topic Re: Struggling with life in Depression

Struggling with life

Struggling — Tue, 22 Sep 2026 13:24:39 GMT

Tired of feeling not supported by my peers and community. Working in environments that just suck the life out of you is draining. Some of the worst working toxic environments that provide the most important services. Poor inhouse counseling services and when the help needs help you know things are going to collapse. Im done with being the one feeling like I have to save everyone.

Re: Struggling with life

white knight — Wed, 23 Sep 2026 04:43:17 GMT

Hi, welcome

My therapist asked me once in 1988 "Tony, when are you going to stop saving the world"? Well near 40 years later I'm still trying to save it. Which I think- means its part of my nature and likely yours also.

So in 40 years what have I changed that makes life easier? Several things really. Firstly I want to mention that in my 20's (I'm 70yo) I left society on my motorcycle 5 times with the clear intention of abandoning the bike in the mountains and never returning to society. Even without a plan, be a hobo, a thief, a hunter??? Then I'd last a few days and return. Upon my last return I saw a cute cottage alone on a hill. I thought "Why not try to find a middle road, take out of society what I need eg employment, food, medical.. and live away from others. And frankly thats what I did. The next thing was to find employment as a one man business person and work my way up so that those that issued work to me were desperate to get me to do that work so I had the power not them. I did that also and it worked, they were very polite after many times clashing with me on how they treated me.

Support from friends, the "community" and even family members can be rare especially with mental health issues. After all how can they support us when they cant see the illness? Yet, if your leg was in plaster you'd get total support. This is how it is and besides, people have less empathy nowadays. Thats where your empathy (as with mine) is excessive and we pay a price for that amazing quality. I'm here as a community champion for that precise reason, to channel my kindness to others with offering lived experience that is immensely fulfilling.

So you might need a career change, an employer change plus a readjustment of having expectations on others to support you. The latter is here, this forum, we can support you when you need it after all "birds of a feather flock together".

I hope that helps.

They just wont understand, why? - Beyond Blue Forums - 172737

TonyWK

Re: Struggling with life

RisingPhoenix84 — Wed, 23 Sep 2026 05:25:41 GMT

Hey there,

It is hard to be the strong one when you feel like you are drowning and need support. In moments like this it is important to practice some self-care and step back from other people's expectations, demands and requests. I do not know your situation, but it sounds like it is time to start using some boundaries and gently communicating what you can and cannot do. Truth is we cannot save others, we can guide them, be there for them within our own capacity, but ultimately, they need to do the work. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves what is within our control and what is theirs. It is time to pour some of that energy back into you so you can fill your own cup and feel energised. This could be prioritizing the basics eating well, sleep, daily movement, spending time with loved ones - people that light you up! Hobbies, pets, getting out in nature, maybe even some retail therapy if you enjoy it. Do something for you. It is easy to get swamped by other people's stuff, trust me the list is never ending, take some time out for you. It is okay, it does not mean you care any less, but we cannot pour from an empty cup. If you are experiencing burn out or compassion fatigue it is understandable considering the overwhelm you may be feeling. I don't know which industry you work in however even those in medical and therapeutic spaces also need to practice self-care and maintaining their own wellbeing and taking a step back when they recognise those signs within themselves. I hope this gentle post helps, make yourself a cuppa, take a few deep breaths, you know yourself best and what you need. 🙂

Re: Struggling with life

Guest_10565 — Wed, 23 Sep 2026 10:50:21 GMT

Do you have a HR person! You need a good solid rock my friend for when the waves get rough

Best of luck hope to hear back,

Don't always need to be the strong

Re: Struggling with life

therising — Wed, 23 Sep 2026 19:50:31 GMT

The warmest of welcomes to you at such an intensely challenging time in your life.

My hat goes off to anyone who works in an environment that leads the majority of the population to say 'I could never do that job, it would just be too stressful and/or depressing'. Unless there's the right kind of support, these are the jobs that are filled with those who can experience burnout due to the exhausting, stressful and depressing nature of the job. Without the right support, such industries can often have a high turnover of staff. There can also be a history that reflects people fighting for more support or protesting over a lack of support and a lack of the funding that comes with support.

When certain industries rely on employing those who care, it can be a double edged sword kind of scenario. Caring people are typically more feeling people. They won't just feel the need to care, feel the need for compassion, feel the need for a more open and accepting mind etc, they'll also be able to feel injustice, a lack of support, exhaustion, what's stressful, what's depressing, what's enraging and so on. To feel so much and so often can definitely take not just a mental and emotional toll but also a physical toll, on the nervous system especially. Some industries/members of management do not care about the dis-ease their employees can experience on so many levels.

My way of thinking has become 'If you ever want to know whether a system is broken and just how broken it is, ask someone who's a part of that system. They'll be able to tell you, based on how they're feeling aspects of it'. The questions can become 'If I have a choice, do I want to remain a part of the system or find an alternative?', 'Do I want to fight to change it?', 'Would I prefer to work in a public version of it, compared to a private version (where it's all about profit)?' etc. Then you've got people who through having no choice decide 'How am I going to work the system, in my favour (if that's possible)?'.

One of the most important questions to ask in life at times is 'Who cares for the carer?'. While the answer can be saddening in a way (if it's 'No one'), based on my own experience I like to feel such an answer as enraging. I know that sounds a little strange but through a sense of rage there is a sense of drive to be found. With that sense of drive, demands are made. As a gal who's felt the difference between a collapse into self pity or self compassion and a rage fuelled level of drive, the drive's more productive in the long run. It's just the rage that needs to be managed, sometimes with a little help from our inner sage (which can sound a little like 'Calm down. Don't burn that bridge, you may need it. Vent. Breathe it out, don't yell it out with expletives😁'). Could it be time to start making demands of people not just inside of your job but outside of it too? Do certain people in your life need to start stepping up more and caring more for the carer? While the most conscious person can often be the most caring person, is it time for others to start becoming more conscious?

Re: Struggling with life

Struggling — Thu, 24 Sep 2026 07:09:37 GMT

Good afternoon TonyWK

Thank you and i appreciate you reading my post and replying. I had second thoughts about posting on here now i am thankful that i have. Your words and experience mean alot to me and it does help. I did just change careers from telecommunications to electrical engineering now i work globally i see a lot. I'm not blinded by the polarized world - "people have less empathy nowadays" is correct. I am seriously concerned about some of these places i step foot into. Where are the regulators....when the help needs help but the help cant help because they are drinking on the job - what happens then? let nature take its course.....

Re: Struggling with life

Struggling — Thu, 24 Sep 2026 07:15:35 GMT

Thank you i really appreciate you taking the time to write to me. I have taken onboard the advise you have given - Thank you 😊 compassion fatigue is real.

Re: Struggling with life

Struggling — Thu, 24 Sep 2026 07:20:12 GMT

Sorry HR is a no / go - and are sleeping at the wheel. The EAP program is terrible also and it took 6 weeks for someone to call just to say they couldn't fit me in and she was so rude. After bringing that issue up they just stare at you like a cardboard cutout. Thank you and i am definitely done with being strong....

Re: Struggling with life

Struggling — Thu, 24 Sep 2026 07:34:16 GMT

A lot of what you said resonated with me, particularly the question, “Who cares for the carer? and the carer can be a multitude of things - this is why having a strong supportive healthy network is so important - i did not have this growing up and left my country at 19 - learning about childhood trauma CPTSD in my late 30's don't yell it out with expletives was an old identity i am proud to have left behind. When i started making demands of those whom thought would support me. It turned sour quick....and so we keep rising.

Thank you ever so much for your reply 🙏