topic Depressed partner says they don’t love me in Depression

Depressed partner says they don’t love me

Allosaurus — Sun, 06 Oct 2024 10:48:08 GMT

My partner was diagnosed with severe depression 6 years ago. 2 years ago they started antidepressants, they’re taking the highest dose possible.

We have been married 10+ years. A week ago told me they didn’t love me anymore, and hadn’t had feelings for me for over a year. They don’t know if it’s the drugs affecting them or if they’ve had a genuine change of heart but they’ve done a good job of faking it - I was blindsided.

Folks with depression or partners of people with depression, has this happened to you? If it’s just the drugs messing with my partner’s head, is there any hope for us?

I know weaning or changing meds is a long road. I want to fight for my marriage and the person I married but I am also angry and upset at the way my life has been turned inside out.

Re: Depressed partner says they don’t love me

Croix — Mon, 07 Oct 2024 12:00:01 GMT

Dear Allosaurus~

Welcome here to the Forum, I would think what you find here will be of help. It must be a most worrying and upsetting situation for you to be in, and a real puzzle as to what are symptoms, and what is real.

I have been the other half of the story, with long term depression that had at the worst time left me in a condition where I was 'separated' from myself. It was as if I was looking at myself and my actions from the other side of a darkened glass window, and had little or no idea why I did things, I also was so divorced from my feelings I had no idea who I loved, if anyone, and no idea even if I was capable of loving at all.

This was an extremely hard time for my partner, as I showed no affection and constantly wished to be alone. She initially thought she may have been the cause, however after a visit to my psychiatrist she was told my behaviour was to be expected as a result of my conditions (I had more than depression) she was able to see things in perspective - and she stuck with me, something I don't think everyone would do due to my behaviour.

Part of my condition resulted in guilt and feeling worthless and a burden. To start wiht I tried to compensate for this and live a normal life, treating my partner as I always had, however in time things got so bad this was no longer possible. I said I did not think I loved anyone.

The reason I've gone into so much detail is my actions seem to closely mirror those of your partner. I too was taking (and still take) medication, however I've trialed a fair number over time and have found some which have the most unwanted side effects, from suicidality to being only concerned wiht myself and even behaving irrationally.

Everyone is different and reacts differently to drugs and dosages. I cannot say what causes your partner to behave the way he has, all I can say is it sounds like I behaved the same sort of way but eventually found the right medications and therapy, and now live a pretty good life, being able to give and accept love, to support and be supported, and am even tempered too.

I hope this helps. In this situation whatever happens I am sure that you would need support to help cope. May I ask if you have anyone in you life, family or a friend perhaps, who wil listen and show they care -they do not have to 'fix' anything, just be there.

You are not alone and are welcome here anytime

Croix

Re: Depressed partner says they don’t love me

Allosaurus — Mon, 07 Oct 2024 12:57:59 GMT

Thank you so much for taking the time and care to share your story. A lot of it is familiar, and I take heart that you have found a better headspace. I am very glad for you.

Your partner sounds like a brave and good and patient person - I desperately want to be the same for my partner.

I have told a few friends what’s happened and they are looking out for me. I anticipate my next session with my psychologist will be a doozy. My emotions have been all over the place this past week but I am calmer today, resigned to waiting a while.