topic Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions in Depression

Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

resistor — Tue, 24 Sep 2024 06:58:32 GMT

Hi. I'm not quite sure which forum to put this in, but since all my symptoms lead back to depression I hope this is the right place. Apologies if not.

I've been living with depression for at least two decades, most of that time untreated. I was also self harming most of that time, but managed to painstakingly reduce & eventually stop that harmful activity, I haven't hurt myself for the past 4 years.

Lately I've had enormous stress and try manage it with exercise, but it feels insurmountable & developed a habit of picking at threads in clothing or bedding until they come apart!

Keeping my fingers busy as I'm sacred of reverting to old bad habits. I have ruined shirts, tops, bedding. If there's a thread I'll go for it. I find this destructive act cathartic, but still destructive.

Working in the day is no problem either. But when resting at night, and my thoughts catch up with me, is when my fingers go to town.

My next appointment with my councillor is over 3 weeks away, but I can't wait around while I ruin my things.

Do anyone have ideas to keep your hands busy? I'm looking for healthy activities until I make my next appt.

Thank you. R.

Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

indigo22 — Tue, 24 Sep 2024 08:47:31 GMT

Hi resistor,

This is a perfectly good place for your post, thank you for sharing some of what you are and have been dealing with. I think we all know that feeling of being stressed out and overwhelmed but not quite knowing how to deal with it.

Firstly, I want to say what an enormous victory, 4 years without hurting yourself. I don't even know you and I am proud of you.

Going through depression untreated is hard, I know from experience as I was not diagnosed until my 40s, but had been dealing with it since my teens, I just thought I was the odd one out all my life. It's good to know you are getting some help with it now through counselling.

I can understand your concern about returning to old habits and with that in mind, I would like to give you some ideas. Some you may have tried already and are not for you, you can let me know about that in your response.

I think the number one thing that is helpful with most conditions is meditation - having said that, I know it is not for everyone. Have you tried it as yet?

I think it is not just your hands that need to be kept busy, but your thoughts as well. Is reading something that interests you?

I often play scrabble against the computer, it keeps my mind busy and gives me some respite from the constant thinking about things that we are so good at. It doesn't have to be scrabble, it can be something else that you like to play. Do you think this might help?

I also feel that spending time in nature can be very healing, perhaps tending to a small vegie garden or walking near a body of water or a forest area if either are nearby. Is this something that might help?

Lastly, having an animal is very good for helping us manage the difficult times, their love is unconditional and they are so intuitive to how we are feeling. Could this be something to consider?

If none of these are right for you, I am happy to talk more about your interests to see what we can come up with.

In the meantime, take care, you've got this.

indigo

Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

Scared — Tue, 24 Sep 2024 09:00:37 GMT

Maybe knitting its cheap and easy to do but its also able to be done in front of tv and its really good for your hands

Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

therising — Tue, 24 Sep 2024 18:36:06 GMT

Hi resistor

While under extreme stress, I've found people tend to meditate on a whole variety of different forms of self soothing. From what's harmful to what's harmless and everything in between, it can be an enormous list. Of course, it's helpful to know why the overwhelming stress or other emotions have come to exist in the first place. For example, are the emotions we feel telling us that our circumstances need to change or perhaps our perception of the circumstances needs to change or maybe skill development is the call when it comes to new ways of managing what stresses or upsets us and our nervous system and other systems in our body.

