topic Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability in Depression

An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

Ponder — Sat, 01 Oct 2022 19:13:30 GMT

SHEDDING THE LABELS AND DELUSION:

School & employment are long gone for me and not something I ever really fitted into. In fact, every aspect of society and all it's competitive ideals have only ever disabled & rejected my family & I. [systemic] A prison within in a prison. That said, I give no acknowledgment to the charges or authority yet find myself bound by the many who give tribute to said controls. It is on this level that much exploitation & suffering feeds back into that convey belt system driven by an economic standard that saps the soul.

Be thankful? Know they place? Yet more controls? Or just one's reality that can never be fathomed by those who've never navagatid your depth of pain. Yes, definitely the latter. So it is, that advice rarely leads one to water unless discovered for self. Lest all else just revert to instructions, to repeaters, the above atriuters, leading to a dependency on behaviour modification algorithms based on the previously mentioned economic standard; that saps the soul.

From point A to point B living in a complex system that designs complex labels for simple beings who see such things. Yet I am not my labels despite being treated as a disease. Vulnerable; YES.

LIVING WITH VULNERABILITY:

Isolation & exploitation constantly feeling and attracting negative states and traumatic incidents; involving self and others. Becoming a soft target on all levels, all phases and within all aspects of said prison/existence/living.

Automated responses from multiple mental health diagnosis/s & or prescription/s less of an issue when contrasted to societal conditioning driven by fear based ideology with said soul sapping economic narratives that dictate the tellings, repeaters and advisers.

Once the cosmetic gloss losses it's appeal, you grow older, become less valuable, less desirable. You become more of a target for those who see all of the above, disgruntled in their failings to achieve what the behavioural mods instruct.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

therising — Sat, 01 Oct 2022 22:21:46 GMT

Hi Ponder

Your post is incredibly powerful. The school of hard knocks shapes a true philosopher, an observer of human nature and of life. It can be an incredibly tough school to graduate through, that's for sure

I'm a 52yo gal who believes society is poor in the way it does not value those with such incredible traits, traits labeled as 'autistic'. It is an enormous spectrum (the autism spectrum) with so many natural abilities held within it. The ability to hear the greatest of detail within sound and to feel when sounds is too much, while the rest of us remain desensitised to such a noisy world that often deprives us of peace, is an ability that is seen as a fault. The ability to feel words makes a great poet, yet it can lead them to suffer through feeling the brutal degrading words of others. The ability to be emotionally detached is what makes a good analyst but if one is not deemed an analyst, even if they were naturally born this way, they are said to have a fault. If one feels boredom so intensely or is so deeply in love with their own brilliant imagination they are deemed to have a problem, while society refuses to make social systems more exciting and imaginative (the Australian education system included). It is a long list of abilities, the list entitled 'Autistic traits'. And while society does not bend and flex to meet with the value of those traits and with the incredibly natural benefits of such traits, it will label and degrade those who hold them.

I believe, in a lot of cases, society does not know what it's observing. If I said 'There is a group of people. Within this group one holds the ability to hear what many can't hear in great detail (aka super natural clear hearing), another holds the power of a visionary who is able to see what others can't see, based on the power of their own mind (aka super natural clear seeing), another holds the power to sense what others can't sense, as they feel what they sense through their body (aka super natural clear sensing) and another holds the power to analyse and process the best course of action within a matter of seconds (aka super natural clear knowing). One may say 'This sounds like a new X-men movie'. Truth is...it sounds more like a group of super natural friends on the autism spectrum.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

Ponder — Sun, 02 Oct 2022 03:15:12 GMT

Hey there ‘therising’

Thanks for the much needed boost. I thought I would wait until I had appropriate time before replying to such an insightful reply. To be honest, I thought I had removed the label autistic before hitting submit post. I noted before submitting I never used the word once in my delivery other than the title. Me being butter fingers went DOH! After I saw that label appear in my title. I meant to remove it because ASD is not so easily pin pointed despite TV shows like THE GOOD DOCTOR. As you acknowledged, like most other labels on the DSM, ASD and its traits can vary quite a bit.

Despite me forgetting to remove my label of ASD, your response about autism was very elegant, kind, unassuming and full of understanding. I thank you for that empowering insight. Such compassion is very hard to find when dealing with people bound by so much bureaucracy that is constantly changing every so many years.

