topic Am I always going to have low esteem? in Depression

So upsetting...

Albert_247 — Fri, 10 Nov 2023 09:40:25 GMT

My life has been pretty rough, I mean I was bullied all during high school from 13 to 18, I didn't like my father's difference entirely, my diagnosis mis conception happened at 19 and I've been kept on meds for the last 9 years. I'm beneath this image of having a disability when I don't agree with my diagnosis, It's too unique and unbelievable to explain to anyone so I'm treated as indenyl or lacking insight. The health issues were 22 & 25, Then I had no driving independence till 26 because I didn't have any parents to learn with, plus hated all my driving teachers. I only could drive through having Centrelink, I never could advance my life without having any sense for which suitable jobs I would want to work, I never had vacancies with so much immigration and competition with society and with fresh high school kids wanting jobs too. I never wanted to be a apprentice or go to University, even with a interest in Nutrition I'm just not the study personality. I only had help to write the resume & cover letters after going through useless job recruiters but they are not much guarantee to get anyone payed employment. I never had a new group of mateship after leaving high school and I've had no experience with girls as friends or even socially or on a intimate level. I'm complete incel unfortunately with me, but I wouldn't feel like un able to speak to them, unless their really attractive. I had a dream to become a hobbyist musician, though I just had all that with high school, my dad and my mental health drama to deal with, while not having women, work, and a regular life it all ruined my confidence to do it since 14. Don't feel like my parents are on that journey or understanding to chase dreams, they played life more passive and safe and their a whole different personality to me. Now I feel like I'm failing at life or like a ugly man child and everything always felt out of my control, or that thing's couldn't be better given the circumstance.

Lost with my Life

Albert_247 — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 02:40:36 GMT

So I'm now in my late twenties almost at thirty, I'm behind in my life by a decade, I only got my driving independence at 26 and spent 8 years trying to figure out wither I want any study or entry jobs, and I've come to terms with that I'm not academic enough to get a University degree, I only did VCAL so I couldn't even be eligible to go into University without being through the TAFE system first. I don't either have any interest in any of the career pathways from University regardless of the study being science, math or whatever else it may be, I don't want the expense of tuition and there's numerous other reasons for not wanting University

I don't want anything at TAFE, initially I looked at all the certificates and diplomas and still wasn't interested in anything, I don't want any construction based work or apprenticeships, I feel my future is grim without wanting any secondary education and I believe my IQ is under 100 which isn't up the average of others

Realistically all I can think about is entry dead end jobs, and I don't want to work in a factory at all, I am not wanting to work in hospitality it's not for my personality, I am linked with a job recruiter and I am only hoping to work for 10 hours in a casual retail job, I don't want to jump into a full casual position without knowing wither I like the job or not, I don't know my working strengths or weaknesses or thresh holds with stress too, I am fortunate to get a Centrelink pension so I can financially be diverse with the working arrangement for now anyways, but at the same time I don't want to feel average and be limited to a life of retail when I'm not enthusiastic about it, most people from what the internet tells me suggest retail is not a ideal direction for different reasons

Re: Lost with my Life

white knight — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 05:27:34 GMT

Hi, welcome

Seeing as you are on a pension your objective would normally be to supplement that pension to just under the threshold so you dont lose any pension at all. That is X amount of income extra. That might be say 2 days a week in any job.

I say "any job" because I dont agree with your mindset with "Realistically all I can think about is entry dead end jobs, and I don't want to work in a factory at all, I am not wanting to work in hospitality it's not for my personality, I am linked with a job recruiter and I am only hoping to work for 10 hours in a casual retail job," When one is supplementing their pension commonly they work in any field they can get work. To pick and choose (ok be fussy) it is not the mindset that shows any sound responsibility. As you admit low IQ how can you get work in other fields when a/ you dont know what occupation you want and b/ you arent qualified for those medium range jobs.

I dont see any reason to chase university or TAFE. There is too much pressure nowadays for every student to do that.

