. I keep having nightmares as I was very badly treated last time in hospital to the point I had no pain relief, I had my buzzer put out of my reach & was even smacked, yes smacked for taking oxygen mask off to try to get a drink. I had a visitor that witnessed that yet there was more but I figured it must have been my fault. My treating GP wonders why I just refuse to act on or take further steps to get ready for the surgery & honestly, well that's because I really don't know if I can do it again. I'm in the too hard basket & left feeling nobody cared that I was mis-treated last time so they won't care this time either & no use me reporting it as big hospitals ,ever lose.

How or what do others do on bad days?

geoff — Tue, 09 Sep 2014 23:47:40 GMT

dear Katatonic, hell, I know of a couple of people and one was my Dad who a 5 by pass surgery, and he was a GP, and also said that the pain was extremely painful, and any little cough just made it worse, as they have to pen your chest up, so I can totally feel so sorry for you to have to go through this again.

I can understand that the pain and then doubting whether you should go through it again, is worth the effort, as I have also have my doubts about having another hip operation which would make it no. 4, but this is No way as bad as what you have to decide and then go through.

It's an easy decision for those that have never been through this pain, but when you know what it will be like, it's a terrible thought.

Are you having the same surgeon and if so or not just mention to them the ordeal you were put through which was just absolutely humiliating because the pain was enormous and constant.

Yes, our time will come one day when we pass on, and when it does happen we don't want to go through a terrible long suffering one, and personally when it happens for me I know my 2 sons, twin and 2 grand-daughters would be distort, but if there was a chance of prolonging it, then they would be cross.

Excuse me but after so many posts I can't remember if you have family, but I know that I replied to you several times, so I'm very sorry to forget.

I do realise that it's such an enormous ordeal and decision to make and I'm sorry that you have to go through the pain again, as I can relate to half the pain which you will have after my hip operation, which 3 attempts were stuffed up, but your life to us and any family is vital to keep going. Geoff.

How or what do others do on bad days?

Katatonic — Wed, 10 Sep 2014 15:15:15 GMT

Hi Geoff,

firstly ty for your continued support & finally somebody,that I can not only relate to but also is empathetic to what's getting to me. Yes I have,3 daughters & 1 son, 14 grandchildren & a 1yr old great grandson. I'm doing well for only being 21yrs old lol. I have a husband, my second. We don't have any kids together. My first marriage was filled with hate & abuse on nearly a daily basis. The surgeons feel many of my prob started there but I stayed with him for 20yrs simply because I thought he was right. Anyway as for bypass, yes I'm afraid even like today, I found myself exhausted just walking into my daily Dr visit. Every day he notices in worse than the day before so I really feel if they leave me much longer then 1 of 2 things that's will happen those being I will die of heart failure,or 2 if I have the surgery it's going to take me much longer to heal & come back from it. Even after 2yrs if I cough I feel my sternum creaking & cracking & its still painful to touch. I just don't know what my best options are. I've also learnt today that yay if lucky me lives through that then I will be on dialysis for rest of my life as they are down to only 18%. Once it hits 15% there's no turning back so you see why I wonder if its going to be worthwhile

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How or what do others do on bad days?

Jacko777 — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 00:55:55 GMT

Hi Katatonic,

You have had some very challenging times Kat and you have had to let go of things from your past. I keep refering to your original post, about diverting your focus and I hope you can find the time and energy each day to be thankful for the thing that means the most to you, your family. Be thankful that right now, you ARE alive, you have a great grandson, grandchildren, WOW! Cherish what you have right now.(I admit I can hardly imagine the challenges you are facing, but I do have ideas that might help you to focus your mind.)

Your birthday is soon...your sister would want you to be happy, she would not want you to grieve over her any longer. This will take practice, if you can witness yourself feeling sad switch to feeling love, send LOVE to your sister, not grief. On the day I will send you both love too.

How or what do others do on bad days?

white knight — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 07:55:49 GMT

Hi Kat,

Just to let you know your thread is not in vain. Many many people read thread such as this one and learn from it.

Dates. I take no notice of them but we are all different. I decided long ago that recalling dates eg when dad died, my brother died etc is more often than not non productive. Dates are after all, a position every year where the earth is to the sun. It is a man made record of that, nothing more. After all why recall dates of sad events when all they do is bring you down? And others are right, you're loved ones would want you to be happy in their memory.

I just loved jacko777's last post. It is how we feel here. Feel free to talk and if desired post more threads. We are listening.

How or what do others do on bad days?

Katatonic — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 16:07:26 GMT

Hi guys,

Once again many thanks to all those people that have read & or commented because it's truly appreciated & I try taking onboard suggestions or positive feedback etc so I'm kind of being a big super size sponge that's going to soak all the good things that life can give me. I do feel & have for a very long time, a mental image of my sister dieing while I held her hand. It broke my heart & undoubtedly is THE HARDEST thing I've ever had to do & the same when my mum died 7yrs ago. After reading the last few posts I now turn the "not positive" image into the other side of the coin so to speak, of knowing that neither of them died alone so in just a few hrs I've planted that seed in to replace the old 1. I will practice this as long as it takes for me to understand there are sooo many things in this world that can't be changed. Both my sister,dad & mums graves are quite a few hours away so rather than getting so down & upset that I can't visit more, I've decided I don't need to be huddled crying over a cold hard stone but tomorrow I will buy 3 rose trees ( all 3 loved roses ) & plant in my garden. I will tend those roses & encourage them to be strong healthy plants just as much as the knowledge that they are really not far from me at all but that they now reside in my heart. I know it will take time but its a start. I'm just so over feeling. I wish that we were all made with on off emotion switches, I'm so tired of having to spend at least,1hr a day at the Dr surgery getting needles daily. I'm sore, I'm in pain & just tired of Drs telling me how much worse I'm looking each day. I'm just worn down guys or maybe I'm just a sook & should be quiet.