BUT like WOW … The essence of what you just said really nailed it for me and my family in all you just said. I’m definitely deemed a complex case in terms of additional labels and their morbidity for all of which are listed in the forum categories with those being psychiatrically approved. The need for assessing and reassessing as to proving and reproving is a form of dysfunction in itself that you also kind of covered in a way. We seem to have a system that is finely tuned where those no longer, or never were, economically viable are categorized one way of the other.

Vulnerability was more my theme as of late I have been presenting as a soft target when out and about when without supports. I think more on that later as running out of characters.

Thank you for all that you just said. Very warmly received. It helps very much.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

therising — Sun, 02 Oct 2022 12:16:41 GMT

Hi Ponder

I'm so glad you were able to relate to how unique each person is. I can recall reading of a theory not too long ago how, with certain heightened abilities, those labelled as being on the spectrum are actually the next phase of human evolution. Such an extraordinary idea fascinated me and I began to wonder and research more about the possibility. What if it was true. The more I researched the more I came to see things from a whole different perspective. If this theory is true, I began to wonder what the so called 'neurotypical' people were doing to help the so called 'neurodivergant' people evolve to meet with the best of their abilities. I realised only a small handful of people were helping to bring out their best, the rest were somewhat oppressive, depressing, degrading and stress inducing to various degrees. No wonder there is such a high rate of depression and anxiety amongst those on the spectrum.

Such a theory amuses me, specifically because it tends to lean toward neurotypical people being unevolved in a number of ways. And here they are, finding faults, flaws and dysfunction in those who are more evolved than them in so many ways. When I think about a guy I used to work for who was on the extreme end of the spectrum, I remember him fondly. To me, he resembled a sage. He would sit cross legged, humming and rocking when the noise got too much for him. I ask whether this is really a flaw when folk actually pay a guru to teach them how to chant and rock, which is actually an accepted meditation technique for self soothing. The guy I knew was a natural at it, without a single lesson. He, himself, had something to teach others.

Everyone has something to teach 🙂

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

sbella02 — Sun, 02 Oct 2022 12:34:27 GMT

Beautiful words, Ponder. If you're not already a writer of some kind, you should definitely consider getting into it. You have quite the ability to convey such deep emotion through your words.

You raise some incredibly powerful and thought-provoking points about society and the way it is structured. You write so well about systemic rejection in particular, and how it slowly chips away at a person over the course of their life. Rejection in general can make us vulnerable. A target. It impairs our confidence until we begin to internalise someone else's small-minded view of ourselves and assume it as our own.

"Automated responses" also really resonates with me. I love that phrase. It really conveys the monotony of being subliminally programmed by a society with selective tolerance for the beauty of difference and diversity. As does your line about our conveyor belt system that's driven by a soul-sapping economy.

Please feel free to share or chat some more. Your writing is exceptional.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

Ponder — Sun, 02 Oct 2022 22:05:22 GMT

Hi therising,

I consider such a proposal more a case spawn from tainted foods, treated water and an abundance in chemical pollutants, I have personally come up with my own take.

I do sense that whilst the new ways of producing food and treatment of water + chemical exposure are factors; I also feel that ‘Intergenerational trauma’ combined with intolerance fostered amidst a centralized consumer society hell bent on complex living, is giving rise to neurodivergence.

My immediate family one example I can share spanning from myself, daughter to grandson. Going back in the other direction from my mother to grandmother being yet part of our Intergenerational trauma. I am the 1st of my clan to be born in Australia. I have a strong Jewish heritage which like ‘many other’ human demographics across the planet; have suffered terribly. NOTE* I only identify as human and believe we are all prone to this aspect of Intergenerational trauma. More so in this day and age with info tech being as that be.

Before today’s centralized welfare reforms, back when I could cart hay or use a broom without the need for a certificate, I was highly valued and appreciated despite my learning difficulties. People back then were less bound were linking others up happened on site as opposed to today’s debilitating perquisites. The latter more about that process over time triggering both systemic & genetically embedded predispositions.

