topic Aging and mental illness challenge in Depression

Aging and mental illness challenge

newnoz — Sat, 04 Jun 2022 09:17:58 GMT

Dear Beyond Blue

I tried doing the online survey but the problem I have wasn't included. My problem is there is no room made for old people. We have many reasons to be miserable and especially men don't have a clue after they stop working. A lot of us have other disabilities. Age means that some of my dreams will never come true and the ones I am still fighting for, seem more and more unlikely. A lot of us are not rich or even comfortable economically. A lifetime of trying and failing due to mental illness and in my case other factors can be a sore spot one doesn't know how to address. Therapists also have very little understanding of age and psychological factors. Will you put up forums for those who are not young? Being young was horrible in so many ways. Being old isn't good either because there is the finish line and it is quite final.

Aging and mental illness challenge

Croix — Sat, 04 Jun 2022 12:16:56 GMT

Dear Newnoz~

As someone who also has that finishing line looming larger I can well understand all the points you are making and quite agree talking with others who have similar porblems is an excellent thing.

May I suggest a couple of avenues to try? (Please bear in mind I'm just another member like you) . I do know from experience Beyond Blue staff related ot the Forum are responsive. They might well be considering the matter as a result of your post here, I'd not know.

First put your wishes and views for the desirability for such a section, what needs ot be discussed in it, common problems and so forth in an email to Beyond Blue

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/support-service/email

You may even wish to suggest sample questions for future surveys

The second thing is when making a thread title to use some reference in it to older age, so that others can readily see it and join in, or make their own threads with a similar references in their titles.

Croix

Aging and mental illness challenge

Sophie_M — Sat, 04 Jun 2022 13:05:21 GMT

Hi there newnoz!

Thank you for your honest contributions here and thank you so much for choosing to be a contributing member to our community.

We wanted to take a moment first of all to say we appreciate this feedback! It is thought-provoking. Something that occurred to us as we read your post is that even real-time knowledge of your position is lost to us!! Aging researchers and psychotherapists (counsellor or psychologist) tend to stop contributing to academic and social conversations once they retire, so the wisdom of those with professional skills and experience, who are now gaining lived experience of aging, is being lost often.... and that strikes us as an unaccounted-for loss.

For now, we are wondering what help we might offer by making more forum spaces specifically for aging and mental health, or topics around that, more comprehensive? more strongly related to services that specialise? As Croix said, we would be indebted if you might add more thoughts on that link - but also, please consider continuing to talk to us and the community here?

We would be grateful for your continued insight; and if you need anything at all, please consider reaching out to us! Call 1300 22 4636 anytime 24/7. Regardless of the forum, please keep thinking with us!

Regards,

Sophie M.

Aging and mental illness challenge

blondguy — Sat, 04 Jun 2022 16:33:10 GMT

Hello newnoz

I am retired and have been on the forums since 2016. Croix and Sophie_M (the posters above) are spot on where your input is concerned. Younger folk can learn from our life experience re mental health

Croix mentioned a very helpful email address above ' www.beyondblue.org.au/support-service/email'

Thankyou for your excellent thread topic newnoz!

we are listening

Paul

Aging and mental illness challenge

geoff — Sat, 04 Jun 2022 16:46:15 GMT

Hello Newnoz, you do make a very good point here, but many people on the forums are in our age group and contribute regularly to help those people struggling with mental illness.

From what we were able to do years ago doesn't happen any more, but then what we can do now, we wouldn't think of doing years ago when much younger.

We're like a magnet, gaining information that again, years ago wouldn't interest us, that's what happen with age.

Remember when you were young isn't there something your grandmother said to you that has always stuck with you, I certainly do and how true she was, that's the knowledge and experience young ones learn from us.

Struggling with a mental illness could be different when you're young and have little support than when you're old, so do people believe we shouldn't be depressed because we should know better and be able to overcome this illness because of the experience we have been through, unfortunately, this doesn't happen as all those problems we had when young, may just become even bigger as we age.

There are many lonely elderly people out there, who would just love to have a cuddle from their grandchildren who can make them feel welcomed, adored, simply because their wrinkly skin is so much different from their own skin.

I know that we can't be left alone to meddle in our own troubles because once this does happen, then the problems of not only ourselves but others can be too overpowering.

We need to be listened to because we're still human beings and have feelings that are still important to be heard.

Take care, we're with you.

Geoff.