How or what do others do on bad days?

Jacko777 — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 22:23:23 GMT

Terrific idea with the rose trees Kat, just terrific. I can imagine you would be worn down, little things each day will change that direction to upwards.

How or what do others do on bad days?

Doolhof — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 22:29:54 GMT

Dear Kat,

Hi. I have just been reading this thread and I am thinking to myself what an amazing, powerful, strong woman you are! So many people in your situation would probably have curled up and died years ago, if not in the actual sense, then with in themselves, and would have given up trying to keep going!

I applaud you for your attitude and wanting to be positive despite all you have been through and all you still need to endure. You deserve a medal for courage and tenacity! Well done to you! You have encouraged me immensely through your desire to keep going.

I love the idea of the roses, I have planted roses too in our garden in memory of dear departed loved ones. When it was my deceased son's 21st birthday, I bought a cake, matches and candles, went to a lovely park and lit the candles for him. It was my way of celebrating his special day.

As mentioned by others in these posts, we can make special days significantly depressive or we can celebrate them and remember the best of the people relating to those days. Or not even remember the sad dates like funerals and deaths, but just celebrate the person's life and memory all through the year.

Regarding the hospital experience, that really is shocking. Can you contact the hospital social worker, a minister of religion who visits, or anyone who ever they have as an advocate for the patient next time you are in the hospital? Speaking to the Dr performing the operation is a good place to start as well regarding ensuring you receive the care you need. Please make sure there is someone there to help and support you. If your own requests are not being followed up, ask a friend or a relative to keep at the staff until support comes your way.

My sister is a good one for making sure the Dr does not leave the bed side until all of the questions have been asked and answered to the fullest. Do you have someone like that who can be your advocate in the hospital?

Wishing you all the very best, and thinking you are so worthy of all the help and advise you can receive!

Sending you much care, compassion, encouragement and a will to continue on, from Dools

How or what do others do on bad days?

geoff — Thu, 11 Sep 2014 23:17:58 GMT

dear Katatonic, I also loved the warmth from these replies back to you, and it's so reassuring that there love for you here.

Although I loved my Mum and Dad so much I haven't been down to their grave site which is at the Necropolis in Melbourne, personally I wouldn't think that it would make me feel closer to them than how I feel now, whereas others feel differently.

Your idea of planting the rose bushes could be no better, because you will see them everyday, and even when winter comes wouldn't make much difference, because the enjoyment of when they begin to sprout is truth that they are alive in nature.

When you were first married must have been about the same age as I was, but we had so much to learn, but I'm sure that it had put so much strain on you, and could have quite easily been detrimental to your health.

I can understand the decision that you will have to make, seems to you to be a no-win situation either way, but then you have such a large family base who would adore you, just like you adore them, but the effort to cuddle any of them would be impossible because of your damaged sternum, but it must be something that you want for so much, to be able squeeze your grand kids, enjoy their funny little laughs and the jokes that they may have, as well as for yourself to have a decent laugh.

I can't empathise any more than the recovery time maybe lengthy and the pain will be there, there's no mistaking this, however in the long run you will able to run up to your grand kids and give them the squeeze that you long desire for.

Your doctors desperately want you to have the operation, and as much as you don't look forward to it.

I don't want to have another hip operation which is no where as serious as yours, but I know that I would be better off, and this would enable me to have run with my 2 beautiful grand daughters.

I know it's a difficult decision for you, but the long term benefits far outweigh the negatives, but please reply back to us. L Geoff. x

How or what do others do on bad days?

Katatonic — Sat, 13 Sep 2014 15:12:14 GMT

Hi guys & again what great replies you all take fo reply. I rely feel like it's Christmas or I've finally hit the jackpot with your support. I have planted my 3 roses & finally I feel like my heart is starting to fill with love but also its like I'm standing taller knowing I've accomplished a positive action rather than a negative. I also took a further step on a incident that I should have addressed years ago & booked in to see about counseling.

unfortunately many yrs ago my 3 daughters were all sexually a abused & whilst I got them all through the counseling I chose not to myself. Its got so bad it actually feels like I'm in physical pain & I've blocked so much I can't remember days, times etc of when it all happened so I guess another positive step.

As for my heart & kidneys well I guess how I survive it or am treated only time will tell. I have so much wrong atm I really have to stop thinking because its only making me worse

How or what do others do on bad days?

Jacko777 — Sun, 14 Sep 2014 00:33:32 GMT

Happy Birthday Kat. xxx

I am so glad you heart is starting to fill with love, give love to those roses, as Geoff said, the spirit of your loved ones is in Nature,, if you give love to Nature you are giving love to them. Having love in your heart can only help your medical challenges.

Some times we don't need to re live things to fix them, we can fill our lives with love, make that the new norm.

By choosing happiness over sadness you honor your lost loved ones, that is what they would want for you. Love to you all.