topic Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life in Depression

Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Tue, 08 Aug 2023 07:08:34 GMT

Lots of things are happening at once and I just need an outlet to vent my emotions.

My head is full of useless unnecessary thoughts and worries that I keep making up for myself.

I can start a new activity or hobby only for me to hyper-fixate and get myself burnt out and wasting a lot of time and money that I really shouldn't be spending. I overthink things and that affects my enjoyment of the activities I do. Thinking and worrying about buying things to do or thinking about doing things but when I get to doing things I start loathing it. I have no impulse control and stress over money when its just a dollar wasting so much brain power over nothing. No discipline.

Currently on Job Seeker applying for work with low qualification/ no education needed. I decided that I'm not going to try going back to University because it doesn't feel worthwhile, but also realized how limiting employment opportunities are. Having to rely on public transport with transit taking 1-2 hours at worst to the closest available work. I've recently begun volunteering at a 2nd hand shop as well just to get out the house and interact with people. I worry about having no time to do things I enjoy if I start doing paid work which is contrasted by not enjoying the things I do for enjoyment or overthinking and stressing over small details.

I haven't driven in a year and only have my Ls. Stressing and loathing about it wont help and it feels exhausting trying to ask help from my parents. Paranoid about crashing the car and I've been overthinking when going for walks near/crossing the road when the cars are nowhere near me but the hesitation makes worry and is affecting my alertness. I've even begun worrying when going up escalators even though the fear is unreasonable. A lot of hesitation and a lack of confidence with everything I do.

The support groups I've been going to so I can take my mind off things have had their funding cut so they've been changed to fortnightly and the counselor I've been going to won't be able to see me for a couple months.

I don't know what I want to do long term so I'm trying to change my mindset. Its fine to not make a lot of money, its fine to keep living at home with my parents, its fine not to accomplish anything grand and have a simple life. I have lots of ideas and thoughts of things to do but never follow through and just wallow in self pity and feeling restricted and limited in what I can do having to compromise I dont know

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

Croix — Wed, 09 Aug 2023 12:48:51 GMT

Dear Geelt~

Welcome back, it is good to hear from you even though it is horrible circumstances that have brought you back, perhaps being here and reading other perspectives might help.

All through your posts have been two things, both of which make life seem just too hard.. They are anxiety and blaming yourself. I felt the same way, and there was nothing I could do to make myself feel better, quite the opposite, things got worse. The worry was there all the itme and stopped me from doing things - even things I had liked -in case thay went on. Thinking I was hopeless stopped my from trying.

So my world became smaller and unhappier. I saw you were a bit prone to impulse buying - which is not surprising when life is not good, one sees things as a way to better life, make it more enjoyable, have less time for worry.

I used to go overboard and concentrate on things, from jigsaw puzzles to learning music, until I got sick of them as I never gave myself breaks.

I don't agree with your assessment of your self - or your idea of your prospects. It is very easy at least in my case- to not realise that just about all these negative thoughts were put their by depression and anxiety, leaving little room for anything else. I thought I was thinking these things by myself -I was wrong.

The fact you have gone to volunteer seems to me to be a very healthy thing. With all that you are facing you are trying to do something that gets you out and breaks the chain of thoughts. This is wisdom - and determination.

I know you had been talkng about getting medical help (which made all the difference for me) and if you don't mind I'd like to ask if you do have any now? If you do can I suggest you go back and say the treatment is not working properly and explain what you have just said in your post?

One you start on a path to feel better I'd be pretty sure motivation and a desire to do more will re-start.

We are here for you and hope to hear more from you

Croix

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

David35 — Thu, 10 Aug 2023 10:19:44 GMT

I like to think of the choices we make with our time as diversifying. It's a bit like when you have money. Save a bit, spend a bit on yourself, some for others. Your own time can be split up the same. Spend some time on the community (op shops), time to think about yourself (future), time with family. Don't forget that time spent volunteering is always attractive to prospective employers too. It's not wasted.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Thu, 10 Aug 2023 12:52:37 GMT

Hi Croix,

Thanks for the reply.

I can't remember when I stopped updating my previous thread and posting in general.

Just saw how to look at my previous posts, its always dumbfounding to find the answer to your own questions right when you're about to ask them. It's been almost a year and a half. I need to have a reread of that thread, lots of advice was given a lots of things I may or may not have listened to. Its daunting and embarrassing to go back and read things last years you wrote.

