topic Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it? in Depression

Bouncing back- how do you do it?

white knight — Thu, 29 Feb 2024 16:01:48 GMT

Most of us here dont live stable lives in terms of our mental health. Ups and downs can come from many sources, the most common one is depression, be it the illness itself as an origin or other health issues that lead to it.

Whatever the reason we fall and many of us fall heavily. We get tired of this dropping into the abyss because that feeling generates a "oh no, not again" feeling and along that path is the dreaded almost unrealistic thought of not being able to crawl out of it. Of course we do and within a few days, months, years for some we respond and recover. While we are on this high we feel we wont drop again and of course we do and that cycle seems to never end. That's the sad part- it never ends.

Positive thinking, something I've believed in for 50 years now actually has very little impact during the down times, in fact you could be adding to your depression trying to motivate yourself and fail to do so. So, I wait until I get those tingles that cause me to smile a little and I know its time to motivate, go for longer walks and smell the roses.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation/td-p/149708

But everyone's different, what works for one might not for another. Hence I need your help. What tactics work for you that bring you out of a bout of depression? Or what helps delay your mood if you can feel it coming on? Do you rush to do the food shopping because you are falling into that cycle so you dont have to shop when you are depressed?

What is your control methods to help you battle this terrible illness of depression?

TonyWK

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

therising — Thu, 29 Feb 2024 20:46:35 GMT

Hi Tony

You describe the cycling aspect of depression perfectly. I can completely relate. I feel deeply for all those who find themself in the depressing part of the cycle, wishing it could all be different while sometimes questioning 'What's wrong with me?'.

While I know you're familiar with the HSP side of things, which in itself can come as a relief to know (I'm not broken, I'm just a HSP'), I've found a lot of it comes down to understanding and mastering what it means to be a HSP for me. Of course, can be hard to manage remembering all this when incredibly depressed, so sometimes it pays to write it down and read over it as a strong reminder

I am not broken, I simply have the ability to sense or feel myself cycling into a depressing or potentially depressing challenge, which begs the question 'What is this challenge about and is it something that I will be led to grow through?'. So, it's about identifying the challenge
Is this challenge a physical one, a mental one or a soulful kind of one? If I can get a sense that I'm mentally and soulfully okay, I know it must be a physical challenge. For example, could it be I'm due for a B12 shot, I'm not managing my sleep apnea properly or could it be something else that poses a depressing chemical imbalance? Is it time for some blood tests? If I'm doing all things right in the way of producing all the right chemistry and energy but I'm still depressed, could it be mental or soulful? Am I working with a depressing outdated belief or some facet of myself that's gotta be tamed (with it's inner dialogue) or am I working with a soulful issue that has me feeling no sense of life running through me, such as a seriously depressing lack of soulful inspiration? Of course, all 3 can tie in together at times
Do I feel I need a guide or a set of guides for this challenge or can I get a sense of what it's about while managing it alone? If a guide of some sort is needed, what type of guide do I need? A financial guide, a more soulful one, one who's familiar with the depressing aspects of inner dialogue, someone who's an adventurer who will lead me to feel life more through adventures, a GP, people on the forums here who can relate to the challenges of depression etc etc?

Just some of a number of questions I've come to find helpful in my life.

Sounds strange but sometimes I'll pick an imaginary guide. I have a couple of meditations that can lead me to answers at times. With one, I imagine I enter through a white picket gate. I walk along a path through a forest, where I eventually come to a cottage. Inside the cottage is a kind sage like man, with a long white beard and with long white hair. I imagine he says with a smile 'What brings you here? What do you need to know?'. I then state my issue and fully open my mind to see what words or imagery come into it. On one occasion I asked 'What is my problem, what am I not seeing?'. What came to mind was 'Look around'. All over the walls appeared dozens and dozens of clocks all ticking away. The response from my imagined sage was 'Your problem is with time. You're not managing it in ways that serve you'. It was so true. I was managing my time in a lot of depressing and anxiety inducing ways that were leading me to feel so unwell, mentally and physically. In my meditations, I thank my sage and make way back and out through the gate, back into the real world. I always bring back some form of greater understanding.

Sometimes I question in my life 'Why can't life be all about non depressing challenges?'. In the school of hard knocks, when the heck do we graduate to a constant sense of ease (as opposed to feeling dis-ease in some form)? What comes to mind (perhaps it's that sage) is 'Life is a learning experience and being so means there will always be a need to learn through the hard stuff. How many people do you know who have significantly advanced in life through all that's easy? Think of just how much you've learned through all your challenges over the years'. Must admit, I have learned a lot.

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

randomxx — Thu, 29 Feb 2024 21:35:21 GMT

Eh tony and thanks for another brilliant thread.

