topic Not coping. in Depression

Not coping.

Guest_4521 — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 02:52:40 GMT

I am in Victoria, pregnant and due in November and I feel like the biggest loser on the planet at the moment because I'm pregnant...in the middle of a pandemic. Remote learning is the biggest load of bull donkey.
I have seen in my life.

People in my life know I'm not coping. I reach out and crickets.
My daughter's school doesn't care that I'm struggling with remote learning.
I am refusing my prenatal appointments because I know if I catch this stupid virus they will separate me and the baby. I would rather die in childbirth than risk that. At least I'll get to see my baby before I die, I won't if I catch COVID.
Hospital is harassing me even though I have explained why I won't go...so I blocked their number.
I feel nothing but guilt for being pregnant, I don't even know what the future is going to be like for my kids, at the moment the world is a rotten place to be!

I left my mother's group because they were all celebrating their pregnancies. I couldn't and I still can't. This isn't a good thing, and I didn't want to rain on their parade.

I can't tell if I am depressed, disillusioned or just angry. I really hope all these sacrifices are worth it for those who need it, because it's not for me! I did therapy last year to help my social anxiety and agoraphobia. It is back with a vengeance but now I know I'm not being paranoid, people are definitely NOT trust worthy!

Not coping.

Sophie_M — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 03:02:58 GMT

Hi Guest_4521,

Welcome back to the forums. We're so glad you felt brave enough to share what's been on your mind of late. The pandemic restrictions are having and impact on many people's mental health. For this reason we set up the Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website has a lot of information and practical tips to help you through these difficult times. We also offer 24/7 phone and webchat support with specially trained and qualified mental health professionals on 1800 512 348 or via https://cmwssonline.beyondblue.org.au/#/chat/start.

We're sorry to hear how much you are struggling right now. Things can get better. We want you to know you've come to a safe and non-judgmental space where users give and receive support based on their own experiences with mental health. We want you to know we're here ot provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

Please check in and let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

Not coping.

Guest_4521 — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 03:23:08 GMT

Things can get better.

I keep hearing that. So far I'm not seeing that for myself.

Things get better, and then I get slapped, and I'm worse off than I was before!

Just like I keep hearing "we are all in this together". Wrong. People are in it for themselves. Just like always. If we lived in a world where it is common place to think about others, there would be no mental illness.

Not coping.

Gambit87 — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 04:42:53 GMT

Hi Guest,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out!

Now, I'm a guy, so I cant even begin to imagine what it must be like to be pregnant, with a kid doing remote school whilst in the middle of a pandemic. It takes so much strength to do what you are doing.

whats going on in victoria right now is brutal and I can totally see why you're feeling the way your feeling.

I'm not in victoria, im in WA so our lockdown was relative short but I did make a few mistakes that sent me into a spiral. I went into lockdown/working from home without putting any structures in place, I had a very 'she'll be right, just wing it' attitude After 3 days - I was over it. At home I wasn't keeping myself busy, whilst we were allowed outside to exercise - I had no motivation to exercise. When it came to work I didnt communicate about how I was feeling with my boss or co workers - I felt trapped and lonely ( I discovered I do need people around me to function haha) all this made me loose my marbles a little and had to see my psychologist twice in 10 days. By the end of the lockdown period I was starting to put structures in place which was actually helping.

I totally understand our situations are different, i've learnt that putting structure in place and reaching out where you can (even on forums like beyondblue) can help alot.

youre not alone here.

Not coping.

Guest_4521 — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 04:59:45 GMT

We can leave our home to exercise for an hour. That's it. We are allowed to go through the supermarket once daily, or to the chemist.

It takes double that to get all my kids ready. Not really worth it.

I'm not really into walking for the sake of walking, and I like to move quickly while exercising and just get frustrated because the kids are walking too slow.

Walking TO somewhere is fine, but just walking for exercise is boring as all hell so I end up doing nothing.

I just end up sitting in my room and staring at the wall or my phone. There's nothing to do, except watch the same kids shows over and over and over, and the second I start doing anything, they need something. But if I sit and do nothing they leave me alone. From 7:30am until 10pm, I just sit here.

I don't even have the motivation to put food out for dinner. Who cares anyway? My house is a total mess because the kids have drawn all over the walls and make a mess. I just don't have the energy to clean since they will just mess it up again anyway.

My shows aren't appropriate for kids, so I can't watch that either.

I watched the update 15 minutes ago. Cases are not coming down fast enough. This is hopeless. This is probably how it's going to be forever. I wanted this baby and I wanted the other kids, but they don't deserve the future they are about to get....these sacrifices aren't worth it.