Buying things to do, for me at least, gave me something to look forwards to and instant gratification. Became almost routine to order something then pick it up from the post office when it arrived. I got into making model kits which are kind of like puzzles where you put the pieces together. It was fun to follow instructions to make something instead of worrying about things around me. Making cool robot model kits. Then things from Amazon Japan could be bought through the Australian site, which was significantly cheaper, about 3 times less than stores in Australia. Afterwards/ in hindsight I was just justifying my impulse spending and it doesn't mean much if you save 3 times so you buy 3 things. So much pointless worrying to distract myself from more pressing problems.

It's been about 174 days since I stopped taking antidepressants, I went on a lower dosage before I stopped. I felt that it wasn't doing much to help me so I talked with my GP. I haven't talked to my GP since then either but I'm planning on seeing them again soon.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Thu, 10 Aug 2023 12:42:28 GMT

Hi David35, thanks for the reply.

I've started to realize the importance of 'time' lately. You can use up so much time worrying and trying to distract yourself from worrying.

Time and money are connected and the effort used to try and save money ends up wasting more time than its probably worth. Saving a couple bucks on something isn't worth the hours spent stressing over and constantly checking for deals, or the formation of the habit to constantly check for deals only to waste time and money on things you really don't need. Recently had to wait hours and spent hours stressing after trying to save money, only for my card to get blocked. In hindsight it was just more impulse spending but at the time I was mindlessly consuming.

I'm hoping that the time I spend volunteering will help me gain confidence with work, as well as having something to add on my very barren resume. I can hate myself over the time I wasted in the past but that will take up more time. Easier said then done, I need to drill it into my thick skull. It feels like a productive use of time pointing out my mistakes but its shallow and an easy way to stop myself from bettering.

Its the truth i've wasted years worrying feels like my head will explode when i think about it.

Neglecting so many important things

I ended up on a tangent sorry.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Thu, 10 Aug 2023 12:47:24 GMT

wasting money on stupid things while the world is bad and bad things are happening to people and while it isnt my responsibility and isnt up to me to help everyone and save the world. im disgusted and other people would be to at ymyself

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Mon, 14 Aug 2023 02:16:54 GMT

My mood has plummeted the past couple days.

I feel pressured to follow what my Dad is saying. He has been understanding of my current situation and I am grateful for that.

Keeps talking about how 'God' (I think its more of a fortune-teller kind of person) has forseen this and that everything is going to be okay. My parents are very religious where they believe that if someone says god said your child will save your life or he will be successful after July and will be rich and be active and god will visit you in the form of an animal they will believe it. They said that when I am 18-22 years old I will face a struggle and afterwards I will start to go up and be rich and successful and my Dad is really invested in this fortune telling. I am not trying to dismiss religion and understand its value, as far as im aware they arent getting scammed or paying money to hear the fortunes. I don't think a fortune telling is enough to be certain that I will be successful if I start a real estate business or company with zero experience, fresh off a 3 month business degree asking a bank for a loan with zero credentials or credit score or proof that this rental property will get off the ground.

I really don't want to get into the rental market

I can't get myself to speak up to him because I'm afraid he will lash out. What am I going to say? I don't want to invest in property I'm going to not take medication because you said so and everyone is lying to me to get me to pay for free mental health services and I will spend this time looking for entry level employment and not be successful like the fortune teller said god said I would be and i am not smart like you think and having a vague idea on how to use computers so please excuse my worthless ecistence thank you

He wants me to get a business degree and buy land or property or a hotel and run it for easy money.

I feel like my Dad vastly overestimates my capabilities and I can't tell him I'm not as smart or skilled or capable as he thinks I am with or without anything making it difficult to decide what to do. Just because I vaguely know how to use Facebook doesn't mean I can run a business hotel rental property online.

While I understand I won't know things until I try and doing a business degree will at least give me a brief idea on how to run a business or give me skills in general, I don't think listening to my dad or following his vision is what I want to do.

Hey geelt, Thank you for sharing this here. It sounds lik...

Sophie_M — Mon, 14 Aug 2023 04:05:07 GMT

Hey geelt, Thank you for sharing this here. It sounds like it’s a really difficult time at the moment.

It can be so tough when our parents have ideas and visions that are different to our own. It can really take a toll on our self worth and self esteem.