Aging and mental illness challenge

Moonstruck — Sun, 05 Jun 2022 03:27:18 GMT

I would be pleased to see a thread for this. Now I am not fishing for compliments here, please believe me, but revealing my honest feelings and recent experiences. My partner died just 2 years ago and I only realise when I look at photographs of myself taken now...how much my physical appearance ie. my face, hands, neck etc seems like a different person! again I emphasise I am not wanting reassurance or compliments...it is a genuine shock and major re adjustment to "see this" right in front of my eyes, and I am embarrassed knowing my friends and acquaintances have seen these recent photos too. Of course its not a shock to them, they see me in person quite a lot....it was myself who was shocked and upset. It is so personal.

I seem to have aged very much in those 2 years...when I truly thought I looked much younger than my years and beautiful....he told me this constantly and I believed it and felt it too.

I wonder if this is now my "new reality" I cannot avoid. I also participated in an activity I'd been doing for years and to my surprise found it very taxing, tiring, even painful physically at times....{ combined with my shock at seeing photographs of me as I did the activity).....it seemed"hard work" instead of the fabulous fun it has always been.

There is no one to talk to about this, as there is no antidote, or cure. It is real and will come to everyone, even those who are beautiful and vibrant today....I have gotten the usual throw away lines eg. "better than the alternative" "Happens to everyone, "if" you're lucky" "get over yourself" .

It's not funny to me. I am having genuine trouble accepting the loss of the youthful woman I used to be. Mentally and emotionally she is still there, but no one can physically see her any more. Please don't just brush me off as being "conceited". I have never been conceited in my life, far from it.....this is real and upsetting to me.

Aging and mental illness challenge

geoff — Sun, 05 Jun 2022 15:42:03 GMT

Hello Moonstruck, I can only agree with what you have said, to remember back or see past photos of what were we like, what we looked like back 30 or 40 years ago till now, we can't believe the physical change that's happened, something that we never expected, it just did.

All the accomplishments we were able to achieve, can no longer happen and seem just a memory, impossible to regain.

I know how you feel.

Geoff.

Aging and mental illness challenge

Moonstruck — Tue, 07 Jun 2022 04:58:22 GMT

Thanks Geoff. I feel better today. Had another look at myself and realised I can still look good..( for my age)

couple of strangers out shopping made conversation about trivial things and I realised there are still nice people in the world who may be lonely and hating getting older too.

I find doing nice things for myself..makes me feel good. Putting me first isn't selfish...it's what I need just now anyway.

I am not so naive to think this better attitude will last ...I still have a long way to go.

But I deserve to be happy..wrinkles on my hands or not!!

Aging and mental illness challenge

geoff — Tue, 07 Jun 2022 21:49:34 GMT

Hello Moonstruck, I know how you feel, getting old is not what I ever thought it would be like, we can't change the clock.

My best.

Geoff.

Aging and mental illness challenge

newnoz — Fri, 01 Jul 2022 07:41:38 GMT

I MUST have received all your responses to my post. My email account is really FULL.
I do need to follow up on your suggestions. Perhaps it was intended that I wait until the new online forum came on. Or it just happened. I have some pretty full-on episodes that derail my life.

Aging isn't all bad. I get a pass on looking for a job, career, going to UNI, getting married or not, having children or not. I don't get a pass on having a life and I need to write up all the parts that need to be dealt with prior to leaving the house (eyes, ears, teeth, phone+ all those pills). Memory issues are big. It is Friday and I'm dead beat.

Thanks for responding, Nora

Aging and mental illness challenge

Hanna3 — Fri, 01 Jul 2022 08:02:06 GMT

Hi newnoz,

Hooray, a thread for ageing folk here - I sometimes feel like everyone on BB is assumed to be young! Thank you!

The best book on ageing I have read is one called Ageless Soul by Thomas Moore. He has chapters such as The First Taste of Ageing, Old Bodies Young Souls, Processing Life Experiences, The Maturing of Sexuality, Living with Dying. My friends have purchased it too - it requires slow careful reading to take in his wisdom - he used to be a monk originally but it's not a religious book. It's quite inspiring.

I think the best things we can do is to keep a sense of humour and keep interested in something; there's nothing worse than a cranky old person... who makes life miserable for others.. and keeping interested is good for your mind and keeps you open to new ideas.

For women it's hard to manage the pressure to have your hair dyed and your face botoxed!

I think also we have a culture that is not very respectful of elders, unlike other communities. I wonder how others here find that?

Aging and mental illness challenge

Moonstruck — Sat, 02 Jul 2022 00:45:34 GMT

Hello All

I am glad this thread seems to have been revived too. I don't think our society, or our Govt Health Depts were really expecting, or certainly not prepared to have such a huge population of older people...while their minds and emotions maybe just as they were aged 30 or 40 or so, their bodies no longer work for them, not allowing them to carry out the most mundane everyday tasks....this in itself, creates frustration, anxiety and horrible depression for them.