Not coping.

Guest_4521 — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 05:08:37 GMT

About therapy: for this situation, I feel like going to therapy is just another way of being told : nah, the situation isn't that bad, you're the problem!

I started off being all Pollyanna about lockdowns, but what's the point in living when you aren't living? Just going through the motions. I went to therapy last year for agoraphobia, that was a waste of time, obviously because now I have to stay home, which messes up my recovery, and also this has shown me that people can't be trusted and the people that do the right thing are the ones that lose the most.

Not coping.

Croix — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 14:37:56 GMT

Dear Guest_4521~

Being in your situation is very hard, and no, now is not the best time to have your baby, but it is not the worst either. You love you baby and genuinely want him or her -that is a start far too many children do not get in life.

You talk as if you live all alone apart from your children - do you mind if I ask if that is so? That makes it so much harder, even getting the kids ready to go out for those necessities is a huge chore when you are down.

And you are very down, sitting all day looking at kids shows not having the energy or inclination to get out food, genuinely believing the worst will probably happen.

A lot sounds like me when my depression and anxiety hit the roof. I could not get better either by myself, just kept on drifting down.

Do you mind if I make a couple of suggestions?

Anyone that cares you can talk to? Family or a friend? A chat now and again. maybe once a day, can give some energy and make things seem less grim.

At the moment many people can get teleheath for free, a GP, psychiatrist or some other mental health professional on the other end of your phone. No guarantees you will click with the person on the other end, but then again there is a reasonable chance you will. It can make a difference

Yes I know you had help before , but you responded to that help, it is only now that the world has changed that has undone all the good work.

Responding again is still inside you.

Things may not fall in a heap, you may well have a new bub to love, healthy (and demanding). Would you like to be be in the best of conditions to look after him or her -plus your other kids. Is it worth a try?

Do you have a TV or tablet the kids can watch, if you use your phone for audio books which can help pass the time , small download, no need for streaming if you are short on cash. Some are so good you want to keep coming back to them. There is a huge free legal supply at

https://librivox.org/

something for all tastes.

I see you have been giving advice to others, encouraging them. You need encouragement too.

I do hope you come back some more

Croix

Not coping.

Guest_4521 — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 23:03:26 GMT

Hey.

I don't live alone with my kidlets, but I am very isolated as everyone else is. Partner is very patient and supportive but he is still working. I am grateful for both his help and that he's still working.

I tried reaching out to my mother a couple of days ago. I believe I have body dysmorphia, (not diagnosed yet). It's a long story how I came to that conclusion, and she said it sounds stupid. It's not the first time she's been unsupportive. She hasn't spoken to me since. I'm not sure what I said that upset her. Maybe she takes my mental problems as some kind of insult to her parenting? I don't know.

I tried reaching out to some people I chat to, I was ignored.

I'm not worried about whether I will click with a therapist, I'm just not sure it's helpful in this situation. I'm not really the type of person that just "handles" things, I like to fix it. I know that once things change and I'm at least able to leave the house and do things, I will be much better. Less time thinking, more time planning you know?

With the baby: I feel like such an idiot. It isn't a good time right now, i am putting my life and her life at risk with this pregnancy. I should have ended the pregnancy when lockdown 1 started instead of hoping things would get better. I KNOW better than that! I don't know why I let "hope" make the choice for me instead of reality. I had a chemical pregnancy in January this year, I should have taken that loss as a sign that now is not the time....I had never miscarried before and I was confused, shocked, very sad and angry.

November is far away, I said, things should improve by then. They haven't and they won't.

Now I know why. It was the universe saying "not now". And I didn't listen.

And now it's too late. I am 25 weeks, I will need two doctors to approve and I don't see them agreeing.

There's just no room in our lives or in the world for her right now. I can't even find her clothes. All there is, is the very basics, just singlets and legless body suits. All because of COVID. I don't know whether it's because people panic bought baby clothes, or whether stores just aren't getting shipments, but I am 15 weeks away from my due date and not even mentally ready for her arrival.

Not coping.

Guest_4521 — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 23:21:38 GMT

And it's not that I don't love the baby. I have been to ultrasounds and she's very healthy and just looks like her sisters.

That's why I feel the way I do. I'm bringing a beautiful happy and healthy baby into a world that's a spiralling black hole at the moment, full of people that will punch you in the face just for some toilet paper, where education has been thrown out the window, and where people are losing jobs and everything they have worked for their whole lives and families have been ripped apart.

