topic Not coping with life anymore :( in Depression

Not coping with life anymore :(

SadMum05 — Fri, 09 Oct 2020 15:18:41 GMT

Hi, I’m new here so I’ll just spill it all out...I’m very depressed at the moment. I’m not sleeping, can’t fall asleep till 2/3am in the morning and on work days need to be up at 5am. I’m teary but hiding it well, I have no motivation and could sit in the chair all day and not move some days. I separated from my husband in January after 24yrs of marriage and even though I know it was the right decision I’m feeling very down for all the changes I’ve had to go through. If it wasn’t for my 16yr old daughter who has been an absolute supporter I wouldn’t be here. I feel very isolated, really only have one friend. I’m on SSNRI for depression but mainly for pain and I doubt it’s working anymore. I don’t know what to do, but I can’t continue much longer like this.

Not coping with life anymore :(

Sophie_M — Fri, 09 Oct 2020 15:55:54 GMT

Hey SadMum05,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you decided to join us here tonight. We are really sorry to hear that you're feeling so down and isolated and coping with all the changes in your life. This sounds like a lot to deal with it and can be overwhelming if you are feeling alone in your situation. It is great that your daughter has been a strong supporter. Please know that these forums are a safe, supportive space, free of judgement to talk about these thoughts and feelings, and our wonderful community is here to help support you through this.

Our Support Service are also currently getting in touch with you through email as we are worried about you.

If you feel that you may be in immediate risk of harm, it's really important that you do contact 000 (triple zero. We would also suggest having a chat with your GP about what you are experiencing so they can assess your options.

In overwhelming moments like these, please know support is always help available to you, whether it be from the friendly counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). These services are available to you 24/7 and you can access them as often as you need when things are feeling like too much to cope with.

We hope that you can find some comfort in the words of kindness and support from our community. If you would like to post further, please feel free to tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this.

Kind regards,
Mod Support

Not coping with life anymore :(

geoff — Fri, 09 Oct 2020 18:41:10 GMT

Hello SadMum, a warm welcome and it's always good to have new people like yourself reach out for help in circumstances that relate to many others.

We can't determine whether or not we just want to sit or lay down or if we struggle to get through the day unable to achieve anything, that's something we can't predict, but certainly nothing you should be blaming yourself for.

The changes you are now facing after separating from your husband a range of different emotions will now become made available and can be completely dissimilar to being married for 24 years, I know my life changed after 25 years being married.

You don't have to try and justify your reasons, just to please someone, but why this has happened it would be a good idea to talk to a psychologist as there could be many different reactions to how you are feeling both positive and negative but you need to give yourself credit and thankfully you have a daughter who is supporting you.

Ask your doctor about the 'mental health plan', you may already know about it, as gives you 10 Medicare paid sessions per year and in a 24 year marriage, there must be many issues you want to talk about.

Have your medication reviewed and if you feel you need a second opinion then please do so, but would love to hear back from you.

Geoff.

Not coping with life anymore :(

SadMum05 — Sat, 10 Oct 2020 11:14:09 GMT

How do I admit that all this is just too hard, I’m sick of putting a fake smile on, and that if I ended it, it would be better for everybody...I know it’s selfish, and people would be mad at me - but everyone would probably be better off. I’m not a bad person, I’m actually a good person, never been into any trouble, I’ve tried my best to make sure everyone was ok etc but now I feel myself drowning in a black hole, the ladder has been taken away and all I can do is sink. I live in an area that if I went to hospital to ask for help my job would know, then I’d be looked at as crazy or whatever and that would be even worse. I know I probably need help but I’ve got no one to go too, no one I can call, I’m just drowning...

Not coping with life anymore :(

Sophie_M — Sat, 10 Oct 2020 11:26:51 GMT

Hey SadMum05,

Thanks for keeping us updated on how you've been feeling. We're so sorry to hear how difficult things continue to be for you tonight, but please know that no matter how dark things may seem to you right now- they can get better. Our community are all here to listen and provide our support during this overwhelming time.

