topic Plain misery in Depression

Plain misery

Joe_the_Innocent27 — Fri, 22 Jul 2022 13:37:43 GMT

I have had a rough 12 years

I was bullied in high school by about 8 people, from the ages of 12 - 18

I have been mis diagnosed with originally psychosis and than schizophrenia, and I was told to be kept on anti psychotic medications for life, for when I don't even have schizophrenia, I have contracted pre diabetes from past medications

My mother is horrible

1) She treats me as a mental disability or retarded
2) She can't be disagreed with
3) She doesn't encourage my driving, despite having a license
4) She doesn't believe in the need for me to work occupations
5) She tells you to handle the world, when your confident and brave with your beliefs. She rejects you to face your problems, because you either have to be a beta cuck for her, or she abandons your support

My father

1) His selfish and entitled
2) His arrogant and ignorant
3) His in communicative and absent
4) His controlling and wanting peace

I am in a continuous cycle of a quarter life existential crisis. At the age of 27 I haven't had a entry job, or plan interest for further study, I am not a University academia or TAFE interested, I have to get a injection of 50 mg anti psychotic drug for no schizophrenia per month, I live with pre diabetes, my parents are unsupportive, and my brother is different than me

I don't have the ability to handle the independence of living alone either, and don't want to be with strangers, or anyone besides a partner or my own competence

Dear Joe the Innocent27 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum...

Sophie_M — Fri, 22 Jul 2022 13:39:13 GMT

Dear Joe the Innocent27

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post. We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.

We are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat. Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.

We’re sure to hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you. Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.

Regards

Sophie M

Re: Plain misery

Petal22 — Sat, 23 Jul 2022 12:13:29 GMT

Hi Joe the innocen,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

Im sorry you were bullied but please know that this was a reflection of the bullies and not you.

I understand you feel mis diagnosed, you could have a chat to a psychiatrist about this if you want to.

If you feel you would like a job, how would you feel about applying for some?

Im sorry that your parents treat you the way they do, you could have a chat to them about this if you want to.

Re: Plain misery

Joe_the_Innocent27 — Sat, 23 Jul 2022 14:27:59 GMT

I don't apply for jobs, because I don't have a sense for which jobs are suitable and tolerable for me to do, and it's not always easy to get jobs

I don't feel mis diagnosed, I am indisputably knowing I am not diagnosed correctly

I don't want to talk about my parents, my mum isn't always the way I mentioned, sure my father is absent, but his not socially or physically bothering me, despite him being a useless dis engaged parent

Dear Joe the Innocent27 Thank you for your post, it’s g...

Sophie_M — Sat, 23 Jul 2022 14:50:30 GMT

Dear Joe the Innocent27

Thank you for your post, it’s great to see you feel safe to engage with our lovely community members. We just wanted to remind you that we are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat if you need to talk about this. Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.

We agree with Petal22 in that it would be a good first step to speak to and health professional, such as your GP about how you are feeling about not being diagnosed correctly. Depending on your situation your GP can also help you explore some other supports through a mental health care plan, for example a psychologist to help you work through the trauma of having been bullied and to understand how this is impacting you right now, including making sense of what you value, what you might like to do in the future in terms of your family relationships and finding work.

As Petall22 demonstrates, please remember that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.

Regards

Sophie M

Re: Plain misery

Petal22 — Sun, 24 Jul 2022 01:48:00 GMT

I understand Joe the innocen,

Have you thought about maybe a night fill job? Or day fill?

You could just apply if you want to and see how you go.

I understand you feel strongly about your diagnosis being misdiagnosed you can take the steps to be re diagnosed if you want to and explain your concerns with your doctor.

Do you currently see a psychiatrist?

