topic Re: Looking for clues? in Depression

Looking for clues?

Jose — Mon, 14 Aug 2023 15:38:40 GMT

Has anyone gone through a situation where you were attacked by the entire society literally? I am trying to convince myself that I am having delusions but it's more than a dream at the moment considering what's going on. I think I am so famous in the entire country I live in and even think I am involved in a grand conspiracy. Yes this might be delusion but the moment people see me they attack, period. Passive attack to make me mentally sick. I feel like a celebrity, I am kind of enjoying little bit of it every now and then. Playing with attackers is my new hobby and something that keeps me moving to be honest. Gotta give them credit for that eventhough they don't realize it. But what in the world have I done to end up like this?

Re: Looking for clues?

Earth Girl — Tue, 15 Aug 2023 20:49:52 GMT

Hi Jose,

You definitely sound like you are experiencing a psychotic episode. I have paranoid psychosis and so I strongly suggest you talk to your doctor about this because while some parts of a psychotic episode can actually be enjoyable (e.g. thinking you're famous, a super hero, etc), it can get really bad if not treated soon and the longer you wait for it to get treated, the longer it will take for you to get better again. You may also start thinking that people want to harm you so it's definitely best to talk to a doctor about this as soon as possible. Psychotic episodes can start out fun, but can get really bad and the bad parts of it really aren't worth the high.

Even if it turns out you're not having a psychotic episode, it's important to make sure because it's a serious mental illness.

Re: Looking for clues?

Earth Girl — Sun, 20 Aug 2023 17:14:57 GMT

Hi Jose,

Just wanted to check in to see how you are going? Is everything okay?

Re: Looking for clues?

Jose — Mon, 28 Aug 2023 18:51:17 GMT

Not at all good because what's happening with me is real and not delusions. This may sound like a typical denial of a delusional person but my case is extremely rare and probably you never seen anything like this before, I am busted. There is no point of thinking stupidly that nothing is real and I am imagining everything. There is no way out. Though I am an atheist I start wondering if curse is real or not. Looks like I am cursed. Another scenario would be I will be living in a matrix and become a bug in the system or something and now the system try to get rid of me. The way it tries to do it is by making me suicidal. Bizarre may be but who knows. I am not ruling out any possibilities at this point. No matter what I will live until my heart beats. Let them try their best and see if they can pull it off.

Re: Looking for clues?

Earth Girl — Sat, 09 Sep 2023 15:39:05 GMT

Hi Jose, that's not good. That sounds very stressful. I highly recommend talking to the beyondblue hotline because you must be very stressed.

Just wondering what you mean when you say you might be cursed?

Re: Looking for clues?

therising — Sun, 10 Sep 2023 20:29:05 GMT

Hi Jose

What you're facing sounds so incredibly stressful. I'm glad you came here to share your stress while perhaps also looking for people who might be able to relate to what you're facing.

I found my brain/mind has the ability to make general interpretations and literal ones. Just over 20 years ago and during about a 6 week period (straight after coming out of long term depression) I found myself interpreting things literally. What began as something fascinating soon turned into what felt incredibly stressful. For example, while I interpret someone on the tv is talking to me generally (along with everyone else watching), back then my brain read it as they were literally talking to me and no one else. I believed the show was specifically put on for me so that I could see it. And while I generally interpret my inner dialogue like a lot of people do, during those weeks it felt like someone was literally talking to me. There were a number of other factors going on, with those as just a couple of examples. When those 6 weeks or so came to an end, to say it was a relief is an understatement. It was one of the toughest and most stressful times in my life.

While I'm a gal who sees the matrix as a genuinely fascinating topic (discussed by physicists, spiritualists, philosophers etc), to see it as that we're literally living in an actual matrix (like as depicted in the movie) is something that can dramatically alter perception of reality, taking us out of a sense of reality that's in fact grounding and absolutely necessary in some ways. While you're feeling the world is against you, could your brain/mind be interpreting that literally, seeing every person in the world as being against you in some way, leading you to be suspicious of everyone you come across?

Science still doesn't know exactly how the imagination works, what it does, what it's responsible for, how it interprets things, how it interacts with different parts of our brain. Does it have something to do with how we generally and literally interpret things and therefor perceive them? The imagination's an incredibly powerful thing. Tap into it and you can achieve just about anything you imagine (how to make millions, how to help starving people, how to make the world a better place etc). Tap into it too deeply and reality begins to shift dramatically.

I think once the mind is blown wide open through a trauma or some intense mind altering experience (that holds the potential to continue being mind altering, without stopping), finding a guide to help us make sense of things while in such a state is absolutely key. No one should go through what is seriously mind altering alone, without a guide to take them through and help in grounding ways. Do you trust anyone to be a good guide for you as you face such a stressful and upsetting time?

Re: Looking for clues?

Jose — Mon, 11 Sep 2023 15:18:51 GMT

Cursed like some God out there punished me for my past sins. For example, a punishment that causes me to be ugly and hated by everyone so that I will suffer my entire lifetime. Just another possibility on a spiritual level. Sometimes it makes perfect sense until and unless I see a person like me somewhere in this world.

Re: Looking for clues?

Jose — Mon, 11 Sep 2023 19:03:44 GMT

I still don't find anything I can relate. So this might be out of the scope of mental health disorders. The TV suspicion is quite possible to be a delusion but people attacking is not that much. Even a little kid can tell when person deliberately insulting you. It's no rocket science but why everyone denies it remains the mystery. Don't worry I will figure it out myself. Society is the worst thing that ever happened to human kind. Thank you all for offering a helping hand. Yes admin is welcome to delete this message before the news leak. I will continue my job anyway.

