topic Re: Life right now in Depression

Life right now

Guest_98861745 — Wed, 02 Sep 2026 06:36:35 GMT

Hello all,

I’ve been travelling a challenging road the past 5 months. Childhood truamas, understanding who I am and why I act in certain ways. I’m just finding it’s getting harder and harder to keep picking myself up after making a wrong choice and going back into old ways. This process I have had to isolate myself from family and friends because I need to put all my time and effort it to working on myself but whenever I get in contact with a family member or friend I feel like I’m doing something wrong but working on myself and if only I could fully describe the journey I’m on so they can get a better understanding. I need to build on having tools to help me pull up from continue the self sabotage spiral. I self sabotage by drink alcohol and taking party drugs. I just wish I could go on a holiday and relax but then the other side of me is saying to much relaxation time isn’t good for your head space. Challenges

Re: Life right now

white knight — Thu, 03 Sep 2026 06:31:11 GMT

Hi, welcome

It can all be confusing this business of "working on ourselves". What I see more problematic it to absorb yourself into that process so much that your daily life and relationships are interrupted and thats counter productive.

You can buy a car say a Holden, modify it, paint it etc but it will always be a Holden. Such is our personality so we are better off seeking subtle changes for good sound improvement but acceptance of our character warts and all is just as important and in the long run more important.

So, acceptance. Several elements to that process-

Self praise. https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999
Not talking a lot about any illness or hang ups to friends and family. It's why this forum exists. https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/they-just-wont-understand-why/td-p/172737
Motivation. Attend motivation lectures. Use youtube https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/meditation-words-of-wisdom-it-helped-me-for-25-years/td-p/89818/page/2
General acceptance levels. Study people, you'll find they have just as many flaws, some hidden some not. Just as many reasons to have low self esteem.
Aim in the future to seek professional help. I did at 54yo and that psychiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar but also with dysthymia brought about by a childhood trauma of my older brother having a fit under water and nearly drowned. I didnt speak for 3 month, not one word, I walked about at school tears falling down my face every day. Once I was diagnosed and the correct medication, I was a much happier person. That was 16 years ago.

The most important thing is to get your "working on yourself" into perspective with your life. It shouldnt dominate it, but be a gradual form of interest so that you actually end up enjoying the revelations that come about.

"Once we arrive at a mental state whereby we make mature and wise choices the drug of life itself trumps all others. That addiction isnt one people try to stop, it's one that many people never find...." (TonyWK) Google- Youtube Prem Rawat Maharaji sunset.

TonyWK

Re: Life right now

therising — Thu, 03 Sep 2026 15:17:16 GMT

The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life where you've been questioning so much, including how to make the kinds of changes you really want to make.

As a 56yo gal, I've found over the years that greater self understanding and self development can hold a 'theory and practice' kind of experience. In theory, something should work but as a practice it's may not work or work under all circumstances. We can be so hard on ourself at times, when going through such a trial and error process. I think it's important to be willing to easily scrap certain theories. I suppose you could see 'going back to old ways' as going back to the drawing board. 'Okay, l'll work on the next theory and see if I can put that into practice' or 'I'll take my theory and add to it (reform it), in order for it to actually work'.

Some theories can be incomplete. For example

'With a greater level of self understanding, I should be able to manage my emotions'. Add to that '...unless I experience emotional overwhelm or unless I experience a whole new emotion I'm unfamiliar with'
'If I spend most of my time being surrounded by people, this should be good for my mental health and soulful wellbeing'. Add to that '...unless I'm facing a time where I really need to do a deep dive on my own, in quite solitude and reflection, before returning or turning again to others'
'I should be able to develop this particular practice on my own'. Add to that '...unless it's a practice that requires me to have someone with me, providing me with the drive and inspiration I need'

As an ex emotional drinker yet a current emotional eater, I can relate to that 'fall back' practice and the level of frustration that can come with it. 'This thing which can make life easier in some ways will help me feel far less challenging emotions. I'll feel the high I need, the relief I want to feel, the sense of peace I'm after, the confidence I crave' etc etc. It's amazing how many ex emotional drinkers say the same thing (myself included), 'I never had to develop skills or tools for managing emotional challenges while the alcohol helped me manage'. Social challenges, drink. Depressing relationship challenges, drink. Low self esteem or a highly challenging lack of confidence, drink. When we stop drinking, those challenges are still there. They never left. We've just been drowning them out or taking the edge off what can feel sharp or painful. Certain challenges can definitely feel sharp and absolutely feel painful. Like every great apprentice in life, we gain the skills, abilities and tools to help naturally take the edge off. Consider a wood working apprentice, for example, who can begin a masterpiece with a splintered and sharp edged block of wood. I believe it's the master we learn from who can make an enormous difference. In life, we can be the master's apprentice who hasn't yet found their master and this is sometimes why we can struggle to learn the craft of life. We've been trying to learn so much largely on our own and for so long. We have got to give ourself credit for that.