topic Feel like a failure in Depression

Feel like a failure

iamawreck29 — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 04:16:00 GMT

I took all the wrong steps. Wasn’t in a household where expressing yourself was supported much and I struggled with it a lot as I am naturally shy. I was a talented child but as anxiety grew, so did my self worth and I became more and more withdrawn, breaking down almost every day after school. I moved from one country to another at just 9 years old leaving al my old friends behind. My parents never changed my school and neither did they understand my want to be part of a nice friend group who enjoyed things I did and just do extra curriculars and build a strong personality. I was so nervous to talk to popular girls that I liked and ended up ignoring them and just wanting to be a part as I loved dressing up and the same things. My grades dropped, I wanted to try to go to a different school but no one listened. Then was put into another school where there were no extra curriculars and I didn’t know how to mingle again as I didn’t in high school. With no other activities, I wasn’t able to navigate my interests either. Then was sent here to Australia as an international student at a university I hate which has no groups or social events and I failed almost 10 courses and am taking 5 years to finish my bachelors. The people I came here with, very different and I don’t enjoy hanging out with at all. I am lonely, no friend groups, didn’t get to experience anything my friends back home are able to. Am stuck studying something I hate. Don’t think I’ll ever be able to do what I love as I can’t repeat or study another bachelors at 23 and have a university life that I so wanted and dreamed of from the time I was 16. I lie about the university I go to cause it’s got a terrible reputation and I actually was very eligible to go to any other university. I am still withdrawn, can’t speak up if someone wrongs me, lonely, boring and never got to overcome my fear of talking to popular girls or doing extra curricular activities. I don’t know my interests as I took no decisions in my life and am stuck and lost. My parents never listened to me or pushed me when I showed them small glimmer of things I liked. I have no achievements whatsoever even though I was so bright and had so much potential wasted. Can’t even enjoy with 0 group of friends and living a lie. I hate my life.

Re: Feel like a failure

tranzcrybe — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 05:48:57 GMT

Following your passion can be a lifelong study - with or without a 'qualification'. Interest leads to understanding and knowledge through experience, and sometimes a little part-time study can hone and create new skills.
If you are fortunate enough to secure a baseline job in your preferred field, it would be a first step on the ladder - not as nice as waltzing straight into middle management, but contentment in doing what you enjoy will see your talents and enthusiasm quickly recognised.
Sharing your interests with likeminded peers should create the connection currently absent in your 'enforced' education - friendship by any other name; and collaboration will foster greater things to come.
Put simply, you are in with the wrong crowd presently, doing things you don't relate to; but your as yet untapped potential is not wasted (not scientifically possible!) and is still waiting there for you whenever you choose.
Follow your heart to love your life again - it is all ahead of you with your own hands firmly on the wheel of your destiny!

Re: Feel like a failure

randomxx — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 06:23:01 GMT

Hi op and so sorry for everything that's been going on , or hasn't.

Could agree more with especially the bottom line there of post about.

And if it's any consolation l was absolutely nowhere at 23, never even held a job. Had so much potential and talents but here l was nowhere.

But then at 24 , no friends no money no nothin. l stumbled over a small business and jumped on it , l needed about 800 or something it was. Started my own business been doing it and vernations of it over 30yrs now and never looked back.

Also took 10 yrs out of that along the way to go into art and paint, something l'd planned since 12, and then later l returned to my business.

Soooo,life is yet so young for you op , don't give up you know what you are and who you are and what your capable of that's all that matters.

Ah yeah , let me just mention a friend of mine while l'm here too.

He was 35 and he'd been on the dole [ unemployment ] just encase you don't know, since he left school, he'd never had a job, not one and he was still living at home.

But he always loved real estate started watching videos went to some seminar , next minute he found an old shop for sale very cheap but with heps of potential. Well , he got he's mum to help him with a loan , parked his van in the back yard and lived in that while he turned the shop into 2 units . He's 52 now and he's been developing proprieties ever since and now owns about 15million in property all over Victoria and, he's still buying them.

So there ya go.

Take care eh.