With self soothing meditations, some people will meditate of dual sensory or multi sensory experiences. With the thread pulling, it would be a dual sensory experience, something you can feel and see (unless you can hear the threads being pulled, which includes another sense). Some people will rock, as a form of self soothing and others will rock and humm. The vibration from humming is said to help the vagus nerve and other aspects of the body. Some people will take up colouring in, with a visual sense relating to satisfaction and perhaps hearing the sound of the pencils on paper. ASMR (Automomous Sensory Meridian Response) is another form of meditation/self soothing, relating to sound and feelings within the body. Plenty of ASMR videos on YouTube. Daydreaming can be another one. Depending how good you are at daydreaming, this one can involve a multi sensory experience. For example, if you're lying on the cool grass under a warm sun near a field of lavender, can you feel the grass with your hands and feel the sun on your face? Can you smell the lavender and hear the happy bees humming near you? Sounds a bit out there but if they're talking bees, can you hear them humming 'We love you'? In your imagination anything is possible, even talking bees 😁. Maybe something to help the daydreaming along could involve an aromatherapy diffuser. Put a bit of lavender in there or maybe some other scent. There are plenty of guided meditations to be found, ones that work for us (as opposed to ones that don't work). Some people will go for a fidget toy, one they can feel and hear. Others may have their 'go to' music and let the music freely move them. As I say, there can be a huge list of things to meditate on when it comes to self soothing. What I mention is just the tip of the iceberg.

I think a lot of people experience harmful ways of self soothing but don't necessarily class them as self harming. To change those ways is a major achievement and you definitely should be proud of yourself for having made so much progress. As a gal who's successfully managing to get on top of emotional eating, I had a habit of emotional drinking many years ago. I still, to this day, tend to reach for a cigarette when I'm stressed. They're all self harming ways, highly questionable habits of self soothing. Getting out of one habit can take us into another. The challenge is to move through habits until we find all the best ones that work for us in really positive and constructive ways. It's important to remember we're a work in progress, always reforming our self, always evolving. Occasionally we can get stuck on a certain level of self understanding/self development, before eventually graduating to next level. I can understand your longing to graduate to a whole new level. You'll get there. 🙂❤️

Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

resistor — Wed, 25 Sep 2024 22:34:43 GMT

Therising, interesting that you mention meditation. I tried it in the past with limited success, but I never knew about the multi sensory approach. That switched a light bulb on inside my head, it makes so much sense now! I feel better when viewing it from a self-soothing angle as apposed to a destructive act. Instead of fighting these urges (an challenge that feels hopeless) I should find alternatives. This is really helpful, thank you.

Scared, unfortunately knitting is not my cup of tea - I will struggle to keep a lasting interest, but thanks for the suggestion regardless. This reinforces the idea that I should keep looking.

Indigo22, those are all great ideas. I love reading and have a few books on my reading list. When I feel upset I find it difficult to focus though, but when I am better I will pick reading back up. I do find it soothing, thanks for the reminder! I do have pets and they do help me feel better (as demanding as they are!) I will definitely consider visiting the local park more (perhaps with my book).

Thank you all, your support means a lot. I would like to write more responses, but I am out of words for the moment. 🌟

Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

therising — Thu, 26 Sep 2024 08:07:00 GMT

Hi resistor

I hope I lead you to a smile when I mention one form of meditation that settles me when driving in stressful traffic. I keep a small fluffy plush rabbit toy in my car and when I'm sitting at a red light I take the rabbit and rub it under my nose while meditating on the feel of it. Imagine that, pulling up beside a 54yo woman at the lights to see her self soothing like a 2yo with a security blanket or toy (rubbing it under their nose)😅. Whatever works, hey. This is much better choice for me compared to when I used to pick the skin off my lips in stressful traffic. While self guided meditation (aka 'daydreaming') works well for me at times, definitely can't do that one in traffic.

Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

indigo22 — Sun, 29 Sep 2024 00:24:01 GMT

Hi resistor,

I just want to add that there are many different forms of meditation, so if seated meditation is difficult for you, then try another type. Walking meditation is one alternative, with this you simply concentrate on your breathing as you walk. People have been walking labyrinths for centuries as a form of meditation. Becoming immersed in a hobby is also a form of meditation. When your mind is focussed on one particular thing, to the exclusion of anything else, this is meditation in a different form. I am sure you have had an experience where you were focusing on something and hours went by without you being aware of it. That is what I am referring to. Another form that I have found helpful is Tai Chi.

I hope you can find what works for you.

Take care,

indigo

Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

resistor — Sun, 29 Sep 2024 11:57:34 GMT

Hi therising, that does make me smile!