Back when my traits were naturally supported in a simpler time without the need for paid supports/friends, there was no need for me to be ‘certified’ – My traits did indeed evolve but not for the better. I cry to think of how my daughter also grew into this mold and moreover how my grandson was born much more affected than us all. YET – the support of which you so rightly highlight is something we do for ourselves under one roof in current times. Whilst some to this purely for economic reasons, we surely do it because we are the only ones that understand such an evolution. My wife who is neurotypical also has evolved with us and to be fair; what is normal? I admit though my wife is our anchor.: D 30+ years now – more stable than what my medical notes' give me and my family credit for.

All on this planet are in this boat together which is why I am very careful not to identify with my labels.

I was ROFL at the end of your reply: D TY.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

Ponder — Sun, 02 Oct 2022 22:37:11 GMT

Hi sbella02,

Your encouragement is very much appreciated. I do struggle with being concise but think the character limit will help me learn.

Many years ago I used to more like scream about society but have slowly got a much better grip over time with the help of psychotherapy which I have come to enjoy. Being heard is good for me. At times it can be hard finding the right match/connection but I am polite about it as I move from one person to the next as sometimes happens due to life cycles and all that.

I like writing and used to do it for quite a while but then for whatever reason I stopped. More to do with finding the right space in both others and myself.

What you say about rejection and vulnerability makes a lot of sense. @therising also made a good point re depression which kind of works into what you’re also saying about internalizing. Sometimes I need to write about certain things in order to let those things go and not grab onto those negative feeling in others when I am out and about. I get it and like hearing you guys also acknowledge such things. Thank you. It helps very much.

My last response about generational trauma kind of took it out of me – BUT – best I can say your take on "Automated responses" and your following text is GOLD.

I never did well with backslapping congregations during the cultish parts of my upbringing but I do miss the importance of genuine healthy validation. Rejection can make that hard to receive. Like being happy.

I will try to write again tomorrow morning. I did well when I used to write like so once a morning or replying to each person in turn who took the time to reach out. I do struggle with forum format and length but so far seem to be doing alright.

I am in turn smitten by the quality of how you guys write but more so how genuine many members here be. It’s just taken me a while to see that is all.

One of my supports is about to turn up. Perhaps I can write about that side of things another time. I do struggle on this new scheme many of us find ourselves on; yet I can be thankful for it as well. : D

I try to be as mindful of others as I can, but sometimes is hard when dealing with hard core emotions.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

therising — Mon, 03 Oct 2022 18:22:05 GMT

Hi Ponder

These are fascinating times, in which we live. With the ability to access so much information through the internet, it is a philosopher's paradise in a way. We can endlessly wonder about theories that come to mind, with the freedom to research them. I believe inter generational trauma is definitely more than a theory in the ways it shapes or reshapes human nature. Mentally, to observe sufferance after sufferance, discrimination and cruelty to varying degrees throughout generations, may strongly determine a person's path, one way or another. It may lead them to live a life through inherited stress, anxiety, fear, hatred and/or depression or lead them to develop unique mental skills in resilience and coping mechanisms. Biology also plays a part in inherited trauma. While aspects of epigeneitcs involves research into our ability to influence our genetic behaviour (with some researches posing we hold the potential to switch certain genes on and off), this incredible field of study also explores the biological impact of inherited trauma. Third, beyond both mental and physical factors, there is the soulful or spiritual impact of such trauma. It is a soulful experience to so deeply feel the sufferance of all who came before us, our own sufferance and the sufferance in those who come after us. it is a collective sufferance where one feels for the whole. A holistic form of sufferance in many ways. So much horror and sufferance throughout Jewish history. While it is heartbreaking, such resilience commands respect.

One of the most fascinating books I've read would have to be 'Becoming Supernatural' by Joe Dispenza. It's a unique 'mind/body/spirit book' with a serious difference. He covers these 3 aspects in the form of neuroplasticity/epigenetics/quantum physics. It points to our abilty to evolve as naturally flexible creatures, while exploring what can get in the way of such a super natural ability.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

Ponder — Tue, 04 Oct 2022 00:34:00 GMT

Hi therising,

Much of the web in which information today flows is as full of deception as it is hope. I am mindful not to dismiss your own context and like the direction your taking but my own evolution has made me very cautious when reflecting on freedom and choice amidst fraudulent corporations & governing bodies. I sense a huge imbalance in terms of natural progression but adhere to the gist of what your saying.

