topic How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone? in Depression

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

Succulent Queen — Thu, 19 Nov 2020 07:05:18 GMT

Hi All,

I will be spending Xmas and New Year alone with my dog as I dont have any family. I have a couple of good acquaintances but no real friends. At 44 I've accepted and made peace with how things are however deep loneliness does creep in at times, particularly at this time. I was wondering if maybe we could use this thread to share ideas on how we each handle aloneness at this time of year. In the past I have used distraction to stay productive and power through the emotions of the day. The distractions I use are simple and could simply involve binge watching a series or taking some music out into the backyard and getting stuck into gardening. I also try not to buy into the concepts of Xmas that surround us and instead view it as just another ordinary day.
Would be great to swap ideas and hear how you handle the day if you're spending Xmas alone.
Hope fully we can help each other via doing this.
🙂

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

Matchy69 — Thu, 19 Nov 2020 07:27:27 GMT

Hi Succulent Queen thanks for the great thread as others on here are in a similar situation.My self spend Christmas alone and have for the last few years.My kids will spend it with their mother and grandparents.I can' t compete with the grandarents pool.Christmas is a very sad day for me as a few years ago I lost my mother on Christmas day and it is really a sad time of the year for me.I have a brother but never hear from him or see him much so I will spend Christmas day alone.I do have a private toast to my mother at 2pm the time she passed and remember her.Might even go for a motorike ride.I have planted a tree on Christmas day in honour of my mother.

Take care,

Mark.

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

mocha delight — Thu, 19 Nov 2020 08:46:31 GMT

Hi succulent queen most of the family on both sides of my family are part well the biggest part of the reason why I have mental health issues so I wish I could send Christmas alone but unfortunately I’ll have to put on a front of being happy & in the Christmas spirt which won’t be hard for me to put a happy front on as I’ve come to realise it’s very easy for me to do so. I’m sorry if my reply is not one your after but I think honestly is the best policy so I apologise.

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

Succulent Queen — Thu, 19 Nov 2020 23:38:23 GMT

Hi Matchy,
Thanks for sharing your experience. I can see why you might associate Xmas day with some tricky emotions. Perfectly normal considering your loss. Still, not easy.
It's lovely that you take a quiet moment to toast your mum. It painted a strong image in my mind reading that part of your post.
I know what you mean about competing with the pool when it comes to children. Later on we're competing with in laws etc. A motorbike ride sounds like a pretty good distraction. If you ride outside the city the concept of Xmas can largely not exist unless you choose it.
Hope you have a bright and easy day this year.

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

Succulent Queen — Fri, 20 Nov 2020 03:11:15 GMT

Hi Mocha, Honesty is indeed the best policy and thankyou for sharing your Xmas day plans. Putting on that happy face does sometimes convince the brain that it's actually having a better time
don't you find? Doing that is a CBT technique if I recall correctly. Maybe grinning and bearing it can turn into actual enjoyment sometimes.
Sounds tricky having to negotiate family members who contribute negatively to your mental health. At least its only one day a year,right? Hope you have a good one this year.

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

ecomama — Fri, 20 Nov 2020 07:25:33 GMT

HI Succulent Queen, thankyou for starting this thread.

In the past I saw it coming that I would be spending Christmas alone and here are some of the things I did:
* offered to work at Restaurants, waitressing, I did this a number of Christmases.
* went to different Churches for various services throughout the Day, some even shared some Christmas fare so that was lovely.
* volunteered at the Soup Kitchen nearby on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day - very busy time.
* after the kids left at noon for 2 weeks, I flew out to America and had another Christmas.
* phoned interstate friends I knew were also spending Christmas alone.

I try very hard to get into the Christmas spirit on the surface but underneath it's a sad time and brings back lots of sad memories also.

I will set aside a 2pm toast to your mum also Matchy. What a wonderful mum raising the awesome man you are.

Hugs everyone.

Love EM

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

Twerp — Mon, 07 Dec 2020 08:13:01 GMT

Hi to Succulent Queen and all who have contributed to this thread. It's good to read all of your ideas about how to cope when feeling alone during a time that others find exciting and wonderful and full of family fun! I have lived alone for a number of years, and feel particularly so at Christmas. When I was married, the tradition had always been to go to my husband's family gatherings. My own siblings always have their own family celebrations, so when I divorced there was no 'family' to join at Christmas. My children do their own thing. Here are some ways I have managed: (1) I have in the past joined a community Christmas lunch put on by a group of local charities. (I guess that won't be happening this year.) (2) I attended a 'solos' Christmas lunch one year with a social Meetup group I belonged to at the time. (3) For the last few years I have booked with a tour group who advertised a Christmas bus tour. In 2018 it was to Bright in Victoria; in 2019 to Berri in the Riverland; and this year I will be going to Port Lincoln. Each trip involves a day of travelling, a day of visiting a local attraction, Christmas Day with a big lunch, and then a day travelling home again. These bus trips give me something to look forward to. I have been on several organised tours with bus companies at other times through the year (in non-Covid times that is) and usually travel 'solo'. I find it easy to chat to people I meet on these trips. Sometimes I see someone I have met on other tours, but often it's a whole new group each time. There is no commitment to keep in touch with any of them once the tour is over, but I enjoy the buzz of doing things with others - especially when someone else is in charge of planning the trip and making it all work.
Hope this post has given someone else some ideas about what to do at Christmas. Cheers!

