topic I miss my antidepressants in Depression

I miss my antidepressants

Meowface — Fri, 20 Oct 2023 21:53:29 GMT

I was on mild antidepressants for four tests after my baby girl was born, it helped alot with those awful post partum feelings. I recently came off them after talking with my dr and weaned successfully (even though it was horrible to go through). I have a four year old and 18 month old now, I’ve been off the antidepressants for about 6 weeks and my moods are atrocious. I feel like I’m in hell. But I am grateful not to be so sleepy and foggy headed. But the internal rage that I’m feeling is exhausting. But is that depression or life with small children?

Re: I miss my antidepressants

sunnyl20 — Fri, 20 Oct 2023 23:09:00 GMT

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out on the forums. I'm really sorry to hear that you're experiencing such intense symptoms. From what you've described, it sounds like you are finding it hard to cope and would benefit from extra support. I'd really encourage you to reconnect with your doctor to discuss what's been happening for you - what you are feeling is not something you should have to suffer through alone. There may be other medications that do not have the same foggy-headed, sedative effects. Or they may be other non-pharmacological strategies that the doctor may be able to support you with.

In any case, please do not hesitate to use these forums as and when you need. We're here to listen.

Take care and please be kind to yourself.

Re: I miss my antidepressants

therising — Sat, 21 Oct 2023 19:15:44 GMT

Hi Meowface

What you're experiencing sounds absolutely brutal. I feel for you so deeply as you try your best to manage without antidepressants while also working hard to make sense of it all. Give yourself credit for the work. You deserve credit.

As a 53yo gal and someone who's faced the ins and outs of depression since my late teens, what I was told in the earlier years (regarding depression) was something along the lines of 'You'll most likely always struggle with depression'. Well, that was depressing. I wish I had have been told instead 'With the ability to feel so easily and deeply at times, you are someone who will always be able to feel what's depressing, to various degrees'. Of course, can also feel what's enraging, what's inspiring at times, what's challenging, what's tormenting, heartbreaking, liberating, stressful, exhausting and the list goes on. If I was a completely insensitive person, I wouldn't be able to sense any of that. Sensitivity gives me the ability to feel it all. And, yes, life can definitely feel like hell on earth at times.

Personally, I only ever found one antidepressant that worked and it was before my daughter was born. Life felt amazing until I stopped taking it, as I couldn't take it during pregnancy. Returning to it, I found it no longer worked, nor did any of all the others I trialed. Before that med, I self medicated to some degree with alcohol (to try and manage depression). Both the med and the alcohol were suppressants, suppressing certain emotions. Not consuming a suppressant in some form meant I could/can feel everything, including the seriously challenging feelings. How to manage life as a feeler without suppressants requires a lot of strategy and skill, that's for sure.

I've found the ultimate challenge at times can come down to 'What is each and every feeling trying to tell me?'. Every feeling is telling. If I feel a sudden downshift, that can be an easy one to work out at times. For example, I can physically feel someone bring me down and I tend to question why they taking me into the downshift. Some feelings are tougher to work out and can take a while. I had no idea what sleep apnea felt like until I felt it. It can feel depressing for a number of reasons. Another shocker involves feeling a depressing B12 deficiency. Some feelings can take a lot of investigation.

Sometimes it also pays to identify what level we're at with a particular emotion or feeling. It's like you could be working with a basic level of disappointment which can intensify to a frustrating level which can move to a significant level of disappointment and then a seriously intense level and then there's a whole new level, an enraging and/or depressing level of disappointment. While the disappointment may have always been there, it's not always easy to feel it until it reaches next level. Hope that makes sense.

Wondering if you've always been a feeler.

Re: I miss my antidepressants

Meowface — Sun, 22 Oct 2023 20:06:22 GMT

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. Yes definitely I’ve always been a feeler and a deep thinker to some degree and I don’t always know what to do with those feelings. I definitely relate to using alcohol at times to numb the intensity. I spoke with my dr yesterday and she went through everything thoroughly but encouraged me to try and get through another 2 before making any big decisions. Appreciate your reply.