Re: " I don't want to jump into a full casual position without knowing wither I like the job or not, I don't know my working strengths or weaknesses or thresh holds with stress too". Again your mindset isnt pointing in the right direction. People normally give jobs a try first and see how they can fit into the role before they think "it isnt for me". Commonly they might well find it is ideal until a more ideal job in a more ideal profession comes along.

Factory jobs? I've had 90 jobs and 15 professions and one of the best jobs I've had was machine operator in a factory. Once I got a hand at working a certain machine my boss realised I had potential and raised me to supervisor, then another job came up as an assistant manager and that experience led to me starting up my own business. You wont ever get opportunities without accepting challenges, suitable or not.

I hope this helps.

TonyWK

Re: Lost with my Life

Albert_247 — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 05:58:45 GMT

Thanks for your response, I've decided from what you have said to me that I will keep trying to break into a retail job through the help with my job recruiter, might even look into different factory jobs too and I'll give things a go, rather then believe it wouldn't be suitable for me, I can work up to 29 hours without having to worry about my pension being affected, so I have some choices thankfully

Just my feelings

Albert_247 — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 06:12:12 GMT

I know not everyone is the same as the next person, But I often generalize society to be very vain and superficial or socially fake, I always feel the world is un forgiving and only your family loves you, and I don't think anyone should debate that as fiction

I just feel angry because I developed pre diabetes after years of pharmaceutical treatment and I've never had a apology from any of my doctors or even any compensation given to me

I feel society can diminish your esteem, they either make you feel less intelligent or insecure or normalize that it's ok to be mental in some way, I question wither it's even possible to find genuine love besides being loved by my mother. Everyone want's the best for just themselves

Re: Lost with my Life

white knight — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 06:13:46 GMT

Thats the spirit. You've made my day. Sometimes we could all do with a little prodding.

TonyWK

Re: Just my feelings

white knight — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 02:02:33 GMT

Hi Albert, I answered your other thread.

Forgive me but I cant disagree more so I hope you hear me out.

Re: "and I don't think anyone should debate that as fiction" Freedom in any democracy is the right to opinions. You have yours but this statement is akin to shutting down others rights to debate, have an alternative view that can lead to debate. It is a matter of respecting others views, but having the right to hold them. If people restrict their "love" to only family, then one is doing themselves a great disservice. Family love can be destructive, manipulating and selfish. Finding love with someone outside of family is the basis for us finding a partner and having children is it not?

Developing diabetes is common. I am now diabetic 2 so is my wife. We are both nearly non diabetic since treatment began. I dont think you'll find anyone that expects an apology from their doctor and never an expectation of compensation. I'm wondering where you came to these conclusions? Friends ? Life is not perfect, humans including doctors arent perfect. Science, tests arent perfect. Your body isnt perfect. Why should others compensate you?

"Everyone want's the best for just themselves " In essence you are right there. Society, individuals can be selfish, we are after all - not joined, we are independent and although we rely on each other for many things we balance it as best as we can to make it all even out to make a society. There is many examples of people not being selfish. Take myself, here at beyondblue I spend 2 hours or more here daily helping others for what reward? zero payment is fact. My drive to be here is based on my past trauma with suicide attempt and bipolar etc and therefore want to save others from that same fate. If anything there is love in there , love for strangers like yourself,, the love that you say doesnt exist apart from your mother. No Albert, there are many people out there that have love in their heart so I suggest you try to meet them. Join a mens shed or group therapy or interest group and find out for yourself but beware- there are those out there that can harm you, just got to learn to dodge them and move onto the next person that might become the love of your life.

TonyWK

Re: Just my feelings

therising — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 07:52:00 GMT

Hi Albert

I can't help but wonder whether there is a philosopher in you who questions love in so many ways. 'What is love? Why can I not feel it in many cases? What leads me to feel it more from my mum than anyone else? What is wrong with human nature in the way of loving? Is love a soulful thing, a chemical thing, a psychological concept?' I imagine we could be hear all day wondering about love.

