topic I feel hollow inside in Depression

I feel hollow inside

Slippers — Fri, 27 Nov 2020 07:48:09 GMT

I feel hollow inside, things that I used to enjoy such as some tv programs no longer give me joy , I feel like I am at the end of my tether. I spent my time inside the house when I am not working separating myself from the world

The reason I feel this way, my Mother who is 91 recently went into a respite centre, initially it looked like it was going to be a temporary 4 week stay but now she is there permanently. She is and after some thought I agree with my family that she is in the right place. She has fallen over a couple of time in the past year and there is evidence that she wasn’t showering herself or changing her clothes daily.
As the move to the respite centre seems permanent there is talk to sell the family home (in which I still live in) to have enough money to pay for Mums stay at respite. This is selfish but I am not thinking of my Mum but of myself. I do have some money but at 48 I only have about 15k saved in the entire world. I don’t know where I will finish up. I have sent form to the DVA to ask about myself becoming a protected person who can stay in the house, Mum is on a DVA pension. I sent the forms yesterday by express post and I sent the same forms by fax today. I hope the response will yes from the DVA but there is a chance it will be no (I’m scared to be honest)

I have 3 sisters but I feel I cannot talk to them about everything simply because I do not trust their intentions. I cannot tell Mum either, she has short term memory loss so any conversations with her would upset her and make me no wiser. I feel I have no one I can talk to.

One of my sisters treated me like an idiot last night when I told her that the DVA had no email address to send the forms through to them, I told her that I had express post them. She didn’t think I had done the wrong thing and I spent half an hour on Facebook yesterday after telling my sisters time and time again that I had sent through the forms, I got the impression that I hadn’t done the right thing, and it made me feel useless.
My sister spoke to me tonight and suggested that I go and see the doctor and get some anti-depressants. I am trying to put distance between myself and my sisters as sometimes their attitude is venomous and toxic. I wasn’t even going to send this message through initially because it would seem like I am having a whinge. I have been verbally fighting with my sisters over a number of years and I am at the end of my tether. Apart from my work I add no value as far as I can see.

I feel hollow inside

Sophie_M — Fri, 27 Nov 2020 08:23:29 GMT

Hey Slippers,

It takes a lot of courage to reach out when you're feeling so low, and we are so thankful that you decided to share your feelings with us here tonight. We're so sorry to hear that you've been feeling hollow, and struggling to find joy in the things you once loved. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment, with your mum moving to the respite centre permanently and your fear of not having somewhere to stay. Please know that these forums are a safe space, free of judgement, and our community is here to help offer support and advice to help you through this difficult time.

It must be so tough to feel that you cannot talk to anyone about this, but please know that you never have to keep these feelings bottled up inside. We think it might really help to talk through your feelings and concerns with the friendly and understanding counsellors at our Support Service. They're available to you 24/7- day or night- on 1300 22 4636 or you can also get in touch through Webchat (1pm-midnight AEST) at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport Our friends at Lifeline are also available to you 24/7 on 13 11 14 whenever things feel too overwhelming to cope with- you're not alone in this, Slippers.

Our community are here for you, and we hope you continue to update us here on your thread with what you're thinking and feeling, whenever you feel ready.

I feel hollow inside

Slippers — Fri, 27 Nov 2020 22:54:47 GMT

Thank you Sophie. My sister called me this morning to see how i was going, i slept okay but woke worrying about everything. If we have to sell the house, and paying the bills. Today I will be cancelling the newspaper delivered on Sunday and on Monday i will organise cancellation of the Foxtel service at home. Mum has Optus phone and internet, i cannot decide whether to bring Mums account into my name. Though I don't know if I will have internet if i have to move. My sister also said that I should contact Centrelink and inquire about housing assistance. I don't know if that is the right thing to do. I haven't heard back from the DVA whether I could stay in the house or not. And I work full time so I don't know what I would ask Centrelink or whether I would be able to apply for housing assistance in the future?

If anyone had advice they could share I would be very appreciative.

I feel hollow inside

Slippers — Sat, 28 Nov 2020 08:39:42 GMT

So i went and saw Mum today at the respite centre. I found out today that on Thursday next week my sister will sign papers that'll mean that Mum will be staying in the respite forever. My sister also told me not to give Mum any mail addressed to Mum. My Mum was expecting mail for certain people, when Mum ask about the mail i initially said that there was only Christmas cards, but she pressed me about it. This afternoon my sister rang me and wasnt happy that I had dropped her in it because Mum wasnt happy with my sister on her decision to hold back mail of Mum. My sisters thinking was because it may upset Mum. I told the truth and even though my sister had a go at me I still believe I did the right thing. Now my sister is angry with me. Talk about emotional blackmail