topic Re: Money Matters in Depression

Money Matters

Guest_43538314 — Sun, 26 Apr 2026 05:04:31 GMT

Hi. I am depressed about money as i feel let down by my husband. My husband and I both work. I work fulltime and he has his own business. Most of the daily life, school and sports costs fall on me. My husband is very tight with money and I end up paying for all of the food, electricity, health insurance, sports registrations, sports uniforms, school uniforms, birthdays, Christmas, etc. He contributes nothing financially to these things. If I ask him he says that I buy too much and people do not want presents or complains about the cost of sport. I do not know how much he earns and he knows how much I earn. He puts all of his money into investments for our future but for 15 years I have seen none of these benefit us. I am in my late forties and I want a house for space and stability for our family but he does not want to. I have sacrificed for the past 15vyears a d I am over it. I feel he is just stringing me along.

Re: Money Matters

Summer Rose — Sun, 26 Apr 2026 07:49:50 GMT

Hello and welcome to the forum

I can certainly understand why money issues are getting you down, as your wage goes entirely to fund life for the family and yet you have no visibility on your husband’s earnings.

Couples manage money in a variety of ways and it’s more than fair for you to seek a review of the current arrangement.

I’d suggest you have a discussion with your husband about his “investments for our future” and ask him to disclose exactly what these are and what their value is. After 15 years, with your husband not having to fund usual life expenses, there should be a sizeable nest egg. And you are entitled to half of it.

If he refuses to discuss it, then I think you may need to change your behaviour.

By this I mean stop spending your money. It would be hard to stop spending on items that would negatively affect your children (eg their sports, etc) but you could find things that affect him. For example, what would happen if you didn’t pay his car registration or buy his favourites from the grocery store or you dropped him from the health insurance?
It won’t solve the problem but it will get his attention and might make him realise that the issue is important to you and that might prompt him to engage in a conversation. Just a thought.
Kind thoughts to you

Re: Money Matters

therising — Sun, 26 Apr 2026 13:10:57 GMT

The warmest of welcomes to you as you question the financial aspect of your partnership with your husband, as well as other aspects.

When I read Summer Rose's reply to you, I thought 'I could not have written a more perfect reply, as it covers so many valid things to consider'. I think it's natural and healthy for a couple who share responsibilities to question and review various aspects of their partnership on a regular basis, especially when needs, goals and dreams/visions change over time. What can begin as a good strategy (agreed upon by both in the relationship) can change over time, with the need to change strategies. I say this from personal experience. My husband's always been the primary income earner, whereas my income's tended to be more so a part of our 'wonder budget', amongst other things. Btw, a wonder budget involves 'I wonder how the kids, myself, my husband or the family as a whole could benefit from this opportunity which costs money'. My husband's always agreed his income would pay the bills. With me having resigned from my job recently (for a variety of reasons), a serious review of the family's wonder budget has come into play. There can be a whole variety of reasons for a much needed review, including mental health reasons and relationship reasons.

If you were to say to your husband 'I'm working on a financial budgeting plan for the family and I need to know both income and outgoings to complete the plan', what would be his response? If his response is 'You don't need to know how much I earn or what I invest this part of our income in', I think it's fair to say 'Is this a partnership with transparency or not? Tell me why there's a need for secrecy and why you feel I have no right to see where this part of our money's going?'. Does your husband consider the house you dream of as simply being somewhere to live or does he consider it as a long term investment that pays off at retirement, when the kids have left home and you downsize (freeing up cash to invest)? Has he considered you both consulting a financial advisor or is he just refusing everything you put to him without offering valid reasons for saying 'No'?

I tend to agree with Summer Rose in regard to a particular cost cutting exercise. If you can't afford to keep paying for everything, while your husband refuses to offer you any financial relief, relieve yourself of some of his expenses. Free up some money for your own personal 'wonder budget', one that leads you to feel emotional relief from stress while leading you to personally evolve in some of the ways you currently can't afford to. Whether you wonder about group meditation classes or yoga classes, a gym membership for a regular workout (of stress) or something else, it could be time to develop a vision of what would make a positive difference to you.❤️