topic Every time I call a helpline, I regret it. in Depression

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Skary Bill — Tue, 24 May 2022 10:27:57 GMT

Writing this as I'm curious to know if this is just a me thing.. I know my situation is not unique. I have depression, and it's always there.. But I don't suffer from it all the time, only when at a really low ebb. And even when that's happening, I have the experience to know it will pass.. Which gives me the confidence to keep my spirits up and shine a little light into the darkness.

Every now and then, it's just not enough, and no amount of positive thinking, food, vices or cute animal videos will fill the hole. And it's on these occasions that I find myself thinking I'm in over my head and I really need to talk to someone. Connect with another human.. Just literally have a chat with someone who's not teetering on the brink of the abyss.. Get a bit of perspective.. Perhaps some encouragement. But mostly, just to hear a friendly persons voice, and get out of my own head for a few minutes.. If I wasn't sobbing uncontrollably, I might just have a chat with the neighbor over the fence or something. But the crying thing does make that awkward. lol

And so it comes to be that once or twice a year I will overcome my anxiety to pick up the phone and call a stranger, hoping for nothing more than a brief, pleasant, light hearted chat with someone who understands what I'm feeling, or at the very least someone who will put up with the blubbering for a few mins.

But in all the years I've been on this journey, I'm yet to ever actually find that person for that chat in my time of need. And it's probably in some part my anxiety playing it's role.. But I need to know, is it just me that finds calling a helpline results in a formulaic conversation that feels more like an interview and is guaranteed to include the topic of self harm? Am I the only one thinking, if I answer some of these questions wrong, I'll end up with authorities banging on my door to check my welfare.. Wondering what list I just got my name on..

Clearly these lines aren't setup to offer the help I need. But I find calling them so stressful, I wonder how many ppl feel the same.

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

geoff — Tue, 24 May 2022 16:06:37 GMT

Hello Skary Bill, we have to appreciate that every time we ring a help line it may be in different circumstances, sometimes it's just to talk with a phone operator or counsellor about problems that have been worrying us over time or it could be in desperation just to stop us from doing something this illness forces us to do, but at certain times the person may not feel as though there isn't any difference between these two.

I's never easy to ring a helpline and talk with one person, then ring back ten minutes later and have to explain your problem once again to someone else and can be frustrating, but the second person may have more experience than the first person you spoke to.

They do offer help but all of this depends on how you are actually feeling and whether you are prepared to accept what they have said.

Years ago I did ring a helpline, the next thing that happened was I was being taken to a hospital for my own protection.

If you have a list of concerns then perhaps these need to be discussed with your counsellor or your doctor.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

blondguy — Tue, 24 May 2022 16:25:41 GMT

Welcome Back Bill

Its been a while yet thats okay....I have always been a fan of your avatar

You made an excellent point about 'helplines' as there are some that can be overly 'structured/clinical' I still have anxiety nowadays in some shape or form.

You are always welcome Bill...you are not alone here

we are listening 🙂

Paul

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Sophie_M — Tue, 24 May 2022 19:26:25 GMT

Dear Skary Bill,

Thank you for posting your concerns about your depression and the crisis support phone lines. These are excellent comments, and we look forward to reading the community responses.

Unfortunately, even though you know how you are feeling, where you actually are at emotionally, and what support you are seeking, we understand that the mental health specialist isn't aware of any of those things. With every call, the specialist must be prepared for the worst case scenario. Those annoying questions are to help the specialist make the determination, and an accurate assessment is the legal responsibility of the service.

We also understand that, if you inform the specialist at the beginning of the call that you just need to process feelings you are struggling with, and you are not at risk of harming yourself, this usually mitigates the requirement for all the questions; though this does depend on the specific service, and on the particular specialist.

If you would benefit from a slightly longer-term assistance, you might consider discussing a mental health plan with your GP so you can get 10 1-hour-long sessions with a mental health specialist.

