topic Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life. in Depression

Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

Doors24 — Mon, 09 Feb 2026 03:51:22 GMT

Hello,

The last seven months have been nothing but massive upheaval and changes. I already suffered from anxiety and depression. These changes have made everything worse and I feel so isolated.

I went through and currently am still experiencing a medical trauma starting seven months ago. But life still went on whilst I was having to deal with that.

I lost my amazing dog due to illness and old age whilst I was having treatment and there was nothing I could physically, mentally or emotionally do for her. I was too unwell to help her. She wasn’t alone. As a family dog. But 15 years and she is just gone and the house is so quiet. She was quite a large dog,so her presence is so noticeably absent in just space alone. And that was only two weeks ago.

Then just two weeks later, my family member who has lived with me down my end of the house, moved out. We have spent our childhood together and almost 15 years of our adult lives co-habitating in this space together. Indirectly, we became part of each other’s daily routine by just sounds alone. Even if we didn’t speak directly to each other, we could hear each other living our lives in our rooms. I’d hear their alarms go off in the morning. I could hear them working from home during the day on phone calls and walking up and down the hallway to get coffees or something to eat. At night I could hear them laughing at the tv, taking a shower in the bathroom or even using the toilet spray in the toilet. (The walls are thin in this house). I have become so used to those daily sounds being in my life. I could go to sleep at night comforted by the sounds coming out of the room next door. I felt and have always felt safe living with this sibling being in the next room. And in the space of just 16 hours on the one day, they packed up all their belongings and emptied that room. That morning they lived here. By that night they no longer live here. And they aren’t coming back to live here again. They have called their new place their home verbally.

And whilst I am genuinely happy for that sibling to have finally found their own space and independence. It is just another loss too quickly after the last. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know how to see all these spaces empty or once belong to someone else, but now know that they don’t. It is so incredibly sad and overwhelming and I can’t process it fast enough and my depression is getting worse.

I feel so isolated. I can’t talk about anything I am feeling with the family members left in this house. I have tried and tried. They are emotionally unavailable and are legitimately unable to have real connection type of conversations. The person I was connected to the most in this house,is the one who moved out.

I just don’t know what to do. I have to walk past their empty door everytime I leave my own room. The silence is so prominent. The grief is so raw. I dream about my dog at night. My house used to be full of life and happiness and now it is full of unhappy people and no connection to one another. We can’t have a discussion together. We are all feeling like there is a dark shadow over our house and waiting for the next thing to happen. I am all alone. Being unwell, I can’t leave this space either.

I just need someone to talk to or be heard or have a human connection with. I am not dealing with this well. Any changes are hard for me to process and just this year alone, there has been too many massive changes in short succession.

Thank you for taking the time to read this or respond.

Doors 24

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

indigo22 — Mon, 09 Feb 2026 04:53:40 GMT

Hi Doors24,

Welcome to the forums, I see you have responded to a post that I have also responded to, given what you are going through, it shows me what a caring person you are.

I can relate to a lot of what you have spoken about, not the same circumstances but similar emotional effect.

You have been dealing with one thing after another and it does take a toll on one's wellbeing. You need to give yourself time to come to terms with your health issues, your loss of your beloved animal and the departure of your trusted sibling, they are all a form of grieving.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family and the only sibling I was bonded with, died when I was 14. I absolutely understand that your sibling being gone and living elsewhere is a situation that will take time to adjust to.

I lost my beloved cat after 16 years more than a year ago and I live alone so the house was unbearably quiet and the loss of her presence was palpable, so I get it and I am so sorry for your loss, they can leave a empty space in our hearts when we lose them. I recently took in 2 senior cat that needed to be rehomed and that has helped me feel connected again as I tend to isolate a lot.

I also had some health issues for most of last year and I have been dealing with depression since I was in my teens so that really dragged me down physically and emotionally. I am on the improve and starting to feel better a little at a time which has given me a boost emotionally, so I get that one as well.

