topic Re: Painful nostalgia and low expectations for future in Depression

Painful nostalgia and low expectations for future

Syllable — Sat, 14 Mar 2026 13:36:14 GMT

Hi all, I am 16 years old and recently while taking a trip down memory lane I experienced this overwhelming amount of nostalgia for my past, especially childhood experiences, and was hit with this crushing wave of grief and just couldn't stop crying. I find myself to be quite a nostalgic person and instead of feeling warm and happy about my experiences so far in life, I find myself often feeling really freaking depressed. It kind of all came at once and made me reflect on how nice it was to feel so happy about the littlest of things and the good experiences i had with so many people. I thought of people who had passed, old relationships with family members who have now become strained, a bunch of things I just did occasionally throughout my childhood and how dreamlike and nice it all felt. Like I just remember everything feeling so adventurous and fun all the time, like literally pouring water on rocks at my grandma's old house was seen as a special event.

Now currently, my life is going somewhat wrong in so many ways. My relationships with many family members feel strained because I feel like everyone hates me and we barely talk, I don't get much joy out of interacting with my friends, and the whole world kind of feels pretty gloomy rn with so much hate and slop out there. All my hobbies are solitary. There's a long list of other stuff but in short, nothing feels good anymore, just kind of bland and unfulfilling in every way. I have days where I just feel really sad and that my life is wasting away. That being said, I'm constantly trying to improve my circumstances, meeting new people, being more sociable, trying new things ect, as well as kind of doing certain things I used to do during childhood just for fun and to get a kick out of it again. But it feels like no matter what I do, nothing ever changes and for like a few years now it has just been getting worse and worse, like I never feel truly happy ever. Ik it's probably cause I'm romanticising the past or smth but like that realisation doesn't make anything better. I have moments where I literally just hope that reincarnation is real just to experience it all again, and that after I die I'll be happy with everyone again (also I DO NOT want to die, just in case this gives off a bad vibe).

Now looking to the future, I just don't see anything stacking up to that. Like i could find a partner, raise kids, travel the world, but I feel like I would trade all of that for a week just to go back to my childhood doing stuff with my parents and having fun with little things and that it's all just a downward spiral from here. My whole family before me will die over time, I'll lose contact with so many people, I don't see any partners or future friends being able to make me feel better, and to top it off I'll slowly get older and weaker and more senile as time goes on, going out with a whimper. Maybe it's because I'm at an awkward phase of life right now, maybe later on moving out and building my own world will make me feel fulfilled again, but for now I just feel like it's probably just all downhill from here. Is there anyway to cope with these feelings of nostalgic grief, does life become cooler later, and is there any advice on how to actually feel fulfilled in the present again?

Re: Painful nostalgia and low expectations for future

white knight — Sun, 15 Mar 2026 02:51:12 GMT

Hi, welcome

A well written post and I know exactly what you are feeling with "nostalgic grief".

I'm 70yo so I've lived this many times. I now summarize the feeling like this-

Living in the past instead of the present
Lack of real planning for the future
Negative feelings about your future
Non acceptance of what life includes eg old age, disabilities, death, others disabilities, financial strain, human cruelty and so on.
Lack of confidence
Not accepting life- is what you make it.

Some of the above will develop as you age so dont be hard on yourself if these things are missing now but keep them in mind that we never stop learning and thats how we improve our lives.

So how do we value living as a human being? Such a high percentage of people go through life missing the most important things. They are consumed with connecting to other humans, social media and material things. They dont value one breath they take, a bee collecting nectar, a sunset, your imagination, love, children. In a park watch an old person- they will be focussed on the laughter children make whereas most parents focus on their phone or comments in a group about the cost of living. The elderly person appreciates the valuable things in life because they dont have a long time left to enjoy them.

Intrusive thoughts of the past is a bit more complex. I have bipolar and am under the full functioning autism spectrum. But I also have dysthymia and that I'm told by a psychiatrist many years ago was due to childhood trauma, an event when I was 12yo. Since 12yo I was hugely sensitive (still am) and I allow my mind to go to sad topics like dying animals or painful things or the wonder of life. I write poetry and some readers cry reading them. I can sit on top of a mountain and let tears flow. I hated myself for being different, now I embrace myself for being in touch with life and my deep feelings. That change, transformation has been my greatest accomplishment.