Please remember that we are always here to support you.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Skary Bill — Thu, 26 May 2022 05:15:42 GMT

Hi Geoff, thanks for the reply, great to see some familiar names here. 🙂
Yep, I certainly don't envy the people who answer these lines. I'm sure it could be a very rewarding job, but with a great many challenges. It does sound like I was right to consider my answers carefully, as I honestly couldn't imagine anything more nightmarish than people banging on the door, seeking to remove me from what little comfort and stability I have left. But no doubt, that's exactly the help some people will need..

The thing for me is.. At the point where asking for help is scarier than not asking.. Then a percentage of people who need help is just never going to ask for it. And how do you help them then?

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Skary Bill — Thu, 26 May 2022 05:21:35 GMT

Hiya Blondguy, It really has been a while. I'm out here on the fringe of society, with limited internet access. Which makes it tricky to be a regular participant. But I sure am glad to have the option to post here. And to connect with people I don't need to explain myself to. 🙂 Thanks for being there to listen. It means alot.

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Forrest — Thu, 26 May 2022 06:05:00 GMT

Hi Skary Bill.

Thanks for sharing, it's validating for me to see as I can relate. Maybe for different reasons, but yes, a helpline seems to be the go-to response from professionals (and some others too) to make sure you're "covered" and considered by them as being given a viable option so they don't have to feel responsible about follow up, regardless of whether it is a viable option or not. I do understand why, and to be fair, they are not necessarily responsible for follow up any more than every other person you come into contact with, and I guess it's better that they keep distributing this option than nothing (and do need to cover themselves so they're not facing charges in the event of suicide.)

But that doesn't eliminate the sting of knowing you're lumped into a system that doesn't necessarily gel with your needs. I also have trouble finding any system, person or "help" that actually helps, at times when I really need it the most. Sometimes unexpected things help, but it is a fleeting surprise that doesn't necessarily function as a go-to if I try to return to it in what seems like similar times.

I do feel that whilst helplines and professional "there-for-you" services do need to follow protocols that make sure they have certain things covered, there are certainly times some could stand to "human up" their voices and word choices a bit so that you feel less like you're talking to a receptionist and that your emotional information is mere data that needs processing, and a bit more like a person who feels for you is there to catch you and be present with you.

It's an awkward, almost paradoxical thing, this idea of professional psychology. Brains and thoughts and emotions are deep and personal and sociably interpersonal, and a certain sense of shared vulnerability is part of what makes relatability effective, and as a profession psychology recognises that it's messy and complicated and creates a logistical jungle when it's institutionalised, and therefore tries to tidy it up by creating methods of relating to "patients" that cover all the bases of protection from said mess. Which can make the experience of utilising them a bit like arriving in suburbia to try to get a breath of fresh air in nature. It's like... ok... there's a tree or two, I suppose that's slightly nice... if you can smell them over the traffic pollution and hear the birds over the whirr of the overhead electricity wires...I wish I had something helpful. Best I can say is I relate.

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Skary Bill — Thu, 26 May 2022 06:13:15 GMT

Hi Sophie, NGL, I wasn't sure if this topic was going to make it past moderation. But I'm really glad it's been taken in the spirit intended.. That of discussion, not complaint.

FWIW, I definitely go out of my way to assure people up front that I'm not a harm risk.. Especially when I clearly sound upset. And I do respect why such questions should/need to be asked. But I wonder if the industry considers the amount of people who call up, who aren't on the edge of a tragic decision. Who now find themselves thrust into a conversation about it, when all they really needed was a light hearted chat to lift their spirits..

Here's the thing.. Even when I'm a total mess.. I'm not an idiot. So here's me, just trying to connect with someone, and here's them harvesting my details. Who am I, where am I, and then not just one.. But multiple questions regarding my current state. Even after I volunteered that info up front. And I can't put it down to differences in operators, because everytime I've ever called over the years, it's been the same thing.