I am here most days so if you want to chat (or vent) please feel free to add to this thread anytime and I will be here to support you through this rough time.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo 💜

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

Guest_04124766 — Mon, 09 Feb 2026 05:24:08 GMT

Hi Doors 24,

I am not a psychiatrist or related to medical field.

I am sorry to hear about your dog and what you are going through in general. Passing away of a beloved pet hits harder than people who don't have one can imagine. It's natural to feel bereaved.

The back-to-back setbacks you experienced have naturally increased your existing anxiety and depression. Just want to assure you that you are not alone and it’s not the end of the road.

You mentioned about being unwell and unable to leave the place. Do you have a physical disability that prevents you from stepping outside the house or you are talking about moving out? Also, how old are you?

The reason I am asking this question is to see if there are ways to overcome the current situation you are in. It may be possible that you have inadequate serotonin receptors in your brain. If you aren't already aware of it, they are “happiness hormone” which can form new connections and elevate your mental health. Serotonin production can be increased by using various techniques such as CBT, lifestyle alterations, etc.

Without being judgemental, I got the feeling after reading your post, that you greatly rely on others (people, pets, etc.) to derive happiness. I am not sure if you have tried being happy just with yourself. Small things like eating healthy food (avoid all processed foods especially sugars) and doing regular exercise (including strength training to grow muscle mass) goes well beyond just physical fitness. Lack of sunlight will also affect your serotonin level (as well as Vitamin D and bone health).

Hence, if you are physically capable, try with altering your lifestyle. First week might be brutal but it will greatly improve your mood, self-worth and of course muscles! Set up small targets and reward yourself for achieving them (e.g. eat your favourite food, buy yourself a small gift). Don't be too hard on yourself and try not to let others' reaction affect you. I know it's easier said than done but give it a try. Let me know if you want to chat more!

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

Doors24 — Mon, 09 Feb 2026 06:43:40 GMT

Dear Guest_04124766,

Thank you for your reply. I wanted to let you know that I have mental health professionals who I check in with,so I am not alone there.

I am middle age. And whilst I don’t have a disability, I underwent major treatment at a hospital for a serious health issue. It has left me bed and room bound since Oct. The fatigue is crushing and that is why I can’t leave my home on my own. I don’t get off my street at the moment on foot. I am recovering,but it will take some time to be strong enough to do physical things or even drive again. Due to the cost of living and housing crisis, I am certainly not able to move out of home. I have to be grateful that I have a roof over my head and doors that lock. But my environment is quite toxic and controlling.

I have been a people pleaser my whole life and it has gotten me nowhere. I have sacrificed my own happiness constantly for others and this too has gotten me nowhere. I have been left behind.

I do find happiness from my animals, but once they are gone, they won’t be anymore categorically. I dread that day.

After a traumatic event two years ago, I have lost my sense of identity and purpose and it hasn’t come back with therapy and medication.

I don’t honestly know how to be happy with just myself.

I have read your suggestions and they aren’t hard. Just cognitive functioning takes along time for me to do things. And I guess I do everything else, and put myself last.

It is all accumulative, the things all happening in a row. I understand that. I just don’t know how to handle it or work through it on a daily basis. The only kindness I get are from people who are paid to do a service for me and not the other people I am,for a better word, stuck with.

I am always willing to chat,

So thank you,

Door24

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

Doors24 — Mon, 09 Feb 2026 07:10:29 GMT

Dear Indigo,

Thank you for your response and compassion.

I am sorry for your losses too.

I have the ability to have emotional empathy and compassion for others, but unfortunately the people around me are dysfunctional and don’t reciprocate at all. I wish I was truly embellishing. I also have the ability to look outside of myself and see others and the whole picture,not just my own. I feel I have looked after everyone else my whole life. And last year and then this year as I was having active treatment, not one of them looked after me. And still aren’t. I rely on my phone to call emergency services and not the people I live with.

I know and recognise that time will help me come to terms with things and that I can only process so much everyday, as the brain has to preserve itself. But the emotional toll I am left to deal with makes me feel I am surviving each day as it comes and have very little to look forward to. I want to separate myself into two people and just not feel anymore. I want to turn back time to when there was happiness. I would have to turn back time a decade at least.

