topic Re: Lost hope in Depression

Lost hope

Craig22 — Sun, 06 Nov 2022 04:42:05 GMT

Hi all , new to the forum , the amount of strong people sharing their stories is amazing and makes me realise I'm not alone. I have suffered from depression for a number of years , normally I can manage it that no one even knows. When I leave the house i put on my mask and can only be myself when im alone. I just dont know why I am here or what the point of life is ? Like many others I just hope every night that I dont wake up , the torture to finally stop. I use many different tactics such as gym, meditation , healthy eating , music but nothing is helping .... How do you maintain a relationship when im like this ? My partner complains that Im distant , but i cant even get close to myself ? Any help is appreciated..

Re: Lost hope

ecomama — Sun, 06 Nov 2022 09:05:31 GMT

Hello Craig and welcome to the forums.

Yeah the good ole masking, relentlessly using strategies in attempts to pretend everything's A OK.

Their efficacy runs out doesn't it? Hugs!
I was most certainly "there" with Complex PTSD 2y ago. That's virtually healed now. I'd healed myself of depression.

I'm super glad you've noted you use Meditation (and the gym, healthy food etc).
I'm gonna throw a few names at you, since you have GREAT reflexes lol.

Firstly with your partner, how about you watch "The Call to Courage", Brene Brown with her. It's on Netflix. I've watched it more than 100x and it's REALLY helped open up authentic communication with my partner.

Meditations: Dr Joe Dispenza has marvellous HEALING clips on YouTube. His books are the bomb! Brene's book are too lol.

Listening to talks between Dr Joe, Brene and Tony Robbins on YT really helps us gain a better understanding of what being human is all about. AND healing ourselves and our relationships.

Brene's stuff on "Men and shame" is remarkable.

Have a squiz and let us know how you get on!

YOU WILL HEAL. Nurturing yourself, being kind to yourself and changing things UP in the way we think about everything are parts of this journey.

Best wishes!
Love EM

Re: Lost hope

quirkywords — Sun, 06 Nov 2022 09:33:19 GMT

Craig

welcome to the forum and thanks for being honest.
EM has given you some useful resources. We are listening and you are not alone.

Many will read your post and nor comment but they relate to your words and they will feel less alone.

Re: Lost hope

smallwolf — Sun, 06 Nov 2022 10:37:18 GMT

Hello and welcome.

I second the suggestion re Brene Brown. It hard to be open to your partner, especially when you sometimes don't know what to say. Or maybe you do and quite dark?

And while it sounds like your partner is complaining it also shows they care about you and think the world of you. And sometimes we have to move the mountain one small stone at a time. You are giving it a good go by posting here.

Is there anything that excites you?

Re: Lost hope

Craig22 — Sun, 06 Nov 2022 20:16:20 GMT

I will definitely looking into those suggestions , I only really opened up once and it was too much for her , so thank you for the support. Not really anything that excites me or makes me happy at all.

Re: Lost hope

Craig22 — Sun, 06 Nov 2022 20:20:12 GMT

I have taken note of your suggestions and will be implementing them this week, im open to try anything at this stage. I really appreciate the support , it was hard to reach out but Im so glad I have ......thank you

Re: Lost hope

Craig22 — Sun, 06 Nov 2022 20:21:52 GMT

Thank you , yes I can see that from reading other peoples posts and my heart goes out to them and I can relate , but knowing how to respond can be difficult, thank you for responding

Re: Lost hope

Beaser — Sun, 06 Nov 2022 20:54:54 GMT

Good on you Graig. Thanks for sharing things. I feel like we walk a similar path i can certainly relate to the waking up in the morning scenario. I would like to congratulate you for doing things like the gym, its something i dropped over covid and i just cant get back into it. People like Ecomama have really been helpfull to me and her Brene Browne recommendations' are well worth listening too.. Here for you buddy and hope to talk more Brett.

Re: Lost hope

therising — Sun, 06 Nov 2022 21:06:41 GMT

Hi Craig

I'm yet to find people who work harder on their mental well being than those who face mental health challenges. With all your efforts, you are an example of someone who puts their all into finding ways that could possibly work in feeling more of a connection to life.