Re: Plain misery

Joe_the_Innocent27 — Sun, 24 Jul 2022 08:47:01 GMT

It's very complicated with my diagnosis, when I was younger making poor choices, it lead me to the psych ward on 3 occasions, than last year I was mistaken and admitted to hospital for a 4th time over a 10 year period, I have had like 3 second opinions and tribunals, but their too strongly into their science and beliefs that I'm with the condition, they believe I lack impairment with my diagnosis, I have sadly contracted pre diabetes and had my gallbladder removed because of medication

I also am upset, because I am strongly spiritual and like religion, and compared to the U.S.A, Australia's sociology isn't connected to a Bible belt personality like the Americans are

I also am lonely besides my lovely family, I have no friendships, and I am healthy and deprived from any intimacy without ever knowing girls or having a girlfriend

I can't have my independence, I got my license recently, but I don't use public transit, unless I was in the city, but I never go to the city, because I don't want to go by myself, and I would want a vehicle to drive to the station as opposed to getting there with a different method

Re: Plain misery

Petal22 — Sun, 24 Jul 2022 11:04:36 GMT

Sorry to hear you were mistaken on your 4th admission, by mistaken was this identity?

I understand that sometimes people do make poor choices but from this the person can always choose to learn the lessons.

You aren’t defined from your past you can always turn around and come back for the better.

Do you think you have any symptoms of schizophrenia?

I understand that sometimes when we are diagnosed with a condition it’s hard to accept the condition.

I was diagnosed with severe anxiety OCD when I was first given my diagnosis I told the psychiatrist “ I didn’t want it” my psychiatrist told me “ you have it”…

It took me a little while to accept the condition but once I chose to accept it I was able to work on managing it and then mastering it. I have now done both.

Im sorry you contracted pre diabetes.

Im sorry you are feeling lonely, have you tried to meet girls?

That’s great that you have your license.

Do you have any hobbies or interests?

Re: Plain misery

Joe_the_Innocent27 — Sun, 24 Jul 2022 13:44:36 GMT

I have a few hobbies, I like to play video games, watch basketball and Australian football, I love to play the guitar very much

I am not ashamed with having a mental condition, I am just 100% knowing that I don't have Schizoprehnia, it's not about stigma, I am self loving even if I did have the illness, but I know I don't infact have it

I wouldn't know where to meet girls, with the right virtues, values and personality, I am very shy and I find so many overly attractive and I question wither I have mild autism, because I feel like a chicken with intimate esteem, I have been crushing on this one girl that died 10 years ago, but despite liking the majority of women, I tend to fixate on that shallow beauty

I got my license, but I don't have any direction for suitable entry job's, I don't believe with agencies that they help people, I find their useless, I don't have a vehicle, and it's been awhile from when driving, I have a mum that's very anxious with driving, and my father is absolutely not for me with it

I feel I only get to feel confident when I was driving with my fabulous instructor. I still have his number in my phone, but wanted to be my own independent sufficiency, I get worried with the flaws with modern drivers on the roads, and I always see people speed 80 or 90 in a 50 back streets zone

Re: Plain misery

therising — Sun, 24 Jul 2022 21:53:55 GMT

Hi Joe

When those days or weeks come, where it might sound a little like 'I just can't tolerate living like this anymore', it feels like there's no choice but to change or endure the torture.Then the internal dialogue can start and go on and on: What job do I want, based on who I am? Who am I, really, when it all comes down to it? How do I know what I want if I don't entirely know who I am? Who's holding me back, bringing me down or stressing me out? Why can't I feel the kind of inspiration that charges me up to the point where I have not a single doubt in my mind? I find when things become intolerable, overall, I enter into an overall life assessment period. This can sometimes become a whole new form of torture, more so emotional.

Not sure if you can relate but in such an emotional assessment, you can feel just about everything. You can feel the impact of your thoughts/internal dialogue, the impact of your imagination and sometimes the disappointment that comes when it's just not working (not leading you to imagine exactly where you need to be heading), the impact of your belief systems (esp the depressing ones) and so on. You can feel what a lot of it does to your nervous system too. I'm a super sensitive gal, a real feeler/sensitive, so it can be a challenge to enter into a state of pure analysis without feeling/sensing all those factors mentioned.

Sounds like you're channeling your wonderful self, the part of you that wonders. If you're wondering whether you're on the autism spectrum, do you think it could be positively life changing and mind altering to seek out a diagnosis?

