topic Re: Hello JacintaMarie, It sounds like you have big and bou... in Depression

Sorry

JacintaMarie — Sun, 16 Feb 2025 05:48:41 GMT

How are you? Sorry for coming here again.

I need to talk, I was going okay this morning.

I should be happy, as I got a job & getting paid, but my job, the management doesn't really do anything. We've had no good changes, just staff movements.

It's because of money, we don't have the money to do stuff. I don't know how other places do it.

Getting angry, & have admitted it, which is good. And the type of people they are, they're not proactive people, so they're never going to do it.

But my brain still doesn't get that & I get upset.

I wish I was like the other staff there & who don't give a s*** & just want to be paid.

I don't even have proof that our management is abit hopeless, just my gut feeling. It doesn't help, that they act nice, so it makes me feel worse, they're unproductive, but they're nice.

Having a cry. Am looking for another job, hopefully somewhere where they give a s*** & actually want to work & do some progress & change & evolution

Realized my anger

JacintaMarie — Tue, 18 Feb 2025 11:31:11 GMT

I'm down & sad & couldn't understand my anger, but realised my management has stuffed me around, didn't replace one of our team members, than gave me all their work, brought someone in the job but made it a librarian job.

Than made it into a library technician job, when I guess it should have been a library officer

I've been anxious than angry then depressed & I wonder why

Thanks a job I really did like, that I couldn't do as I was acting, I can't do anymore.

The people are nice though, they say the right words, but their actions are not.

And now, I'm grateful for job, but depressed, when I realize its a mean place, full of mean people & I'm stuck there.

Hello JacintaMarie, Thank you so much for sharing your...

Sophie_M — Wed, 19 Feb 2025 05:48:14 GMT

Hello JacintaMarie,

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with the community - no need to apologise, you are more than welcome here.

This must all feel so confusing for you... it sounds like your heart wants to be a part of something more meaningful and connected? It can be really overwhelming and leave us feeling flat when we aren't working in alignment with what we really desire. Of course, this is hard when we need to pay the bills though, isn't it?

It seems like your emotions are trying to tell you something here. Can you become curious about what this anger is trying to ask you to hear? And from that place, what actions can you take towards making the changes you need to in order to feel good? What is within your control?

It's okay to feel angry and hurt right now, even if people are nice. Taking care of yourself (and also asking for support) will go a long way to help you manage these bigger feelings. Do you have anyone you can turn to outside of work? And what are you doing for yourself to ensure your passions are being met when you aren't working?

A lot of questions - I know! But I think if we start with answering them, we will have a bit more clarity to work with and hopefully we can create a plan moving forward that helps you to feel excited and empowered again!!

Looking forward to your reply. xx

Warm regards,
Sophie M.

Re: Hello JacintaMarie, Thank you so much for sharing your...

JacintaMarie — Fri, 21 Feb 2025 11:02:16 GMT

Hi Sophie M

Thanks, I'm not sure, I think, stupid of me, I thought the library could improve more, have some more online resources & be something .

Yesterday, I showed a website that was really good, & said my hope was the library to be cutting edge, but I got told the library already was.

So, I've been wrong - I didn't think it was. Plus, your kind, some people there, I can't tell ideas - they just "laugh" at them & think I'm crazy & a nut case

Most people there, don't care, I don't have anyone I can talk too. I'm probably boring, as I keep on thinking about new ideas.

Re: Hello JacintaMarie, Thank you so much for sharing your...

JacintaMarie — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 06:05:23 GMT

Hi Sophie, I do writing & doing a paint by numbers & found out on Thursday, I found out from someone that the library is cutting edge - so there's no need to make it better.

I keep on talking & getting people angry.

People outside of work, just tell me I'm basically wrong, I am wrong - I thought our management weren't doing anything, but it turns out there isn't really anything to change.

Nit sure what I'm anger is about, maybe to do something more. But not work in law library - there's no need for change, or perhaps my ideas are just way ahead of what human beings can comprehend. It is hard when to deal with people who have closed minds & not open - there's alot of people there like that.

Hello JacintaMarie, It sounds like you have big and bou...

Sophie_M — Tue, 25 Feb 2025 05:45:03 GMT

Hello JacintaMarie,

It sounds like you have big and bountiful ideas, but they aren't being celebrated like they could be. You are right, it can be really tough being around people who aren't open to new ways of doing and being. It seems rather upsetting for you to be in this position, especially with people being unsupportive... I am very much getting the sense that working on a project outside of work that is just for you and your creative expression could help so much here.

Do you have any ideas? ✨😍

Warm regards,
Sophie M.

Re: Hello JacintaMarie, It sounds like you have big and bou...

JacintaMarie — Wed, 26 Feb 2025 10:28:19 GMT

Hi Sophie

I do writing - nearly finished a story & I'm doing a jigsaw & a paint by numbers

And I catch up with people

The worst is that, I feel stupid for believing in them, that I I thought they would achieve stuff & I've called them useless & even the manager, as well, when all it is they're just not good at change

Or when their is a actual problem to fix, they just leave it

Its not right but it'll right

JacintaMarie — Fri, 04 Apr 2025 09:51:56 GMT

How are you? My hormones are abit funny at moment, so emotions are funny.