Myself normally my whole life l've never been one to force it either way or to fakery pretend it's all ok doesn't work for me and just uses up and wastes energy l'll need to get through. l ride it out and let it work through.

l do do things though that help a lot for me and these l do nudge but they're just little necessities anyway, nothing major l'd know l couldn't cope with.

Like l still try to look after myself, or step out the door enjoy the view or sun or fog out front even if only 5mins, go for a drive or a walk down the beach or a kayak, still work, still make sure l enjoy my coffee and eat regular, try not to mope in bed, go mow the grass. l'll be a zombie but that doesn't matter and l'm scared otherwise that if l don't keep doing some normal l'll collapse.

So l just try to keep those simple normals going myself and they stop anything sinking past a certain level.

Best to all.

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

Eagle Ray — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 01:40:56 GMT

Dear Tony,

I am in the midst of severe depression and anxiety at present. One thing that is helping me is my love of photography. So although I feel awful I am watching YouTube videos of other photographers out on location in beautiful landscapes showing how they are capturing them, talking about their cameras etc. Because this is something I am so interested in, it takes me out of the depression at least temporarily. Even though I can go back into it afterwards, this gives my system a break, like a circuit breaker. It's like a form of respite. It must shift things in the brain and activate some different neural pathways. So it really does help. I wonder if their is an interest that really absorbs you and takes you somewhere else for a while?

As you say, the depression doesn't last forever and we cycle out of it again. It can sometimes be hard to see and know that when we are in it, but just knowing good things still lie ahead is really important. I also have the experience that positive thinking doesn't necessarily work when in the down times. I find I need to actually accept this is how I'm feeling rather than trying to fight it with positive thoughts. The fighting it uses up more energy and can intensify the struggle. So instead I am trying to learn to be gentle and kind to myself at these times and then orient to something that is nurturing in some way.

A while back a psychologist said to me that I can ask myself "What do I need right now?". That might be a cup of tea, time outside in the fresh air, a rest etc. Sometimes we are busy trying to solve everything in our heads, worrying about the past or the future etc, when what we actually need is to just let go of that and focus what we most need in this very moment. I easily get lost in spiralling distress, so coming back to this very simple question can be helpful.

I do what you describe with the food shopping. I will sense I am not going well and stock up so if I am unable to leave the house for several days I know I at least have food. I am deal with physical health issues as well and they also flare at times, so I try to be prepared for the down times.

Take care Tony and with you in spirit.

Eagle Ray

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

Ggrand — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 02:43:40 GMT

Hello Dear Tony and everyone…

That’s a hard question to answer, I suppose it depends on the depth of my depression…right now I’m doing okay (depressed but manageable) which I can do things that might brighten my mood a bit more then it is now, simple things that I like to do, talking here on BB, doing online jigsaws, diamond painting etc…but in the depth of a deep depression I can’t even bring myself to get out of bed or even care for myself properly, just getting through each day the best I can, can be a struggle…

I really can’t do much for myself until the deepness of my depression passes, my thoughts can get so unhealthy towards myself, that If I start to feel unsafe, I might ring a crisis line…if I feel able to talk coherently and without tears interrupting…if I am unable to ring, then, in a way, my fur girls have a huge job in helping me out of the depth of depression…They let me know that they need feeding or they want fresh water….They don’t mind my teary hugs as I drag myself out of bed to care for them…I get rewarded for my efforts with lots of tail wags and wet kisses… once I’m up and they have full bellies, they jump onto the lounge with me for snuggles…might take me a few days, sometimes weeks to start feeling on top of my depression enough to start caring enough about myself to be able to start doing things that I know will help me get stronger…

We hear of so many different forms of strategy and coping tools, but I think it’s a matter of finding what works for ourselves and finding our inner strength to reach out to it..

My kindest thoughts everyone with my care, love and hugs..

Grandy..

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

white knight — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 23:02:32 GMT

Hi everyone, I'm blown away with these responses mainly how vastly different they are. This can have a propounding influence on new members.

This risings analytical

Thoughts can serve as examples on how not to be fearful in allowing your assessments of your depression stop you from finding its origin nor its type, physical or otherwise. Eliminating false origins allow us to narrow our attention to the actual culprits of cause.

Random pushes through with physical work. Not any different that an ADHD patient uneducated (edit meant unmedicated sorry), using gardening as a manic soother.

Grandy acknowledges how low she can get and identifies the live and care from her other family members eg fur babies.

EagleRay uses her passion of photography to divert attention from the depths of depression. Youtube is indeed good for this as it allows this within your home.