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

Hanna3 — Mon, 07 Dec 2020 08:32:02 GMT

What a good idea this thread is!

I am in a regional town so there's not much happening outside of going to church at Christmas, especially this year, and I moved here only a year ago, just before covid, so I haven't made friends here.

I treat myself to one of those individual little Xmas puddings you can buy in the supermarket and some Christmas cake. I take my dog for a walk and then just watch anything I can find on TV and pretty much wait for the day to go by.. once it's evening it's OK and it's over for another year - Boxing Day lots of people here picnic in the park, but it's OK to go with my dog and sit under the trees.

I do try to get to a Christmas Eve mass or church service if I can, to make it feel Christmassy..

It's hard with no family to spend it with. I give my little dog a treat for Christmas.. and buy him a toy.

Also, I buy myself something as a Christmas present - maybe a book - and I only start it at Christmas.

I miss having family to spend it with, and I miss having a Christmas tree and decorations, but they seem silly just for me. I don't think Christmas is ever the same without children around..

I look forward to hearing other people's ideas! The other thing we could do is arrange to meet up in the BB Cafe...

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

Guest_1584 — Fri, 11 Dec 2020 09:56:23 GMT

lt's crazy isn't it the things Christmas can do to people yet it's suppose to be a happy time, holidays, family , food, yet family situations, couple situations, all kinds of situations are often the most stressed of all . lsn't the irony just crazy.

Mine are 4 hours away , gf' will be interstate , not sure if l'll catch up with my daughter on this one but l'm not going down to family hated the last time l bothered so it'll probably be solo . Since divorce there's been quite a few solo's. lt is weird , l think one of the biggest things is neighbours with all their cars and family and friends coming and going , here's me- nothing. last yr l thought well, l'm bringing the car in , closing the gates, sleeping in and then l'm watching movies - to hell with it , it'll be over tonight and then that will b that .

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

Guest_1584 — Fri, 11 Dec 2020 20:47:36 GMT

There'll b my escaping it this yr in my street. lt's only 100 mtrs long and at the end is a T intersection.

Across that T road is a house smack dead center facing straight down my street , covered top to bottom end to end in 100os of flashing Christmas deco. Went out to the car last night 3 am and there it was still flashing away like a damn planet all it's own straight down my street.

l dunno how they sleep with that thing. rx.

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

Hanna3 — Fri, 11 Dec 2020 22:14:31 GMT

Hi randomx,

That's how I feel here - all the neighbours with heaps of family and visitors and cars and happy chatter everywhere and it's just me and the dog in between them all! I did the same as you last year - kept inside, watched DVDs, walked the dog (at least walking the dog on Xmas Day is still OK, other people are doing it too) and figured at least by evening it's all over for another year thank heavens!

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

PhoebeWings — Sat, 12 Dec 2020 07:21:19 GMT

I hate, hate Xmas time.

It is a mad, commercialised drawing up of often transitory feelings of ‘good will’ to others.

All that glitters is not gold.

True care and love happens in so many unmarked hours and days throughout our lives.

I quietly choose not to join in or even pretend to ‘partake’ in this glittery madness.

Friends, if Xmas magnifies things you feel sad about, makes you feel more lonely or depressed - read it for what it is - the commercial intent and spirit of ‘Xmas’ is false and an illusion.

I look on it as a season that magnifies the the superficial and self seeking, this isn’t mere humbug on my part.

It’s no coincidence that there is a large part of the population who suffer at this ho-ho-ho time of year.

How to get through Xmas? Privately, just don’t give it any respect or acknowledgement.
It’s a farce.

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

Guest_1584 — Sat, 12 Dec 2020 11:02:59 GMT

That it is phoabe,that it is .Probably more in Australia than most with out spanking new cars and 700k mortgages and pm's in denial and blubbering on about jobs and money.

My family don't even give presents it was never about that cept when we were kids later it was just about catching up bc we're scattered and hopefully some nice food.Later my ex was really into it though and we gd our daughter so you'd make it fun for her and with ex loving it l thought ok , why not and enjoy it. our home christmases were simple and really nice. the other ones with a 2hr treck down to her parents and sitting round getting snubbed 6 or 7 hrs wasn't much fun though , or the 4hr to mine other yrs either.

lucky me , l'm on a corner and my other streets started early this yr, Blame covid l'd say l'm up on the cost and all the Melbourners have taken off early by the looks this yr. Streets already packed with cars.

lt doesn't bother me really unless my daughters coming then l try to make it nice otherwise l'm quite happy just waking up the next day when my streets back to normal. Could be a few wks though this yr by the look.

How do you get through Xmas/New Year alone?

LouGo — Sat, 12 Dec 2020 11:17:13 GMT

Hi, Christmas will be my husband and 3 kids. Christmas is a major trigger for me as I’m estranged from my mother and my dad has passed away. I’ve been doing ok but since thurs I’ve been very overwhelmed. And increase in anxiety