I've called my management stupid & idiots - which isn't nice to call people - even when hormones are normal.

I usually stay away from them, so I don't feel like hypocrite talking to them. I say hello etc

They're not good at communicating & it takes a long time to get them to understand.

And, that's my sin. It's abit like talking to Donald Trump, in a way, or what I imagine talking to Donald Trump would be like - no offence to them & yeah, that's my sin

Hello Jacinta! So lovely to see you back here and connec...

Sophie_M — Mon, 07 Apr 2025 05:10:36 GMT

Hello Jacinta!

So lovely to see you back here and connecting with our community. I am sorry to hear that things are still feeling hard for you... hormones and emotions can be so challenging to manage!

I know work has been feeling tough for a while now, so you must be really exhausted from such a build up of pressure and stress.

How have your creative side-projects been coming along? I remember we discussed focusing on doing things for you, so I would love to hear what you have been up to!

Regarding hormonal support, have you been to your GP or a psychologist lately?

Looking forward to your reply,
Sophie M.

Re: Hello Jacinta! So lovely to see you back here and connec...

JacintaMarie — Mon, 07 Apr 2025 09:41:32 GMT

Hi Sophie M

My creative is coming along. I finished my paint by numbers. Looks good from distance.

And I finished my story, but I just need to type it up on computer (old school I know) next story, I got a paper tablet that can convert handwriting to text.

But feel bad for thinking some people at my work are the s word.

Today, I had a bad day - I did an initiative but knew I shouldn't have. I should have brought a book back from our offsite (which I did) but also scanned it on phone- I don't know why I did that - think it was the devil's advocate inside me.

Hi

JacintaMarie — Mon, 28 Apr 2025 11:15:41 GMT

Back again, I thought I'll send an email to the Fair Work Commission to see if they can investigate my manager.

However, turns out they're just inept & there's nothing you can do about ineptness. It's not important enough

And it is bad calling them inept, however I've known them for ages & I'm depressed that I had hope & hope is gone, gone & gone

Re: Hi

Croix — Fri, 02 May 2025 13:06:31 GMT

Dear JacintaMaree~

I'm sorry the Fair Work Commission was of no use, as I suspect it was the last avenue you had left to change the way your work was run.

I've noticed that over time the problems you have to do with work have occupied a lot of your posts over the years and must really occupy your mind. This is an unhappy way to live, concentrating on things that need a lot of improvment, but you can do nothing about.

It's a bit like watching the news, which is full of disasters, war and other horrible things. None of which either of us can do anything about.

If you concentrate on these things you can end up feeling powerless and spending all your time dwelling on the problems -a recipe for unhappiness.

I think Sophie_M was very wist to talk with you about the other things in your life. Your book, painting and other art. These are things over which you do have control and can be a sources of great accomplishment, they also provide opportunities for improvement, something that can give you satisfaction.

For example if a paragraph in your book does not say exactly what you want it to, then you can change it until it is exactly right. The same applies to your art.

I have found if I can draw a ling though my day, with work on one side, and other tihngs that are more pleasant on the other, then that helps me live a happier and more satisfying life.

Apart from typing up your book do you have any ideas for another? Also if you do is there anyone you can bounce those ideas off to see how effective they are?

Croix

Re: Hi

JacintaMarie — Wed, 07 May 2025 09:05:07 GMT

Hi Croix

Thanks for that & you are right, focusing on work is useless & yeah, the Fair Work commission was last avenue. In the last week or so, am learning to stop focusing on them, as someone said, their just inept, not bad. I can't do anything to change it, & feel like dumbo for wanting to change, just want to give up on trying to change as its not gonna change.

It's just something inside me that don't want to give up

I'm looking after my house, so cleaning & I haven't got another idea for story, but hopefully a new one will come.

Its frustrating for me, I know, caring & to tell the truth, I just feel sorry for them - no anger - oh man, they're sad & idiot for caring & focusing too much, thanks for putting up with my rants.

What a dope I was, fair work commission- you can't do anything about ineptness- well, training & support. What a fool I've been -

Re: Hi

Croix — Wed, 07 May 2025 14:11:13 GMT

Dear JacintaMarie~

I don't think you have been a fool at all, after all you have taken a problem, work, and tried every reasonable step to make things better. Tenacity can be a virtue.

Sometime it is hard to distinguish between the bad and the simply inept.

It has not worked, so now is the time to put it to one side and think of other things.

I guess ideas for stories can come from unexpected areas, and do so in their own time. You may even have the germ of an idea floating around in your head wihtout realizing it until it becomes more fully developed.

Croix

Re: Hi

JacintaMarie — Mon, 26 May 2025 11:54:42 GMT

Hi Croix

Sorry I've taken so long. Thanks, it is hard to distinguish from bad & inept. I know I should be more grateful for job, as better in job than out.