Is there someone in your life that you feel comfortable talking about this with? You can also reach out to the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors anytime, on 1300 22 4636, available 24/7, or you can speak to them on webchat here.

Thanks again for sharing here. We’re sure you’ll hear from some other community members soon. We hope you can be as kind to yourself during this difficult time as you have been in opening up and sharing with the community here, today.

Kind regards,
Sophie M

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Wed, 30 Aug 2023 05:09:32 GMT

Its difficult trying to apply for jobs. There's no low entry jobs in my area. It feels like a slog of applying for entry level jobs with commutes from 1-2 hours then getting rejected. There's only so many jobs I can apply to and they're running out and I need to find 12 a month.

Employment agency hasn't really been helpful so far but I don't have any other option but to wait and hope they will help. It leaves me feeling like I am not doing enough and having to wait 2-3 weeks for the next appointment only for them to recommend me jobs I've already looked through on job search websites that start at 6am and public transport only shows up at 7. I can't expect them to care about their job but its draining.
Its hard to be positive when everything makes you feel expendable and worthless and I can only blame myself for being weak and undesirable.

I don't feel comfortable or confident getting my license or driving. If I hesitate when crossing an empty road while walking I will hesitate to enter roads when driving.
I don't want to wallow in self-pity or self-loathing but I am not making it easy for myself to find a job or anything.

Then I think about getting back to studying but it feels like a waste of time if I'm going to freeze up and not be able to complete any degree if I'm worrying. Doing anything leads me to worry about careers or jobs or the fact I am sitting idly waiting for a miracle to happen. Its frustrating trying to set a routine when you need to account for other family members own routines and just talking in general. I get paralyzed when thinking about anything.

The volunteering has been going alright but I have to force myself to go. It's really understaffed with it being the Manager and me and another person sometimes. I'm doing what I can and everyone's nice but I don't do well unguided when I don't know what to do. Being told to tidy up the back area when there isn't really anything I can do because of all the donations and lack of space and having to wing most things. Everyone is too busy and understaffed for me to ask for help every 5 seconds. Idont know what im doing i dont know what im doing doesnt feel like im learning or gaining skills but i will keep doing it regardless

I don't want to do anything. I can't enjoy anything when I have to turn everything into a career because I don't have any marketable skills so I have to turn anything into a job which loses all motivation.
I don't want to talk to people. I don't want to deal with people.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Sun, 10 Sep 2023 13:12:07 GMT

I am doing a lot of complaining. I can come up with reasons and make excuses but deep down I know I am just running away and hiding from reality and the results from my own actions/ my inaction to do things.

Being negative and making things seem worse than they are is just a way for me to create more excuses. The volunteering is not as bad as I'm making it out to be. It's my poor communication skills and spinelessness that get in the way of being more proactive and asking more questions or for clarification.
I should not expect other people to accommodate for me without letting them know what the problem is. I have so little faith or trust in myself to do anything right and that reflects in everything I do.
I've been listening to the audiobook for "Atomic Habits" by James Clear
I can't sleep because I'm stressing about life choices.
I want to write whats on my mind in coherent sentences

I feel myself becoming a more bitter and hateful person and its making me feel like garbage how bad things have gotten.
Job searching has still been unsuccessful.

I want to get into 3D printing to make and design things but wanting to get a 3D printer first is pulling the cart before the horse. There's nothing stopping me from getting back into learning things but myself. Whether or not I can find a career doing something should not impact whether or not I learn something now. But it does.
Thinking about the process of learning and doing things stops me from wanting to do them which is counter intuitive because thats not the right way to do things.
I like coming up with ideas for things but not corroborating with people
Anyone can come up with ideas but theyre pointless if you dont do anything with them.
I hatemyself

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

Croix — Mon, 11 Sep 2023 12:43:13 GMT

Dear Geelt~

Have you considered you have been influenced by your parents into being too demanding on yourself. They obviosly are thinking big plans, and they are not for everyone - or at least in the form they think about.

When you reflect that they are not for you then you see yourself as failing, a frame of mind that feeds on itself and spreads. I should know becuse that is how I felt.

Maybe there are two things you might like to consider. The first is you finished your medication some time ago now and its lingering effects will probably be minimal leaving you unprotected. Do you think you could talk with your doctor to see if a resumption would help?