So, minutes into the call, whatever feelings of distress or desperation that led me to make the call are gone, replaced by the fear that I've said too much.. Or said the wrong thing to the wrong person who could flip my world upside down with a single call. And I wrap the call up asap whilst trying to reassure the operator that everything's fine, lol. After the call I'm just numb.. Feeling more isolated than before the call, and now fearful of repercussions. On the plus side, I'm now way too rattled to be depressed anymore. So I guess there's that.

If I could say one thing to the people who man the phones on these helplines, it would be focus on the person, not the paperwork.

I definitely do need to find a psychologist.. The last time I attempted to was 2020, and at that time I couldn't find a single bulk billing psych in my region who would provide the 10 sessions. And back then, even at full price, they were all booked months in advance.. So I gave up and moved back to the bush. Now, since covid, phone consults have become much more widely available. So I guess I should try again. I'll put it on the list of things I need to stop avoiding. 😄 Thanks so much for your input.

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Skary Bill — Thu, 26 May 2022 09:02:45 GMT

G'day Forrest.

I found your post really helpful. Knowing that anyone out there can relate in any way is reassuring. And you hit the nail on the head a few times IMO. "so that you feel less like you're talking to a receptionist and that your emotional information is mere data that needs processing, and a bit more like a person who feels for you is there to catch you and be present with you." In particular, rings very true for me.

I actually said to the person I spoke with most recently, Can we keep this light please? And they doubled down on the, "well I just have to be sure." And I'm sitting there thinking... I'm not even sure if I'm sure.. I replied with,"Its a morbid subject, and not a conversation I was seeking to have. I understand you have to check some boxes, but.." And then they got really defensive about it and cut me off to deny any box checking.. lol.

I think around that time I'm thinking, I may not know what I need.. But I know this ain't it. And I politely made my exit.. Hoping like crazy that they don't push the red button.

As you say, it is awkward. And both too important and complex to be without some guidelines and good practice. But when it becomes more about the process than the person.. It's like a one size fits all item that doesn't fit anyone particularly well.

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Forrest — Fri, 27 May 2022 01:19:55 GMT

Thanks for your response, I feel you.

Have you ever tried looking into support groups? There are pros and cons when you're just looking for "a friendly voice/face" but sometimes it does fill the hole. Here are some of them (speaking specifically from experience of the one I attend):

Pros:

Like the forums here, they are peer based and can feel more personable than talking to a professional one on one. (Which is the main reason I'm mentioning it in this thread.) With the added bonus that you can actually hear people's voices and see their faces. The one I attend is also currently skype friendly. People who have lived experience of potentially similar issues to your own are there to nod and relate. You can feel lighter after sharing and, feel valuable and competent sometimes when someone else shares something that you might actually be able to help them with (as with the forums here.) The one I attend is facilitated by a psychologist so there is still that layer of protection. There is also a confidentiality agreement, (and the stipulation of non judgement etc,) so it's a "safe" space. Because it's peer based, there is often jokes and laughter and a sense of sociability, AND, if you want to try to actually, I don't know, be friends with group members outside the group setting, you're free to offer or propose as such. If you share that you're feeling really dark and junk, you probably will be asked if you're "safe" etc, BUT, it's a much more relatable and less invasive way of asking, and, because people are required-ish (strongly encouraged at the very least) to be attending some kind of therapy outside of the group (because it is a support group not a therapy group), the main avenue of red tape tends to be in my experience asking you to follow up for yourself with outside professionals as needed. (Much less fear of the door being kicked in and being dragged away by imaginary captors in white coats.)

Cons: Sometimes other people share things that might be a burden for you to listen to. If you attend in person, you can't just bail suddenly if you need to. (I mean you can, but you have the issue of getting yourself home.) The skype option helps with this. When you're really needing things to be all about you, I mean you can gauge the session and how much you time you can grab, and generally people like to give attention where it's needed, but since it's a group setting there is that need to be mindfulness of other's needs too.