I can’t have any new furry friends. I have been told it is not allowed ever again. Where I live. This has been part of my identity since I was a teenager. Now middle aged, I don’t know what to do with myself. I have another very old dog who will most likely not live past this year. I feel her time is coming to pass soon. She has changed so much, so quickly.

With the cost of living and housing crisis, I can’t leave the place I live. When the time does come, I may not be able to support myself, so I can’t afford to pay for a furry friend either. It is just the reality of life and this country right now. Everything costs too much.

I just feel with my mental health conditions, I am not getting a break to just take a breath before the next thing comes at me. It isn’t making life very enticing to live. I feel like with my health conditions over the years, that I have been left behind. Realistically I have never been able to do the things that everyone else has at my age. And that time is running out. That is another conversation though.

Thank you for offering your support and a chat. It is just that emotional human connection that I really crave. I know people can’t fix my problems for me. I am not naive in that way. I know the work has to come from myself. But I have to get at least my feet on the ground first.

Take care of yourself too, I am happy to keep talking.

Doors24

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

indigo22 — Mon, 09 Feb 2026 08:00:44 GMT

I have been where you are Doors24, I know how hard it is to pick yourself up again after a series of blows but I know you will get there and I am really glad you found your way here.

About 14 years ago, I was ready to take my own life after having lost my best friend in an accident, and 3 members of my family to cancer in the space of 9 years with the last 2 passing 10 weeks apart. I was broken (like Humpty Dumpty) and I could not even consider the idea that I might ever feel in the least bit stable again. I was forced to move and chose a place 100s of kms away from all the memories of caring for those with cancer only to watch them deteriorate before my eyes, I like you, have given a large portion of my life to others without reciprocation. When I had been in my new location for about 12 months, I discovered I too had cancer. I was so sick of hearing that word and there was nobody left to support me through it. I am good now, no more cancer and I truly believe it was my wake up call to take better care of myself. I am only telling you all of this because I want you to know that you can get through this and life can get better, it is just going to take time and that's the hardest part to get through. But you are not alone here.

I believe if you look up 'HSP Elaine Aron' on the internet you will find a description of yourself. HSP is Highly Sensitive Person and there are many of us here on the forums. We feel things more deeply than the rest of the population and are therefore more prone to being hurt.

There are some books on mental health I would like to suggest, not sure if you enjoy reading or listening to books but I think they would help. I will leave it to you to let me know if you are interested.

You are right, life is really tough at present unless you happen to be part of the 1% group, then life is a breeze at least financially anyway.

I hope you are able to get some rest this evening and hopefully a good night sleep.

You will be in my thoughts,

indigo 💜

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

Doors24 — Mon, 09 Feb 2026 12:17:43 GMT

Dear Indigo22,

Thank you for keeping the conversation going.

A lot of what you disclosed to me is actually very similar to me. Dark times and hard times. If we talk more, I will be able to have the courage to open up more about these. It is good to know other people’s experiences, but it is also sad to know that other people have experienced these times too.

I agree with you. HSP sounds very like myself. I always have hope,but always end up disappointed,even if my expectations are so low now, they are actually digging though the ground. It is helpful to know that there are people here who can understand that. I may just learn something from them. I am also glad I came here. I have been to other forums and nobody talks back. Just the person from the actual website who must check all the posts.

I am not much of a reader,but listening to things is good. And it never hurts to be recommended things. I have alot of brain fog and cognitive processing problems from my recent treatment, so as long as I don’t need to focus too hard on big words or long paragraphs, I should be alright. And this should also become better with time. And I do need to find things to do with myself. So if there is something you recommend, I am all ears.

It is comforting to know that people are here who care about other people.

If there is something you would like to share with me too about how you are currently going, or feeling please don’t hesitate to talk about it whenever you want too as well. Please also know that I have heard what you shared about your personal life, I just don’t know where you are with those points in your life and don’t want to be insensitive about them or push you any further to talk about things that have impacted you so much.

I hope you have a peaceful night too.