Wonderful

TonyWK

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

randomxx — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 12:10:57 GMT

Must admit Tony, l'm not quite sure how to take the ADHD patient uneducated piece.

l'm not sure if you meant uneducated as in uneducated in which case would be quite a way off as l have a degree and a few other things. Or if you've meant uneducated in ADHD, or something else.

l will say though that over a life time to date though, l've known myself very well for a long time now and have certainly become very well educated in of what l can and can't handle and of what will even help a little, what to touch and of what not to go near. Mind you, l am still here questioning now and then to like a lot of people though nonetheless but more so due to some experimenting further over the last few yrs with a couple of things.

Personally l also won't touch meds and neither will my d but l have come across a few people that after a lot of experimenting have eventually had success over 20yrs and more with certain meds.

My best to all

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

Eagle Ray — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 12:32:22 GMT

Hi rx,

I'm just guessing (and correct me if I'm wrong Tony), but I'm thinking Tony may have written unmedicated and autocorrect changed it to uneducated. I find that happens to me a lot. I type something and it changes to another word it predicts that I'm intending to write when I am not. Unless I read back over what I've written I can miss it. So I think he was referring to the way someone with ADHD may be self-medicating through an active activity like gardening if they are not on actual medication (again correct me if I'm wrong Tony!).

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

randomxx — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 12:51:23 GMT

Hi there ER and thanks for your take.

But no doubt about it l hate the auto correct to bc l'm also Dyslexic and it's taken me quite a bit of practice writing round here as it is but that thing's still catching me out all the time to.

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

Eagle Ray — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 15:11:54 GMT

Yes, autocorrect is frustrating! I remember seeing a book called “Damn You Autocorrect” that was full of funny sentences that ended up in emails and text messages sent between people. Many of them were laugh out loud hilarious. That’s made me think how laughter is often a good antidote to depression!

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

therising — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 19:45:14 GMT

Hi everyone and thanks so much for such great insight. I always appreciate tips and strategies that are going to open my mind.

Eagle Ray, 100% agree with the laughter strategy. Wasn't until covid lockdowns here in Melbourne that I came to fully realise how therapeutic laughter can be. It's when my kids and I developed our ability to speak absolute nonsense, having each other in fits of laughter at times. I wouldn't have managed too well without this strategy. I think Melbourne's 245 non consecutive days in lockdown brought out the comedian in me. Actually, I've managed to find a common thread running through the cycles over the years. When I cycle into depression, typically a new facet of me is on the verge of coming to life. The question can be 'What is it that's champing at the bit to come to life?'. Whether it's the adventurer in us begging to come back to life through a depressing lack of adventure, our intolerant sense of self who's on the verge of getting the people pleaser in us to take more of a back seat in life, the comedian in us that will provide a sense of comic relief amongst the pain or some other facet, I've found one of the most powerful facets is the wonderer. It's the part that doesn't declare 'I'm so broken', instead it leads us to wonder 'Why am I suffering so much?'. Then the quest begins, to find out why we're suffering as well as how we can manage the sufferance in ways that are going to serve us.

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

Eagle Ray — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 22:06:08 GMT

Hi therising,

I think that question of “Why am I suffering so much?” is so important. Often people get a diagnosis of depression and are left with amorphous feelings but no real insight into what is happening. If you can gradually piece together the mystery of what’s behind it, you can start to find constructive ways of addressing it. Sometimes it is multifaceted and needs to be come at from a few angles. I think treating it as a mystery to solve can help alleviate some of the suffering as well, like it becomes a quest as I know you’ve mentioned elsewhere. I love your idea of the inner sage whom you can go and ask questions to. About 18-19 years ago I was having wise old man dreams. In one of those dreams he was really emaciated, showing how I had been neglecting his wisdom. In another dream he guided me to the decision to become an education assistant which I followed through with in my waking life and it turned out to be a really good decision for me at that time in my life. I was going through significant depression as well as a lot of physical pain around the time of these dreams. So it is like we have inner resources that can manifest to help us in times of depression and difficulty.

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

white knight — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 23:05:07 GMT

So sorry rx, auto spelling error, it was supposed to be "unmedicated". Whatever way sufferers medicate eg diet, more physical exertion or other is ok but I was trying to express that without anything can be an issue. Certainly didn't mean uneducated

I wouldn't intend to hurt. I should have proof read it

TonyWK

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

randomxx — Sat, 02 Mar 2024 05:31:27 GMT

Ah thanks very much Tony that's nice to hear , it didn't sound like you so l wasn't too bothered, didn't even think of the silly spell checkers though.

All the best

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

therising — Sat, 02 Mar 2024 08:36:37 GMT

Hi Eagle Ray

I love how much you related to your dreams and how they shed light on your path while leading you in the direction that served you best. I think we humans are amazing when it comes to all the incredible ways in which we work. We can definitely be a mystery with a kind of longing to be solved (through greater self understanding).