For those who face the challenges that come with depression, I've found one of the most common traits to be that of the philosopher. As a gal who's faced both long term depression some years back as well as periods of depression since, I can relate to 2 significant questions posed by some of the greatest philosophical minds in history, 'What is the point of life?' and 'Why am I here?'. I've found the most relevant question I've ever asked myself throughout my history of depression is 'Who am I?', which strongly ties into those previous 2 questions. Perhaps the point of life is to find out who we truly are. Perhaps we are here for the purpose of becoming more conscious, graduating to greater and greater states of self awareness until we come to completely know or understand our self.

You speak about different facets of yourself - the gym goer, the meditator, the healthy diner, the music lover. If it's of any help to know, over time I've come to realise I serve the different facets of myself and those facets come to serve me. Figuring out how they work or why they they don't work at times can become a massive challenge. Might sound a bit foolish to some but I've found what tends to work for me (not always, btw) comes down to consciously channeling the part of myself I need the most at any given time. It's through that channel that I feel a connection to life. The emotional eater in us will feel what we're eating, at a joyful level. The gym goer in us may only feel fully alive when it's a high power or high energy session, as a opposed to a casual average paced session. The music lover in us has changing needs, based on the emotion that needs to be felt sometimes through the volume of music we're listening to (an exciting level energy through sound, which is intense enough to excite the cells in our body).

Do you know which facet or aspect of yourself you would love to come to know the most, for a start?

Re: Lost hope

Craig22 — Mon, 07 Nov 2022 01:39:53 GMT

Thanks mate really appreciate the reply , exercise and diet do play some part I feel and hope that you can get back in to it . I am going to try the suggestions, some very helpful replies on here Im sure it will help me moving forward . Looks like I have some homework to do ! Thanks again take care of yourself mate !

Re: Lost hope

Craig22 — Mon, 07 Nov 2022 02:10:10 GMT

Hi ,

It is funny that you speak of philosophy, as I have recently been listen to podcast on this very topic and do understand to some degree the point that you are making. It does not necessarily provide the answers but challenging questions for our mind to contemplate and how I fit in to the bigger picture. Meditation is definitely a facet that I would like know on a deeper level, I believe that there is great potential in the mind . It seems that you are well educated and knowledgeable around mental health and the use of channeling one's energy to find purpose , I would like to understand more..... craig

Re: Lost hope

Speedbird — Mon, 07 Nov 2022 02:55:43 GMT

Hi Craig, I'm a newbie to the forum also. Reading your post is the first thing to make me smile today. I completely relate to what you are saying about trying to put on a brave face. I've suffered on and off from anxiety/depression for ten years. It comes and goes, and whilst something is normally a trigger, I don't understand why sometimes I brush stuff off, and other times it drags me down. I'm going through a rough patch right now, and like you, nothing seems to be helping. But I know from past experience that this will pass, and I'll be better prepared when it happens again. It sounds like you have some good strategies in place, so all I'll say is you are most definitely not alone mate.

Re: Lost hope

Craig22 — Mon, 07 Nov 2022 04:34:42 GMT

Hi Speedbird , you are spot on , a small trigger can set it off sometimes and then something major happens and everything is under control. Im sorry to hear that you are also going through a rough patch, but I can tell that you have amazing strength and character . It is good to know that we are not alone , it has taken me a long time to reach out , and Im so glad I did ! Thank you for the support and take care

Re: Lost hope

quirkywords — Mon, 07 Nov 2022 06:16:40 GMT

Craig

thanks for feedback and am pleased the suggestions may help.

If you want you can tell us how some of the suggestion worked .

Re: Lost hope

quirkywords — Mon, 07 Nov 2022 06:22:56 GMT

Speedbird

Welcome to the forum and thanks for your post on Craigs thread.

I too don’t know why sometimes things don’t upset and other times a small comment may make me cry and feel low. Sometimes I can see a pattern .
The good thing about the forum is we can read about others e periences and realise we are not alone.
Thanks again speedbird.