Our support service are also attempting to get in touch through email as we are worried about you.

We'd really urge you to reach out to our friends at Lifeline on (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) who are available to you anytime, day or night, whenever these feelings are overwhelming to cope with.

We're all here to help you through this, and we hope you continue to check in and let us know how you're going, whenever you feel ready.

Not coping with life anymore :(

SadMum05 — Wed, 14 Oct 2020 12:10:26 GMT

I was meant to have a dr appt yesterday - a Telehealth one, I chickened out. I ignored the call and basically stayed in bed all day. I don’t know what to say to my dr - she knows I get depression, but to admit it’s as bad as it is at the moment I don’t know what to say. I know I need help, my chest feels like it has a huge knot in it. I don’t know what to do or how to do it 😞

Not coping with life anymore :(

Croix — Thu, 15 Oct 2020 10:44:48 GMT

Dear SadMum05~

I can understand you ignoring the call, not knowing waht to say is something that simply stops you.

You know it will not help to do this but at the time inability takes over and you can't face it.

I've skipped sessions with a particular psych, though maybe it was less not knowing what to say rather than we seemed at cross purposes and I'd come out feeling very discouraged. Then I'd not want to go to the next appointment becuse I had missed some.

Would you mind a suggestion?

Email your doc, say it is for him to read, not general mail, say I could not answer because I do not know what to say.

That makes it your doctor's job to help you find out what you have buried in you that you to need to say, not yours alone.

If the doc is any good thngs will go easier with it not all depending on you.

Does that sort of make sense?

Croix

Not coping with life anymore :(

Hope4tomorrow — Thu, 15 Oct 2020 11:27:04 GMT

Hi sadMum05,

probably the most difficult thing about depression, is that the more one falls under it's spell, the more one's reality becomes distorted when looking through such lenses for an extened period.

It isn't wrong to feel the way you do. You have NOTHING to feel ashamed about for example; Not having the courage (just yet maybe), to come out with how you feel being an example.

It is this toxic public perception that in Australia we work hard, play hard, ego ego ego blah blah blah...

What really matters, is that as hard as it can be, one will find most beneficial, being true to themselves. Everyone has a journey. A story if you will, and EVERYONE'S is valid and deserves the time of anyone who is prepared to listen to theirs.

This is your post, so I won't go into too much detail about my struggles at this time, but please don't give up hope. My brother did. Our family's lives have never been the same since. My sister's as well. As of recently, I have had to disconnect from my parents. Probably for good.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I cared enough to reply to you, and I'm a stranger. People care about how you feel. I do. Be brave. You're so worth it. "The God's wait to delight in you", when the time is right. Also, forgot to mention that therapy (and organising a support structure as I'm pretty isolated at this time), has been a big help to me through my hellish time for my own reasons.

We need to ask for help in order for the suffering to have a chance at getting dealth with. The more open we are, the more understanding that they'll amass, and the more chancr that they'll know how to best help you back to a better quality of mental health. (I don't/can't medicate my problems, they don't work on me)

During thia time, be extra gentle towards yourself. Precious cargo hey. We all are.

Btw, thank you for helping me to take me mind off of my issues for a while, whilst I replied to you. It was needed to be honest.

take care. I might see you around the traps on Beyond Blue a bit later on.

Not coping with life anymore :(

therising — Thu, 15 Oct 2020 20:47:26 GMT

Hi SadMum05

Wish I was there with you, encouraging you to vent your frustrations, your intolerance and your wonder in regard to how things could have become so overwhelmingly challenging. I feel for you so very deeply.

I hope the following makes a difference:

I recall being at the end of my 15 battle with depression. Sitting within a depression group therapy session, we were all asked to generate a list of our traits on a whiteboard. It was a long list: Often angry, deeply sad at times, unmotivated, lost, a control freak, resentful, ungrateful, hopeless and...I could go on but you get the gist. Once the list was complete, I remember staring at it, wondering how we all could have so many traits in common. It was then that it hit - these are not my traits, these are the traits of depression. The next thought that came to mind changed my life, 'If these are not my traits, then who am I?'