I have contemplated much on the info tech age and the great minds that have paved its way. Einstein (reportedly ‘appearing’ to be on the spectrum himself) who help to create the first weapon of mass destruction questioned our pace of advancement. His great concern about the potential for science and technology to be misused and its catastrophic impact for the future of humanity is something of a dilemma I now see in a world of bots being influenced and constructed via the world wide web. This being a flag that raises on the topic of shaping and reshaping of human nature.

I’m just making a case for the pros and cons regarding today’s version of human evolution. My statement in above response “ NOTE* I only identify as human and believe we are all prone to this aspect of Intergenerational trauma. More so in this day and age with info tech being as that be.” Was more about how today’s algorithm sets us up as victims, creates group minds that do more to divide than resolve differences. Freedom and choice in this light can be more binding and limiting creating more a mold for those few looking to incite emotional control often based on the same studies/methodologies you have just mentioned.

I hope we can continue to discuss as I tend towards your aspect with high respect… to our personal power often undiscovered and or continually buried. I like how Eckhart Tolle speaks on the worlds residual pain body. Eckhart has a way of feeling those three dynamics you mention from the book 'Becoming Supernatural' by Joe Dispenza.

I finish this text limit with something I hope you like:

Movie ‘POWDER’ 1995

Donald Ripley: “It’s become appallingly clear that our technology has surpassed our humanity.”

Powder: “Albert Einstein.”

Donald Ripley: “I look at you, and I think that someday our humanity might actually surpass our technology.”

Transhumanism comes to mind...

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

Ponder — Wed, 05 Oct 2022 00:56:23 GMT

… perhaps not. I struggle with written and spoken Language very much. TL;DR [too long didn’t read] being the pinnacle of an abbreviated society. From FB to twitter being much the same thing and why I fathom there is more suffering and pretentious interactions Vs natural progression and positive outcomes. I see no transcendence in any of that although very much science related compared days gone by where it was OK for slow data transfer rates with limits on capacity where fragmentation was simply dealt with by doing our own cleaning. These days we want it all with other services promising to take over the responsibility; for a price of course.

I listened to a LONDON REAL interview with DR JOE DISPENZA - BECOMING SUPERNATURAL

I also found a 10+ hour audio book on Youtube re the above. I only ever glean and very careful of the fallibly that comes with marketed methodologies for good reason. Like with my latest attempt to deal with my eating and its impact on me, knowledge whilst a golden nugget is less key to me than knowing one’s intention. The motivational Tony Robins tone I detect in the selling reminds me of my cultish charismatic days as a child during the ‘70s. I ended up with a PHD re BS detectors. I think a good portion of most 10+ hour books on likewise subjects could be cut back to 5 hours once you cut out the miraculous testimonies and various other hook, line & sinkers.

Once I get all that out of the way – then a give it another listen, then another & then one more with the possibility of hearing it all again in another version of the same thing with yet more publications by different authors all evolving their own take – BUT – most text is undermined by the marketing where intention is more about individual gain Vs the whole which for me is more evident in a society that is cheering outside a capital goal; housing criminals on death row. I see FB and likewise social media at the same thing.

My ‘story’ is less the issue when it comes to such realizations as is the conflicts I see here and now. I’m open to the spiritual approach but again very careful of how it is sold. Is no different to the fallibilities of religion and secularism. Many truths wrapped in candy that feeds cancer as much as it offers a keys to being bigger and better; also not for me.

I wonder if my take can be understood?

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

therising — Wed, 05 Oct 2022 17:47:00 GMT

Hi Ponder

Caution is definitely important when it comes to our evolution, personal and collective. A fine balance between maintaining the abilities of a child while exercising the abilities that come with age (such as a healthy sense of skepticism). To maintain our sense of wonder, our sense of imagination, our sense of feistiness, our sense of adventure and excitement and so much more, while maturing, is perhaps what relates to us 'fully coming to our senses'. Our developing sense of caution remains important, in the process.

I greatly appreciate Eckhart Tolle. He is a humble man. While others who share knowledge with a level of enthusiasm perhaps equivalent to an over enthusiastic puppy or share it with an agenda which builds both their ego and bank account, Tolle maintains a presence which reflects his nature. He has a quiet and beautiful nature with great elements of strength. For those wishing to explore not just their mental and physical existence and experience, he is a wonderful guide in regard to philosophy and elements of spirituality.