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Forrest — Fri, 27 May 2022 01:23:48 GMT

Oh, and con (of course) it's on a scheduled basis, so you can't just hop into it when you're suddenly feeling low. But, sometimes it does help in the moment to moment just knowing you can share about stuff later.

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Skary Bill — Fri, 27 May 2022 05:28:39 GMT

There's an added layer of complexity, in that I'm actually in a forest. About 15mins drive to the edge of reliable phone reception, half an hour out of the nearest town.. A good 2.5 hrs from the nearest city. And I've got myself a substantial case of agoraphobia, which I need to overcome anytime I want to go anywhere. So, I'm literally sitting in my car on the side of a country road trying not to be sick most times you see me posting here. I've been looking for ways to connect with people in the community. Been trying to join the local rural fire brigade for more than a year now lol. Sometimes the wheels turn slowly in the bush.. But I still get invited to meetings, so I've got a foot in the door there.

The agoraphobia is not a deal breaker as I don't mind pushing myself to confront the problem and endure some discomfort, {when I have the energy to do so}. But it is a limiting factor, as even when I do push myself to get past it, I'm not comfortable or in particularly good shape by the time I get to my destination, (if I make it that far). At best it would be like having someone in the group who is always seasick on a connection that drops out often.

As you could imagine, I find myself weighing the benefits of going somewhere to do something against the stress and discomfort experienced. And often end up stuck in an ironic loop of having to overcome my own issues just to seek some help with them. Like having to fix the car just so you can drive it to the mechanic.. lol

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

ruralite — Fri, 27 May 2022 06:33:26 GMT

Hi Skary Bill, I can identify with your post. After I send a post I worry ,Have I done the right thing,am I being over anxious, there are people out there with really bad mental illness,mine is not all that bad,maybe I should be doing more to help myself. Will some smart Alec tear me to pieces with questions that are personal and I dont want to answer. But like you I just need that contact to help me to feel better. So have a cry if it helps,hug your pet if you have one. I find a comedy DVD is a help,any thing that helps to change your thinking is good. Keep sending posts ,gets things off your mind. If you suffer from winter depressions (SADS) get out in the sun ,half an hour every morning. Eat your breakfast in the sun . Does wonders for your depression. Regards Ruralite

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Forrest — Fri, 27 May 2022 07:10:51 GMT

"Having to fix the car to drive to the mechanic"... Oh I might have to steal that one! It's very similar to (but so much better than) a similar thing that I say all the time.

I can somewhat emphathise with agoraphobia. I wonder if there is some space you could use further into town that is still private, where there is a better internet connection, that you could use as a sanctuary for regular Skype meetings... Maybe not, but sometimes spitballing ideas leads to something closer to more pheasable ideas, and eventually an idea that actually works. Or, some magical powerful way to make a country internet connection better... (forgive my ignorance of country life and technology issues).

It's great to hear that you're invited to things, feeling like you have options can be a bit less trapping even if you don't take them. Are these things that are not a long drive for you?

I totally relate to weighing up the benefits every time I have to go out. Especially when the entire purpose is mental health (which can sometimes really just mean feeling better) and then you have to think, will doing this thing to make me feel better make me feel worse in the process?

Ruralite, I relate to what you said about thinking other people's situations maybe being worse. Some of the things that come up on here (on what so far seems like a daily basis) are just so heartbreaking to read about and often have me in tears of empathy and saying "wow" aloud a bunch of times. And I'm just like...can I even complain about my own situation after that?

But rest assured all situations are valid, we are all human beings with our own subjective sufferings that we're allowed to winge about and ask for support with.

Bill, especially now that I realise you're taking a nauseating journey each time just to post here (but not that I wouldn't have said this anyway) please update on how you're doing whenever you find it helpful, and know that even if I don't or can't reply (which happens sometimes) I'll be checking it out.

Do you happen to have, like, a "next" goal, to help improve your situation? Sometimes it feels like so many things are going on that it's just impossible to improve any of it. And sometimes the helpful thing is to pick the next thing that would help things the most if it could improve in any small way, and a small step you want to take towards it and just focus on that. Hm I wonder what mine would be....backed myself into a corner now...