The second thing might be to get away from big thoughts and accomplishments - they simply set you up for failure and all the dissatisfaction and self-blame it leads to

Can you set yourself some realistic matters you can accomplish, and gain the benefits of success. I started by slowly reading, sped up and went on to other things. would you consider casting round for something at the same doable level?

Croix.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Tue, 26 Sep 2023 12:57:01 GMT

Hi Croix,

I guess I'm being influenced by everything around me when it comes to figuring out what to do. Its hard not to feel like I'm failing when I'm rejecting all the options I am given. I understand that

I know I need to take a step back. Overthinking things too far ahead and coming up with the worst scenarios.

Pressure from job provider to find a job quickly.

I dont want to take medication then I will have to either lie to my dad unconvincingly or have to listen to him talk about how bad medication is. I dont want to talk with my parents because they cant properly communicate in english and i cant speak theri native language and if i try saying a basic sentence they praise me like a baby and it drives me crazy. I cant stop them from treating me like a baby they dont care. its my fault for not being able to speak 50 languages and make a billion million dollars. I stopped asking my dad to drive with me because he always brings up how he would be a millionaire if it wasn't for my mother. I would politely tell him to shut up but then he will have a meltdown and everyone at home will be miserable for however long it takes for him to calm down.

I don't know where to start.

Trying to make my bedroom a sleeping place, a work place, a storage place, a productivity place, a relaxation place an anything place isn't working for me.

I want to write a proper response but I'm too frustrated to think properly. I'm never going to find a job I want because I don't want to work a job just for money and me miserable and its my fault I feel miserable doing things I dont like because Im not smart enough to find something I want to do living at home slowing being driven crazy by family. never going to move out of home and get away from parents because im stupid and cant think properly cant ask for help because im going to ask for help for every little thing and not be given the answer that helps.

Keep being told i should be proud of volunteering but im not and its not getting me anywhere. just falling into the same old habits not talking to anyone fumbling conversations being a social wreck overthinking how everyone feels about me. Its frustrating. Theres no order or structure to sorting things and the manager is as clueless as i am as to where to put things. I dont have any idea how to structure things i dont want to keep tripping over bags and boxes. i hate . I dont want to deal with people i want to just vanish and not have to deal with awkwardness and. Two months of nothing because im not being proactive im a bad communicator im an idiot waste of time space reasources i dont know what im doing

How am I supposed to find long term employment when I'm getting flustered and struggling to do nothing. how am i going to acomplish even the simplest tasks if i cant focus on anything.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

Croix — Tue, 26 Sep 2023 14:07:54 GMT

Dear Geelt~

You sound much as I have in the past. Depression and anxiety made everything into a problem, and while there were problems they were actually simpler than my illness made me think. They all piled up, I could not cope and things spiraled down.

Can I suggest you start getting towards a place where you can cope by gong back to you doctor and seeing what medication (and maybe therapy) can do for you?

Trying to deal with all the things you have mentioed all at the same time is not realistic, you need to be in a better frame of mind, something that came to me after treatment, and allowed me to deal wiht each thing in turn.

OK you will have problem with your dad and his prejudice about medications. Hopefully the benefits of proper treatment will gradually appear and that problem - however you handle it - will seem worth while.

It may be that seeing your doctor may have an additional benefit, and judge you temporarily unfit to chase jobs -you never know.

As for being proud of voluntary work, OK no need to feel proud, simply regard it as a stepping stone to benefit you when other opportunities come along

I would like to know how you get on

Croix

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Mon, 30 Oct 2023 13:42:10 GMT

Hi Croix,

Sorry for the late reply.

I am struggling to cope with things lately. I have been feeling a deep sense of sickness and dread in my stomach from worrying a lot.

I went to see my GP but talking to them hasn't felt too helpful. I am difficult to work with because I don't know what I want. I need to find a different GP because my current one is the university GP and I no longer am enrolled in the University.