I don't even know if I will survive the birth....if I deliver at home and something goes wrong just like my other labours, I will die.

Nobody cares about that. Just as long as they don't have covid, or they didn't die from covid, everything is fine.

It's pretty selfish to have a baby right now, when I don't even know what the future is going to be like for my other children.

This will end someday, but it won't be by November. Cases aren't dropping fast enough, and there will be a fight over the vaccine if and when it comes. We are looking at maybe 2 more years minimum of this rubbish. I can't pause a pregnancy.

Not coping.

Guest_4521 — Thu, 13 Aug 2020 09:02:12 GMT

Got into an argument today with my partner about going to my prenatal appointments and giving birth at the hospital.

Lo and behold, when the news delivered their daily dose of pointlessness to the public, cases among health care workers are going up.

Meanwhile, if I was to go to these appointments, and I caught covid, I would essentially be punished just for getting sick...they will separate me and the baby without my consent.

I don't think I need to explain what is wrong with that.

Not coping.

Croix — Thu, 13 Aug 2020 12:14:02 GMT

Dear Guest_4521~

Its wonderful to have a partner that cares.

I can see all your arguments, and frankly there is a little grain of truth in unnecessary actions, that some (mainly aged care) health workers have here virus and you perhaps you are right, it a more difficult time to bring another life into the world, however how many are? Worldwide I'd suspect a lot. I have a feeling each item of your thoughts is tinged wiht the influence of depression and hopelessness, just as mine has been in the past.

The joy will be there, and having birth in hospital is probably going to be a lot safer than trying to deliver at home.

Perhaps some of your prenatal consultations can be done via telehealth, plus for those where you should attend then rigorous personal distancing, masking and cleanliness I'm sure will see you though.

I'm guessing out of concern for you your husband wishes you to attend? Is he able to spend time with you as well as working?

You have time to get the clothes you need, there is always on-line.

True there may be a few, like those two girls that went to Queensland, who will be selfish try to beat the system. I'm glad to say they are very much a minority.

It is easy to look at figures every day and presume the worst, however there are so many people working tremendous efforts to bring the numbers down I'm sure they will succeed. Not just the high visibility ones such as in the medical professions, but IT technicians, sewer workers, transport drives and umpteen more. All trying to ensure everyone's safty and enough food and other things to go around.

Clicking with, and trusting, a therapist is I honestly think the most imortant thing, not the therapy of choice. Feeling understood and respected, helping steer things yourself all help. And you are right, when you can get out the pressure will lessen. It may well reduce your feelings of body dismorphia too when you are out in the world.

Croix

Not coping.

Guest_4521 — Thu, 13 Aug 2020 12:39:32 GMT

Yes, it is true that some of those health care workers are from aged care facilities.

But now those from aged care are in our hospitals :(

It is not safe to deliver in a hospital.... I will catch it from my prenatal appointments, and they will take the baby until I test negative. Seems pretty pointless to do that when even their PPE isn't saving them!

There are way more selfish people out there than just the media shows, I can assure you. It's naive to assume that other pregnant women have been as diligent as myself, and that they wouldnt just decide they aren't that sick, so they go to their appointments, positive test or no. Same goes for the people that will be poking and prodding me.

How do I know the baby won't catch it from the health care workers? Just because someone has a medical degree doesn't mean they have common sense.

I will not be punished for being sick. I will social distance. I will wear masks. I will use hand sanitizer until my hands are red raw. I will stay home until the end of time.

But I am not handing over my baby for any reason, and I don't care if I die in the process. She stays with me, end of story, and by allowing them to help me deliver my baby, Im consenting to them treating me any way they like, under the guise of "saving lives".

There is no clothing online. All there is, is singlets and legless body suits. Yes I am due in November, but summer doesn't come through Melbourne until January.

I will reiterate what I have said already. There is nothing about this pregnancy that is worth celebrating, and there is nothing that will change my mind. Short of going into labour right in the middle of a battle field or in a nuclear apocolypse, there couldn't have been worse timing.

Yes, my partner cares, but he's not the one who's rights are being taken. He's not the one who's milk is going to dry up because they won't let me give it to her. My body doesn't like breast pumps.. it will dry up. He's not the one that has to go through hormonal fluctuations, or the pain of childbirth only to hand her over to some random person. Or have to stay in hospital for two weeks!