I believe free will to be both a gift and a curse, depending on who is using it. While Einstein shared his gift of knowledge in relation to the powerful and explosive nature of atoms 'What will we do with it?' became the question. While social media and technology in general has slowly come to life, thanks to those who were given the gift to bring it to life, 'What will we do with it?' became the question. And while something so basic as freedom of speech comes to life in this world, more than ever before in recent history 'What will we do it?' becomes the question. Much of what comes to life does so with the potential to either create or destroy. To observe the nature of people (their thinking, their choices and their actions) can be both inspiring and deeply depressing, depending on who we're observing.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

Ponder — Wed, 05 Oct 2022 23:25:00 GMT

I was born 12 days before Armstrong and Aldrin commenced training in west Texas where the first boot print on the moon happened less than 5 months later. Respectfully, my observations don’t see social media as being slowly developed, but more an explosion. One liken to the advent of Silicon Valley post the moon landing which saw a BOOM on many fronts technologically and financially. Despite periods of depression and long bout of stagnation over the last 50 years, today we are now back in the booming age re SpaceX & China as new major competitors.

Social media via social conditioning sees the use of emoji’s, where emotional control today, sees grownups acting more like children. This not discounting the digital up-down-voting which does more to invalidate, than encourage. In fact, the father of virtual reality spawn from silicon valley has written a detailed article on how social media is used as a behaviour modification platform with regards to the secrets of influencing. This is how I present freedom of speech and free will / one’s rights as no more than a delusion. I conclude such constructs are pedalled more as a universal income which is always on the horizon but always out of reach.

Given the world as it is competing, consuming, obsessing, inequality … Depression is the mother of consumerism: retail therapy amidst the pursuit of happiness. [Recommend Dr Russ] despite self-acceptance and what blinkers we may choose to put on. When such fails the answer now more found in labelling and bite size chunks of mood alerting drugs. Drama, self-pity and the belittling others more epidemic via a high speed network.

I would concede that Einstein was on the mark in a letter he wrote to his psychiatrist friend Otto Juliusburger. “I believe that the abominable deterioration of ethical standards stems primarily from the mechanization and depersonalization of our lives, a disastrous by-product of science and technology. Nostra culpa!”

I’m a realist seeking to find inspiration in both myself and others whilst learning to accept the depressing nature of reality. It’s only natural to exist with both.

I view your ending positively with regards to a Native American parable: THE STORY OF TWO WOLVES

Apologies that I appear to be feeding the less desirable wolf. : All as not as it seems. Please Bear with me. : D

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

therising — Thu, 06 Oct 2022 19:30:01 GMT

Hi Ponder

I find 'reality' to be a truly fascinating topic, one I could talk about for hours. Waking up to it can definitely be depressing, yet going beyond waking up to it is a whole different story. I suppose this is why I view certain aspects of spirituality so fondly, aspects that create a sense of ease and wonder in waking up, as opposed to dis-ease. I should add that not all spiritual based topics are of interest to me.

One, which is a reality shifter: If I was to say 'I have a body and I have a mind (a brain at work)', then who is saying 'I'? What element of myself is the observer of this body and mind? While some may choose to call it 'the soul' others may simply call it 'consciousness'. Before meeting with consciousness, life plays out in a certain way. I could say 'The fact is this is my name, this is my height, this is my age, this is my gender etc'. After meeting with consciousness, consciousness will dictate 'Such things are simply labels and measures, constructed by man. Who are you without them?'. The answer, 'I am simply me, undefined. I am me'. So, of course, waking up means having to let go of certain things, in order to begin exploring what lies beyond the belief systems/mental programs I once followed or bought into.

Labels, labels, labels...they're everywhere. It's a fascinating time in history, watching people wake up to elements of themself. It's also a frustrating time. As I observe people let go of labels, they go on to fight for their new ones. A change in gender identification to the non specified gender of 'they/them' for example will lead a person to abuse another if that other person calls them 'he' or 'she'. Some will even abuse and degrade their friends. Personally, I don't care what you call me, for I identify as 'me'. Call me woman, female, she etc, I'll answer to almost anything that suits you. A person may even get my birth name wrong, in pronunciation. I don't mind, as long as they gain my attention.

