topic I dont really understand life in Depression

I dont really understand life

Dontlikemyself — Thu, 17 Dec 2020 07:13:26 GMT

Hi. Im stu. Why was I born. And whats the point?

I dont really understand life

Sophie_M — Thu, 17 Dec 2020 07:31:11 GMT

Hey Stu,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you decided to join us here today. We know that it takes a lot of strength to reach out for support, but it's so important that you have. It sounds like things are feeling quite lonely and overwhelming for you at the moment, but please know that you've come to a safe space to express your true feelings, and our community are here to help you through this difficult time.

If you feel up to it, we'd also encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or through Webchat (1pm-12am AEST) at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. Our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are also there for you anytime, when you're feeling overwhelmed and needing to talk it through. You're never alone.

We hope that you find some comfort from our kind, and non-judgemental community, and please feel free to post further if you'd like to tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you through this.

I dont really understand life

Dontlikemyself — Thu, 17 Dec 2020 07:47:15 GMT

Ive failed as a husband, a dad, and a person. I hate myself

I dont really understand life

Not_Batman — Thu, 17 Dec 2020 08:50:17 GMT

Hi Stu.

Welcome, and top effort for taking a step and reaching out. I hope there is some advice you can use on these forums like i found.

on another thread i recall someone saying that we didnt ask to be born, but we have the gift of life.

What is the point is another interesting question. The meaning of life, without getting philosophical, is what you make it to be...and like many people i’m still trying to figure it out.

Thinking of ourselves as failures seems to be quite common, and coupled with splash of depression makes it seem worse.

So whats led you to this conclusion about yourself?

Not_Batman

I dont really understand life

Ggrand — Thu, 17 Dec 2020 11:59:53 GMT

Dear Stu..

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums..

Your very short post was enough to let us know that your struggling very hard right now..and I am so sorry...

Our lovely Sophie has given you some great contacts..Please if your feeling unsafe can I gently urge you to contact them...

Stu...We are here for you if you feel to talk..it’s up to you how little or how much you feel to share...It’s okay to chat about anything you feel up to..if your not feeling comfortable about sharing what’s going on.,,there’s no pressure here...just care and support for each other the best we can..

I really hope you will pop back in and keep us updated on how your feeling..

My kindest and most caring thoughts dear Stu..

Grandy...

I dont really understand life

Dontlikemyself — Fri, 18 Dec 2020 07:53:37 GMT

I feel crap. I know im going downhill but i just dont care anymore. I try so hard, every day. Every day i struggle. Now i drink lots. Im bad. Its wrong i know. Where do i go. I have no friends. Im sorry to even be on here. Dont even know what im looking for. Im so so lost. Probably venting. Doesnt matter

I dont really understand life

Dontlikemyself — Fri, 18 Dec 2020 08:00:22 GMT

Bottom line. Im at rock bottom. Feel sick. No motivation no friends or family who care. Hide myself from my boys. Cry alone. I always cry. Why. I didnt do anything to anyone ever

I dont really understand life

Sophie_M — Fri, 18 Dec 2020 08:02:41 GMT

Hi Dontlikemyself, thanks for joining us on the forum tonight. We can hear that you are experiencing some very difficult and painful emotions at the moment and we know this must be so exhausting. We hope you know that there is support available if you need it including our Support Service who are trying to contact you via email.

There are also a number of other Support Services you might like to contact. Our friends at Lifeline are available on 13 11 14 and https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (online chat available 7pm-12am). Additionally, the Suicide Call Back Service can be reached on 1300 659 467.

If you find yourself in a situation where you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you should call 000 (triple zero).

Many of our members have also been through a lot in their lives and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.

I dont really understand life

Dontlikemyself — Fri, 18 Dec 2020 08:16:38 GMT

I dont belong anymore and dont value myself. Ex cop. Seen it all. Helped so many but dont know how to help myself. Probably wont post anymore. Making me worse. Whoever reads this, thank you. People should know that sometimes the toughest in the community fall apart too.

I dont really understand life

Dontlikemyself — Fri, 18 Dec 2020 08:41:47 GMT

Im confused Sophie. I dont know who i am anymore. Im no danger to anyone. Is it strange that id like to just drive out into the desert and be totally alone? Is it strange i want to isolate to protect my family? What's wrong with me. Why am i like this. We have a dog Millie. She likes me i think. I find solitude so easy now. I can cry and no-one sees me. Am i mental? What Am i looking for. Am i even worthy to be on here? Can anyone help me

I dont really understand life

Not_Batman — Fri, 18 Dec 2020 08:55:00 GMT

Hi stu.

you are absolutely right, even the toughest fall apart. A diamond is is the hardest material, but hit it with a hammer and it will shatter.

As an ex-cop, think of all of the people you have helped. How many are still here because of you.

when times are dark there is still a light that shines. It may be very dim, too dim to see, but it is there.

it sound as though things are not the best for you at the moment, and that happens. But there is something that you can do.

To reiterate what sophie had posted,

Lifeline are available on 13 11 14 and the Suicide Call Back Service can be reached on 1300 659 467.

If you find yourself in a situation where you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you should call 000 (triple zero).

there is absolutely no shame In talking it out. I hope you make that call like I did.

Not_Batman

I dont really understand life

Ggrand — Fri, 18 Dec 2020 09:01:44 GMT

Hello Stu..

Please don’t leave us here...no pressure..