You mention the clash between science and spirituality. I know what you mean. While science can label someone on the spectrum as 'broken' in some way, mainstream spirituality recognises the super or incredible natural aspects of someone on the spectrum. Folk on the spectrum have some truly outstanding abilities, often sadly overlooked as science tries to 'fix' things. With a 17yo son who's on the spectrum, I find it's more about establishing and exercising balance than it is about 'fixing' things.

Re: Plain misery

Petal22 — Mon, 25 Jul 2022 00:05:14 GMT

That’s great that you have some keen interests.

Im so glad to hear that you are self loving I think that’s very important.

I understand you strongly believe you are mis diagnosed you could take the steps to being diagnosed again if you wish.

I believe spiritually is a very beautiful thing.

Do you ever meditate?

Re: Plain misery

Joe_the_Innocent27 — Tue, 26 Jul 2022 02:51:46 GMT

I just find that the U.S.A is for traditional values, and that their cultural sociology is connected to Biblical truth in the southern states of their country

I find Americans are more observational and socially reflective, and deeper cognitive or creative, I think you couldn't try to push for spiritual concepts, unless you were from Tennessee or Texas or somewhere like Kentucky

Plus the sadest thing is that my Millennial generation is different with modern values and secular and LGBQT, and I am more in differently firm with being traditional and religious, I have always been a misfit because I am deeply spiritual in a dis believing physical world

Is anything fair?

Joe_the_Innocent27 — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 06:28:12 GMT

I can't like living in Australia, it's secular atheist scrutiny, and doesn't offer diversity of individualistic agenda

The U.S. is for traditional values, and that their cultural sociology is connected to Biblical belief, their more likely to be philosophical or with spiritual questioning, and that is absolutely my personality

But I am not wanting to live in a foreign nationality which conforms American superioism over international inferioism, and makes me feel pressured to change my accent or terminology from say mate to dude or anything else

Also I am mis diagnosed with Schizophrenia, and now on a monthly injection, I am pre diabetic and without a gallbladder, I am stuck with involuntary order, and I am recommended to take medication for the remainder of my life, or for at least the next 5 years, than they can reduce the dose every couple of years, but it could take a decade or more to come off medication, I have had multiple tribunals and second reviews, and nothing works with me getting off their pharmaceutical meds, I am too deep with my mis diagnosis, and they believe I am in denile or lack impairment with accepting it

I have no career occupational sense, history or direction at 27 years old

Re: Is anything fair?

therising — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 09:37:05 GMT

Hi Joe

I believe sometimes it can feel near impossible to find exactly what we're looking for spiritually, within our own country or even surrounding suburbs. Myself, I'm more about general spirituality rather than any specific practice, such as Christianity, Buddhism etc. I do believe just about every practice or religion offers facets of what is beautiful or is of guidance, by the way. Personally, I was raised Catholic before I came to explore what lies beyond Catholicism. While I have a couple of physical places I can go to, to get my fill of what inspires me spiritually, I find a majority of what supports my beliefs and practices to be online. There is a world of support online, that can inspire us to grow in a direction we feel soulfully. Do you have any online resources that you find to be inspirational, helping you grow/evolve in a number of ways, while heading in the most desirable direction? It can feel like a very lonely experience, believing in what you believe in without a lot of people around who share those beliefs. There can be little opportunity to share your philosophies and the joy behind what you believe in. On top of that, you can have a number of people around you who like to shut it all down, which can potentially become depressing at times.

I can relate to what you mean about spirituality inspiring philosophy. I think this is one of the reasons I love it so much. Spirituality tends to look beyond how things appear to be. At times it can inspire exploration, wonder, an opening of the mind and a greater connection to our feelings. It can promote exploring who we are in a deeper sense, beyond our mental and physical self.

You mention that you feel you're misdiagnosed with schizophrenia. How do you define what others label or perceive as schizophrenia?

Re: Is anything fair?