Doors24

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

ViolettaZ — Mon, 09 Feb 2026 13:51:27 GMT

Hi Door24,

As a highly sensitive person myself, I really relate to what you’re saying. Highly sensitive people tend to notice even the smallest changes around them and often feel most comfortable with a stable routine. When something changes ,even if it seems minor, it can feel especially unsettling. HSPs are also particularly attuned to emotions, so we may feel things more deeply and take longer to process negative emotions. That’s why it’s important to give yourself some time and space to absorb and work through what you’re feeling.

The way you described the sounds of your sibling — the alarms, the footsteps, the everyday noises — really stood out to me. Those weren’t just sounds; they were safety, familiarity, and quiet companionship. Losing that all at once can feel deeply unsettling, almost like the ground beneath you has shifted overnight.

It’s okay to grieve that, even while still feeling happy for them. Both emotions can exist together.

I’m really glad you reached out. You deserve to be heard, and you deserve kindness and connection, especially now.

Warm regards🤗

ViolettaZ

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

Daydreamer70 — Mon, 09 Feb 2026 23:22:13 GMT

Hi Doors24,

I am jumping in a bit later in this thread, ViolettaZ has had some really great advice/shared experience on HSPs and I just wanted to add in a few suggestions on good reads and activities to do that are low impact and might help bring something new into your every day.

I am a sensitive person (probably not the the extent of HSPs specifically but I feel and experience very deeply) and find that when I hit a certain thresh hold I get very overwhelmed. Activities like reading, podcasts, writing and slow movement help me tremendously. Yoga, yin yoga specifically where the movement is very little and more breathing focused feels amazing. Podcasts are my comfort space, i actually dont listen to that many self help ones because I find they stress me out sometimes. I listen to ones like Happy Hour with Lucy and Nikki, or the Inspired Unemployed which are two comedy podcasts and they honestly make me feel so much lighter afterwards. It takes me away from myself and my own mind. I know you said you dont like to read, so audio books could be a great alternative. Fantasy books are great, there is a series called A Court Of Thornes and Roses that is incredible. It has a huge fan base too so you can really go down a rabbit hole with it all. Im pretty sure the audio book exists for that too!

Cooking and baking are also great activities for when you are at home. Try one new recipe a week if you can, and I always like to have a set time each evening where I cook dinner for myself. I find a lot of recipes on instagram reels, I like to see visually how to make the dish and it is easier to follow than a written recipe.

I hope some of this helps a bit! Its always nice to have some new suggestions for homey and nourishing activities to do for yourself. Healthy forms of escapism I like to call them!

Kindest regards,

Daydreamer.

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

Doors24 — Tue, 10 Feb 2026 00:08:49 GMT

Dear ViolettaZ,

Thank you for your reply and kindness.

What you were able to recognise, many people around me can’t. The sounds were definitely safety and companionship. They were routine and yes, I am most definitely not okay with even small changes. After so many years together, it is almost like I have to find a new identity or be a new person. And overnight too.

Since they have left I haven’t been able to be in my room without the tv on for noise. And at night I am not going to sleep until 1am, with the tv on sleep timer. The sudden change has set off my anxiety and my OCD has also kicked off on things it doesn’t usually affect. My pre bedtime OCD routine has shot out to 30-40 minutes, because I just don’t feel safe. In fact my roommate used to sometimes break me out of that cycle by opening their door or coming out of the bathroom or toilet. It used to break my zoned in focus and I could move on. So it is hard these last few nights just to get into bed.

I looked up HSP after Indigo brought it up. I think I fall into that category well. I notice too much just walking past a room at a glance and feel I pick up on small dangers or errors around me all the time. I pick up on other people’s subtle social ques. I also deal with trauma and grief differently. I definitely have a hard time understanding changes around me. Logically I understand them, but emotionally is another ballpark.

Thank you for your response. I am really feeling heard here.

Doors24

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

Doors24 — Tue, 10 Feb 2026 00:19:51 GMT

Dear Daydreamer 70,

Thank you for your response and suggestions.

Distraction is a good way to help deal with things.