Personally, once I came to better define love (my own perception of it) I found why I could feel it easily at times but not at other times. I found why I could give it easily in some cases and why I struggled to give it freely in other cases. I discovered why society in general appears to lack it and also where in society it can be found in abundance. For me, love is found in evolution. Perhaps this is why I feel it most strongly towards my kids. While I'm invested in the growth or evolution of all people I love, it's my children's growth that drives me the most. Since the day they were born, it has been my job to grow them, to teach them, to guide them, support them, keep their mind open yet help them maintain a healthy skepticism. it's been my job to raise them when they feel down and to teach them how to raise themselves. The list goes on in regard to all the ways I love/evolve my kids. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why you feel loved most by your mum. Perhaps this is a part of her philosophy in raising you. We deeply loving mums tend to have a similar philosophy.

I always feel loved by those who lead me to evolve, especially above and beyond hardship, confusion, challenge, self doubt, depression, anxiety, a sense of hopelessness and more. I do not feel love from those who bring me down or stop me from evolving in constructive ways, for the purpose of serving themself. In society, love is not found in all the wrong places, it is found in all the right places. I think the media tends to thrive on showing us a lot of those wrong places, which can lead us to believe that love is sorely lacking in this world. I feel love when I see it (in action) and if I cannot see it or feel it, it's often because I'm looking in the wrong direction.❤️

Re: Just my feelings

Albert_247 — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 10:15:41 GMT

Thank you so much for your response therising, it was a amazing interesting read and I definitely agree with love being in the right places but not with the wrong people, and that the media does re enforce the negative more then any of the good stories

My mother loved me with understanding me and being selfless with giving great conversations, many people in my life treated me badly and my mother was the only person that either felt the same or loved me, Always grateful for mum. She made me feel to wake up early or get out from feeling sad and to keep going

One thing that has helped me is realizing I can't be upset about the things I can't change, I can only work around them

Re: Just my feelings

Albert_247 — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 10:20:04 GMT

Thanks so much white knight, I definitely agree with sort of seeming to be cutting off other opinions with saying to not debate my view as other then fiction, It was wrong to word myself like that, My diabetes is virtually in remission so it's in the best possible way it can be, one thing I took to heart was knowing I'm not the only one with diabetes, I only felt like the victim because it was caused from my prescribed pharmaceuticals and not through my eating habits. I agree with just forgetting and avoiding the ones you don't like and trying to find the people that make you feel better or like minded. I also agree family is limited personality and approach and the world is bigger to relate with and be inspired with and that life is all about growing and learning

Re: Just my feelings

therising — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 11:24:40 GMT

Hi Albert

When our scope of people ranges from knowing/meeting the best in life through to the worst, the toughest part involves knowing/meeting and managing the worst. Your mum absolutely sounds like one of the best, without a doubt. A truly beautiful person.

I think there are always going to be questionable people in this world and I think our questions can be misdirected, toward our self, or we can be asking the wrong questions. We can be questioning 'Why does no one care about me? Why am I not good enough? Why can I not cope with the worst of people? Why am I so sensitive (with sensitivity perceived as a fault)?'. With all of those questions rephrased, 'Why do so many people appear to be careless towards me? Why is no one showing me the best in myself? How can I manage the worst of people and why do they feel compelled to behave in the worst of ways? Why can I sense more easily that others?'. I tell you what, when we're people who can sense really easily (an ability that can feel like a curse at times), the highly insensitive people can test us the most. I cannot help but wonder about them.

Re: Just my feelings

Earth Girl — Sat, 07 Oct 2023 17:19:30 GMT

I'm a bit confused by what you are saying. Most people aren't vain and superficial. (Not everyone films themself walking down the street and showing how people react to their beauty and put it on Tiktok lol). Also, I don't think anybody only wants the best just for themselves, I see people looking out for each other all the time. Even on this very site, people on here, especially the champion users are looking out for other people and trying to help them.

