topic I Just want to run away but there is nowhere in Depression

I Just want to run away but there is nowhere

Lou — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 04:17:04 GMT

I am so tired, so sad, so fed up. I just want to go away. I want to find a retreat where I can talk to someone who can help. I am feeling so unloved and cared for. I can't keep this up. I have pulled back from all my friends and have no-one. No one wants to know about it any more. It is not my fault I am soooo down. You have no idea how close I have come to not being here.

I am so stuck I don't know what to do. My doctor has been changing my meds and I am seeing a physc tomorrow. I know everyone will say hang in there. Give the meds a chance but I am over it. I have been suffering depression for 40 years now and I am sick of being sick. Sick of no-one understanding. Here we go again and again and again. I don't want to be like this and there is nowhere to go. I need 24/7 at the moment. Physc ward doesn't want me. I'm sad not mad. Why isn't there somewhere we can go and stay and get help without it being a physc ward. That's not the right place when you are down. I don't know where to go from here.

I Just want to run away but there is nowhere

AGrace — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 05:06:23 GMT

Hi Lou,

Firstly I just wanted to say I hear your pain and frustration. Long term suffering can often cause us to feel like there's never a way out, it's all we know, and nothing's ever going to work. There is a plus to long term suffering, we eventually discover what isn't helpful, and what can have the potential to be helpful.

Seeing your Psych tomorrow is a really good idea. Have you been under Psychiatric care in the past? Changing meds can have side effects. I know you mentioned the Psych ward didn't want you, sometimes going into hospital or a private clinic when you are swapping meds can be helpful. Speak to your Psychiatrist about this. May I ask what makes you say it's not the right place when you are down?

Trust me I have every idea about how close you've probably come to ending it all, I've been there myself, and sadly attempted too many times. I have learnt though that it's not an option. Depression often makes you feel like it's taking over your entire life, but it's really only a part of you, it's not you. If you feel like you need the safety of 24/7 monitoring then perhaps hospital is the best option. (If you're having suicidal thoughts please call Beyondblue, Lifeline, or 000)

It can be really tough when we have no one to rely on. You are welcome to come here as often as you need, to vent, ask questions, get a vrtual hug, or some extra support. You may also like to consider using Beyondblue's phone line even if just to get you through today.

You're right most people do say hang in there, because sometimes that's all our job is, it's too difficult to do much else. What sorts of things have you achieved today? Have you done anything pleasurable for yourself today? Have you practiced meditation or mindfulness today? Have you been able to sit in your yard, or go for a very small stroll? Have you had enough food today? These are probably all things you have heard before, but that's because they're all very important, and sometimes it can be helpful to write the answers down, celebrate what you have achieved and tend to what you haven't. Baby steps, and be gentle with yourself.

I'm only 34, so I haven't suffered for 40 years, it's only been 20, but I truly know your thoughts and feelings, and I would love for you to get through this short period until you see your therapist tomorrow.

I hope you will get back to us, today if you can so we know you're alright, otherwise tomorrow. Take care, I'm enclosing lots of virtual hugs:)

AGrace

I Just want to run away but there is nowhere

AGrace — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 05:09:00 GMT

Forgot to mention, believe it or not there are actually retreats for mental illness. Not sure how useful they are? But it might be something to look forward to?

I Just want to run away but there is nowhere

AGrace — Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:35:20 GMT

Hi Anon,

I feel for you, it sounds like life in general hasn't been the easiest for you. Sadly mental illness tends to be a long term battle. I guess in a way we're like soldiers, we have two choices To Fight, or To Surrender. Often one can feel easier than the other. I was a little horrified by your comment regarding contacting a helpline by phone or internet. Has this actually happened to you? It is my understanding that involuntary admission to hospital only occurs if you are a danger to yourself or others. Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm not sure that these days you are actually locked up. I've been in hospital numerous times and I never felt like I was in a padded cell. I'd like to hear more about your experience, as I can understand it's made you fearful of seeking support.

AGrace

I Just want to run away but there is nowhere

geoff — Thu, 24 Jul 2014 15:54:35 GMT

dear Lou, I really appreciate your time in posting to us, because it's been such a long time of agony for you, 40 years is far too long with little or no result.

When people say 'hang in there' it's an easy way to opt out of trying to help you, because it's never that easy to do so.

I am almost 60 myself and when people used to say that to me, I would say 'what can I do' and their response was 'I don't know'.

Over this 40 year period a great deal has happened to you so I hope that you will get back to us. Geoff.

I Just want to run away but there is nowhere

AGrace — Sat, 26 Jul 2014 10:56:47 GMT

Hi Anon,

Thank you. I appreciate your likening of spirituality, I think in a way mental illness does make us look deep inside ourselves, especially to find the ammunition to keep fighting when we can't even recall what we are fighting for.

I don't want to preach to the already converted, but I do want to share a quote with you that I strongly believe in.

"Your greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to try just one more time." Thomas A Edison