I requested continued telehealth, and they refused and insisted I needed to be seen by an OBGYN. For no reason that they would tell me over the phone. My baby is very healthy, I feel her kicking all the time, I told them. Nope, still need to come in. I said no. I explained why. They kept pushing, and finally ended the phone call with: other pregnant women go to their appointments.

I said so if other pregnant women jumped off a cliff, would that be okay too? Because that's pretty much what they are doing! Pregnant women are coming out left and right saying they have it and that they aren't sure where they got it. Well I can tell them: the prenatal clinic.

Not coping.

Guest_4521 — Thu, 13 Aug 2020 13:08:46 GMT

The numbers will drop, yes.

But then they will rise again. And then back into lockdown we go. For a very long time.

The guidelines aren't working as well as they should. People are looking for loopholes to get out of doing their part all the time.

If masks and hand sanitizer was enough, then health care workers wouldn't be catching it. Those tiny offices where you go into to get checked out don't allow for social distancing, and neither do waiting rooms filled with people.

The midwife I spoke to over the phone tried to tell me seeing them was no different to going to the supermarket...I said I don't do that either. I get everything delivered. Not to mention, that's a terrible comparison, supermarkets are the worst places to go, because even people with covid need to eat, and they do go there despite being told they cant!

I see prenatal appointments as the same thing. A scared pregnant woman with covid will go to her appointments, no doubt about it.

Either the virus is a real threat or not. If it is, then why is my thought process so illogical? If it isn't, then what is everyone panicking about? Why have we shut everything down?

Very contradictory.

Not coping.

Croix — Fri, 14 Aug 2020 14:27:01 GMT

Dear Guest_4521~

Yes things are contradictory, and some people do not think in terms of consequences, for themselves or others.

I cant speak much about the midwife, completely outside my sphere of knowledge. In fact it may be better to talk to a clinical based obstetrics organization. I would have imagined that clinics might have taken a more relaxed view about coming in given the circumstances seeing you feel fine. Something to talk over wiht your GP I guess.

I obviously cannot predict anything, some people will fall ill, and many won't. While you have a small about of control at the moment you are clinging to it -very understandable, possibly wise. It looks like the main threat at the moment is the delivery when it comes, and there all I can do is wish you the very best.

What do I know? Well, dwelling on the situation will not help you.To be able to control your own thoughts and fears would be a help, to you now, and your general health. It may even assist in maintaining your good relationship with your partner and your girls

To assist you turn you mind away why not have a look as well at the MindSpot Clinic, which has sensible free courses to assist those with a variety of problems, it has a good and professional reputation.

https://mindspot.org.au/

with luck things will go well and in the meantime feeling more at ease will help

Croix

Mothercare has signed a deal with Boots in the UK to have a full range of items by English summer, and do sell on-line. This has happened as the parent Mothercare company, as opposed to their on-line products, has been in financial trouble for years. If nowhere else at least there will be one place good quality garments and other things can be obtained. However I'd be pretty sure there will be nearer alternatives.

My own offspring had their products when young, it was the fashion a the time when quality was desired.

If you have a GP supporting you then you should talk about the fact the existing support is not fully working and needs to be re-thought. If you do not have medical support for your feelings then now would be an excellent time to start .Again telehealth.

Not coping.

Guest_4521 — Fri, 14 Aug 2020 22:47:44 GMT

Yes, I would like a little bit of control over this....but it's not just about that.

I'm angry. So angry.

I'm angry that the only reason we are in this situation is because a few selfish people didn't isolate when they were told to, before hotel quarantine was even a thing. Now the rest of us have to suffer the consequences of their choices.

I am angry that even though those people didn't do the right thing, when it became enforced, they got an all expenses paid stay at a hotel. We get fined, even if we do something completely innocent, like go get food.

I am angry that the government dropped the ball so many times, and we are the ones that have to go without. Our premier got a pay rise. Must be nice.

I am angry that I went through therapy last year to fix myself up, and now all that work has been undone, and I'll have to start all over again knowing this time that it is true...you can't trust anyone.

I am angry that people's jobs are being threatened, but the government is telling everyone to stay home even if they lose their jobs just because they got sick, and they will not be able to prove that's why they got sacked.

I am angry that the financial support the government has offered at the start, will be taken away even though there are no jobs to be had, leaving those people to fend for themselves.

I am angry that we have to have our food restricted once again, because of a few selfish people.

I am angry that the joy in my last pregnancy has been ruined, and I have to choose between risking catching that virus and being punished for it, or dying in childbirth or from complications during pregnancy. And that none of those can be predicted.

I am angry that medical professionals don't seem to understand that I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's an impossible decision in my eyes.