Damaged Self Esteem

Albert_247 — Mon, 09 Oct 2023 04:48:54 GMT

I still am affected from remembering my high school years for those 6 years I was bullied by numerous kids physically and socially and nearly had the chance to expel one kid from the school, but I gave him a second chance because I thought being at our school was a good school to be at compared to other affordable schools, If I had my time again then I would have said for him to go, because 2 years later he put glue in my hair and got me in trouble for swearing at him, a few years after high school because I was desperate for friends and was younger minded I wanted to re kindle with some of my toxic school friend's that I thought could change and mature, they still didn't respect me and would lower me with their opinions and labels, after high school they started working entry payed jobs and would make me feel like rock bottom in my early twenties, I always have a feeling mentally where if I'm thinking of them or if I am talking to my mother that the personality of one of them is coming through me and trying to over speak me and de value my claims or beliefs or intelligence as being wrong, I hate the feeling of people believing you need their approval or having to be insecure about anything because their trying to reflect their feelings onto you. I hate being gentle nature and becoming voiceless to say things back and to over talk my bullies, I wish I could be the equal bully and still go separate ways but just to make them feel powerless against me

Re: Damaged Self Esteem

Sophie_M — Mon, 09 Oct 2023 05:07:32 GMT

Hey Albert_247,

Thank you so much for sharing here today. We are so sorry to hear what you endured throughout those years. You have been through an incredibly tough time and it takes a lot of courage to talk about it.

We are sure the lovely community here will jump in soon with their own support. In the meantime, if you ever want to talk this through with one of the Beyond Blue counsellors, feel free to give us a call on 1300 22 4636, or reach out through Online Chat here.

Thank you for sharing this and giving this community a chance to offer you their understanding and advice. We’re here to listen and offer support, and you never know how your story might help someone else.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

It makes me angry

Albert_247 — Tue, 10 Oct 2023 10:30:30 GMT

I was born in 1995 just only 2 years from Gen Z as a late Millennial, thankfully, I always looked to the older generations and preferred a lot of their differences, despite not having any bad old fashioned traits, I don't like mainstream music and I hate the praised stars of today and I don't like how the younger generations have more twerp attributes, they can't hold a conversation, they lack warmth and humility and their more mental in anyway, they don't know their genders and sexuality and they try to impose their 21st political beliefs into older hearted people, they also narcissistically try to bash against your religious freedom and views, I miss the clothing from the 2000's and what the 90's seemed and I miss all the entertainment differences from the past and that before the world became sensitive and pissy. The world sort of seemed people had more frugal personality and as time advanced it became more superficial and pretentious. I only like my mother and my brother otherwise I just don't want to co exist with the world, I find even If I was interacting with the older gens they would view me as modern or lazy or as being different, I just hate that initial thinking that your of the times because your young, but your not wanting to be old just to have society associate you with the differences you mostly align with

Re: It makes me angry

randomxx — Tue, 10 Oct 2023 11:26:18 GMT

Hi op.

Have noticed a lot of what your saying with my daughters friends , early 20s. Don't know much about gens not into that stuff but you can thank the internet and fb's and chat apps and smart phones , even date sites, for what your saying. l see it all in her friends- even she see's it, she wishes she could go back in time.

Sadly it's all just made things very shallow, instant and throw away mentalities.

rxx

Re: It makes me angry

therising — Tue, 10 Oct 2023 18:34:00 GMT

Hi Albert_247

I think it can be so challenging when looking back and seeing the best of things while looking at the worst of things in current society. Even more challenging involves looking back to find some of the best has completely disappeared, thanks to a more materialistic world or a world where certain freedoms have been taken to the extreme.

I've found there are pros and cons in any society, from modern society all the way back through hundreds of years. Sometimes I think it's about picking out the pros and adding them to our collection of the things that work for us (the things we love that lead us to evolve), while making better sense of the down side of things. I've found making better sense of the down side doesn't lead me to feel down or so angry. Easier said than done at times, that's for sure. I think if we're sensitive people, we're going to easily sense everything that's a downer or angering so there's no choice but to manage that in some strategic ways. Emotional detachment (sometimes gained through pure observation or pure analysis) can be one of those ways. Technically, we can't feel what we're not emotionally attached to. For example, if I'm purely observing the extremist behaviours regarding the referendum in Australia, I can understand the behaviour as being a part of human nature. With extreme passion comes extreme emotion and if people don't have their emotions in check, extremist behaviour is the result. Extremist behaviour can resemble some form of insanity. How sane is it to have people hurling abuse and threatening physical violence toward those who vote in the 'wrong' way?

