topic I am very sensitive to criticism in Depression

I am very sensitive to criticism

jonny09 — Sun, 07 Nov 2021 08:40:10 GMT

Hello,

Whenever someone criticizes me(or makes fun of me), I think about it all the time.

After the event(where the person criticized me) gets over, i'll think about it the entire day and recreate the entire event in my mind and find a way to make a comeback. I wud be like, "next time this person says me this, i'll say him that".

And this thing just ruins my entire day.

I know i shud ignore it and move on. But i find it very difficult to ignore toxic people. Such things really consume my entire day.

How do i fix this problem?

I was thinking if i actively seek criticism(from people) instead of running away from it, maybe after nth time or 100th time, i'll get accustomed to it and it won't have any effect on me.Will this work? How shud i fix it?

I am very sensitive to criticism

Petal22 — Sun, 07 Nov 2021 10:30:24 GMT

Hi jonny09,

Im sorry that this causes you discomfort.

I think it’s a positive thing that you can recognise this.

I think if it happens again and you find yourself ruminating over it and you become conscious that you are doing this try to turn your attention to something more positive in the present moment.

The trick is once you realise you are doing it you need to stop giving your attention to it…….

Focus on something in the present moment and be mindful…. It takes practice..

Try to just let it go

I am very sensitive to criticism

jonny09 — Sun, 07 Nov 2021 10:51:47 GMT

I guess, i'll just have to practice to ignore things....there is no other way out or exercise that i can do to fix it.

I am very sensitive to criticism

Petal22 — Sun, 07 Nov 2021 11:51:54 GMT

You could see your gp and let them know how you are feeling and how it’s affecting your life.

You could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist.

A psychologist can give you many helpful strategies.

Your not alone

I am very sensitive to criticism

Markusnz — Sun, 07 Nov 2021 12:41:52 GMT

Hay jonny09

I know exactly what your saying. It can be hard to take criticism from people. It's especially hard if it's a personal criticism.

When I was young I use to do what you described. So I get.

As I got older I begain to realise that most people will only critize others to be hurtful and make themselves feel my important and better about themselves.

My wife calls them emotional vampires.

My rule is this... If any off handed comment made to me is not helpful or constructive in some way. I think about what motivated them to say it and then I dismis it...

Easier said than done, I know. Think of It as a tool that takes time to learn how to use.

I think what's important is to not change who you know yourself to be. It also takes time to get to know yourself. I am 40+ and still learning about myself and that's OK.

Some people will say that people never change. I don't agree. We change as we grow. The important thing here is to always grow.

I hope this is helpful in someway. If it's not, feel free to dismis it.

I am very sensitive to criticism

jonny09 — Sun, 07 Nov 2021 12:52:21 GMT

hey Markusnz,

Your reply was really helpful. The good thing about me is that, i know my weaknesses. And i have been dealing with this issue for last 2-3 years(and also as a kid). I know i have to learn to ignore. It's difficult to build that mental toughness, but i have to do it or else my life will become miserable.

In this world full of arrogant people, i need to learn to be mentally tough or else, i'll forever be weak.

I am very sensitive to criticism

therising — Sun, 07 Nov 2021 19:21:43 GMT

Hi jonny09

While being sensitive to criticism can definitely feel like a curse at times, I believe such sensitivity gives us the ability to pick up on the nature and agenda of critics. Being a sensitive gal myself, I've found it's kind of like rubbing my hands together on occasion before saying in my mind 'Okay, give me all you got. Criticise me 'til your hearts content so I can get a real sense of what your like or get a real sense of the mental programs swirling around in your head'. The big challenge can involve being an observer, rather than an emotional participant.

I've found sensitive people are typically intuitive people, offering another ability. Exercising listening to what naturally comes to mind can be something of benefit in ramping up levels of self-esteem. What I used to experience, when feeling gutted by criticism, was 1) listening to the criticism, 2) have something naturally come to mind and then 3) I'd dismiss what came to mind in favor of thinking (mentally processing what that person said) and feeling the impact of their words. Dismissing what comes to mind can often be where the problem exists.To give you an idea of where I'm coming from...

To set the scene, just say you mention to a friend or family member 'What that person said to me really hurt deeply' and their response is to laugh at you before declaring 'You're way too sensitive, you need to toughen up'. Straight away you feel their reaction hit you. It's like a subtle physical hit you can feel in your body that pings somewhere around the upper abdomen or chest area. Then, what may suddenly come to mind, 'You're an a-hole (spouting out verbal poop). This is no joke, so why are you laughing?' or 'You're way too insensitive, you need to soften up'. Just say you instantly dismiss what comes to mind and instead remain focused on the impact of their comment while going on to feel sad about being 'oversensitive', as though it's a fault. By the way, being deeply sensitive is not a fault in my opinion. On the contrary, it offers many abilities. The question remains, what stopped you from saying out loud what naturally came to mind? For me, I was often in 'People pleaser' mode, not wanting to upset anyone while they weren't fazed in upsetting me.