Yes Dear Stu..the toughest of people in the community can fall apart...and I am deeply sorry that it has happened to you...

I am no professional..just a person who also at one stage not that long ago..fell to pieces...and came here for help...

Please give our wonderful community a chance to chat to you...Many people here have so many good suggestions on managing their mental health through our own lived experience...We want to do the best we can for you Stu..

Really so much hoping that you will come back here and talk a little..about anything you feel to..We are here for you dear Stu...Please let us try to help you...

My most kindest and caring thoughts..

Grandy..

I dont really understand life

quirkywords — Fri, 18 Dec 2020 10:59:50 GMT

Stu

I want to thank you for all your hard work as a cop.

Thanks for being honest with explaining your feelings.

you are not alone and there is support here.

I dont really understand life

Dontlikemyself — Sun, 20 Dec 2020 00:41:09 GMT

Not Batman,
I'm not sure things can get much worse for me. I am totally gone. Wife is going through depression and probably mid life crisis. She's leaving to go live by herself to 'find herself'. Says she loves me and our two boys and the house,cat and dog, but is still leaving me????? My boys , one adult the other a teenager do very little to help. Have to ask every day for dishes, washing, think about meals, shopping, house cleaning, mowing, car maintenance....... need i go on? I cant keep this going. Cant keep me going. Is this wh a t life is about?? Not saying everything i do is a womans job. Far from it. Its not, but on my own, too hard.

I dont really understand life

Sophie_M — Sun, 20 Dec 2020 01:12:17 GMT

Hey Dontlikemyself,

Thank you so much for keeping the community updated on how you've been going, and we are so sorry to hear that things are feeling like they can't get much worse. You've shown so much courage in being so open and honest with your feelings, and please know that many others reading will be able to relate to feeling this way at a difficult time in their lives too- you're never alone in this. Our caring community are here for you, and we are also currently reaching out to you through email to check in with you and offer some extra support through this.

It sounds like you have so much on your plate at the moment, and we can hear that all of this must be incredibly difficult to cope with- especially if you feel unable to reach out to friends or family about how you've been feeling. But please know that there is always somewhere to turn to, and support is always available for you. We'd really urge you to reach out to our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) anytime - day or night- during overwhelming times like these.

We hope that you find some solace here in the forums, and please always feel welcome to continue updating us on how you're feeling whenever you're ready to- we're all here for you.

I dont really understand life

Dontlikemyself — Sun, 20 Dec 2020 03:59:06 GMT

Ok. Im still here. I dont know why but seems you people do care. You had a councillor ring me and she was nice. I vented and she listened. We solved nothing but she still listened. Where to from here I don't know. I'll hang around and try to express myself in the right way for now. I know something's not right when i hear cicadas and there are none. Maybe i am crazy.
Stu

I dont really understand life

Not_Batman — Sun, 20 Dec 2020 09:03:22 GMT

Hay Stu.

im glad you were able to talk to someone. Even though nothing was solved, at least you have had a chance to talk about it. You may find that talking about it can change the way you think about it and look at it from another perspective.

As far as next steps, do you speak to a professional (a GP or psychologist)? If not, i would certainly recommend it.

i am really sorry that you’re hurting, depression is a horrible affliction. Does your family know that you are suffering? I may be worthwhile having a talk with them. Gently tell them you need their help.

the BB community wouldn't be here if nobody cared.
By some miracle im still here. Like a lot of people on here, i came on because i needed help, i didn't understand myself, and felt that nobody understood what i was going through, but the amount of support that i got (and still get) from the forums is amazing. I care because i have felt tremendous pain, and i dont want anyone to feel the same way i did.

Solidarity, Stu.

Not_Batman

I dont really understand life

Ggrand — Sun, 20 Dec 2020 09:39:29 GMT

Hello Dear Stu,

I also am pleased that you came back to us...and a lovely Counsellor from BB rang you...Just talking to someone, can be a bit of release and ease your pain a little..

Like Not Batman..I joined the forums a few years ago, a total mess and suicidal..the beautiful care I received from the forum community helped me so much...I stayed on here to volunteer my myself so I could try to give back what I received...I really hope that we can be of help and support for you..

You’re not crazy Dear Stu..you are hurting very badly...We are here for you Stu...

Its up to you on how much or little you want to share..

My kindest and most caring thoughts..

Grandy..

I dont really understand life

Dontlikemyself — Mon, 21 Dec 2020 07:14:57 GMT

Hey 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂
I worked it out. As long as you've got a happy wife, then nothing else matters. Am I right or am I right. Yeah Stu. You got it figured.

I dont really understand life

smallwolf — Mon, 21 Dec 2020 08:05:27 GMT

Hi Stu,

Welcome. I have read your story, what you said etc. It certainly sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment. On top of what you are dealing with for yourself, the family situation was just added to it. I am guessing that from your career in the police force you would have had to control your feelings? I am only guessing here and if you tell me otherwise, I am listening. Part of my problem was that I had spent 30+ years not talking about things that affected me. Finding someone to talk to...well, I am working out how to navigate the ups and downs of life.

The people here are all super supportive and helpful. We all have our own little bag of tricks to help us through.

I read about what you said about your kids. I wonder if they know what is going on for you? Would it help you if you if did more around the house?

Do you talk to your wife much?

I guess the alcohol is your coping mechanism at the moment.

I have probably said too much already. Please know the people here and myself are listening. And you are a good person.

Tim