Joe_the_Innocent27 — Fri, 29 Jul 2022 14:48:27 GMT

My life is tragic, from the age of 8, I identified I was conservative with believing in the Bible, but always seeing it as American culture

Since the age of 8 or 13, I heavily detached from my father, because his got different personality, values and nature, He was selfish, arrogant, extroverted, un communicative, un interested and introvertedly wishful

Since 12 to 18 I became bullied in high school for 6 years continuously, and than was bullied by two of those kids for an extra 5 years so 11 years in total

I was mis diagnosed with Schizophrenia at 19, and got stuck on life treatment at 26, at 22 I got pre diabetes, and at 25 I had my gallbladder removed

My mother was always treating me as special and immature, and she never was overly encouraging, she was pessimistic and a defeatist, whilst compassionate, communicative and a considerate mother, Still with never nurturing me to try further education, or with driving she didn't believe in me, She also never believed if you work hard with your passions, you could be rare to turn them into a occupational outlet

I developed a strong sense for spirituality and felt connected to my doctors theorizing I have asperges, that I don't agree with, which felt bothering, if true, but it's something out of myself, that is genuine that I know

I went through high school, skipping school and being a painful loner, I than graduated and had a father that never contributed or cared about my independent development with driving, He told me to catch the bus, and was always triggered by where to park a vehicle on his front property. I only achieved a license, because I used disability Centrelink pension, I don't want TAFE or entry casual or those industries, I was never given the esteem to conceive my possibility to even attempt something like University, As I grew older I felt Australia was to much with modern values, than conservative, with what works for me, I never knew how to buy a vehicle or had any help, I never had understanding how to find a rental accommodation or the money to pay it, I never had direction for suitable casual job's or economic favour, I never had friendship's, or knew where to find them, for meeting my interests and values, and I had two decades of bad experiences despite a serenity with recreational hobbies, I never had esteem without having a fresh set of friends

Dear Joe the Innocent27 Thank you for your post this ev...

Sophie_M — Fri, 29 Jul 2022 15:03:36 GMT

Dear Joe the Innocent27

Thank you for your post this evening. We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.

We are sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time recently, but we’re so pleased you have reached out to the supportive community. It is in moments like these, we like to offer a friendly ear to listen to these troubles and discuss any options or assistance that may be appropriate.

We are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat. Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.

We’re sure to hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.

Regards

Sophie M

Re: Is anything fair?

therising — Sat, 30 Jul 2022 21:01:37 GMT

Hi Joe

I believe a genuinely loving yet fearful mother can hold her child back in a number of ways. With the ability to feel for her child, she will feel her child's pain, their sense of defeat, their sense of rejection and so much more. Not wanting to feel her child's sufferance, she may stop her child from experiencing many of the things they may perhaps miss the mark on. The problem with this is 1) her child may suffer through a depressing lack of experience and 2) her child may miss the opportunities to both achieve and learn through mistakes. Her great love, compassion and empathy may prove to be her greatest gifts yet, at the same time, her greatest faults if not managed carefully. She may have to address managing her fears for the sake of her child. As a mum myself, I can tell you motherhood is fearful. Both my kids have helped me learn how to manage my fears for them.

A father who has been taught how to father through the wrong influence can be absent, neglectful and self serving. Through his own father, he may have been taught along the lines of 'I work hard all day. I deserve to come home to peace and quiet. I deserve to not have to do what I don't want to do (regarded as work outside of work). I deserve to be left alone. I deserve what I want, including not wanting to face the challenges my wife and children face'. So, all are left alone by him (to face their challenges), ignored by him (promoting his ignorance) and neglected by him. His wife may be left to parent largely alone. And if he believes his way is the right way, he will remain in a blissful ignorance while those around him suffer. He may be too arrogant and self serving to wake up. He remains asleep.

While a child pushes through and beyond his/her mother's fears and through and beyond his/her father's neglect, they raise themself. To largely raise our self is a great feat, one to be proud of. You've raised yourself to gain a license, to be a seeker of spirituality, to wonder and question a diagnosis, to live beyond bullying/abuse. I imagine there are many more ways in which you are raising yourself. Some of them may not be so obvious.