An elderly person I know seems to be going downhill and becoming so confused with who to register with for help. I do what I can but cannot do it all, nor am I trained, or have adequate time. She is registered and at least has some help now, but as time goes on, will need more and more. Her needs seem to be increasing so quickly.

There seems quite a few Aged Care agencies" or Care People with whom they can be assessed and receive help with transport, house cleaning and more...but if the older person is not "online" which many are not, it makes it so difficult for them.

And the various Agencies have long waiting lists, and are understaffed. The elderly person has to give them so many days notice if they need transporting, and organise their priorities in the time allotted "Do I go to the Dr or to the Pathology for my blood test, will I have time to go to the supermarket, I badly need a haircut, what day should I make an appointment for that? My cat is sick, can someone take me to the vet, wait for me and take me home again? " "I think I need a walker now, not just my walking stick, where can I buy one of them, have I got time to shop around? I have trouble just walking down my 2 front steps, what will I do?"

This lady is determined to remain in her home, as she has pets to whom she is devoted and wants to leave her house to certain family members in her will. So does not want to relinquish the house to go into an Aged Care Place...I think if she did so, she would not last long at all...it would be a death sentence for her.....sad to watch.

Re: Aging and mental illness challenge

mmMekitty — Sat, 30 Jul 2022 23:10:04 GMT

Hi newnoz, & all,

There are some specifically age-related concerns for us, who have also a history of mental health concerns, or who may only recently have some, now, while facing the latter years, or more, of life. We become aware of things we may never have seriously considered when 40 or even 50 years old. At some point, the prospect of our aging, or of someone near to us, becomes real. This in itself may be the cause of anxiety, or, for some, panic.

Changes to our bodies & lives, work & social.

As we age, if we have lots of friends, rellies, co-workers, the reality is some of these people may develop problems, have severe illness, & we may begin to experience the loss of some of these people, so grief & loss, including multiple loss, may become a very significant issue. As is our own losses of physical health, cognitive sharpness, social involvement, personal confidence - because of all the changes such as appearance, or functions we no longer feel in control of, certain health anxiety problems coming into one's view. Changes in our senses, like hearing, sight, balance & disability.

The prospect of needing care or other support one may not have had, or which may change for those of us who have had, which raises issues about independence/dependance, who controls what, where & how we live, who to source & assess possible supports, & all this with regards to a partner/spouse, other rellie, if we're the carer too. & Privacy & boundaries, lots.

With regards to cognitive changes, we may have to deal with our personal & financial safety, online & in real life. How common it is to hear of older people being targeted by scammers & con artists? I wonder if the book Hanna mentioned says anything about the romance scams targeting lonely folks, stealing money & hearts.

Loneliness itself is huge. Many of us come from broken families, so don't even have the regular contact with any.

Loss of driver's licence - big for some.

So, I think a section for Aging is needed.

mmMekitty

Re: Aging and mental illness challenge

mmMekitty — Sat, 30 Jul 2022 23:14:46 GMT

You, newnoz & others may like Grandy's Discussion:

Middle, mature, elderly aged person...lonely & liv... - Beyond Blue Forums - 530341

Warmly,

mmMekitty

Re: Aging and mental illness challenge

Hanna3 — Sat, 17 Sep 2022 08:44:59 GMT

Can't believe I managed to find this thread again in the maze of these new forums. It seems to be neglected si maybe my post will boot it up a bit... I understand about the difficulties ageing presents, but I do wish we could also hear a bit more positive things about it. A friend of mine always says her dog " settled into old age" and I think that's a lovely description. Ever see an old dog snoozing in the sun? You can't tell me he isn't finding life is still good.

It is a privilege to grow old - so many people die much too young, I have seen that for myself. I rather enjoy being a bit quieter myself - I enjoy simple things very much - a brisk walk on a cool day, a laugh with a friend, my old dog running along with his ears flying, making a really nice pot of tea and having it out of a beautiful cup I bought for just that purpose. Watching a great movie or comedy, listening to great music, going to a concert when I can. Reading good books!

Anyone else got a few more positives to add here?

Re: Aging and mental illness challenge

mmMekitty — Sun, 18 Sep 2022 00:26:46 GMT

That's a great attitude, Hanna. I'm sorry I'm not feeling my agig in that way. So far, the one benefit I have found is that recalling how much I've been through, & I'm still here, shows me I am more resilient than I have ever believed. I can trust the evidence of having the experiences & seeing that I somehow will get through. A bad experience isn't going to be the end of everything, not 'my life is completely ruined', not at all.

It's wonderful to find the simpler things in life are more enjoyable. The difference now is that you don't dismiss the moments. Instead, you take notice & appreciate them for all they are worth.

Hope you & Sam are not freezing now, & enjoy some sunny days.

Hugzies to you both.

mmMekitty