I dont know how to get into a better frame of mind a better mindset to do things. If i get a job im just going to keep feeling mentally spiralling
Discipline routine timetable discipline reaching goals schedules habits
Time to do things time to make time time i waste time taking time to do things to time
i dont like leaving things unfinished but theres not enough time to do things while also doing other things and stopping and starting makes no progroess
i dont want to spend 20 hours a day in my room but theres nowhere else i can go to do things comfortably i dont like all the clutter but im going to spend so much time looking for things if i just dump everything away. its so frustrating when theres only a meter do do all the sorting in and going back and forth and back and forth
i dont know where i belong.

i dont see myself making enough to move out of home i dont know what about money wasting money on things do i need to see the dentist twice a year do i need insurance i dont know if it keeps up how it is im going to be nothing and the job agency will get mad because im not finding enough jobs when i tell them i cannot find any jobs within reasonable range and my dad wants me to go overseas with him to start a buisness in a place where i dont know the language and where he hasnt set foot in for 50 years

I'm stressed about finding work and thinking about work. I can't find any local work. I don't work well under pressure or in fast paced environments, so fast food work doesn't seem like a good match for me but I don't have many options. Do I just suck it up and stop being a baby and grow up. I don't think I will do well but its not like I really have any options.

I would be okay with working late shifts if my parents wouldn't worry about anyone staying out late.
I can't communicate with my parents or I don't want to talk to them. Listening to them stresses me out.

I keep thinking about doing a 'creative' career but I dont know if I want to. I dont know. Im not going to be happy with anything I choose.

Been very irritable and on edge lately and my mood has been rock bottom. Just unhappy with how things are for me. I am grateful for my parents putting up with me and I know I'm lucky to have a roof over my head and food and water to drink. I feel like I don't have any control over what I can do.

I don't want to be the middleman for my parents to talk to my siblings because my parents are scared of getting yelled at by them. I don't want to argue and stand up for myself because it just creates more problems for everyone.

Thinking to much about hobbies then getting fatigued i dont want to do anything

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

Croix — Tue, 31 Oct 2023 11:48:18 GMT

Dear Geelt~

It's good to hear from you again.

Having to change doctors may not be such a bad thing if the previous one did not seem to be helping a lot.

I would not agree you don't know what you want. You have listed the things that are wrong and that is a good starting point. For instance you do not want a feeling a deep sense of sickness and dread in your stomach from worrying a lot.

You do not want to have your parents place unrealistic demands upon you and I suspect you do want to get out of your room to a job you enjoy.

While they may not all come right strait away the start - at least for me - was to be able to cope better and not have quite the extreme effects of anxiety. I'm not diagnosing you, just saying some things sound similar. and what worked for me might help you.

I could not improve myself, so matters kept getting worse, and it was only after I found medical assistance with therapy and medication I improved.

I had thought my life was full of matters that could not be fixed, or at least had no idea how to fix them however over time as I became better at coping they did sort out.

If you find trying to explain everything to a new doctor is all too hard I'd suggest doing what I've done at times and take a couple of days to write down in point form how you are feeling and what is wrong in your life, then just had the paper over in an extended consultation. That way you won't leave anything important out, and just have to answer questions on what you wrote - an easier road than trying to explain face to face cold.

Do you think you could give this a try?

Croix

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Sat, 24 Feb 2024 11:55:42 GMT

It's been a couple months since I last posted on the forums. Im not doing well mentally i havent changed.

My Dad took all his savings and went to his home country at the new year and is crying on facebook everyday and its annoying everybody. He doesnt like it there and wants to come home.

I've started a traineeship for retail work and have been going for almost a month. I can tolerate it. 40 minute walk to get there. My shoulders are sore from carrying my backpack. The good thing is its a paid traineeship but the pay isnt the best. The work is mundane, feels pointless at times and often times theres nothing to do. I had a brief problem with a difficult coworker but theyre no longer part of the program and I feel relieved. I'm wishing the best for them, they had a lot of issues and I hope they find peace. Dealing with the coworker was frustrating and its my fault for trying to correct their misunderstandings or humoring them when they werent making sense, instead of ignoring them.

I don't like dealing with people. I dont like communicating with people. Its hard to be clear and precise without being blunt and sounding cold or bossy.

Its fine im making mistakes here and there but im getting corrected and told the right way to do things, even if im getting told the right way several weeks after doing it wrong and I need to explain my misunderstanding over and over again to coworkers that thougut it was the right way because I was doing it all the time.

I wouldn't want to work in retail long term.

Im trying my best to help out when I can trying to explain things to my coworker that cant speak english very well but its exhausting. I cant stand then standing still looking lost because theres nothing to do and they dont know what to do and i cant explain things well enough for them to understand. It isnt my job or responsibility to help them out and i feel that im doing more harm tham good by doing a poor job of explaining things. I keep thinking how my parents probably had the same issues adjusting to their new life when they moved to Australia and I should at least try to help when I can. I dont want to deal with people. Im not reliable im not good at explaining or dealing with people.