An open mind is a liberating thing. Letting things in and letting things out (such as self limiting beliefs) must be a careful undertaking. It pays to have consciousness as the gatekeeper.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

Ponder — Thu, 06 Oct 2022 21:53:33 GMT

Good morning therising,

From my perspective I’ll call you a blessing. Thanks for your continued insight and patience. I find all your replies very grounding. Thank you.

I once came across a topic called Spiritual Depression. A concept proposed that takes place during phases of awakening. Secularized version more in terms of ‘Reality Sinking-In’. Isolation was discussed at length during said process. ‘Vulnerability’ in this thread’s title now comes to mind. I’m cautious not to take the ease-y way out because I see too readily what a world of comfort costs. [unbalanced] Dis-ease is a very apt term.

Yet being stuck with discomfort being just as unbalanced also leading to dis-ease. Hearing you spotlight letting go of one label only to fight for the next is an arrow that hits the bullseye ‘on’ me. NDIS, Changing Welfare Reforms, Grinding The Mill and much more being a part of that reality. For me that plays a very large role in the nightmare of letting go only to find oneself picking back up. That said, I find power in your words despite my fears and despair re that revelation. I also know I am just as much a part of that binding process. You’ve been helping me helping me to see that.

Reality Shift. I like that but not the ‘Great Shift’ that never comes. I understand the drive for it when group minds call/wish [depending on one’s level of awareness] for it, but there are aspects to that spirituality that are not for me. Such raises warning flags that do more to recoil me. I’ve already mentioned the marketing in that and reason why I see no change beyond said blinkers and self-gain influencing. I see nothing but mental programming in all that despite the mystical and spiritual claims.

Woops – I’m clinging again. : D

I agree with all that you have said and not just agreeing for the sake of it. Something in me acknowledges it with a deep knowing; is better said.

I best pull up now as running out of text. Had a very challenging day yesterday and this morning I’m struggling with confidence as I head out to engage with the public. I need to focus so my performance does not draw too much negative attention. These talks have helped though. Very much. Here’s hoping I can lead with a smile and take all the good stuff from here and come back feeling more empowered.

Thank you. I’ll be back: D

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

Ponder — Fri, 07 Oct 2022 12:58:33 GMT

Evening Post: Today I received a recite from my new NDIS support. I explained that I don’t pay the bills. The government does and that the monthly invoice that the ‘National Plan Manager’ sends out is enough to remind me of the true cost of such services. Invoices do my head in as it is a reminder that the connections made with these ‘people’ is based on a $ transaction. This aspect of NDIS and its incorporation into the mental health community sector has done a lot of damage. I thanked that support, then terminated making sure to explain it was not personal. Although Einstein’s previous quote to psychiatrist friend touching on the depersonalization of people lives echo’s loudly here. NDIS is today’s mechanization of preexisting community services that used to handle mental health without so much obligation. The reason some of us deemed as permanent broken vis the warranting of the DSP was to reduce the stress from being continually pressed with such contractual agreements that were forcing square pegs to fit into round holes. This new reform has put many of us back into the fry pan with unrealistic expectations despite the delusion of choice and control.

I had a deep and meaningful with one of my affected friends whilst another is currently detained in a mental health ward. Our biggest contribution to society as byproduct is to work on out mental health but with the new changes we spend most of our time bound by job creation, accounting, spend it or lose it, counting the hours and or KMs. It’s simply too much for many of us and has changed the nature of human interaction. This being how human interaction is reduced to mental programing all round. SIGH … forgive me as I struggle tonight thinking about all the once working services allowed us the space to be ourselves but now this herding mentality has all but further disabled our previous connections that used to mean something.

