topic Difficulty maintaining friendships in Depression

Difficulty maintaining friendships

BM111 — Sat, 30 Jan 2021 06:22:52 GMT

So lately I’ve had some well deserved time off work. Having this time has really highlighted how little friends I have and more importantly how unimportant they make me feel.

I’m not a hugely social person but have always made an effort to see friends. I feel as though lately I’m always being let down by these friends. I always try and organise catch ups but everyone is always too busy to do anything. I’m in my mid 30s and most friends have partners/kids so I understand its difficult to make time, but how can they expect to keep a friendship going if they make no effort at all? One of them acts like they’re quite possibly the busiest person on the planet and for a long time hasn’t made plans with me, but makes plans and hopes that I can come along. My only other couple of friends are quite ‘flaky’ and cancel all the time.

I feel so lonely and it’s hard to accept that you’re no ones priority in life.
For me, catching up with friends is hard. I like to hear how they are but get sad and embarrassed at how my life is always the same with nothing changing (yep, still single, same job etc) Often I’ll cry on my way home feeling like a failure. But despite this, friendships are still important to me.
Am I expecting too much from people? I feel so let down all the time and makes me want to distance myself from them but I also don’t want to be friendless..

Last year I challenged myself and started a new sport (go me). I met some new people but none of them are around my age or people I’d see outside that sport. I guess I’m trying..

Life is just shit when you have no one to share it with..

Difficulty maintaining friendships

Jack2021 — Sat, 30 Jan 2021 10:52:56 GMT

Funnily enough I'm in the exact same boat, all the way down to taking time off work right now as well ( though I literally Had to due to depression getting quite severe)

Not having friends sucks, I know that sooo well, and having "friends" that make you feel unimportant sucks just as much, maybe even more that not having friends...I know it both ways unfortunately..

I'm in my late 20's (27) and yeah because of the exact reasons you gave, right or wrong on my part, I just completely gave up making any sort of effort with all my friends which was probably more that 3 years ago now.

So with that being said I think it's really good you're still trying with you're friendships, but if its making you feel like this, then I think it's up to you to look at your friends and decide who you want to be friends with and make effort for, not all are equal that's for sure, and don't be sad or embarassed at your situation at all! 😊
Still "staying in the same job" is a great achievement and a steady paycheck, and it's even more admirable if you don't like it, it just speaks volumes of the strength you have to stay 😊 same with being single, nothing wrong with it if it makes you happy, as well if you're not happy about it, well don't be...love is hella hard work 😱😱

Good on you for trying a new sport too!! 😊😊 Even if you don't make friends out of it, being around different people in a positive environment is usually always a good thing too 😊😊

Difficulty maintaining friendships

BM111 — Sun, 31 Jan 2021 02:24:26 GMT

Thanks for the kind words Jack. I wish they made me feel better. I think sometimes I just need to get things off my chest.
I feel like life is passing me by and I’m missing out on so much. I’d love to be able to go away for weekends, go for road trips, explore new places or even simply go for a coffee every now and again, but don’t have people to do that with. Over the years I’ve tried to do all those things by myself. I travelled overseas by myself, went to music gigs by myself but it’s just not the same.
I don’t have a partner. I think I’d give anything to have that person, even if they are hard work!
I think I’m getting so frustrated and more upset as the years go on because I do try, but nothing ever changes.

Jack I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time too. I really hope you find some strength and feel better in yourself. Is there anything you find that makes you feel better?

Difficulty maintaining friendships

Jack2021 — Sun, 31 Jan 2021 08:33:41 GMT

No worries at all 😊 I know exactly how you feel about that because I feel the same way so much of the time, sometimes all you really need is to get things off your chest and have people to talk to, and that's what we're all here for 😊

I know what you mean there too, because again, I've been in that exact same spot about 2 years ago, a long term relationship came to an end, one I devoted everything to, and after which I had virtually no friends left...maybe 1 or 2 at most...so travelling solo, going to restraunts solo, gigs, etc, it does get so lonely, and that can lead to depression ( though my depression was caused by something else) but yeah...it sucks..

About getting a partner though, have you tried online dating? 😊 I mean everyone knows it can be crap, but if you go into it expecting nothing, it can actually be pretty good...I used it heaps last year, hinge was probably the easiest to use, (even though by chance I actually met my current partner through tinder)
But yeah...getting started with it can be totally awkward, but once you get past that its not bad...spoken from a dude who isn't that attractive himself 😂😂

Thanks for the kind words too, it means a lot and is so kind of you 😊 I am trying to battle my anxiety and depression, and finding strength to feel better, but it is hard, but I think I'm slowly starting to go on the path to a slow and steady recovery...this morning for the first time in months I woke up and didn't feel completely depressed and hopeless which was nice....been getting bored already with time off work though, which will be a challenge, so I just have to try and find things to do I guess

To be honest not all that much makes me feel better when the depression and anxiety really starts to feel intense, just about the only thing that takes the edge off in those cases for me is getting outside the house, going on walks, and going to the gym...even then if I'm in a really bad way it doesn't help much, but recently I've had less intense bouts which has been good

How about you? What things do you do to feel better? 😊