topic Re: Hey everyone in Depression

Hey everyone

J1992 — Thu, 23 Feb 2023 11:16:29 GMT

Hey this is my first post I’m a 30 year old male I’ve been really depressed for a few years and have anxiety about things I make bigger in my head I’m one of those people that loves to see everyone happy around me tbh I find it hard to even leave the house some days my family are always there which has helped a lot I put on this happy face when I’m out there and pretend to be happy when inside I’m down which isn’t good my mates and friends have all disappeared over that time either have kids or are on drugs I don’t touch drugs or have kids yet which I feel makes me different some how and make me think more I sometimes feel like giving up on myself but I’m just hanging in I find sports makes me forget it and clears the mind even for abit I’m single and have bad thoughts some days about my life and where I am in it that little voice in my head can sometimes turn into a negative voice I’d love to hear from everyone thanks

Re: Hey everyone

james1 — Thu, 23 Feb 2023 23:49:17 GMT

Hey J1992,

Welcome to the forums! Thanks for posting and it's really nice to meet you.

I'm 31 so similar life stage and I hear you when you say your mates are all disappearing. Some of my closest friends have now moved interstate or internationally and I'm not very good at keeping contact unless I see them in person. Then others are increasingly busy because they have partners and sometimes kids.

It is good that you have sport to help clear the mind and provide distractions. For me, I keep busy with board games, sports, and taking care of my pets. I also have a psychologist who I've been seeing for somewhere around 8 years now. So I guess even though I don't have friends who I see and talk to regularly, I have a lot of other ways to get by when times are tough.

Do you have any other supports in your life who can help when you aren't busy with sports?

James

Re: Hey everyone

J1992 — Fri, 24 Feb 2023 02:59:47 GMT

Thanks for replying James nice to meet you as well my pets also keep me busy and my WhatsApp groups which I can also call friends I’ve got a lot to be thankful for I think I’ll start seeing a psychologist does it help I appreciate you taking the time to reply

Re: Hey everyone

therising — Fri, 24 Feb 2023 20:46:33 GMT

Hi J1992

It's a horrible feeling, that feeling of standing smack bang in the middle of crossroads not knowing which way to go. If you can imagine, there you are in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of crossroads, without a guide or any signposts. Standing still has a real feel to it, that's for sure. Can feel so depressing at times, especially when we've been there for a while. With the idea that we're not designed to stand still for too long, the question becomes 'Which way to go?'.

What would a process of elimination look like? Obviously you can't go back, you can't keep going forward on this same path based on it being too depressing. Taking the path on the left may not be an option, especially if it's going to lead to drugs, which is not your thing. This leaves the path on the right. What does the right path look like? James touches on the significance of guidance, in mentioning guidance from a good psychologist. Perhaps the right path is about developing forms of guidance and greater self understanding. Perhaps it's about better understanding why you think and feel the way you do. If you're more a soulful person, perhaps it could be about looking into psychospiritual development or counseling in some form. Whatever works.

Imagine you have all these different facets to you, just chomping at the bit, waiting to come to life. There is the adventurer in you, the risk taker (to a healthy degree), the lover, the part of you that tells the people pleaser in you to take a back seat when you're serving everyone except yourself. Imagine there is the extreme sports person (not just the sports person) who wants to go parachuting. Imagine there are dozens of facets to who you are and you've only, up to this point, touched on a handful. On the path to greater self understanding, imagine what parts you could come to meet with. Btw, the parent in us can come to life at any time. There's no set time. I was 32 when I had my 1st child. My sister was 19 when she had her 1st child. My brother became a 1st time parent just a couple of years ago at 56.

Not sure whether you're much of a reader. I've found a good read to be 'Insanely Gifted - Turn your demons into creative rocket fuel' by Jamie Catto. Catto touches on his serious struggles with mental health and his mastery over dark internal dialogue, those inner demons that can definitely make life hell on earth at times.

Re: Hey everyone

geoff — Sat, 25 Feb 2023 01:12:48 GMT

Hello J1992, I'm sorry for what's been happening, but can I ask you type 'intrusive thoughts' in your search bar, it may then be able to help you and if so then seeing a psych might help you sort through these problems.

You can get a mental health plan from your doctor, which entitles you to 20 Medicare paid sessions.

Geoff.

Life Member.

Re: Hey everyone

J1992 — Sun, 26 Feb 2023 03:21:52 GMT

This was amazing to read you’ve opened my eyes and have made my day loving the support

Re: Hey everyone

J1992 — Sun, 26 Feb 2023 03:22:49 GMT

I’ll be checking the mental health plan out tomorrow

Re: Hey everyone

David35 — Sun, 26 Feb 2023 09:14:04 GMT

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down. I can offer some tips from my own life experiences. I'm 46 and on a disability pension due to a head injury I sustained many years ago.

One of the biggest problems I have is that I haven't reached the same milestones in life as my mates have (marriage, kids, house, etc.). Comparing myself to others makes my depression worse, but remember, their life is different to yours. In my case, they haven't had to deal with rehabilitating myself after an acquired brain injury.
It's important you have things you enjoy doing, doesn't matter whether you get paid for it or not and don't worry about what other people think.
Give yourself a pat on the back for acknowledging this and seeking help.
Remove negative people from your life. I have a neighbour who is always wingeing about something and brings out the worst in me. I now avoid him. You can't reason with people like this. Positive people bring out the best in you. Keep those people close.

And remember, in the end the race is long, but it's only with yourself.

Re: Hey everyone

J1992 — Sun, 26 Feb 2023 11:08:55 GMT

Thanks for commenting mate I needed that I sometimes feel like I’m not where I’m supposed to be but your right taking care of myself is very important and the only person I should be competing with is myself to make me better I’ve never had a conversation about these things you guys are really helping me and my mindset I’ve had very happy days because of the support and kind words I appreciate it

Re: Hey everyone

james1 — Tue, 28 Feb 2023 05:51:10 GMT

Hey J1992,

Really glad to hear back from you and see your replies to everyone here. I often encourage people to only reply when they feel up to it, and it's really good to see you engaging not just with us, but also your own needs. Take care for now - if you'd like to talk about anything in particular, or even ever just to vent, we're here for you.

James

Re: Hey everyone

J1992 — Thu, 02 Mar 2023 18:55:57 GMT

I really appreciate it from all of you I’ve been having better days lately and happier than normal I’m starting to find joy in the little things and people are even telling me their problems now that I’m in a better head space I’ve taken everything you guys have shared into my own daily life and am now just taking things slow day by day

Re: Hey everyone

james1 — Sat, 11 Mar 2023 22:53:39 GMT

That’s amazing J1992. It’s so wonderful to hear your update and to hear that you’re also hearing other peoples stories. I imagine a lot of that has to do with your amazing ability to be vulnerable but safe.
thanks for your update

take care for now

james

Re: Hey everyone

David35 — Sun, 12 Mar 2023 09:18:01 GMT

It's natural to want to "benchmark" yourself against others.But they have different personalities, different circumstances, different coping mechanisms. Just compare yourself to the person you were yesterday. It's easier said than done, I know, especially with social media and advertising constantly making you feel inadequate.

Just remember, "If you haven't walked in my shoes, don't try and tell me how to my laces".