The comment that led to the bullseye on my chest I take seriously and sick of being made out to be retarded where public attitudes also add into the mix when out with paid friends. It was much better when we affected individuals where simply allowed to support each other within previously absorbed organic facilities. Now they want us all put on a leash and lead along.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

Ponder — Fri, 07 Oct 2022 21:16:38 GMT

… depending on one’s role within such a world, such a take cannot be fully appreciated. From an early age I felt deeply and observed well how the monetization of human interaction and mechanization changes the nature of people. That awareness is more the reason I have never been able to fit employment; not because of the later required labels. Without the expectation of $ I have always excelled and in many cases been scorned for it. Affected: yet not visibly warranted for today’s poster child of impaired success, to which many of us severe cases term as disability porn - we would do far better to ignore such exploitation. Images being a large part of how many of us are programmed and marketed in a system reduced to collars and leads. I say again … depending on one’s role within such reforms, such a take cannot be fully appreciated. So it is that the landscape of mental illness has been severely affected in ways those writing independent reports just don't get. Moreover, our perspective is often dismissed.

Despite the learning difficulties told to me, the ability to see like so could not be corrupted out of me. To be sure, early on there was a phase where I added to this world’s dysfunction. Whilst that being no more than reactionary I have since held myself accountable. The compensation game I have been part of too, yet know from experience that again - money awards nothing to those of us that be honest with self and others. Yet re the hierarchy of abuse and or pyramid of success, the only meaningful compensation we can receive, is that which we choose to give ourselves.

For a long time now I have been wrestling with detaching from such a toxic system and fed up chasing labels to be understood. Yet this brings me to the fact the previously community supports that one had an ounce of humanity is corrupted with all the above. Chasing the carrot on the sick has to stop, lest I continue to become and viewed as more unable. Always chasing and presenting that ‘worse day.’ Always Looking to utilize funds for the sake of those selling and telling whatever.

I’ve barely scratched the surface. This morning my wife earnest came forward with an admission of PTSD resulted from the process itself.

I leave this be for my morning post but am thankful for being afforded this space. TY.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

therising — Fri, 07 Oct 2022 23:54:01 GMT

Hi Ponder

I often think if we want to know the true level of dysfunction of any system set in place, ask the people who deal with such dysfunction. They will tell you everything you need to know. How to work the system is another matter. In this case I think of my 17yo son. While dealing with the incredible frustration of how the Australian education system is set up and the challenges that come with the brilliant mind of someone on the spectrum, he begged me to have him assessed by a psychologist, initially for ADHD. As I said to him 'I don't want you to label yourself and have that label limit you in the way you see yourself'. He reassured me that this was not his intention. His intention was to better understand how his mind works while gaining an official diagnosis/label that he could present to the school, as he approaches year 12 next year. An official diagnosis would allow him to work the system to his advantage, with certain benefits. We came away from the assessment with the suggestion that ADHD is not evident but autism is. Another $2000 for an official diagnosis? I think not. Btw, the school has acknowledged his need for certain allowances, given his nature (without the official diagnosis). Focus is a major issue for him. How to get one to focus beyond their imagination, especially when their imagination is far more fascinating than the work presented to them? We are finding ways, through a variety of resources. He is a truly brilliant visionary because of his ability to imagine all natural solutions so easily. He is a natural problem solver who should be encouraged to never lose access to his imagination. Balance between imagination and focus is the overall objective. If only the education system taught kids through their imagination. I give credit to the teacher who do.

to be cont.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

therising — Sat, 08 Oct 2022 00:23:08 GMT

'The dark night of the soul' is a fascinating topic. I used to think 'waking up' was kind of like a unicorns and rainbows experience, with all those enlightened people leading me to think 'I wish I was like that, living life so easily and blissfully, with such wonderful levels of enlightenment whilst being in 'the flow''. When I came out of 15 or so years in depression, at 35, it began like this (all blissful, amazing and wonderful). Every day felt like Christmas day, where you got to unwrap life, but it didn't stay like that. It actually became rather horrible some way in. While I woke up to the 'I am simply me' factor, what I came to realise was no on fully accepted me. They were much happier with the version they'd shaped me into over the years. So, I lost my self again, so as to please. I became depressed again, while trying to fit in as 'acceptable'. Short note: This down period was short lived based on an amazing person who put me back on the right path.

As I woke up further through feeling greater compassion for others, I began to feel their sufferance and I began to feel the angering injustices they faced. The world appeared as an angering horrible place of sufferance, which is a depressing perspective indeed. The world appeared cruel. Then I woke up further, to see all those who were making a positive difference in this cruel world. I woke up to the ability to feel more, to feel those who are degrading, to feel those who are triggering and oppressive and to feel those who are inspiring. Emotion (energy in motion) is to feel what and who we face.