From what you write, I believe you to be

Someone who is chronically fatigued through a lack of energy restoration (sleep) and possibly a variety of long term stressors which may have exhausted the systems in your body over time. You could say you're running on empty. We can't feel energetic without energy
Someone who is incredibly powerful in the way they have reformed their life and the life of their child. From one mum to another, it can be deeply challenging to not only reform your own life but, in the process, reform the life of your child/children in ways that are going to raise them and not bring them down
Someone very sensitive to people or things that bring you down. Maybe this is why you left your ex. Did you become sensitive to just how much he was bringing you down? It takes a powerful person to raise them self out of that which brings them down, especially when they know the challenges that lay ahead will be intense. Such a person is undeniably courageous
Someone who finds it difficult to fully recognise the help they need. I was actually pushed and pushed (by my mum) to enter into that group therapy I mentioned. Some challenges cannot be managed alone. By the way, I'm glad you came here, as a way to manage

I imagine you to be an incredible, powerful, courageous, sensitive person who is thoroughly exhausted and desperate for support, within a challenge which is overwhelming. One of the many things I have learned about depression is - depression will not gift us the ability to see the best in our self. That is its nature. I can easily see the best in you.

🙂

Not coping with life anymore :(

SadMum05 — Fri, 16 Oct 2020 12:44:14 GMT

You’re words have moved me to tears and I thank you. I am tired, I am so so tired in many ways. I know I need help, I know things can’t continue like this much longer - in one hand I know I can’t give up and in the other it feels it would be so much easier to give up - I’m fighting a battle that I’m trying to win with myself

Not coping with life anymore :(

therising — Fri, 16 Oct 2020 20:00:17 GMT

Hi SadMum05

I'm so glad you were able to feel so much on a soulful level. Emotion is such a physical thing. I believe what connects us to life and each other is our ability to feel emotion. To feel emotionally 'numb' can be depressing, especially when we want to really feel a connection.

I believe, one of the greatest challenges we face in life is the challenge of raising our self. Without a doubt, it can be hard to raise our self when we're in the dark about how to do it. I know this may sound simplistic but one of the most significant tools when it comes to me raising myself is inspiration. At the ripe old age of 50, it is only within the last year or so that I've been channeling inspiration to the degree where it makes a difference. My challenge remains not to dismiss it when it does come in. Not sure if you will be able to relate to the following:

Just say what comes to mind for you is 'You need to seek professional guidance (regarding this deeply challenging time)'. So, you listen and make that phone call. As the time approaches, you can be thinking 'I can't do this!' What comes to mind may be 'You know you have to do this. It's going to be hard but you can do it'. You decide 'No, I just can't', so you miss the appointment. What comes to mind next may be 'Well, the least you can do is get on the Beyond Blue forums and connect with people who may make the difference'. So, you allow inspiration to bring you here.

It never ceases to amaze me when it comes to the amount of people who hear the word 'You' in their internal dialogue. What I mean by this is - You can ask the question 'What am I meant to do?' only to hear 'You need to...'. Pretty bizarre when you consider it but who or what is saying 'You'? Shouldn't it go something like 'What am I meant to do?' 'I need to...'

While psychologists may suggest the 'You' aspect is the conscious mind, spiritualists or natural channelers would insist it's 'Divine' inspiration, coming from the powers that be. No matter where inspiration is channeled from, it remains fascinating and definitely helpful at times.

By the way, a great natural therapy for relaxing is, believe it or not, hair brushing. A sensitive 16yo daughter makes for a great therapist. Put a brush in her hand and invite her to brush your hair for however long it takes to feel a difference. Pretty amazing that this has been proven to change the chemistry in our brain, activating that which gives us a sense of peace and relaxation.

🙂