So apart from professional treatment intrusive thoughts can be tackled by teaching your mind a few things- 1. ask yourself "is this thought realistic"? if not try to move on. 2. Is this thought going to benefit me? 3. An idle mind festers these thought so move quickly to do an activity 4. Alter your thought to also include happier events of the same era. An intrusive thought is your account of trading all your future to return to that time in the past- that isnt realistic, you cant go back.

The nostalgic thoughts can be a form of imagination which can be utilised in a positive way. eg my poetry includes many past memories. My sensitivity motivates me to write down my dreams of the past. eg

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/bb-social-zone/the-poetry-corner-post-your-poems-in-here/td-p/54777/page/3

You are a special individual, unique and not like many others, cradle that, its a special gift and if valued can result in you blossoming into an incredibly wonderful person as an adult. Accept your nostalgic thoughts but limit them to preserve your mental health- learn to control them for when you want them...

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/bb-social-zone/the-poetry-corner-post-your-poems-in-here/td-p/54777/page/3

Reply anytime

TonyWK

Re: Painful nostalgia and low expectations for future

therising — Sun, 15 Mar 2026 19:51:14 GMT

Hi Syllable

You're definitely not simply at an 'awkward' phase of your life. It's a highly significant, mind altering and life changing stage. It's a stage of great reflection and much questioning. I think we come to wrongly believe what people tell us when they brush things off, 'They're a teen going through an awkward stage, like most teens' or 'Oh he/she's just having a midlife crisis'. Some people don't just brush it off, they can laugh it off. What the?🤔😠 While many young people and many middle aged people are seriously questioning stuff along the lines of 'Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I heading? What's my reason for being here? Why am I suffering so much?' etc, people are laughing off such deeply soulful and highly legitimate questions. They're some of the questions in life that have drawn the attention of some of the greatest philosophers in history.

With Tony mentioning the HSP factor (being a Highly Sensitive Person), this factor is so important to keep in mind. A highly sensitive person travels their path in life in a very different way to those who aren't so sensitive. A HSP has the ability to feel or sense just about everything. The challenge is to master the gift, a gift that can feel like a curse at times. Btw, a helpful read could be 'Sensitive Is The New Strong' by Anita Moorjani. When you can feel so many things when looking back and feel so many things (in your imagination) looking forward, I've found it can be about mastering how to feel such things. While it can also involve mastering how to see the future constructively (as a seer in training), add to that how you feel what you're doing now. 'Does this feel boring? Do I sense this as unfulfilling? Do I sense it as beautiful and soulful? Am I feeling a sense of inspiration or not? Can I sense/feel this person degrading me or raising me? Do I feel or sense the need to recreate a form of meditation from when I was a kid (such as meditating on how the sound of water being poured on rocks leads me to feel)? Do I need to experience the feeling of the presence of a waterfall? Where's the nearest waterfall for me to feel? How does such an adventure feel when you see and hear it through your mind's eye?

Being a feeler or sensitive myself, I have to manage how I feel or sense. I get that nostalgia factor. As a 55yo gal, who's not in the most joyful of marriages, when I see a young couple walking down the street all happy and holding hands it can lead my eyes to well up on occasion. I think 'That time for me will never be again' (young and in love). When looking in the rear vision mirror of my life's journey (through my mind), I have to force myself to look forward while asking myself 'What feeling do I want to create for myself now?'. This involves a conscious shift in focus. It can be so hard at times to pull our focus away from life's rear vision mirror, where we see everything in hindsight.

Syllable, you're definitely a feeler/sensitive. When you look back over your post, how many times to you see the word 'feel' or some variation on that? Welcome to the club of deeply feeling people who can easily sense so much. You're an official member of a group of people with incredible gifts to be mastered. Mastering our gifts is far more fulfilling that suffering through them, that's for sure.❤️