Re: Looking for clues?

therising — Mon, 11 Sep 2023 18:24:12 GMT

Hi Jose

My deepest apologies for misunderstanding. I understand where you're coming from when it comes to the questionable behaviour of society as a whole. I question it a lot myself at times. I think it really is questionable when we're actually surprised by the thoughtful, kind and considerate behaviour of those we come across out in society. It's such a shame that it's surprising, as opposed to being typical.

There just seems to be so many angry, stressed and sad people in the world today, which reflects so many faults in social constructs. If there were no faults, it would make sense people would be much happier and more at peace.

Re: Looking for clues?

Earth Girl — Wed, 13 Sep 2023 04:17:09 GMT

I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. I sometimes feel like I look ugly and some people are really mean to me about how I look.

Even if you think there is just a small chance that the T.V suspicion is possible to be a delusion, it's really good to talk to your doctor about this. We don't want you to end up getting hurt and you shouldn't have to face this all on your own. It's okay to reach out for extra support, in fact, it's good to do that.

Do you have any friends or family you can talk to about what is going on? Even if they haven't experienced something like this before, they might be able to offer advice.

Re: Looking for clues?

Earth Girl — Sat, 07 Oct 2023 16:25:17 GMT

Hi Jose,

Just wondering, would you like to see a doctor about this? It may not be anything, but you shouldn't have to fight through this all by yourself.

Re: Looking for clues?

Jose — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 16:32:49 GMT

A doctor is not possible at the moment which is quite expensive in my place and doctors themselves will attack me. Although I would still go to them for their prescription of antidepressants but even that is not available now. Kind of surviving on some OTC supplements like 5 HTP now. And for my problem with people they are going to prescribe some sort of anti psychotic which is a big no for me anyway because it worsens depression despite the fact that it makes me little numb to attacks. So there isn't many options left except suicide but I will never do it, don't worry. I have gained resilience over the past years and can go on forever no matter what and the lack of emotions also helps in that regard. There is no goal but just curious where it all ends.

Re: Looking for clues?

therising — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 22:46:45 GMT

Hi Jose

Wondering if you've ever looked into 'Non ordinary states of being' (aka altered states of consciousness). Whether the topic's approached from a psychological perspective, a spiritual perspective or a psycho-spiritual perspective, they're basically 3 different perspectives on the topic and all have different theories.

All 3 areas will cover ideas in relation to 1)what consciousness is, 2)what alters us into different states (triggers or what triggers us), 3)what those states look like, feel like, sound like etc, 4)how to treat those states/manage them/guide people through them, 4)how to lead people out of them and so on.

So, 3 different practices or schools of thought on 1 trigger:

A person's involved in a traumatic car accident. While they're sitting there in a state of shock and trauma (an intensely mind altering situation), they suddenly hear words that come to mind which might sound like 'Everything will be okay, just stay where you are. Help is coming'. For some, it might simply be reassuring words that come to mind whereas for others it might sound like an actual voice. They tell no one about this until this altered state of consciousness (suddenly hearing things coming to mind) starts to become too stressful to manage alone.

A practitioner of pure psychology may announce 'Schizophrenia' and they may be right in some cases. A practitioner of pure spirituality may announce 'Spiritual awakening/tapping into spiritual guidance' and they may be right in some cases. A psycho-spiritual practitioner will typically wonder whether it's one or the other or a combination of both 'psychological issues and spiritual awakening' happening at the same time. They may be right to wonder about both in certain cases. I suppose, at the end of the day, the question becomes 'Is the voice or are the words always helpful and always of positive guidance, in regard to themself and others?'. If this is the case, why introduce chemistry that's going to put an end to what is always positive guidance to themself and others? I think it pays to keep an open mind sometimes. When that altered state is becoming dangerous or leading to serious dysfunction, that's a whole different ball game.

It's said that when the brain (that computer up there in our head) has no reference when it comes to an altered state it's never dealt with before, it can't help us make sense of it. Basically, there's no mental program for it to reference or relate to. At that point, it's up to someone else/a guide to help us make better sense of what that state's about, what's really going on. Question is 'Which guide's the best guide for the job?'.

Re: Looking for clues?

Earth Girl — Thu, 12 Oct 2023 07:07:30 GMT

I'm sorry you are not able to see a doctor at the moment. I have tried a lot of different anti-psychotics and some made it worse, but I was eventually able to find one that worked well for me and it was worth trying lots of different ones to find the right one in the end.

Do you have anyone who can support you through this difficult time like family or friends?

Re: Looking for clues?

Earth Girl — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 06:41:27 GMT

Hi Jose,

How are you coping at the moment? I hope everything is okay.

Re: Looking for clues?

Earth Girl — Mon, 27 May 2024 04:57:31 GMT

Hi Jose,

Still hoping you are okay. We are here for you if you would like to talk. xx

Re: Looking for clues?

Miss T — Sun, 16 Feb 2025 00:40:45 GMT

Hello Jose, I feel like how you describe sometimes too but I have a lot of contacts through work. Mainly I rationalise that people are going about their own business and not interested in me. At times, my faith in humanity is restored, such as when I am doing my job and others let me proceed with good grace. I also tell myself that I am clean living and conservative and too damn boring so any stalker should lose interest. You sound like you have good insight when you challenge what others could consider to be delusional thinking. My (secular) prayers are with you that, if you are targeted, they lose interest.

Re: Looking for clues?

Miss T — Sun, 16 Feb 2025 01:05:07 GMT

Hi therising, in this day and age, I believe it is possible to intercept a radio or tv just like when going through the m5 airport tunnel in Sydney. Why is anyone's guess? Do the government want us to go crazy?