I journal every night. Have never written so many pages as I have these last few days. But it has helped to see the full picture of things. My sadness, as well as the positives for my sibling. How I do wish they were still here, but don’t want them to come back, because that will mean something bad has happened for them. I don’t want them to be trapped. I want them to have space and freedom. I care about them enough to want good things for them. Even if it is alot to mentally handle right now.

Thank you for speaking to me,

Doors24

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

indigo22 — Tue, 10 Feb 2026 01:21:58 GMT

Hi Doors24,

You can ask me anything you wish, I am mostly at peace with what I have experienced. The only things I am still working through are the things from my young years that caused the depression in the first place. The energy from the emotions we experienced back then, but didn't know how to process, can become trapped in the body and needs to be shifted along with the false beliefs we have of ourselves.

I was a people pleaser too, we do it because we learn that is the way to be loved and accepted in a dysfunctional environment. We both had terrible role models for how to grow up confident and happy. I was in my 40s before I started to set boundaries (which did not go down well with others, particularly my mother), prior to that I had been a 'door mat'. I had pushed all my emotions down and after the last member of my family passed (which was my mother), I exploded into a rage that lasted for 2 years. I literally hated everybody and everything until I was able to release all the anger. It is not until you learn and understand what happened to you, that you realise mental health issues were inevitable under those conditions. I have made a lot of progress in the past few years, that is not to say that I don't still struggle from time to time, but I no longer have suicidal ideation and most days are pretty good. The times I struggle now is when there are too many things requiring my attention at the same time, then I become overwhelmed and shut down completely. Like you, finances are always a struggle these days. I have not had hot water for months because my hot water tank stopped working and I haven't had the money to get it fixed. There are some things you can learn to live without when you have to, but needless to say, I would prefer not be in this financial position.

About 5 or more years ago, I came to the realisation that everything I had been through had been for a reason and that reason was so that I could help others. I just wasn't sure how I should go about it until I came here. It felt to me that all of the challenges and experience would be a waste if I did not use it to help others going through challenges and/or a crisis, it is also why I decided to become a community champion here.

When you are ready to open up, I will be here to listen, there is no rush. There are a number of books I can suggest when your brain fog clears and cognitive stills return but there is one that I think could be helpful for you right now and is not too complicated to take in. 'Anchored' by Deb Dana is available in audiobook, this is a book on what is known as Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges which sounds complicated and is, however Deb writes for the layperson and so is very straightforward. When you are feeling better and can take more in, I highly recommend that you listen to 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel van der Kolk, this one helped me a great deal. One that I have been trying to get time to read is 'The Myth of Normal' by Gabor Mate, I really like this author and look forward to what he has to say. I will let you know what I think after reading it.

I hope you are getting some sunshine where you are, it's lovely here so a good day to get out in the garden.

indigo 💜

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

Doors24 — Tue, 10 Feb 2026 03:30:35 GMT

Dear Indigo,

I wanted to say thank you for your openness. Some of the things you have disclosed are things I would be interested in hearing more about.

But before I forget. I last year did a free 3-day trauma webinar and Bessel van der Kolk and Gabor Mate were speakers. I liked Bessel and his way of communicating was very up my alley. His words made sense too. About our bodies. Unfortunately, Gabor wasn't my cup of tea. But the whole webinar was for a company and was almost like an informercial half of each day. And it was a very expensive infomercial at that. But I have heard of their names too. I think my hurdle to mental health publications is that I can understand the theory, but don't know how to put it into practice. I liken it to two cliffs; my brain builds a bridge between the two cliffs and a few bits of information run over before the bridge collapses and I have to rebuild again. And it takes a long time to rebuild it each time.