Will have to think about this for myself too...

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Forrest — Fri, 27 May 2022 07:13:05 GMT

I must just say as well, in response to your original post, it's definitely not just a you thing. And it's not just a you and I thing either. I've heard about this same issue from a lot of people. 🙂

Also I just realised the meetings you mentioned was tied to your previous comment about joining the fire brigade, so yes, local. What makes you feel drawn to that form of involvement? Do you think it would be a good fit? Apologies again for a few disjointed posts in a row. I'll leave room for a response now.

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

mmMekitty — Sat, 28 May 2022 04:31:58 GMT

Hello, Bill. Forrest & Ruralife,

Understanding the difficulties people otften, it seems to me, have reaching out for someone to talk to, whether online forums, or SKYPE or ordinary old phone, or to a group, whether from city, town or country, or forest)(!), I appreciate what an effort it is & thank you.

I can always do with a wider view than 'just me'.

It took me a while to get my head around the idea that my own concerns are as worthy of (for e.g.) my PDr's* care as anyone else's. If what is troubling me is enough for me to feel I need help, then that is validation enough. It doesn't have to be compared to anyone else's needs.

Thtat's not to say other people don't have needs. Many people do, some very complex & many have moved me to tears, too. I have to admit I am limited in what support I can offer. I hate doing that, because I've become aware of how scarce services & professional care are.

When I first went to see a PDr I waited nearly a month, & thought that was a long time, while I felt so desperate for help. Now I hear of people waiting many months, if they can find someone at all, & I also bear in mind how the first person you see may not be a good fit & you just might put up with it, & find it unsatisfactory while trying to find someone else you might work with better.

I get cranky when my internet drops out, you know, like twice a year! & I think how can people be conducting telehealth reliably out in rural (or frested!) areas with the drop-out so much more frequent?

😺I just love the idea of living in a forest, Bill...especialy all the birdsong. I think I hear about three or four different bird types where I live, & 80% are crows & magpies. (Lovely birds,😸)

You are all welcome to drop in for a chat anytime. You will find more light & social threads in the BB Social Zone.

About checking boxes & filling forms when phoning a helpline, I'm sure if they permit you to talk, explain why you phoned & listen to you talk, they could easily be checking boxes or not as they hear your own words. If they didn't seem to work to a script, I might use such services more myself. As I have found so far, I'm not encouraged.

Warmly, warmly, to you all,

mmMekitty

*Psychiatrist

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

mmMekitty — Sat, 28 May 2022 04:38:19 GMT

P.S., Bill, can you describe your profile Picture, which Paul likes so much? (It's an lack of eyesight thing for me)

Mine is my cat who died several years ago, at 7yr old of an unexpected serious heart condition. Her name was Mekitty, therefore, here I am often known as mmMekitty, & whatever other little nicknames people (& one walrus) have given me. Pleased to have met you today.😺

mmMekitty

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Forrest — Sat, 28 May 2022 07:12:36 GMT

Hi mmMekitty, I appreciate your reply.

Not feeling well to concentrate much on writing at the moment but wanted to at least acknowledge it and say I enjoyed hearing from you.

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

mmMekitty — Sat, 28 May 2022 07:22:16 GMT

That's okay. There is no pressure to reply.

mmMekitty

Every time I call a helpline, I regret it.

Forrest — Sat, 28 May 2022 07:27:56 GMT

I know there's not, and thankyou. But sometimes I want to, and know I have thoughts I want to share, but the ability to make many sentences floats just out of reach. It's really frustrating, and a lot of times it results in long term silence, which is very haunting to me and sometimes others. So if I can get a sentence in to just say I'm here somehow even if I don't "say" anything per se, it helps me feel like I'm not disappearing again, and, helps reassure me that if it means something to someone, I got some words to them rather than none.