topic Re: Parenting young children with depression in Depression

Parenting young children with depression

Meowface — Fri, 06 Mar 2026 06:07:54 GMT

Hi everyone,

I have had depression since my teens, I’m close to 40 now. I have two small children now and I’m finding that these years are some of the hardest I’ve experienced. They’re not babies (4 & 7) so they’re not oblivious to my ups and downs anymore. But they’re not old enough to understand that mummy sometimes struggles.

The self care that worked before kids, or self cocooning through the worst days just doesn’t fly when you have kids constantly going “mum mum mum”.

I would love a practical “dummy’s guide to parenting when you have depression”. Or a resource that I could use. I find it hard to manage my own mental health and be a good parent.

Re: Parenting young children with depression

therising — Fri, 06 Mar 2026 08:12:57 GMT

Hi Meowface

My heart goes out to you so much. Being a mum while facing deeply depressing zero energy days still comes with a personal best. 'I'm doing my absolute best not to cry, my absolute best in serving my kids as much as I'm able, my personal best when it comes to trying to make sense of why I feel the way I do' etc etc is just so different to our personal best on a really good non stressful non depressing day. If you can picture a marathon runner hobbling over the finish line with a broken ankle, the crowd tends to cheer louder based on it being one seriously impressive personal best under the circumstances. I'm cheering you on louder than everyone else because I can relate.

I recall buying a book for my kids when they were young. They're now 23 (my daughter) and 20 (my son). The book is 'The Blue Day Book For Kids' by Bradley Trevor Greive. It's such a simple book that I bought for two reasons. The first involved wanting my kids to know that it's natural to have blue days in life. The second reason involved wanting them to know it's natural that their mum has blue days too. When they were young, I let them know that these blue days for me are called 'depression' and it's really hard for me to get out of these days sometimes and that's in no way their fault. I've always let them know that it can be so important that we find people in our life who can help us or guide us in different ways. Such an introduction led to my kids and I to being open and honest about emotions and mental health challenges as we've continued to grow up together, raising each other. Btw, my kids manage my blue days or depressing periods very differently. My son's a natural comedian and seems to know exactly how to lead me to laughter while occasionally coming out with sage-like wisdom. My daughter, on the other hand, is a tough love gal. She's more along the lines of 'Okay gurly, you're going to sit down and tell me what's going on. You're not getting up 'til we've worked this out', which we typically do. While our kids learn to feel for us, we learn to feel for them too. We share in each other's feelings and revelations, while we graduate through challenges together. When my daughter was little, she used to just sit with me and hug me when I was sad and crying and I continue to tell her to this day how much of a difference that made to me. She remains proud of that.

Kids are amazing how they can learn to care for people who are having blue days. They're amazing when it comes to how sensitive and intuitive they can be too, in knowing what to do and say on occasion. Mind you, at the age of 7 they can be rather self focused but it doesn't hurt to teach them how to shift focus toward someone else who need some TLC. Maybe have a think about what you can teach them when it comes to how to care in different ways. Maybe a hair brushing session would feel nice for mum. Maybe lash out and have them do your make up. At 4 and 7, chances are the make up session's not only going to be relaxing to some degree for you but it may also give you one heck of a good reason to laugh when you look in the mirror😁.

I feel the most important thing I taught my kids, in the way of my mental health, is 'Don't feel like it's up to you to make me happy. You can help but my feelings are my responsibility'. I never wanted them to carry the burden of making sure I was happy all the time. That's too heavy a weight to place on the shoulders of a child.

Re: Parenting young children with depression

Earth Girl — Sun, 08 Mar 2026 07:26:33 GMT

Hi Meowface (cute username),

I'm really sorry that you've had depression for such a long time!

Therising made a very good point about how you could explain to your children that you have depression so you sometimes feel really down and sad which you cannot help and it's not their fault either, but you just want to let them know so that they know what's going on. Your children are quite young, but I think they'd be able to sort of understand what you mean. Also, when your children are being very kind to you when you are going through the really hard parts of depression, you could thank them for being so kind about it and let them know that it helps Mummy a lot. (As well as let them know that they don't have to help you with it all the time because it is an "adult thing", but you really appreciate them for the support that they give you).

You could also think of things you and your children could do when you feel really down that would be both relaxing for you and fun for them. The brushing Mum's hair was and doing Mum's makeup were really good suggestions. It would be nice to have a free "spa day." They could even give you gentle, light massages.

My friend told me today that her nephews gave her foot massages the other day and put a face mask on her face haha.