I dont want to work retail long term I dont want to deal with people. I dont wwnt to talk to people i want to crawl into a hole and disappear.

I dont want to live at home I dont want to deal with my mum. I cant deal with people with no common sense. I canr deal with people who dont mind there buisness. I cant communicate with my mum. The coworker i didnt like was just like my mum.

I want to do everything on my own. Its so much worse having other people involved with things you do. You have to explain things so many times and they dont get it it makes it impossible to plan and do things for yourself because you have to help with other peoples things too. I want to prepare my own meals but its impossible because i have to deal with other people. Things are more unbearable at home now that im working i cant deal with everyones garbage i hate this household but nothings going to change. I dont have the energy to do anything.

I dont know what im doing with my life im never going to be happy. So much garbage in life nothing enjoyable.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Mon, 26 Feb 2024 05:46:58 GMT

Today we did some career planning as part of the certificate and I kept breaking down and crying during so. I hated how flowery and positive it was at times. I dont know what i want long term i.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Mon, 26 Feb 2024 05:50:46 GMT

I feel so bad and stupid. I dont want to work in retail lomg term. I dont want to work but i dont want to do nothing like a parasite. This is like the 5th time ive done career planning stuff and it doesnt help me personally.

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

Croix — Mon, 26 Feb 2024 11:53:59 GMT

Dear Geelt~

You are certainly having a hard time. Career planning is all very well, but apart from painting an overly optimistic picture does tend to simply get it wrong. I was advised to be a mechanic -it never happened. As far as I can see career comes about partly by what you want, but also due ot luck and opportunity. I ended up teaching but would never have thought of doing that, it was just an opportunity came up while I was stuck.

Your dad sounds like so many who have a rosy picture of their origin, and when they go back find it is all changed and not a pleasure at all.

It's a pity you are not close ot your mum, could you say what it is about her you find hard?

Really speaking any traineeship is good. It may not be in your choice of subject, but allows you to apply for jobs in other areas with a proven ability to stick though things.

I'm glad that troublesome person left.

Croix

Re: Feeling overwhelmed and lost with life

geelt — Mon, 26 Feb 2024 22:29:16 GMT

Hello Croix,

Opportunity and I feel that I'm letting them pass by or just not jumping onto them because of fear or other factors. I dont trust myself to make good choices.

I feel that my Dad was going through a mid-life crisis or something similar. There is a lot for him to be unhappy about or wanting more for in life. He did his best coming from a refugee background, but now he is feeling that he needs to do more and that gets overbearing for the family. He has been out of stable employment for the pst decade or so and his kids (me and my siblings) dont like talking to him and always have cold reactions to him. They call him crazy because he wants to be loved but doesnt know how to do so and ends up babying them. I tried my best to be kind but that just makes me the one he complains about everything to. Our whole family is distant, there isnt much for us to talk about and we dont really want to/feel comfortable or feel that its worth talking to eachother about things. My Dad went to his home country in an effort to make money, but he doesnt like it and feels like his father has caged and confined him. In his words he said "I don't even know what the currency looks like". He took the families life savings in order to help my rich grandfather buy property and I hope nothing bad happens.

What I find difficult about my Mum is the language barrier and she doesnt realy have common sense and shes always worrying. Its difficult to communicate with her sometimes and tiring and gives me a headache. Shes always worrying about everyone and has to know about everything thats happening or she will constantly ask, but if she knows something it makes it hard to do anything. I havent told her about the traineeship because I only just started so I dont want to tell her in case something happens and I stop going or feel that it isnt for me and drop out. She doesnt say sorry because she is sorry and will stop but because saying sorry grants her immunity to any frustration and annoyance. Thats led to lots of problems in the house. I cant cook my own dinner because shes always in the kitchen. Even if I wait or want to eat later and will cook for myself she will be there waiting and its very anxiety inducing. I dont like her staring at me whenever I do something. If I say i will cook my own dinner she will stay and say she will do the dishes, if I say I will do the dishes too she will just start doing the dishes while im trying to cook. Its not her fault that she has nothing to do in life, she has her own mental barriers and problems built up over the years. Shes tried her best as a mother but now that everyones become more independant, she doesnt know what to do so she doubles down on what she can do and that just leads to complications. She doesnt have anything to do outside of household chores and spends the rest of her day on facebook and that isnt good for her.