At 52, I believe I will continue 'waking up' right through to my last breath on this earth. This is the nature of life. In Buddhism it is noted that we are destined to suffer yet also destined to find what lies behind our sufferance. While we do not thrive on sufferance, we do thrive on the positive mind altering revelations that put an end to whatever we have been suffering through.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

Ponder — Sat, 08 Oct 2022 04:52:17 GMT

I get the gist re your snippet of revelation on the education system and 100% agree. It’s disappointing that more resources * training are not utilized towards separate specialized learning facilities for this sector of children. Our family supported a well-meaning forward thinking entrepreneur that attempted to set up a well thought out facility in our local area but was quickly met with resistance from both those neurotypical & divergent. The latter only wishing for super intellects and stigmatizing those families still on the spectrum, but without the expectation for those to be university material or for those families not seeking universally accepted recognition. There is much irony in that. Best for those parents to stick with the current system and let the others they look down upon learn and support in their own ways.

Sadly, what we end up with due to fear and ignorance, unless intellectually reduced to rocking and nodding [bless those souls too] who have their own schools, is a mainstream system divided between special-ed/needs, labels & public attitudes. The latter also reflected from time to time on the nightly News where this demographic become 80% targeted. A reality not to be ignored if you have kids on the spectrum attending main stream schools. Not just by their fellow students but also teachers and the curriculum. At the lower tier it is being more addressed, but as the kids grow older and move up the ladder, less support is allocated where indeed labels are reasoned for ‘appropriate supports.’ This moves into an area of open employment and a myriad of services subject to many pressures of which I have already highlighted. Is not all bad though – but for many it is and still today just as many fall through the cracks. $$$$ reigns supreme where job creation out paces individual’s needs.

My advice having endured it, watched my children and now for the 3rd time seeing my 8 y.o. grandson [already DXed] subject to it, is using our knowledge and experience to pave the way just as you are doing with your son. Seems you are both switched on in this regards. Is how I survived well enough sleeping in cardboard boxes.

If I may say… ADHD is not uncommon to ASD in much the same evolution as Agoraphobia is often spawn of Social phobia. Multiple labels spawn or set the stage for one another. Just saying is all.

Now I read your continued post.

Re: An Autistic Complex & Chronic 50+ Case Dealing with Vulnerability

Ponder — Sat, 08 Oct 2022 06:37:14 GMT

I am very appreciative of your insights and trying not to become a downer as I post in this forum’s depression category. I be mindful on that as to respect your efforts in making quality connections. If not already said, this forum is fortunate to have you. I understand that you will not always be able to reply and during such times I will just continue writing in this space as long as I am permitted. It’s been a while and I find it is helping.

Great topic. I see it as a rebirthing process that take place many times in one life time. The more corrupt one’s world, the more cyclic those episodes be.

Eckhart Tolle: The Dark Night of the Soul [YT Stillness Speaks Feb 11, 2016] My take away… Awareness as an object or thought does not reveal the nature of awareness as it can only be known; not analyzed. Learning to endure sufferance perhaps the school for such a knowing? Best we can do with language through reflection/mindfulness is to become more aware in watching and feeling where the sign posts points us. When I stopped writing I kind of lost my way.

Listening also part of that. Many of us struggle with unfavorable traits in this dept. [Smiles]

I really enjoyed reading your description of losing self and finding it again. Your non judging way of expressing is admirable and points made disciplined and skillful. Seems your ending is aligned with my acknowledgment of continued rebirth in one lifetime. I tend to struggle quite a bit with the distractions this world presents in terms of the episodic nature that tug at one’s predispositions spawn from the clinical nature in which our minds are conditioned.

I’m near ready to give up clinical supports because of how it keeps me attached to said distractions and it’s lack of acceptance to such topic that I find more beneficial to my life. I’m actually getting a ‘some’ holistic treatment atm under appropriate line items (very draining) so will have to think carefully before tapping out of NDIS.

I feel there will always be some level of discomfort however your antidotal last sentence encompasses a mindset I wish to make a core aspect of my life. It’s served me well in the past but current obligations governed by those paying my way are somewhat of an obstacle for me. Yet this should not stop me from adopting such a positive view.