Re: Lost hope

therising — Mon, 07 Nov 2022 08:09:13 GMT

Hi Craig

I love philosophy, as it tends to trigger a variety of positive aspects/facets, such as the sage in us who can relate to some of the welcomed revelations philosophy offers, the analyst who likes to analyse the hell out of life at times, the wonderer that wonders about the deeper meaning of life and human nature, that soulful sense of self that loves the language of philosophy etc etc.

Meditation's an interesting topic. Personally, I used to believe meditation was largely about chanting 'Omm' or something along those lines while trying your hardest not to think. Over time I came to realise meditation is so much more than that. We can meditate on just about anything. Most of us used to meditate as kids, without even realising. We may have meditated on clouds, their shapes, how they led us to feel as well as perhaps meditating on the sound of rain on the roof of our home at night and how peaceful it led us to feel. Again, with that rain, we'd meditate of the smell of it coming in the distance at the end of a long hot summer spell. There would be an incredible excitement generated by the smell of rain in the air. I suppose you could say it's a form of aromatherapy, bringing us that joyful sense of relief from the draining heat. To meditate, to give full focus to something, our 100% focus, is to fully ingest what we see, smell, taste, touch and/or hear. To ingest it so intensely, so fully, to the point where we feel it's impact (whether it's through the imagination or through reality) is what it means to feel life and our connection to it.

Some forms of mediation prove to be an undeniable form of torture. Meditating on what 'numb' feels like, on what facing so many depressing factors in life feels like or meditating on not being able to feel the kind of love you wish to feel, such as a soulful sense of self love, are all incredibly taxing forms of meditation, that's for sure.

Re: Lost hope

HisOwn — Mon, 07 Nov 2022 14:59:40 GMT

Hi Craig..lost hope is unfortunately the very nature of depression..I personally have found medication very helpful..I detested the thought of medication but after trying everything else for over 9 months I decided it was worth a try and Im very glad for it now..I have noticed that hope started to come back and I was enjoying things again like hearing the birds sing and feeling the sunshine on my skin whereas prior to that I could not care less for either.

And these forums help me too..it is nice to know you are not alone in depression..

Hope you can find something that will help soon..🤗

Re: Lost hope

Craig22 — Tue, 08 Nov 2022 01:03:35 GMT

Hi therising,

I find philosophy a real awakening for the mind and soul , for a short time it takes my thoughts away and fills my head with the thoughtful essence of the complex world in which we live. My thoughts were similar when I was young and naïve, it took me several attempts to begin to appreciate its value and begin to fully understand the complexity of meditation. There are only a small number of times that I feel I have ever really reached the 100 % focus that you mention, and ingest is a good description for me , however when im in a dark place my mind will not allow this to occur. Like all of the other tools that can be utilized, it needs to be practiced on a regular basis , so it can be utilised when required.

Re: Lost hope

Craig22 — Tue, 08 Nov 2022 17:59:29 GMT

Hi again,

So last night I decided to watch "The Call to Courage", Brene Brown on netflix with my wife. It certainly does raise many useful points , especially for couples and the communication between them. So I decided to open up a little more of myself and the place I have been in of late , however the response I received was not what I was hoping for. It didnt seem to hurt as much I thought it could , i guess when you are already in the gutter , there is no where else to fall. So without going into details , It is now just me and my dog. Its ok , its my problem to deal with and not hers, I still care and respect her I know she can never understand the impact her words had last night. I guess this is what Brene was talking about in the show , about falling and being walked on , but all good , I would do it again.

Re: Lost hope

Craig22 — Tue, 08 Nov 2022 18:04:45 GMT

Hi Hisown,

Im really glad hope is slowly returning, it is so good to hear that things do improve, I know , this forum has already helped me find strength that I didnt think I had ! I have tried medication , unfortunately it made my circumstance worse, much worse and my doctor at the time would not listen to my concerns and kept pushing me to take them. Maybe in the future I can try this path again , I really dont know , but thank you !