I think I can say a little bit more about myself now as I have read alot more about others who shared. I started suffering from anxiety since I was 12. I inadvertently became one of my parents carers who has a pretty severe mental health disorder. I was having panic attacks by 17. I always spoke to professionals. I sourced them myself. But in my late 20's I had a breakdown and was professionally diagnosed with anxiety, OCD and social agoraphobia. I thought I was trucking along well, until my beloved cat was mauled to death 2 years ago. It shattered my whole existence. I spent my whole days making sure he was safe and pre-empted so many dangers for him. And I couldn't have seen that coming. They came into our backyard. A place he was always safe. I wasn't home and I trusted people to look after him, but they never listened to me. And he was killed. I became suicidal very quickly and for many weeks. I still think about dying today, but not in that way. I can't understand why this beautiful soul was killed. My guilt is immense. I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD alongside the others. I had another breakdown and I haven't recovered. I have disconnected from life after I realised how naive I had been and all my thoughts and security was all a lie. I wasn't doing well, I had just suppressed the truth. Because I was happy with my fur children. I am also very angry with life. I have lost my identity. I have lost all hope or direction. Then last year I was diagnosed with cancer and had major surgery and then chemotherapy. I finished my chemotherapy in January. I should be alright now. For this cancer at least. But during my chemo, my 14 yr old dog declined and there was nothing I could do to help her. My chemo regime was brutal and I somedays couldn't take care of myself. She was put down as I was in the CDU getting chemotherapy pumped into my veins. Not a single person looked after me during chemotherapy, I live in a house full of adults. I had a few medical episodes, but that still didn't prompt anyone to help me. I am only 2 weeks in recovery from chemo and my dogs passing. And then my sibling moved out on the weekend. I am still looking after myself post chemo,alone. And my other dog. And she is 15 with degenerative heart problems. She won't last the year either. I won't hold onto her longer then is kind.

I won't lie. I don't see the point of life. I have experienced trauma after trauma with little support and have to fight to survive everyday. I can't see any further then today, because I don't know my condition on that day. People expect me to be better now without any help to support that expectation mentally, emotionally and physically. And I know what is ahead of me. More loss. And time is running out to sort myself out and into this world with poverty being the likely way of life. It isn't poor me, it is just the reality. And I don't ignore reality anymore.

All these losses are like watching candles of hope being extinguished and there aren't that many candles lit to begin with. And new candles aren't appearing. I don't know how to not have hate, fear or feel safe. "Home" has just become a house where I don't feel safe or secure. I don't have any hope for the future to see it getting better. And time has become my enemy. A clock ticking down above my head.

And once again I am surrounded by and influenced by emotional abusive relationships. They aren't happy either. So, it is hard to escape that mentality.

Sorry it got pretty dark there. But that is the me hidden behind a front.

And you shared some experiences in your life that spoke to me about mine. And you may understand how I am feeling. I just can't fathom how you got through them all.

Speak soon,

Door24

Just want to have Human Connection and know it exists out there in this world.

Doors24 — Tue, 10 Feb 2026 05:45:42 GMT

Hello everybody,

After a series of setbacks, I have become very isolated. I don't have a big pool of people in my life, friends or family. I don't even fill a kiddie sized pool.

I have diagnosis's mentally and physically. And I currently don't know how to meet people, let alone make friends and keep them. I don't think much of myself unfortunately, being a people pleaser, so don't think others would either. I have to earn their affection rather than them just like me for me.

But after recent events I have been craving human connection more than ever and couldn't find it in my world. So, I am trying here.

Chronic depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD and agoraphobia have plagued my life. I am middle aged and had two breakdowns due to mental health events. Life always seems like one continuous fight.

Despite this I am empathetic to others, have compassion for others, feel things very deeply, have insight about my conditions and can be a very loyal person. I don't like to see others hurting. I also have the ability to look out of my own self and see the whole or bigger picture. I have intelligence and value. I just need to find a place where that can grow.

I am still learning the difference of being supportive vs. telling people what to do/preaching/telling them to be positive when they just want to be heard and not fixed/telling people to try doing this when they just can't. I am trying the supportive route. However sometimes it can come across as trying too much and it may sound like my opinion. I unfortunately mimic my current environment.

I do come from an oppressive and emotional abusive background and life. I don't like sudden changes as they often pull the rug out from under my feet. I like parameters that are black and white.

I don't think I am prepared for life and am afraid to be left behind.

