I like living but I don't trust myself

AzzaFromAdelaide — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 12:07:55 GMT

Hey all

I'm trying to figure out why my mind goes to this worried and dark space.

It's like I don't trust myself.

I don't want to die, but I have this fear that I'll instantly jump over the balcony edge or jump Infront of a train. I cannot have hotels with balconies or visit train stations because I have so much anxiety. Like I said I don't want to end my life, I'm happy for the most part, but I have this huge fear that I won't think of the consequences before it's too late.

Is there a name for this Illness is it just generic anxiety?

Thanks for reading

Aaron

Re: I like living but I don't trust myself

therising — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 20:58:35 GMT

Hi Aaron

I've found this way of thinking can be based on a number of factors. While I find times where such thoughts come to mind can be out of the blue, I've come to wonder why I have them. I know a few other people who have them too. As you mention, it's not as though you want to do these things or have any ill intention, they just kind of pop up. An example for me would be at traffic lights, 'Go through the red light and see what happens'.

Some of it comes down to impulse control. Becoming a master at impulse control can be the goal in some cases. In other cases I think 'I have no idea where this (inner dialogue) is coming from but what I do know is it's not good and it's definitely going to end badly'. So, the goal here is to pay no attention to what's going to end badly. Shifting focus becomes the key. With the balcony thought, for example, 'I will go down stairs' or 'I will go down in a lift'. The only way to get to the bottom is by fully focusing on stairs or a lift. Talking yourself through that could be the way to go. 'I will walk to the door of the room. I will lock the room behind me. I will push the lift button' etc. Talking yourself out of reaching the ground floor by balcony exit and into reaching it by means where you will survive.

As I say, who knows where the inner dialogue is coming from but something I've found what helps is channeling the sage in me or some part of me that relates to what's logical. A part of me that's logical will dictate the facts, at those traffic lights, 'Keep your foot on the brake, the light is red'. Something I've found that tends to trigger this strange kind of dialogue at times is a semi daydreamy state. Sort or half in reality, half out of it. I suppose you could say when I'm 'a little out of it'. Not sure whether you find the same thing at times. The challenge here involves 'snapping out of it' and fully back into reality. Not sure whether you find, if this does happen, something in you is saying 'Snap out of it'. To sum it up, it's a little like being half in reality and half in your imagination. I can't help but wonder whether you're a daydreamer.

If you don't fully trust yourself under certain circumstances, having someone with you (on the train platform, in the hotel room or somewhere else) is like having someone with you who can help you master impulse control while helping you manage your imagination and focus. Experts don't quite know exactly how the imagination works or what exactly it does totally but they do know it can pose serious issues at times. Seeing someone who can help you get to the bottom of all this can also be helpful. Whether that involves a psychologist or someone else, guidance could be something worth considering, someone to help guide you through this challenge.

topic I like living but I don't trust myself in Depression

I like living but I don't trust myself

Re: I like living but I don't trust myself