At times I consider life to be a bit of a treasure hunt. Occasionally we'll find gold nuggets or moments that bring us great excitement and joy, at times there'll be gems of a multifaceted nature (such as those parts of us that serve us) and little pearls of wisdom we feel as much needed revelations. Can be hard to locate such treasures in the dark but it doesn't mean they're not there waiting for us to discover them. Don't know, maybe that's what we're meant to be doing, saying to our self I'll search for a nugget this week, a gem next week and somewhere throughout the month ahead I'll search for a pearl or two. While I tend to forget some of my amazing finds, I think there's a need to keep a log of them (a journal of some type).

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

white knight — Sat, 02 Mar 2024 09:45:18 GMT

The Rising

"Treasure hunt." Several years ago, I was burnt out. Due to mania I'd lived 3 lives in one, so it seemed so in a way, there was no more treasure, a been there done that...

I was wrong, along came the James Webb Telescope that has filled me with amazement and Netflix mainly documentaries and newly discovered marine species at great depths.

TonyWK

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

therising — Sat, 02 Mar 2024 19:26:56 GMT

Hi Tony

I suppose there are so many things that can shift our focus away from the treasures in life. When such things become depressing or anxiety inducing it definitely doesn't help matters. That kind of stuff just fixes our gaze even more intensely, away from the treasures.

Whether it involves a view to something truly amazing, documentaries that fill us with wonder and awe, simple things that we can feel exciting us and inspiring us and bringing us to life, I think a lot of us would agree we've heard our self say in one way or another 'I thought the kid in me was long gone'. But there he/she is, brought back to life and grateful to us for having refocused.

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

Eagle Ray — Sun, 03 Mar 2024 02:17:39 GMT

Hello All,

Yes, I love the idea of a treasure hunt. I love wildlife photography and I never know what I'm going to see when I go out. Sometimes I don't see much at all and then I'm almost back to my car and a beautiful bird appears, a bandicoot starts feeding on the track, a snake slithers across it or kangaroos jump past. All these things have happened to me on my most recent walks and just across the road from me too. I feel every animal I see is a blessing. I don't have to get photos, just seeing them is enough. If I do manage to get the extra bonus of a nice photo, I can revisit that memory again and again afterwards. There are actually incredible treasures everywhere in so many ways. It is what keeps me tethered to life.

Those marine creatures from the depths are incredible. They are otherworldly looking, simply because they are not quite like anything we knew existed before. The earth still holds many secrets as does the universe. The wonder from that in itself is an awe-inspiring thing. I agree that re-connecting with the kid in us is a special thing to do. I love being around kids because of their wonder and fascination at things.

May we all connect with worlds of wonder,

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

white knight — Mon, 04 Mar 2024 01:24:20 GMT

Hi everyone

Over the last few months I've had a 82yo mate face cancer. Two days ago we towed our caravan to his town 3.5 hours away and visited. He's lost 20kg and unlikely to reach xmas.

On our way home it was quite emotional watching his wife, married for 62 years, get emotional and us trying to be strong and supporting.

I realised this morning that I'm pulling myself together and wondered how, well, its all got to do with returning to our living routine, grab breakfast, sit on our verandah and watch the native birds feeding the seed on our bird feeder and drinking from the bird bath. Do some shopping and all these things have distracted me in a home base that I feel secure in. But what about those people that dont feel their abode is home? they dont feel secure- ever? and dont get pleasure in feeding birds or have fur babies? like our mini foxies that we love so dearly.

Life already a daily struggle for us, I cant imagine if it was more of a struggle, well financially I can as I struggled for so many decades then in 1996 and 2020 I built two houses that reaped financial reward and debt freedom, so I can think how hard it would be at 68yo and having a mortgage etc. That would bring me down heavily and constantly. While gratitude is a very good bit of medicine it doesnt mean struggles go away. Famous rich people like Howard Hughes still struggled regardless of his wealth.

So getting lifted, bouncing back can be a daily or weekly event.

He appeared half the man in bulk and might

stooped over and half his height

but to face his fate he not hesitate

double the courage and triple the fight...

TonyWK

Re: Bouncing back- how do you do it?

randomxx — Mon, 04 Mar 2024 10:54:56 GMT

Hi there Tony and sorry to hear about the friend.

l think about others a lot to atm , especially in these crazy times and mad housing situations , and for people to have somewhere to call and feel home.

My ex and l travelled and moved a lot over 10 yrs , we often lived in a tent between stops sometimes for mths , but it was a choice and part of what we were doing and wanted while we were young.

But when we'd did decide to stop it was a helluva lot easier to start up a new base somewhere, find a house to call home temporally than what people are going through now, really sad stuff.

But hell yeah , many of the actors and musicians have many problems even with what you'd think with their wealth , impossible, a lot of them actually go broke later on to.

But l also couldn't even imagine not being able to walk outside or go down the street or beach or shopping, living la la land many of them have all kinds of MH problems to. Give me the real world any day.