I came to realise a 'hit' I can feel can be a trigger to question a person.

When we were little, there was no problem challenging people out loud, 'You're so mean', 'That's not fair' etc. At some point, this was conditioned out of us 🙂

I am very sensitive to criticism

Amanda2000 — Mon, 08 Nov 2021 00:33:54 GMT

Hi jonny09

I've been feeling the same way my whole life, even as a young kid. After the criticism-incident, I would feel so uncomfortable with that person that I tend to avoid coming into contact with him/her again. If it's a person that I work with, I cannot totally avoid the person but I would keep any future communication to the very minimal. I have not been able to find a fix for myself. Instead of trying to fight off that horrible feeling/negative thought, I just let it come and go. It helps to visualise in my head and picture that negative thought floating away like a cloud or a leaf.

You are NOT weak. If you reframe this, the positive spin is being sensitive to criticisms ourselves can make us empathetic to others.

I am very sensitive to criticism

jonny09 — Mon, 08 Nov 2021 04:07:14 GMT

Hey Amanda2000,

In your case, for how long does this negative thought/criticism bothers you. Does it spoils your entire day or it stays for only few minutes and goes?

I am very sensitive to criticism

Amanda2000 — Mon, 08 Nov 2021 06:19:13 GMT

Hey jonny09

On a good day, I can distract myself and dismiss the criticism. But on a bad day, it does spoil my entire day and I can't even focus to watch tv. Sometimes I just need to ride it out, sleep and then reset for the next day.

I am very sensitive to criticism

Ramblify — Sat, 27 Nov 2021 12:40:37 GMT

I clicked on this thread because I thought, who isn't sensitive to criticism!? Some seem to be more sensitive than others, but I think they might just reveal their discomfort. Nobody likes to be criticised! Please reply if you're someone who thrives on criticism; I'd be very curious about why. As for the OP's ruminating thoughts - it might be good to talk to a theropist about this and work on stratagies to change your thinking patterns over time. I wish you luck on your personal growth journey!

I am very sensitive to criticism

white knight — Sat, 27 Nov 2021 12:55:52 GMT

The following thread has some relevant information about highly sensitive people

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/highly-sensitive-people-(hsp)

Regards

TonyWK

I am very sensitive to criticism

geoff — Sat, 27 Nov 2021 14:46:00 GMT

Hello Ramblify and Jonny09, criticism only breeds depression and while some people thrive on doing this, they don't know how much harm they are creating, although it may be subtle, it doesn't take away what they are actually doing to that person and will stop that person from wanting to open up, in fear of being told off.

There can be subtle ways to talk to someone else but to criticise, not only once, but several times is off-putting and people have to learn how to do this appropriately, because if you receive an email, text or in a conversation being accused, it only pushes you away.

Topics can be discussed but certainly not repetitively, there are no points to be gained in doing this.

Geoff.

I am very sensitive to criticism

Ramblify — Sun, 28 Nov 2021 10:37:15 GMT

Hi Tony and Geoff,

WK, I read that article you put the link for. Ive read the book on highly sensitive people by Elaine N. Aron. I could totally relate to what she was saying in the book, however, I felt highly cynical about it being a 'thing' - ie; a diagnosable condition. Again I just thought pretty much everyone could relate to this book in some way.. maybe not everyone; but a large proportion of society? And what if you are a HSP - it didn't really seem to lead anywhere. So I didn't really find it that helpful.

In regards to what you have said Geoff, and going a bit deep here; there is a method of psychoanalysing ones inner thoughts and ways to makes sense of them - internal dialogue. Look up 'Internal Family Systems Model' and you will come across a deeper theory. There are a some books on it I bead that where quite good - Stone and Stone are the authors if I remember correctly. But basically we all have our 'inner critic' vioce/part of us and this is what the OP is tuning into in their thoughts - The problem the OP is having is that 1 they are ruminating on their thoughts - this leads to a downward spiral to depression (if theyre not already depressed - I believe ruminating thoughts is a symptom of depression?). 2 They don't seem to know where those critical thoughts are coming from.

Another helpful text and theory is John Bradshaw's book 'Homecoming' - it is about our 'inner-child'. I'm no expert, but from what Ive read, the 'inner-critic' is there (in our head and thoughts), because it is doing a job.. it's protecting the most vulnerable part of us - our 'inner child'.

And Geoff, yes, I get ticked off with people's critical comments. I think theyre toxic people; and are the type of people ai talked about in my other thread - the one's I dont have time for any more. 😉 Again, they lack any understanding of any of the above mentioned or anything of psychological depth - and have no intrest in growing themselves - they might, but theyre growing in a very different way and on very different paths from people who have had mental health issues and faced them. I believe such people are in denial, because the truth would break them.