Suicide concern

Joe_the_Innocent27 — Sun, 31 Jul 2022 12:58:58 GMT

For the first time in my life, at the age of 27, I am concerned with my suicide or future tendencies.

At the age of 22, I had the conservative anxiety for wanting to have my driving independence and to work suitable entry job's, but I never had direction, for which entry jobs were a suitable fit for me, and I wouldn't be fortunate with generational economic vacancies, especially because I am not interested in University or TAFE and planning on a bachelor degree, to make myself look better with employers.

At 19 I was mis diagnosed with Schizophrenia, which is too complex to explain, If I don't rock up to my GP every month, I will be enforced to go to a local psych ward and be given a up'd dose of un wanted pharmaceutical meds. I have low self esteem, because all through high school from 12 to 18, I was experiencing bullying and was either a painful poeser or a loner, I continued to be friend two of those types of high school bullies for a extra 5 years, and it ruined my self esteem too. I don't get along with my father, because his arrogant, selfish, entitled, extroverted, ignorant, un communicative, and in considerate, and when I talk to my mother about him, she doesn't listen or acknowledge me without being triggered.

My self esteem has been ruined

Joe_the_Innocent27 — Wed, 31 Aug 2022 13:24:38 GMT

What affected my self esteem

1) I was bullied in high school for 6 years by numerous people, and than be friended two opinionated toxic friends for an extra 5 years, So 11 years of the wrong people, They would say things to me like i'm fat, michael jackson, pale, anorexia, psycho. They also would say rock bottom, rank 1 virgin, hairy, wog, desperate, insecure, wedge, jealous, They would be passive aggressive, opinionated, comparing, secretive and intrusive

2) I was with a selfish, entitled, un communicative, ignorant, arrogant, and in considerate, in affectionate dead beat narcissistic father all my life, He was just a intolerant dick head. He ruined my psychology with being reflective or with my true individuality, and prevented me from creative exploration and regarding to my own intelligence, I am not financially dependent from him, living with him makes me fixate and lose confidence

3) I was mis diagnosed with Schizophrenia, and entrapped on life time anti psychotics, I developed pre diabetes and had my gallbladder taken out, I also have been prescribed un needed anti depressant and aniexty medication

Re: My self esteem has been ruined

sbella02 — Wed, 31 Aug 2022 16:13:37 GMT

Joe_the_Innocent27,

Thank you for opening up to us here and I'd like to welcome you to the forums. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience, how awful it must've been to endure 6 years of relentless insults and torment. It's heart-breaking to hear these kinds of stories, as it still shocks me how cruel some people can be, even after being bullied myself in primary school.

Self-esteem is an interesting concept. It can fluctuate so greatly over the course of our lives, and it's understandable that the events you've described would have this kind of effect on you. Being surrounded by people who oppose, ridicule, challenge, or neglect what we say can really take a toll on our self-esteem.

Are you in a position where you could or would feel comfortable having a chat to a GP, therapist, or psychologist about your experiences with low self-esteem? Hearing some professional advice on self-esteem management can make a big difference, and sometimes if we don't immediately click with somebody, it can be useful to change to a different professional.

Do you have people who are close to you in your life who you would be able to trust and confide in? Having a good support network of people who love, care about, and value you can also be a great way of boosting your self-esteem. Depending on your age, there are also several extracurricular activities/clubs that you can explore to broaden your social network, if you're seeking ways to expand your close or extended circle.

In a short-term sense, positive affirmations can really do wonders for self-esteem, I've found. I've suffered with low self-esteem for as long as I can remember, and a lot of it for me stems from negative self-talk. Our words have great power, and the way we talk to and treat ourselves can drastically affect the way we view and value ourselves. For instance, replacing negative self-talk words like "I am strong, I am kind, I am worthy" seems like such a small and simple change, but you'd be surprised about how it can help grow our confidence.

Take care of yourself, and please remember that we're here to support you if you need.

All the best, SB