I have a soft toy penguin. Maybe I should keep it on hand. 😁

Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

resistor — Sun, 29 Sep 2024 12:01:43 GMT

Hi indigo, thanks for the info. I have a couple activities that make me focus like that, never thought me them as meditation before, thanks! I'll put some of them on my "things to make me feel better" list.

Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

resistor — Tue, 15 Oct 2024 10:34:58 GMT

Hello. Okay so I finally got to see the mental health councillor. It was a long 3 weeks wait, I can tell you that.

After our session I felt very confused. I did not take anything useful away from the session, at least I don't think I did. maybe I need to process it more. I have to practice identifying my emotions. But how does one do that?

I'm very worried that I'm not getting the help I desperately need, given how overloaded and depressed I feel.

Is it normal to feel so lost trying to navigate emotions? How do you cope only having professional help one hour a month? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do for the next four weeks.

I am okay for now. But I'm one very bad day away from mental collapse. It would be nice to avoid that. 😄

Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

indigo22 — Thu, 17 Oct 2024 03:15:50 GMT

Hi resistor,

It can be difficult recognising what you are feeling, especially in the beginning. You are already doing this, by naming the feelings of overwhelm and depression, it is a matter of digging deeper to the causes of those feelings.

For example, can you recall what caused you to feel depressed in the first place? Perhaps it was a traumatic event, or a loss, identifying the reason is a good place to start. Once you have identified the reason, try to identify what emotions you were feeling at that time. Maybe it was sadness, disappointment, fear, etc.

Also do the same with your feelings of overwhelm, identifying why that began.

To give you an idea, when I was 12 years old, my father said he would not support me in what I knew I was born to do with my life. His words left a deep wound which left me with feeling I was not good enough, undeserving, that my desires where unimportant. Had I not been a sensitive child, I might have not listened to his words and just done what I wanted to. This is where my depression began. So the emotions where lack of self worth, lack of self esteem, disappointment, feeling under valued by someone I loved.

During my life, I have had many losses that over time wore down my resilience. I found myself with no family at the age of 51 and I was completely overwhelmed by all I had been through. At this time I was not only dealing with the depression but also fear of what my future would be like with no family, no partner, no children. I also felt betrayed by actions of members of my family, as a consequence was really angry for a couple of years. This was also due to not being given the right to express my emotions as I was growing up, I had pushed them down, and they all came out in the 2 years. When we turn our emotions inward, instead of allowing them to be expressed, we can develop a kind of self loathing. I was angry with them for sure, but I was mostly angry with myself for allowing it to happen.

I still struggle with overwhelm when something in my life goes awry. One of the reasons for this has to do with the nervous system response. If the nervous system is in a constant state of dysregulation (fight, flight, freeze) or alert, our thinking mind does not work properly, our bodily functions are affected and we can feel drained and fatigued.

It may be that the counsellor you are seeing is not a good fit for you, but give it a couple of sessions to see how you feel. Let your gut inform you, it is rarely wrong. Sometimes it can take a few tries before finding the right person. In the meantime, make use of the help lines when you need to talk in real time, that's why they are there and what you experience with these calls may help you decide if your counsellor is a good fit. People on the help lines may be able to direct you to services in your area that may help during the time between psych visits.

We will be here also, but this is not real time oriented so please do make use of the help lines when needed.

I hope this is of help, I know it's difficult and I feel for you but hang in there,

indigo

Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

resistor — Tue, 12 Nov 2024 21:40:50 GMT

Hi Indigo

Thank you for sharing part of your story. It made me feel sad to read about your struggle. Your story is also very encouraging, since it shows me that it is possible to be happy again, despite how we feel. So thank you.

Unfortunately I am very far way from identifying the first cause of my depression. That must have been around 30 years ago. Having had an anxiety-ridden childhood there were many days I spent in a haze which forgot about. I will have to work on this 🙂

I have decided to see another counsellor, I have one lined up already.

Thanks again.

Re: Need advice on dealing with strong emotions

indigo22 — Fri, 06 Dec 2024 03:24:38 GMT

Hi resistor,

How are things going with the you? Was the counsellor a better fit for you?

Hope you are feeling a little better,

indigo