But most of all I just want to know of a place, that if I talk, someone will reach out back to me. I have had so much silence. I just want to know of all the good people I have heard about. That they are real and do exist. And I can express myself without judgement and also support others. So, we can know there are better things out there for us as people. And what I know isn't the way life has to only be.

Plus, if you chat to me, I will chat back.

Thank you for reading and greeting me.

Doors24

Re: Just want to have Human Connection and know it exists out there in this world.

indigo22 — Tue, 10 Feb 2026 08:24:18 GMT

Hi Doors24,

You have shared a lot today and I am so proud of you for finding the courage to tell at least some of your story. I realise there is much more that you will want to talk about and I will be here to "hear you". This is just a brief reply for now as there is a lot I would like to respond to but haven't the time right now. Please know, without a doubt, I will always reply to you, there may be a time lag on occasions, but I will always reply. There is a member here that I have been communicating with for the past 2 or more years. You won't be judged here, this is a safe place for you to be yourself. You never need to apologise for expressing darkness, it is part of the process and it is understood. Please be aware and understand that some may not respond to you, they may not be ready to talk yet but your support for others is appreciated by all of us. Above all, know that you matter to me, you deserve to be heard and supported and I will do my best to do exactly that.

I will talk more as soon as I can, in the meantime, know you are in my thoughts.

Sleep well,

indigo 💜

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

Psychdiaries2 — Tue, 10 Feb 2026 08:48:44 GMT

Hi there,

Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing what you’re going through today. It is much appreciated.

I’m sorry for the loss of your pet, it is understandably hard hitting. Pets are like companions to us so of course it is incredibly hard when they pass on. It feels like a part of you is gone. It’s ok to not be ok right now and it’s ok to feel what you feel. Take all the time you need in processing this grief, your feelings are valid. It also makes sense that you feel a sense of loss and quiet after your sibling has moved out. I hope the dynamics in your house improve and that you again take your time processing everything. Maybe you could even ring up that person and have a chat with them? It sounds like their presence was palpable and thus has taken a toll now that they’re gone.

I relate to the feeling of one thing after another happening and feeling overwhelmed. Do you have anyone in your life who you trust to open up to today? You don’t have to bear this weight on your own. It’s a great first step to talk on here and it’s great! If you need extra support don’t be afraid to reach out to a counsellor on here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/#

Feel free to keep reaching out. You’re not alone and we’re here for you! Take care of yourself today ❤️

Re: Just want to have Human Connection and know it exists out there in this world.

Doors24 — Tue, 10 Feb 2026 23:04:16 GMT

Dear Indigo,

Thank you for your support.

l look forward to chatting to you soon.

Doors24

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

Doors24 — Tue, 10 Feb 2026 23:09:44 GMT

Dear Psychdiaries2,

Thank you for your thoughts,support and suggestions.

I don’t really have anyone to reach out to. So I am trying to find avenues to connect with other people.
I have used the Beyond Blue hotline before. And will do so again. But am aware these aren’t places for a therapy session, just connecting with others.

Thank you for reaching out,

Doors24

Re: Just want to have Human Connection and know it exists out there in this world.

indigo22 — Thu, 12 Feb 2026 08:31:44 GMT

Hi Doors24,

Sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you, have had a couple of quite busy days. I hope you are ok.

I am not sure where to start today, we both entered into our mental health issues at the same age only for different reasons. Looking back, I know I started with dysthymia at 12 and progressed to major depression at 14 when I lost my brother. How can we possibly know how to deal with that sort of burden at that age.

I have also had a couple of breakdowns over the years, it becomes inevitable when life feels like a constant battle to keep your head above water, sooner or later you run out of energy to keep going.

