topic Re: Breakup in Depression

Breakup

Plzwhy — Sun, 14 Jun 2026 00:19:56 GMT

Hello, currently going through a breakup after 19yrs and 3 kids. Its been the hardest time of my life. Any advice or help trying to get through this would be appreciated. Currently just a mess & not in a great place. Im trying my hardest to stay strong for the kids but much easier said than. Just struggling

Re: Breakup

white knight — Sun, 14 Jun 2026 01:16:13 GMT

Hi, welcome

I've been there, 2 young daughters at the time 7 and 4yo, now 36 and 34yo. Their mother I allowed custody and I saw my kids every second weekend and some holidays.

So initially my grief was mainly losing my full time parenthood as the marriage was gone. I knew my self esteem was really low so began to tell myself out loud each morning that I was a good person and deserved love and to give love. That ended up working after several weeks. That grief remained for 8 weeks then my second lesson worked...I found a new direction, land purchase and clearing it then building my own home on my own. I learned that distraction was a major tool in order to not dwell on the past. The third realisation was the be thankful one isnt in a worse position eg poor health, no roof over our heads etc even though the first 12 months I lived in an old 11ft caravan dripping wet inside due to condensation.

But the best wisdom I ever got was from an older man in that caravan park "you have to look to the future, it will get better and you'll look back and feel proud you achieved raising your children well". He then said "Are you friends with their mother"?

Well no, their mother held strong feelings of rejection and held that grudge until the kids were adults and I decided to cut all contact because of it. Thats sad because a friendly relationship would have meant a more secure environment for our children.

Finally see your GP and ask around for services like counselling to build up some support and company especially people that are in a similar situation.

Below are some links that you'll find interesting you only need to read the first page. And reply anytime many chats are ongoing. Are you ok?

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/relationship-split/td-p/359242

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/worry-worry-worry-part-2/td-p/484665

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/only-the-strongest-survive-make-it-you/td-p/180746

"Being remembered as a relationship survivor is one of the greatest achievements in life. Your children will admire that one day.." (TonyWK)

TonyWK

Re: Breakup

Plzwhy — Sun, 14 Jun 2026 06:03:19 GMT

Thank you very much. The first few days were hard but im slowly getting there. Appreciate your words.

Re: Breakup

slowlyfalling — Sun, 14 Jun 2026 06:29:19 GMT

Hi PlzWhy,

Im currently experiencing the same thing with my wife of 20 years. I get how much it hurts to act strong for your children and I reckon they appreciate you and everything you do them mych more than you realise. If you were willing to share - how old are your children?

Re: Breakup

Plzwhy — Sun, 14 Jun 2026 11:11:17 GMT

The kids are 17yo m, 15yo g, 4yo m. Thanks Im definitely trying my hardest.

Re: Breakup

white knight — Mon, 15 Jun 2026 02:31:28 GMT

Mine were 7 and 4yo when we split. I grieved for my loss of my fulltime fatherhood. Then at 12yo my eldest came to live with me and never left until uni.

Trying hard Plzwhy might not be the answer, more to accept that life is gull of these ups and downs. Parent passing on, getting the sack at work, financial struggles and dealing with Govt departments are examples of struggling.

Even doing our best and life still throws a curve ball...

But it sounds like you are managing well so all the power to you.

TonyWK