topic Re: Feeling like a total loser in Depression

Feeling like a total loser

Guest_0845 — Fri, 05 Jan 2024 12:23:26 GMT

I was hoping I wouldnt have to do this again but here I go...

I feel like the biggest total loser, never good enough for anyone, never good enough at anything, im totally over trying. Im at point of giving up, no matter what i do, I end up worss off. Im of no use at all to anybody, never had been. I dont have any friends, I have the socials skills of fence post. I feel all i do is just get in useful people way. Might be time to end it all i guess.

Re: Feeling like a total loser

white knight — Sat, 06 Jan 2024 05:03:39 GMT

Hi, welcome

Thankyou for being so honest and brave. It isnt easy facing these unrealistic challenges we face every day.

What occurred to me many years ago when I felt the same as you, was maybe other peoples expectations of us is warped? I mean most people can socialise, communicate, make others laugh and therefore become desirable as a friend or more. What about those that feel awkward? What if their family background or other reasons distorted their learning processes that left them struggling? Is that our fault? No, no different than having any disability right?

But acceptance by most people does no occur, we are labelled shy, introverted, odd, no fun and all the other things. But we are our natural selves so where is the justice in how other people gravitate away from us? What is the answer?

Some 30 years ago I had a failed marriage. I was left distraught. A few weeks later on a walk I asked myself this- "who is going to help me overcome this trauma"? There was 2 little kids involved also. Immediately it came to me- I can help myself overcome this.

So everyday before work I looked into a small mirror in my tiny caravan and said these words "I am a good guy, I am a good father, I deserve love and to give love, I will succeed." Whats funny is I said it out loud!.

Sadly few people are going to come to your rescue but if you decide to put all your efforts into changing your endurance, your survival, you will be rewarded with a life unimaginable. You can eventually meet someone compatible- yeh, they might be odd and a misfit and everything else but it wont matter because just like me and my wife now we have each other.

Here is a couple of threads. If you can just read the first post of each it could be worthwhile.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation/td-p/149708

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/negatives-to-positives/td-p/409635

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/motivation-search-and-rescue-it/td-p/38279

https://www.google.com/search?q=prem+rawat+sunset&rlz=1C1ONGR_en-GBAU946AU946&oq=prem+rawat+sunset&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOdIBCjEwNzc1ajBqMTWoAgCwAgA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:816e2624,vid:BhrtbBrMQ1Y,st:0

I'm here daily, reply anytime.

TonyWK

Re: Feeling like a total loser

therising — Sat, 06 Jan 2024 05:20:05 GMT

Hi Guest_0845

Can definitely be tough going through life with a sense of wonder that feels more like a form of torture than anything else. Kinda like 'What's wrong with me? Why do I find this or that so hard? Why does everyone else seem to make it look easy? Why can't I be happy or at the very least somewhat content like most people I know?' and on and on it can go. I figure it's the nature of any significant quest to hold so many questions and not easy ones to answer at that.

Definitely a whole lot of reasons for why it can all feel so hard at times. Just a handful

No significant guides, especially at times when we can be in desperate need of guidance
Having the ability to feel so much, including the feeling of major challenges with no obvious solutions to be felt. Inspiration and revelations definitely have a feel to them, especially when they offer a sense of relief from hardship
A lack of joyful things in life. Bit of a catch 22 with this one for how do we participate in joyful things if we don't know what we're looking for (in the way of the kind of stuff that's going to provide us with a sense of joy)
Not having enough of the kind of people in our life who lead us to a sense of wonder. It's like we can sit all day wondering on our own, as to why we're suffering, but if we've got people who are wondering with us, brainstorming helps with reaching logical conclusions. Also, we can sit on our own asking what the point is to sufferance and what is the point in being here and what's our purpose and it can get depressing. But a group of people who ask those questions together is called a group of philosophers
Don't get me started on a lack of skill or skill sets and the kind of challenges this brings. While we may have some social skills, they can be so basic to the point where social anxiety is more the norm. While we can have extremely basic skills in excitement seeking or risk taking, there may not be enough of them to courageously go it alone or imagine the kinds of adventures the feed the soul. Btw, in no way do I blame my parents for my lack of skills, I've simply come to find good reason for why I lack some of the basics to begin with. With my mum being a rather fearful woman and loving her 3 kids so much, she often feared pushing us outside her comfort zone (for fear something terrible would happen to us). I was a bit the same as a mum 'til my daughter woke me up to it. I figure if our parents weren't fearless people with healthy levels of self esteem, how can they teach us skills in fearlessness and developing/maintaining healthy self esteem?

I think one of the greatest challenges in life is when we have the best of our self within us yet have not met anyone who has the skills to bring it all out. Being surrounded by unskilled people in this area can lead us to believe there's something wrong with us.