I am angry that when this baby is born, no family members will be able to meet her and welcome her to our family, because they are talking about keeping stage 3 until Christmas.

I am angry that they will separate me and the baby if I catch COVID. That's a punishment...no parent should be separated from their baby without their consent. That used to be reserved for when parents were neglectful or abused their children badly. Now they have decided it's okay to do that even if the mother caught the virus just trying to keep herself and her baby alive. It's not right. If they get away with that I wonder what else they will decide is a plausible reason?

Not coping.

Guest_4521 — Sat, 15 Aug 2020 00:02:42 GMT

I am also angry that education has been thrown out the window. My child in grade prep lost interest maybe 3 weeks into remote learning. She doesn't want to try. I can't make her. She knows this isn't school and learning at home is too distracting.

I think we will wait until this debarcle settles, and then try again. I'm not a teacher.

Not coping.

romantic_thi3f — Sun, 16 Aug 2020 23:34:35 GMT

Hi Guest_4521,

I've been reading this thread and I hear you in your anger - while you're not alone in being pregnant, it is a terrible time to have a baby.

I understand that going to a clinic and a hospital is out for you; can I ask if you've explored alternate options? I imagine that the midwives you are talking to and hospitals you are considering are public health, but if you wanted to do it from home, you could potentially look at home visits from midwives, online anti-natal classes or even a birth doula. I'm not sure what your thinking is in what to do with November but exploring some of this might be able to help have a safe birth at home.

Is it helping to be able to share things on the forum? Or is there maybe another way that we can all support you in this?

Not coping.

romantic_thi3f — Sun, 16 Aug 2020 23:37:51 GMT

P.S.

I also wanted to add that a good therapist isn't going to dismiss how you're feeling. I'm seeing one right now and her support is basically "this situation sucks and we are doing the best we can to cope". This isn't your fault - I think you are coping the best way that you can.

Seeing a therapist doesn't take away your own ability to 'fix it' either - it's just having someone else on your team.

Not coping.

Guest_4521 — Thu, 20 Aug 2020 00:58:43 GMT

We can't afford those things, sadly....and I have never needed a doula.

It's not about therapy "taking" anything away, it's just I already know why I feel the way I do, and what needs to happen for it to stop.

But none of that can happen.

I already know it sucks.

Therapy isn't going to change anything. I'm not a talker I'm a get up and get things done.

Not coping.

Behebsbwna — Fri, 21 Aug 2020 06:25:51 GMT

Funny thing. I clicked on this cos I myself am not coping too. And surprise surprise! Like you, I am pregnant and I am due next month! =_= but I agree 100% with everything you said. The fear of catching this virus, the exhaustion from dealing with the existing children (and their wellbeing/learning) and most importantly, what the lemons am I doing with this life growing in my body. Life is hard enough as it is and I am physically and mentally drained to even start thinking about this upcoming ‘challenge’.

I broke down and cried the day Andrews announced the stage 4 lockdown. I started panicking that morning when the news were about people queuing up to stock up (and my pantry & fridge were empty). And it just had to be the same day when my partner told me he has to get tested cos he’s got some mild symptoms. I was angry and sad and confused and just wished life would just end so I didn’t have to deal with all that. I am also not working (quit my banking job a year ago due to mom guilt and pressure from the industry) but managed to start sewing face coverings the last few weeks (which I had to stop very abruptly the same day cos I just couldn’t deal with everything).

but.. *deep breath ... I managed to get in touch with a gf that same arvo and got most items I need for baby from her (car seat...change table...girl clothes). Of course I bought some too since. And you’re able to do the same. I got mine from Best & Less (I put my kids in onesies or long sleeve & tights until they’re one). Also got some from target. So you ARE able to buy them still. Yes they’ll take a while to arrive but you have a few more months to prep than me 🙂

As for prenatal care, I am attending my sessions (every fortnight now) and it sucks that I have to drive myself there and attend them alone through out this whole pregnancy (partner never even been to an ultrasound let alone to other appointments). I am shivers scared that I have 2deliver alone but thank god DHHS cleared that (partner can stay during labour and after). even though we have to be tested now before we go2hospital, I’ve confirmation that the hospital will not refuse treatment/assistance if I do have covid. I don’t think they’ll separate Ufrom baby even if Udo catch it. If Udon’t believe me, I think best to confirm with the hospital you’re seeking services from. If not, it’s not too late to change and find a hospital that suitsU

thanks 4 all that you’ve said cos now I feel Im not the only one feeling like this.