I think, as long as we're a part of the human race, we're always going to witness some form of insanity here and there. I like to look at that as 'My version of inner sanity is going to look very different to another person's version of inner sanity. To each other we may appear insane'. With my son born in 2005, what keeps him sane is a record player with vinyls that are mostly jazz and soul related, not caring about keeping up with the trends, not relying on a mobile phone all that much in life, following the dream of becoming a marine biologist, being a creator of art as opposed to a destroyer of people (through bullying) and he basically just vibes as himself without feeling the need to be identified in any particular way. He's an old soul who lives in challenging times, a bit like yourself perhaps. I think there are old souls in every generation throughout history, those who seek to feed/fuel the soul and not the ego. 🙂

Re: It makes me angry

mmMekitty — Tue, 10 Oct 2023 21:12:25 GMT

Hello Albert

My sense from what you wrote is that you feel you are an outsider, not fitting in.

I think anyone looking at the world, on the whole might easily conclude they don't fit within the general picture. I think that's the problem with generalities. If we go around generalising about people, judging 'good' & 'bad' traits, then we're likely to find too much fault to feel comfortable.

Nostalgia for the 'good old days' can lead us to skew our view towards recalling only what we have a fondness for & what comforts us.

I realise as the years go by, my view changes, my perspective is different to what it was when I was young. I am one who hasn't felt I fit in with peers, but also not with older or younger groups, either.

I realise I might not understand people very well. I don't easily get to know people either. Just because I have difficulties like these is no reason to hate, disparage & automatically reject whole generations of people.

It's uncomfortable to talk to people we don't understand. It's much easier to talk to people who we think are like us.

But why want everyone to be the same? Would it make for a safer & more comfortable world to live in? Perhaps, but also such a world would socially & culturally stagnate.

As for specifics like religion, politics, here in Australia & in many places around the world (but sadly not all, you & I have the privilege & right to choose & decide these things for ourselves.

Gender identity & sexuality are recognised as part of who we are, as much as skin tone & eye colour. People are unsure of what their gender identity & sexuality are, most often because of how society has these built-in expectationss that people are one or the other, within strict boundaries. There is a lot of science underpinning how gender fluidity & fluctuating sexuality is understood.

There may be many people I might not wish to get to know more than I've seen on tele, but who really gets to know anyone by watching tele? What we see of people on tele are often distorted fragments of who these people really are.

So I'm not quite ready to discount everyone, but a few people I know, just yet.

I am trying to maintain an open mind.

Would you like more people in your life?

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Re: It makes me angry

yours_truly — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 11:26:55 GMT

Hi Albert_247,

Coming from a GenZ individual myself, I think change can be very frustrating too. There is a lot happening in the society, community or even just down the street. However, I think it's best to understand that the change happening is just other people trying to understand themselves and paying attention to things that were left untouched, previously.

Things may have worked perfectly fine for you before and that is great, however nothing is constant. Maintaining your own beliefs and living life to your desires is the only way to find balance. Not everything is fair, but at the end of the day what really counts is how you feel. Comparing yourself to how older generations, or younger generations feel isn't going to make you feel any better. A big part of the GenZ movement is that we want people to feel comfortable with their individuality, and a big part of being a millennial is that you maintain a mannered and respectful etiquette. When you combine the both you might find yourself somewhere in the middle. Everyone holds different values and personal beliefs, no two people can be the same. Hence, you may not be so different as you think and you would be surprised to learn how many people have common interests!

I hope you find what you are looking for,

Yours_truly

Re: It makes me angry

Albert_247 — Fri, 13 Oct 2023 07:15:09 GMT

Thanks for your response therising, I definitely know there's been medical advances and that's one positive thing about today, I am definitely a older soul wither it's religion, loving blues music or just disliking the whole concept of a inept world living at home behind computers. The world's very much more material and it's upsetting how people become violent over politics or even passionate about anything to do with politics