topic Re: Feelings of shame in Depression

Feelings of shame

thoughtscollide — Sat, 10 Oct 2026 05:55:16 GMT

Hey everyone. My name is Catherine. I am 47 years old. I don't really know where to start to be honest. I recall this site being helpful in the past, so here I am.

I am really struggling with everything at present. Everything seems like an effort.

Recently, I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. I have never had any major health issues relating to physical health, so it has been a lot. I am currently on medication for this, and have had my first treatment for it 2 weeks ago. I also had a Crohn's related operation also within this time frame.

I thought I was managing okay, however, I did book in to see my psych anyway to chat with her about this. I am due to see her in less than 2 weeks.

I am currently on anti depressants. Have been taking these for about 5 years.

There has been some work stressors also.

Lately, I am feeling feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, sadness, shame, and crying a fair bit. I feel like a crappy person.

I don't really have anyone to talk to about how I am feeling, no real close friends as such.

The friends I do have, I don't want to burden them with my stuff because I know they have stuff going on too. I know they probably wouldn't mind but there's things I just don't feel comfortable talking to them about.

I know that I have people that care about me, and love me, and I am grateful for them.

I just feel empty at the moment.

I want to taper off the anti-depressant medication because I feel that they are no longer helping me. I have spoken to my GP about this in the last few days. He was not sure about what to do, or how to go about it, so he was going to consult with someone regarding this, maybe a psychiatrist?

I am due to go back to see him next week.

The crohn's in itself can you make you feel low energy, plus I also have low iron. Anti-depressant medications tend to make me feel sluggish.

I feel like I am doing the best I can at the moment, is there something else I should be doing? I also weight train and walk 50-60 mins/day but even that is an effort when it never used to be.

I know there is no quick fix for this. I have been here many times before!

I have tapered off an awfully high dose of another anti-depressant medication previously, under the supervision of my GP at the time. I was definitely in a different head space back then, and it was pretty rough.

I am hoping it might be less rough this time, as I have a lot of positives in my life.

And that's the thing, I have a pretty good life - I work, I am studying, I have great family, I have a few friends, I exercise. I know none of that doesn't matter but I am trying to remember the positives.

But, some days are harder than others.

Thanks for reading. I am not sure what I need right now. I hope what I have written makes sense.

Re: Feelings of shame

therising — Sat, 10 Oct 2026 11:24:54 GMT

Hi Catherine

My heart goes out to you so much as you face so many challenges while struggling to see the way forward.

It can definitely be a struggle times, feeling grateful for as much as possible while facing a seriously depressing lack of energy. If 'life' is the feeling of plenty of energy running through us, I think we can feel elements of gratitude yet still struggle to feel life at the same time.

As a 56yo gal, I've reached a point in my life where I've found it pays to wonder. You could say I've come full circle, back to having the wonder of a child. Actually, maybe not full circle but close, as I've still got a little way to go 'til I'm seriously wonderful (jam packed full wonder)😁. A part of developing a sense of wonder can involve being careful what we enter into an online search engine. You could wonder and enter 'Cure for Crohn's disease' for example and find everything that adds up to 'There is no cure', which can feel depressing. I prefer to wonder 'Who cured themself of...'. Being an open minded person, I'm willing to take 'remission' or 'no longer showing signs of...' as a win. Then I'll research the person or people who no longer show signs and how they managed to get to that point. It's always fascinating. With Crohn's Disease one of a number of names that popped up is 'Joe Figliano'. Of course, what works for one person may not work for everyone, for one reason or another. Whether there are genetic factors in play that can get in the way of the results we want or a certain amount of damage has already been done, still it pays to wonder 'How can I manage to switch gene expression on or off (epigenetics)' or 'How can I manage to stop further damage being done?'.

Based on some decades of personally managing and better understanding the impact of a variety of depressing factors in life, I've found that being led to wonder about the things that are potentially exciting, inspiring, uplifting, outside the square etc can involve feeling an element or spark of life which can sometimes be enough to create a sense of drive. If we refuse to settle for 'It can't be done', 'There is no cure', 'Just accept your lot' and so on, something happens. We don't settle on the depressing level we're at, instead we go next level. I know, hard to go next level when it takes a certain amount of energy we just can't feel. I'm a realist 😊. Sometimes it's about having those people in our life who lead us to feel a spark, as opposed to relying on those who lead us to feel more of what's depressing. You might find amongst your friends and family, who are facing their own challenges, who feels that spark they need while helping raise you. If you know someone like that, it may pay to have a chat with them about how you're feeling or not feeling life right now.

I've found it also pays to take into consideration the specialists we come across, who specialise in treating something they've been led to believe there is no cure for. Wish I'd been told in the beginning (when I was much younger) 'You have the ability to feel what's depressing', instead of having been told 'You're someone who's prone to depression, possibly for life'. Much rather see it as an ability to be better understood and mastered, rather than a life long curse. Far less depressing. ❤️

Re: Feelings of shame

mmMekitty — Sat, 10 Oct 2026 13:25:28 GMT

Hello Catherine,

Having Croan's Disease is a serious thing, & I'm not surprised you are struggling with your feelings about it, your physical feelings as well as your emotional feelings, I mean. It's tough, no doubt about that.

I wondered if the 'psych' you are seeing soon is a psychologist or psychiatrist. I'm surmising she is a psychologist. She could have useful information about what you can do to help yourself with the low feelings you've had of late, & maybe even, she might advise you about what tapering off your antidepressants could mean for you.

I stopped my anti antidepressant meds, also because I felt they were doing nothing for me. I had the assistance of my psychiatrist, who does have the education sufficient to help me do so safely. That's important, especially for people who have been on their antidepressant meds for a long time or at high doses. the tapering has to be done carefully. Even so, I had some 'withdrawal' symptoms. I was told what I might expect, which was very helpful. I also was informed that if the symptoms were intolerable, than to seek help. I think that would have meant I would raise the dose a little again & go even slower with the tapering. For me, it was months.

If your psych or GP can help, well & good, but maybe getting a referal to someone more qualified would be more helpful. It would be difficult to go off & see someone else who does not know you & your history, with the hope of beginning to taper off yourmeds immediately. By all means, talk to your GP & psych about this & your feelings, all the physical, mental & emotional.

& ihaving those people around you, getting the exercise in as you are able, aintaining your social connections, including wor, family & friends - it's all wonderful & important. Maybe a few people, you could talk to, if only to let them know you may need help sometimes. If you can tell them what sort of help you might need, that would be great. Sometimes when people see someone in need, but maybe they don't know how to approach them, it helps if they already have had a conversation or two about what's going on & how they could help. People who care about you (usually) want to help.

I hope that makes sense.

Hugzies,

mmMekitty