topic Re: Criticism by my husband constantly in Depression

Criticism by my husband constantly

JMumma — Tue, 20 Dec 2022 09:03:13 GMT

My husband constantly criticises me, he then expects me to converse normally with him but I feel trapped and scared. He doesn’t acknowledge that what he says needs to be discussed he just tells me that I’m tapped in the head when I get upset about it

Re: Criticism by my husband constantly

quirkywords — Tue, 20 Dec 2022 09:07:20 GMT

JMumma

i am sorry your husband is critical of you.

What does criticise you about.? What you say , or what you do.?

It is upsetting . Can you talk to him when he is good mood and say how you feel.

Re: Criticism by my husband constantly

Lenscap — Tue, 20 Dec 2022 12:49:57 GMT

Relationship dynamics are fraught with challenges and it's OK to get stuck.

Have you considered reaching out to the service Relationships Australia for support?
https://relationships.org.au/.

Re: Criticism by my husband constantly

therising — Thu, 22 Dec 2022 18:48:53 GMT

Hi JMumma

Would you say your husband's a self-righteous person? Does he believe he's right about everything, therefor there's simply no need to discuss it (his thinking and behaviour)? If you're a real feeler, someone who feels the nature of a person, you're going to feel his nature. For example, a self-righteous person has a real feel to them. They can feel angering and depressing at times and can lead you to feel pure frustration. Sounds like you are a feeler, given you feeling the deep need to express yourself and work things out through constructive communication.

What nature do you feel he has? Do you have any feeling for why he possibly has this nature? Would you say you're more so an open minded person, whereas he's more closed minded? The fact you're open to feeling your experiences and you're open to constructive progressive communication, am I right in saying you're more so the open minded one in the relationship? I know I ask a lot of questions. I'm a big believer in there being so many questions on the quest to know our self and life in greater ways.

JMumma, took me years to work out my husband could be deeply depressing at times. I used to always question myself, up 'til then. I'd question 'What's wrong with me? Why can't I be a better partner? Why can't I be more easygoing?' and the list goes on. When I reflected on many of the ways I'd come to adapt, so as to 'not rock the boat', I realised I was pretty amazing, seriously adaptable and highly accommodating. The revelations that came from that began to increase to the point where I could see things from a different perspective, a much healthier one. If you're amazed by all the ways you have adapted over time, technically this makes you amazing 😊

'Tapped in the head', hmmm. To me, it sounds like you are perfectly sane and rather advanced in the way you experience life. Would you say a sane person is one who is able to get a good feel for a person/situation? Would you say a sane person is one who sees the importance of evolving through communication? Absolutely.

Re: Criticism by my husband constantly

geoff — Thu, 22 Dec 2022 20:33:44 GMT

Hello JMumma, I'm sorry this is happening as it appears as though it has been building up over the last few years, is that right.

Geoff.

Life Member.

Re: Criticism by my husband constantly

HelloGail — Fri, 23 Dec 2022 03:33:04 GMT

😣this guy has no respect for what you think and feel. My ex husband was same, he went off the handle because I left a mug on coffee table in lounge room. We had only been married 2 months. The marriage ended a year later becoming a single mother with a 2 month old. That was 26 years ago! I feel for you. These type of people like to press our 'green' button. The next time he resorts to criticism, remember in your mind a Green light, and don't react. It is hard but over time you will get the knack and he may start to ease off, it can save your marriage. I lost my tolerants and spoke up to him, eventually left.

Re: Criticism by my husband constantly

yggdrasil — Sat, 24 Dec 2022 08:33:36 GMT

Hi JMumma,

Thank you so much for posting on here. I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Your husband's comments and criticism sound pretty awful. In addition to the resources others have shared, you might consider calling 1800 RESPECT to talk through your situation.

How is your mental health faring through all this criticism? Are you feeling constantly tense, anxious or down? If so it may be a good idea to talk to your doctor if you havent already. Your doctor can set up a "mental health care plan" if necessary, which allows you to see a psychologist or social worker of your choice for free. Speaking to someone like this may also help give you a sounding board to flesh out how your husband's behaviour is affecting you, and help you strategise what to do about it.

I hope the coming days are a bit easier on you, and you get through the Christmas period ok. All the best,

yggdrasil