And I did try, at least, & I failed - its just hard & frustrating being with people who don’t understand & I don’t know how to make them understand & I'm a level 1, so I shouldn't be coming up with ideas, like today. I had an idea, of instead of spending money on the binding, to use that money, (we spend approx 20,000 a year) for an online journal databases, but manager didn't understand & too hard trying to explain, in my darkest moments I think I'm ahead of my time, perhaps like da vinci & 500 years ahead.

Also too, worried as I'm going on holidays & we've got new people, & feel bad for going on holidays, I haven't had holiday for 18 months. The new lady made me feel bad for leaving her alone, I did tell her to ask Jane about getting help. I suppose it is my management's decision for choosing a new person in my team, that she might not be ready to be by herself, as she's said so.But I wish people wouldn't do that, you don’t want to feel guilty about going on leave. We're getting someone to cover me. My team leader is full of stress & I don't react well to her stress, I don't know how the others deal with it. Its only to do with the work, if she's chatting she's normal.

Re: Hi

Croix — Tue, 27 May 2025 11:13:38 GMT

Dear JacintaMarie~

I'm really pleased you are getting some time off. 18 months is far too long. For one think it builds up thoughts of work and its problems without gaps for relief. So you concentrate on work problems full-time.

Yes it is unfair on the new person to expect them to simply take over. Most jobs require a fair degree of learning and practice and of course the ideal is for one peron to teach them. Unfortunatly upper management may not take this into consideration which of course creates the problem you have talked about and probably also the stress of your team leader.

While you are a kind and empathetic person that does not mean you can fix all the problems other people have. They are not of your making and I guess they will have to rely upon others for help.

I cannot say I realy understand the costs of binding, or your alternative, however it is frustrating when you know there is an opportunity that will be wasted. Again it comes down to decisions over which you have no influence. Frankly anyone who displays initiative as you have done should be encouraged, even if they say no to one project. Outside ideas and enthusiasm are hard to find and should be valued.

Do you mind if I ask what you plan on doing in your holidays?

Croix

Re: Hi

JacintaMarie — Mon, 23 Jun 2025 22:15:54 GMT

Hi Croix

Sorry I had my holidays & it was good, - had my first day back, which was okay, was nervous.

I didn't sleep last night & I yesterday afternoon I wondered why I thought my management was crap, they do everything "legal". Its just inside of me & this morning, I'm crying & wondering what's wrong with me.

On holidays I bumped my bumper, so it needs to be fixed, & at time, I felt so idiotic...I have scratched my newish car, I can't even keep it safe & even at home, I'm clumsily, I drop liquid from my cup, I've dented my wall, & that was when I was being careful.

Feel abit better, but just don't know what's wrong with me. I think I do need to leave there, but I'm crap at applying for jobs & interviews, & at same time, have to fix myself before I move on - but I don't seem to be fixing myself, &

Re: Hi

Croix — Tue, 24 Jun 2025 11:56:58 GMT

Dear JacintaMarie~

Welcome back, nice to hear your holiday was good. Please don't worry about the car, if it goes that's the main thing, if the mishaps are worth it get them fixed. My partner has a nice little car, but one day after visiting the supermaket there was a big dent where someone else had opened there door far too hard. A pity, maybe we will get it fixed one day, it's still a nice little car.

When I"m stressed with an anxiety condition I get clumsy, slop cups, hit furniture with my leg or do other annoying (and sometimes painful) things. Have you considered going to your GP and explain these times of being clumsy? Might be something quite simple.

The same applies to being so upset, crying and wondering what is wrong with yourself. I'm not sure if you have seen a clinician as yet, if not maybe a good idea, and if you have please tell them their remedies are not working. You need and deserve a happier life.

Croix

Re: Hi

JacintaMarie — Mon, 30 Jun 2025 10:07:46 GMT

Hi Croix

Thanks for that, yes when I'm being anxious I do do stupid things or when brain is funny - just annoyed at stupidly.

I'm glad I didn't hurt anyone.

I got a self help book for birthday called "The subtle way of not giving a f***" & its has helped me.

I've been caring too much about their behaviours when I can't do anything.

Don't know if my brain can move on.

But I am hoping I can move on, its a no where place.

Re: Hi

Croix — Tue, 01 Jul 2025 11:28:12 GMT

Dear JacintaMarie~

At one stage I felt it was all me, and I'd take that with me wherever I went or did, a bit like a snail carries its home with it. If I'd been told at that tme that I could change I'd not have believed it, I'd just think it was some do-gooder who had no idea talking.

I was wrong of course, my brain has changed through time, therapy, medications, support and a different environment, so now I do not have anything like the hassles I had before. My brain has adapted. I'm not sure of the technical term, neuroplasticity perhaps.

So I'm sure you can change too and not be anxious all the time, and make more wise decisions as a result

I might look in my library and see if they have that book

Croix