I wanted to talk about your cat that was mauled and say how sorry I am that it happened. It is heartbreaking to lose them at the best of times but to lose them that way is a whole other level. Was it dogs? I also had a cat and I heard a fight between a cat and dog and went to investigate but never saw my cat again, despite looking and calling, I can only assume she crawled off somewhere to die or was carried off by her attacker. My cats have been inside cats ever since that happened. I understand your feelings of guilt, I had them too, but at some point you need to speak to the soul of your cat and tell him how sorry you are that you could not protect him, and then forgive yourself for not being there. Guilt and shame will eat away at you so it's important to put it to rest as soon as you are able. Your sweet boy would not want you to carry that burden for the rest of your life. I decided to honour all my animals and humans that are no longer here with a memorial rose bush, I chose the names of each rose to fit the animal or person and it gives me great pleasure to see them bloom and think of those who have passed. Perhaps you can think of a way to honour your boy and your recently departed dog in some way that has meaning for you and them. They will remain in your heart, animals don't judge, it is only us humans who do that to ourselves, I am absolutely sure they knew and still know they were loved. Try not to let your grief take away the time and love you can still share with the one who is still here. Yes, you will have more loss when the time comes, it is inevitable, but we know that we will outlive our animals when we take them into our hearts and our home. I don't know about you, but I would not change a moment of the time I have shared with any of my animals, despite the pain when it is their time to go.

I hope that over time as we talk, you will come to see yourself as I see you through your words - someone who has had to endure a great deal of hardship, but is still here and still trying, that takes strength and resilience, I am not sure that you recognise how important those qualities are. When life throws a spanner in the works now, I tell myself, I have already lived through the worst and survived. I no longer see myself as broken, just wounded by life and I know that wounds can heal so there is always hope for a better future.

One of the senior cats I took in recently, I have now realised has the feline version of PTSD, I don't see this as a burden, I see this as a challenge to help him heal from his past trauma, to live out the rest of his life in peace, and I absolutely know that him coming into my life was no accident. I think sometimes we can be caught up in seeing things from only the one perspective, but if we can find a way to see a different perspective, it can change how we see ourselves and our life quite dramatically.

So as not to overwhelm you, I will respond to other parts of your post in the coming days. I am so glad you feel safe enough here to open up.

Sleep well,

indigo 💜

Re: Dealing with end of life as I knew it. Massive changes in my life.

indigo22 — Sat, 14 Feb 2026 04:43:02 GMT

Hello again Doors24,

I hope your health is improving a little each day.

Today I wanted to ask you about how you came to be a carer for your parent at such a young age, it's too young for that burden of responsibility. Where you the eldest? I know of a few others here that ended up in that role at a young age too and it is just not right to do that to a child. I can understand the progression of your anxiety to panic attacks. At what stage did you begin to have the ocd symptoms? I am guessing that was your way of coping with your anxiety at the time.

I think you have done a complete flip in terms of how you think about yourself and life. Perhaps you were naïve, but so was I for a long time. Life is rarely so black and white, there are always shades of grey in between but I think you have blocked them out. If you only think like a realist all the time, life will seem impossible because there is nothing you can change. However, you can live in reality whilst keeping your thoughts on how you would like things to be, it is how change manifests itself. The more you focus on what you do want (and not on what you don't want), you open the door for changes to happen for you. Why not try it for a while and see what happens, you have nothing to lose.

I am sorry you have been left to deal with your chemo on your own, did your sibling at least help you with some of it? I saw what my eldest brother went through with chemo so I can imagine it has been an ordeal to get through. I am glad you are past that stage so you can begin to heal from the surgery and chemo and get some physical strength back. I know the emotional healing will take longer but you have made it this far and survived, so I know you have it in you to recover. Nothing will ever be as bad as what you have already been through and you are still here to tell the story.

I won't lie to you either, I took all my strength to get out of the black hole and I had to do it alone with only the help of therapy. With no family left and no partner, there was no other choice but to do it alone but it took time and was a slow process. The best thing I did for myself was to move away from where all the memories were, it has allowed my mind and body to calm down. I know that may not be something you are able to do right now, but I would urge you to focus your thoughts on where you would like to see yourself and begin now to start working towards it. The further away from the city you are the less expensive it is to find somewhere to live and there is also the option of sharing a house or unit with someone to make things more affordable. Just start giving it some thought for now.

I will write again soon, hope the sun is shining where you are, seeing the sun always makes me feel better.

indigo 💜