topic Re: Friend not a friend in Depression

Friend not a friend

cloudy overhead — Sat, 10 Feb 2024 07:42:29 GMT

Ive been in contact with this person for the last 4 years and regularly catch up for lunch. We share a birthday together and she's about to have a significant birthday.

I asked her if she'd like to catch up on our mutual birthdays, she proceeded to let me know how "FRIENDS" of her's were throwing her a birthday party therefore could we catch up before hand. Initially, I stupidly said yes, although I couldnt shake my annoyance, disbelief and hurt. I let her know I was hurt and how I would've invited her to a birthday party I might have,especially as we share the same day.

This event has just added to my depressed state of late and makes me wonder how people can be so stupidly insensitive, especially as she is 'up there in age'

This makes me appreciate more and more how I genuinely enjoy my own company.

Re: Friend not a friend

quirkywords — Sat, 10 Feb 2024 09:31:30 GMT

cloudy overhead welcome to the forum.

Do you think your friend thought she was being honest as she could have not mentioned it. Inthink sone people are unaware how hurtful they are.

i had people a few months ago organising a lunch for several people I know. Tbey invited a few people and nit me. Now couldn’t they ask when I wasn’t there.

Hopefully you know kind considerate people.

Re: Friend not a friend

therising — Sat, 10 Feb 2024 12:17:19 GMT

Hi cloudy overhead

People can definitely be questionable at times. You can just feel it, the need to question. I suppose a lot depends on the answers we get, whether they're reasonable ones that can satisfy us in some way. Wondering whether your friend ever gave you what you feel is a reasonable and satisfying answer.

It's definitely tough when we're highly sensitive (able to sense so easily and so deeply). Kind of leaves you wondering at times 'Why can't others sense what they say and do?' and 'What leads them to become so insensitive at times? How do they lose their sensitivity?'. Can think of a few times recently where I thought 'What the heck? How could that person not have felt what they just said to me? How's that possible?'. And then it's like because you can feel how upsetting words can feel, you put the effort into developing a filter and then you're left scratching your head at some point as to why you do it when others don't seem to work so hard on such a thing. At the end of the day it's just consciousness, that's all it is. Consciousness when it comes to feeling, when it comes to compassion, when it comes to consideration and so much more. The thing I love so much about sensitive people is how conscious they are and how much they relate to what it means to be able to feel so easily and so deeply. They can relate to what can feel like a curse-like factor when it comes to such a super power, this incredible power to feel so intensely. 🙂

Re: Friend not a friend

james1 — Sat, 17 Feb 2024 01:29:26 GMT

Hello cloudy overhead,

Ah that sounds like it was really hurtful to hear the way she phrased that. It really was quite insensitive to your feelings, and it sounds like you handled the situation well by letting her know you were hurt.

Hopefully she didn't mean it that way, but I understand it hurt either way. I would've been the same if one of my friends said that.

I hope you have been able to find some moments for yourself to 'shake it off', so to speak. From what quirkywords and therising have also said, you're certainly not alone in this.

James